Totally Confused about a Cancer Man ! Help.....

  • Kaplow,

    You are making forward progress, and that is good. This is difficult, and you should acknowledge that it is to yourself, it is okay.

    What you are doing, and you do not realize this for the most part, is you are repairing this relationship. Yes, you are seeing if it can be something more, but in order to be friends, or in order to be something more, the two of you must clean up the mess; that is difficult, and emotional.

    As long as you continue to move in a forward direction, this can take as long as it has to take, and that is okay. You want it to happen with a quickness, naturally, we all would, that is natural, but it is more important that each step you take is done deliberately, and with you head on straight as you can get it. I would not worry about your presentation being flawless and practiced (although Mellove offers solid advice, as usual), you can certainly do it raw and naked, with your thoughts written out and read from the paper, that may be more powerful. There is really no wrong way, as long as he gets that this is serious.

    You have many people pulling for you, you are in thoughts and prayers, that is the extra strength you feel at this time. Be courageous, the pursuit of happiness does not guarantee outcomes, but it makes us better people even when things do not go exactly as we would like, or not like we would like at all. Whatever the outcome, you will have at least repaired what you needed to repair, and will get the answer you are seeking.

  • Yep, I agree with ya BrainTristan! Whether its the beginning of something different for the two of you, or just more of a closure in respect too the previous deal, your headed in the right direction! He is probably fond of you either way,even if theres no certain label for it at this point, whether it be friend, or something else, if your mind is made up too persue a romantic outcome, remember too be positive, patient, stay open minded too all the possibilites out there for you, just in case!

  • Hi Guys ! Well here's the update . I called him when I got to the town the party was in no response . I ended up having to drive to his town to pick someone up from the airport , I called again no response . I recieved a text message at 5:30 sunday afternoon saying " Hey just got your message. Iam so sorry I'm just getting back to you. Are you still around ? " I called him back and He said that he doesnt check his voicemails all the time and he just checked them earlier taht morning . I told him I was getting ready to leave BUT Ill be back up that way on the 15th. When I told him that I was actually in the town he sounded kinda sad ! He kept apolgizing . He then told me that on the 31st that he was going to Atlanta ( I dont know why he would tell me that but okay ) He ended the convo with Make sure you hit me up . THEN around 10pm I recieved another text saying that " I really Iam sorry . I wished you lived closer "

    Ok Now Iam Totally confused . I put forth the effort , I made the first move and look what happened ! What should I do now ? I know he said to call when I go back on the 15th But If I already told him that and if he really wanted to see me I should wait for his call right ? I did cry a little bit on the drive home because I really care about him. Alright guys what should I do now ?

  • Kaplow,

    You made a move, it did not turn out exactly as you wished, but it was hardly negative. Why do you think it was negative? People have voice mail now, not answering machines, so now people check their voice mail occasionally, it is more of an effort. He got back to you and apologized, profusely I may add. Why is this a negative? It was hardly a disaster. Okay you did not elope, or get an engagement ring, but my dear female type person, this is going to take time and effort.

    The two of you have been playing cat and mouse for so long that it is not going to just change overnight, and that is one of the things that talking is going to address. He does wish you lived closer, as distance makes it necessary to put in more effort, and a little thing like missing a call that you are around can be a real bummer, for both of you. Call him now and set up a time to meet up (does not have to be talking time) when you will be there or he will be there. The first thing is to meet up, as apparently that is the first hurdle to overcome, simply meeting. And yes he is scared of you, I would be too, but no matter, just set up a time to meet up.

    Lets go Kaplow, if I have to come down there and find you and beat the crap out of you I will. : p Do not worry I would use a piece of foam or something, maybe a nerf bat, but still I will smack you down if I have to. Positive attitude Kaplow, chin up, take some more action. That is it, dial that phone, make some plans, and just talk about the weather for now. Two chances to see him in the month right? So make one or both of them happen. Chop, chop.

  • LMAO @ hitting me with a nerf bat !

    Your'e right , but why would he be scared of me ?

  • Kaplow,

    Why would he be scared of you? Are you serious?

    The same reason you are a shoe gazer, and him and haw about taking some action. Thats why.

    pulls hair out I will charge you for gas, milage, and the cost of the nerf bat if I have to come down there. : / Summer is coming and then it will be 104 degrees where you are at, then you will say it is too hot. And if I have to come down there in that kind of heat, you will be fanning me, and getting me lemon aide. : p So, lets do it the easy way. Chop, chop Kaplow.

  • BrianTristan ! Here's a update ! Well on sunday i was on the way back home from a friends house . I texted him the night before & said I was gonna stop through around 9:30 am the next morning . Well I got really behind schedule by this time it was around 5: 30 pm I called but he did not answer . By the time he called back I was About an hour from home and 2 hours from him. When he called back just holla at him anytime im up that way cause he's always there. I was so mad because I had a feeling that he was gonna call back when I was almost home . So I decided to turn around and go back ! I did not want to miss the opportunity ! Around 8pm I texted him and asked him if he wanted to get a bite to eat before I got back on the road my treat . He said ok ! I called him and when he answered I woke him up he then explained that tomm was a big day so he was preparing for that & he already ate .. I felt bad about that so I told him that he did not half to come out , But he said no " im gonna meet you just give me a few minutes " A few minutes turn into 30 mins but who cares LOL . He called me for directions to Ruby Tuesday's . In mind im thinking " ok why is he asking me for directions Im not form here lol ) He met me and we sat down He had one drink and I ate . The convo was really good we talked about things when we were little, school , kids , marriage ( he was very excited to know that we had the same views on marriage & kids ) .... He told me that he does not go out that's why he asked me for directions . He said that he goes to work , practice then home . His office hours are very long . He said that he's there for one purpose and that is to get his Bacherlor's Degree . The school is letting him go there for FREE ! Plus he has a coaching job with them . ( Plus he has a CHEF) after we talked for about an hour he invited me to come up to some games ! . We left , He then said that it was too late to get on the road , I said your'e right so Im going to get a room for the night and leave early in the morning . He said that he would bring me to his house but he has a house full of football players staying with him until they get housing . I said it's cool ill be ok , He said well imma go with you to make sure you are in safely . We got to the hotel , He did all the talking for me and let me use his AAA card . We went to the room . I changed my clothes and we talked for about 30mins. He said it was getting late so he had to go . We hugged ( A very long hug ) but he did not move . we talked somemore and then he started to ( you know ) I STOPPED him and said that we cannot do this. I did not want him to think that that is all we do . He said he respected that . We hugged again then he left. Right after he left I saw a bug on the wall ! I called him back and told him that he had to come back to kill it . At first he was like huh , r u serious ! But he came back and thoroughly checked my room . We laughed about my fear of bugs , then he left . I was so happy to be with him for those few hours !!!!!!!! When I got home i Texted him and said : Im Home , thanks for hanging out with me " Was that over kill ? Im really excited to go to one of the games . I feel so happy maybe it's because this is the first time weve been face to face in 1 year ( he reminded me of that ) Im glad i decided to turn around and go back !!! Whew ... I know that was alot now can you please disect this one !!

  • He responded to my text ! He said " Sorry I didn`t have much time . Be safe "

  • I love my Crab, I wanna bust him open,dip him in butter and devour him....OpppS! Did I say that out loud? LOL

  • LOL @ ScorpthruNthru - I feel the same way about mine's too!!!!!! Do u have any advice ?


  • Kaplow,

    See. See all the things that went "wrong", all the "roadblocks" thrown in your path, and you did not say "oh it is a sign", or "oh well", you made meeting him happen. See. And he would have sooner stayed home, his life is complete madness now, and yet, he made a huge effort and met up with you. Then you were together and things just flowed. Nobody had to force anything, you just talked, had a nice time, and enjoyed each other's company. See.

    Just because meeting up will be difficult to schedule, and just because things do not always just fall into place seamlessly, does not mean anything. He does need to complete his degree, if that gets messed up he will have great resentment for whoever was party to that. But if you are patient, an let this just develop, things can be somewhere a year from now that you could not imagine today.

    You did well, you enjoyed your time with him, and I think this meet up answers questions to many of the doubts you had. Very nice. I am very happy for you.



  • Kaplow,

    You can always find me...

    if you go under

    Forum Main »

    then to

    Anything Goes »

    the to the topic

    ALL BrianTristan posts here(except A Song For You)


  • So many people seem to have posts about cancerian men and I'm another one.

    Sorry it's a bit of a book, I need to tell someone and I am a bit disappointed.

    I met this cancerian man on a dating site over a year ago. We had a great time and all went well, he text me the next day saying he had a great time and look forward to seeing me again soon if I was interested. The following weekend we went out, I'm a cancerian girl although usually rather out going I was rather nervious. We went to a bar and at the end of the night I caught a cab home, he went to his place. On neither of these dates was there any physical contact, he did compliment me but nothing too ovrit.

    So once I got home from the date, I got a text from him, inviting me back to his place that night, as it was really cold, we could keep each other warm.

    I turned him down, being that it was only our second date and it wasn't looking for a casual hook up. I didn't hear from him after that for several months. Then out of the blue I heard from him, asking me how I was etc, he remembered lots of little details. We made a date for him to come and cook me dinner at my place. So again a great night, again nothing physical, good body language, but no obvious flirting the occasional compliment, stayed up really late talking.

    When he left to go home, he seemed to get a bit nervious and ran to his car. Again text me to say he had a great time and that he really enjoys my company. I thought ok sweet, maybe I have made a good friend, that's ok, not really what I'm looking for but ok. He wanted me to know he wasn't dating anyone.

    So I thought I would text him and ask if he ever planned on kissing me... I thought that this wouldn't put him on the spot too much. Three days went by, he text 'sorry I didn't replay, I'm just really busy right now'. I thought ok, that was a 'I'm not into you'

    So I didn't contact him again, that was October last year, then a few weeks ago I sent him an email asking him how 2010 is going.

    I always thought he was quite shy and reserved.. but seemed to open up and we had great conversations and lots of laughing, I can be a bit of a party person.

    So we started texting again. This time dinner at his house, body language was great, he attempted to put his arm around my waist, but seemed a bit awkward, nice dinner, music etc. After dinner I took the plunge and kissed him. Then he was all over me. We spent the night together and half of the next day... three days later he text 'I really enjoy your company' eventually saying we will do something fun soon, any ideas? I have noticed he is not good at making decisions and neither am I. So I told him to suprise me. He did, he didn't contact me, so I waited a few days and contacted him, he was away working, which he often is. But just asked what I would like to do, the weekend can and went then I received a text from him asking me how my weekend was. I told him it was great, I told him I did enjoy his company ad thought he was handsome, but if he wanted to see me again he needed to just pick up the phone. He text me back asking if I would be willing to be his friend. I was pretty gutted, but ok so he's just not into me... I replied by saying thanks but I have enough friends. But now my being my cancerian self and the other posts Iam worried I was too hard on him.

  • To Everyone,

    I have decided that if the Admin can not reel in the abusive people here on the Tarot Forums, and stop their hateful and vicious posts, I shall be taking a leave of absence to show my displeasure. It does not particularly bother me, but it has set back a few people I have been trying to work with to get to move forward. I am all for free speech, but the hate filled rants that get posted go against everything these forums are about, so if Tarot can not do something about the vile posts and the atmosphere they end up creating, I will take a leave of absence, and the disturbed personalities can take over all of the forums.

    I can not very well do what I do if I have to wade through two pages of a verbal boxing match, not to mention I have no idea how anyone who has a question or concern would want to post it in the middle of such an environment. I do not get how a topic/threat made for a specific purpose is being used to call me names, or to harass the people coming to me for some perspective. How this is let to go on I just do not get at all.

    If you do not like something, then contact the Admin immediately, do not voice it on the topic, as that does no good what so ever. I do appreciate folks lending support the the posters on the topic, but the boxing matches that ensue have made me answering anything an arduous task, and I will just not do it anymore, period. The personal attacks made against me really do not bother me, really do not. However, when the posters on this topic are attacked or belittled, or a verbal boxing match takes up two pages worth of posts, that bothers me. I have had enough of it. And do not post here to me, make your voice heard to the powers that be. I do this as a benevolent service, I am not compensated, and I am not affiliated with Tarot anymore than any of you (I have a user account).

    I will fulfill any requests made prior to this post you are reading, so do not worry that I will not respond to a post you already made, I will. But until this nonsense gets cleaned up, I do not see how I can continue doing what I do. I was "away" for less than 4 or 5 days, and answering the back log of posts made to me was exceptionally difficult due to the amount of garbage I had to wade threw.



  • Where is Kaplow?

  • bump

  • Well said Brian. I totally respect what you have said for all of us b/c free speech needs some boundaries at times. I am learning, myself, how important it is to set boundaries, and the only thing we have any control over is ourself.

    Good for YOU!

  • Stefin,

    I appreciate you posting, support is good. That is what we are here for anyhow, is to support each other.

    Free speech is fine, but there is a difference between a difference of opinion and someone one here attacking and belittling people. When it was done to me, I figured it was fair game since anyone can read my posts, and read the opposition's posts and come to their own opinion. The line gets crossed for me when someone who is obviously in turmoil, that is asking for help, gets manhandled and treated coarsely. If anyone us ended up in an ER with a broken leg and got manhandled by the Doctors and Nurses, I would suspect it would be an awful experience. What happened on here is much the same thing, and I was not going to stand for it.

    I appreciate your support,


  • Well hey Brian you're one of the good guys! I have not seen the nasty posts as yet, but then I'm relatively new here. I have been on enough boards though to know how awful it is to be attacked or mocked, and for it to happen HERE is worse!

    Everyone wants help and is seeking but just like little bratty children, when the bullies don't get the attention they were hoping for, they'll go elsewhere. We can only hope!!!

    Carry on the good fight. It always comes down to the fight between the dark energy and the light force. I'm right behind you with my sheild and a few choice words if I need to use them. haha I'll try to be good, I promise : )

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