Seeking acceptance/closure

  • Hello! I have done many tarot readings both on here and in person and a few numerology and i-ching readings about this subject trying to understand more about my most recent relationship. I am 22 and 14 weeks pregnant with my ex boyfriend's baby. He is 29. I left the relationship at the end of January right after we found out I'm pregnant due to extreme fights (some physical on both sides) and relationship problems. We were together for almost a year. I am not over him quite yet but I think I am headed in the right direction. I do not hold any fairy tale dreams of us getting back together I am not sure that would be best for me right now in my life anyway. We both made mistakes and the relationship just didn't work out even though we loved each other. What I am wondering about is, will my ex ever want to be in his child's life at all. (He has not spoken to me at all for 2 months no calls texts emails I do not see him, nothing, his doing not mine.) Will he try to get back together with me in the future because of our child or otherwise? Not that I am counting on that or even wishing for it because I don't want things to be the same as they were when they were bad I would much rather be single than go through that again with him. I guess I am just going through a lot of emotions and unanswered questions and want to know if anyone can perceive anything about how he feels now or in the future about our child or me. If anyone needs more details just let me know. If anyone has any insight I would appreciate any help a lot. Thank you! Oh and I am capricorn and he is a pisces.

  • I do think he will want to know his child, but not for a long while - several years when the baby (a boy?) has grown into a toddler or older. Your ex has a lot of maturing to do before he is ready to be a father, plus I feel another woman is in his life already. I don't see you two ever getting back together again. I feel you will meet a nice man who will love you and your child like his own.

  • I don't know if he will ever want to know his kid but I would say eventually he will cause he is a Pices. Probably not til he's about 33. I had my first born the day I turned 19. Girls mature alot faster than boys which is good since we get all the crap! Men (in general) usually don't mature til their 30's. Your child though might be better off w/out him. He won't even realize that he doesn't have a father til it's about 4. I'm getting a feeling that you 2 didn't agree w/ alot of stuff. The fighting would be bad for it. My son started getting affected by our fighting when he was 6 mos. old. He started banging his head against the wall so it's better not to have a child around that especially if it gets physical.Either one of you two could hurt the child even though the intention wasn't there. When things get bad and heated, nobody thinks about what if. I'm glad you got out before it got real bad.My ex-husband started hitting me when I was 3 mos. pregnant. I told you how I left him when my son was 6 mos. old and when my son was 8, he committed a murder/suicide and had he known where I was, I would have been the murder. So I am very glad to hear that you got away from it and that the baby will never be around it and it never stops. I don't care how much they promise that it will never happen again. It happens twice, forget it.Remember, it takes a big man to hit a woman.

  • Thank you both for your replies.

    the captain - That is interesting that you think my baby will be a boy because I have thought that I will have a girl since I first found out I'm pregnant. But I'll find out soon! And you're right, he is with someone else now I heard about that from his family I just didn't include that in my post.

    It has been hard for me to go through a bad breakup being pregnant but I feel that things would have been ten times harder if I had stayed. Maybe everything happens for a reason, so eventually I can meet someone who is right for me (I hope you're right about that too!) šŸ˜ƒ I also hope you are right that he will want to know his child eventually. He does need to do a lot of growing up that's for sure. And it wouldn't be healthy for our child to be around us fighting.

    As a side note I'm wondering what will happen when I go to file for child support. Legally I pretty much know how the process goes but I mean in terms of how will this affect his relationship with our child? When we were still fighting he told me he was going to take our baby away from me. Was he serious or just blowing hot air? As you can tell the situation is complicated. I have endured a lot of trash talking from his family they told me to get an abortion even offered to pay for it and blamed me for all our relationship problems. I had to cut them out of the plan and I know what they said doesn't really matter in the long run but it still bothers me and I don't know why because usually when someone bad mouths me it goes in one ear and out the other but in this case I haven't been able to shake it off. Any thoughts? Thanks for reading my long drawn out story šŸ˜ƒ

  • Well, of course they would want an abortion. They are probaby a more proper family. Just think of all the attention that would come from them having an illegitimate grandson. Hard to say about the whole child support thing and he will never take the baby cause then, what would he do with it? My 2nd child, the father was an immature butt before but when we went for the hearing, and I had to take him cause I couldn't get a sitter (he was 2 then) When he saw him, he totally changed. He quit drinking, he has held a job for 13 years. He is a totally different person. He was actually overpaid on his child support as to where my oldest son's father, use to try to get jobs specifically that paid under the table so he wouldn't have to pay support. So I have seen both sides. He is a Pices so I see the latter happening more. Just give it time and don't worry. You and your baby will be completely happy and you don't need anyone else to do that. You will see that more once you have the baby. Your baby will fill every void you have and even some you are not aware of. Once your baby is here, it will change everything. The baby becomes your North Star. You will be fine. Know your b-f is just saying things to make you upset but has no intention of fulfilling any of them so ignore it. Blow off the parents and his family. Cut off all ties. They are more concerned with their reputation than anything else. Just go away and they will too. If you need anything else, don't hesitate to ask.

  • I don't feel he wants to have a child around at this point in his life. So yes I think his threats were idle ones simply designed to hurt and frighten you as was the rest of his behaviour.

    I think his family bad mouthing you bothers you because you know you have to cut them off and that will mean severing your last link with your ex to whom you still feel slightly attached. You feel like cutting the ties will also cut the chances of your baby ever being acccepted or loved by them. Part of you would like them to approve of the child.

  • To fix a mistake, I see him doing more like the 1st one. Becoming a man not a boy constantly in hiding. lol Sorry! He is a Pices. Every Pices I have ever known are resposible and itellectual. He will get there but I don't see it happening it he is between 30-35. It's all about the baby now so just forget about everybody else.

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  • desision to stay will offer challenges and to go and have ur child on ur own will offer different challenges which are u ready for, the serenity prayer for u and the baby and especially the father~God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change (the Father) courage to change the things I can (me) and wisdon to know the difference (your unborn child) I do feel its a boy too! Good Luck and dont forget to reach out and ask for help!

  • I'm sorry. Was that for anyone or more for specific people? I know that I specifically don't need/want relationship advice. I just ended a 3 1/2 year "relationship" and do not want another one any time soon. I am working with just me and my daughter. I was just sharing my experiences. But thanks for the advice. I would go check it out if a guy was my main concern but at this time, it is not. Good Luck with everything you intend on doing.

  • I am having a boy! šŸ˜ƒ

  • I am GLAD to hear that:)

  • How are things for you and the father?

  • I haven't spoken to him. Still don't know if/when he plans on being around for his son. I guess that's up to him and I'm just doing what I need to do in the meantime. He doesn't know it's a boy.

    I moved to another state to live with my mom who is really supportive of me and really excited about being a grandma. I've gradually been feeling better, and focusing on preparing for my baby boy. He's due September 24th šŸ˜ƒ

    Thank you for asking!

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  • Hello again...I've been wondering if anyone has any wisdom or insight to share about healing from the loss of someone you love...especially a first adult love...i have looked high and low through the internet and read books and have talked to my mom...all have been helpful and I feel I have made good progress in my healing in five months time...but I have been wondering if there is anything I am missing that would help me.

    Anticipating and preparing for my baby boy has helped tremendously šŸ˜ƒ A lot of my healing is coming from acknowledging feelings that I had/have about my parents and various other people during my childhood and what I witnessed in my parents relationship...I feel I am on the right path in letting go of the hope that this person will realize his mistakes...but I still experience days where I feel like it is one step forward and two steps back.

    Anyone who would like to share feel free...Thank you

  • Dear Heavenly Flower

    I feel for you and understand the two steps back thing.You are a very brave girl...mainly to have walked out in time ,out of,what looks like,an abusive relationship.Many women never find that courage till v late and pay dearly for living with domestic violence[that includes emotional and verbal attack not just physical).The fact that he does not show any interest in the child that he fathered will in fact,help you get over him.It is wonderful to be a mum.It is indeed difficult,especially the initial months(colic,slleep deprivation etc),but it is the most divine feeling in the world.The child will fill your life like nothing else you have known.And being his sole support system,loving him like that,you will find new resources of strength within you.You are also lucky to have a supportive mum.You will need her help and love:)As for the other set of grandparents ,they are unfortunate to miss this gift.ENJOY every moment and stay strong and happy!

    The captain is always right;)You will meet this other person but you should/will learn to be happy much before that.Just you and your baby.And your mother.

    Lots of love to you

    Love and light

  • HF, you need to separate what is real from what is just your hope and fantasy of this situation. I think you are having trouble letting go of a dream where this man and you and your child are happy and together forever. The reality is this was not a mature person and he let you down. The hardest part of miving on is giving up our dream for the real world but it is the only way to attract a real relationship that is based on fact and not fantasy.

  • Suramya, thank you very much for your kind words. I am very much looking forward to having him!

    The Captain, I thank you again, and I agree with you...although I think you might have misunderstood what I meant, as that I am hoping for him to be with me again in a relationship. This is not the case. I know it's not going to happen, nor would I really want it to. I would like us to settle our differences someday, but if I never get an opportunity to do that, oh well.

    I do wonder about if/when he will meet and get to know his son, but I know that is something I have no control over. All I can do is be open to it, and the rest is up to his father.

    I feel I am on the right path in letting go. It's just taking me a little longer than I'd like. It was the first time I had feelings like that for someone, and we all know how it hurts when that ends, even without a baby involved.

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