Can't let go



  • Sylvannah,

    I would rather be around my dogs then people, I know that is a harsh thing to say, but they have been a source of comfort since this all happened. People laugh at how human they are. They understand so much more then people give them credit for. They know when I'm sad and they all gather around me to comfort me. I will always have dogs, specially big ones, they are my strength now and confort. My husband loved them too and that has allowed me to be what I am and who I am. I pray you are healthy, you said something about medication and I hope it helps you and whatever it is for.

    Minnie



  • Dear Thunder07,

    I do believe in God, although I will admit that this time of grief in my life has tested it to the limit. Although I have doubted him at times, which I also feel guilty for, I have not blamed him for taking my husband away. I know there is a reason for everything, but I still fight that thought because, it seems to cause such grief, well, what reason can there be. But, I will and always have believed, and I know he sends angels to help me, I tell people that I have God on one shoulder and my husband on the other. But, little do they know, I am still very much alone. I suppose I will be alright, just like all of you have adjusted to your loss, I will also.

    God Bless, Minnie



  • Dear 10gemini06,

    The way I've come to look at life...and beyond for there is no death once you believe in life beyond ours...is that one's true Home is with God. He is simply loaning people to us, just as he loaned you to your husband, so we can grow while we are here on Earth. We all have a predetemined life span. For some, it's very very short. For others, it's quite lengthy. But when we are done...when we have lived and our souls have grown and it's time to return Home...we do. Someone's passing is not a punishment...it's a reward for one's spirit to return to Heaven and rejuvenate. Gain happiness. Gain health. We left on Earth feel the grief and sadness...but Souls in Heaven do not. They feel joy...yes they miss us, but they also feel great happiness in not having the burdens health and life can put upon them. They finished their journey...and their is great elation in that. For those left here, we are not done with our journey yet. And it's up to us to know our loved ones are with us, rooting us on, to proceed onward and do great works for those in our midst. You are not done blessing this world Minnie. And your husband KNOWS this and will be on the other side helping you do these good works. Sometimes, you simply have to go out and do them...act first. Don't think about it all. Just do it. And in so doing, you begin to reap the rewards.

    Based on your postings, I would guess your greatest good right now is in serving animals in your community. Not just your own...but others. By blessing them with your love and your caring heart, you in turn are blessed in return. Your heart will heal little by little when goodness and greatness come to fill it up.

    Angel blessings to you,

    Beth



  • Angelreader,

    That was so beautifully written, it bought tears to my eyes. You are so right. I know that God has a plan for us all. I guess, like many others, we feel sorry for ourselves and wonder why we were left behind. I often am amazed at how I am going on, and doing and being, when I just never imagined that I could ever live without him. But, now I look around and I am living, still wondering why God took him, but I keep telling myself that his time on earth was done. I cry more now out of just missing him, not so much loosing him, so I think things are beginning to fit into place. My heart was so heavy at times, I just knew it had a hole in it the size of the moon, but now it is getting better. No healed, but better, healing. I think it has been because I have found a place to talk about it with people that have lost also, and it helps to know that I am not alone. Now, I try to keep more positive thoughts in my mind, I know I have lost one of the greatest gifts that God could give me, I learned a lot from him, and with the knowledge that I have gained and the love that I have flet, maybe I will find brighter days ahead. What you wrote was buried deep inside of me, I just never wanted to face it. I always felt that he really didn't want to go, but now, he is at peace, he is doing things that he never thought he could do either. And, he is probably happy to be where he is. I will see him again.

    Thank-You and Angle Blessings to you too.

    Minnie



  • Thunder07,

    Yes, I know that the gift of time can help heal, but I think it's more the gift of finding people that can help you find your way out of the darkness. Somehow it gives you back the feeling of wanting to get up in the morning and make it thru the day. I haven't want any of those feeling for a long time, but now, thanks to you and all the good people on here that have written things down for me, well, I can feel again. Thank-you so much. God has shown me where to go for help, and maybe someday, I will be strong enough to help someone else, and take comfort in my memories, not just tears.

    I agree, one day, we will know. Bless you

    Minnie

    Bless you



  • Thank-you Thunder, it seems I could use a little something or someone in store.

    Blessings

    Minnie



  • Dear Angelreader,

    It seems I take one step forward and 4 backwards. I suppose that's normal but discouraging.

    Minnie



  • Dear 10gemini,

    This isn't a race. It's okay to move forward...and backward...and forward again. Just keep your focus ahead. One baby step at a time. And keep your angels close, as they can help.

    Angel blessings to you always,

    Beth



  • Dear 10gemini06,

    I read your post. I can feel your pain and broken heart. I am sorry for your loss. But just like you I suddenly loss my husband 6 months ago.I could not believe my husband was gone. I remembered the day of the funeral,I was at the church and my husband laid in the shiney brown casket by the alter and my husband was calling me. I quickly stepped to the casket and everyone around me wanted to give me their condolences but I had to see what my husband needed to say to me. I picked his hand up and I could feel his spirit reach for my hand and cling so every close to me. My husband told me he would always be with me and would wait for me by the pearlie gates of heaven.

    The best way I describe my husband and I that we were stickier than tape and tighter than twine.

    My husband and I went everywhere together...supermarket, car shops, Home Depot, bank, casinos, restaurants... I remember my husband's twin asked me, " Don't you get tired of being with each other all day"? Of course I said, "No, we just can't get enough of each other".

    I am still in the same house that my husband and I had lived for the past ten years. At this time,I don't think I would move from here because I feel his spirit around me. But in time I will probabIy move to our dream house that we were working on for the last couple of years.

    I know the toughest part of the day is at night. I really don't sleep through the night..I get a couple hours here and there.

    At first I would get alot of dreams of my husband coming to visit me while I slept. But eventually my husband started to fade from my dreams and then I would only hear his voice from a distance.

    To make me feel that I am still with him I look over picture albums and run my fingers over the edge as if I could feel his presence. I can close my eyes and I can hear our favorite songs and feel the closeness as we held each other so tightly as we danced the night away.My husband also bought me flowers so I buy fresh flowers for our bedroom and it feels like it did then. Recently, I have been able to close my eyes and my husband is there,feel him in my heart and soul. Just like you I will never find another best friend, life's partner, and soullmate like my husband.

    I miss my husband alot. I still cry but not as much as I did in the beginning. I went to grievance counseling for a while but I find more peace and understanding at this website. Everyone is different but this is what had help me through the tough times being away from my beloved husband.

    Please try this website : www.widownet.org it may help you, it is mainly for widows and widowers.

    Hugs,

    Rooster5



  • Dear Rooster5,

    I know exactly how you are feeling, I've been on this for almost 3 years. I for some reason thou, can't see my husband or hear him . I don't understand it. We were so close also, Until he passed away I didn't even go to the doctor without him, or the grocery store, or shopping. Everyone said the same thing to us, don't you every get sick of each other, we couldn't imagine being apart. We even worked together everyday for almost 20 years. He used to play golf. I also played then I quit and he would do that without me, but he was always so glad to get back home and we would talk for hours about his golf game, we couldn't even talk about his dying, just once about what he wanted done after he was gone. I did it right down to the last detail. I got a lot of flack from his son, (not my son, his.)

    But I didn't care. That's what I did. It's been almost three years and I still light the candle in front of his picture in my bedroom, I sleep on his side of the bed so I don't have to look at his side and not see him there. I don't care if my side is empty, just can't stand to see his empty. After he was gone I started a picture album of only his pictures and yesterday I looked at it again, and it breaks my heart, that why I can't do it a lot. I know he is still with me but for some reason I just can't hear him, or see him. I keep getting this nagging feeling that he is trying to tell me something and he can't leave until I know what it is, I'm trying to let him go, but he won't until I know what it is he wants me to know. I did ask for help psychic help one here to try to get the message, but they told me there wasn't one or that he wanted to tell me that he loved me and he is alright. But I know that, I have a great belief in God and I know God is taking care of him. I just can't get the rest yet.

    So you see rooster, I know how you feel. My heart goes out to you, I know the pain, the lonely ness, the ache in your heart and the tears that fall. I, like you don't sleep all night, just a couple of hours at as time and I lay there and wonder why I'm awake. As you've read, there are a lot of us with heartache and loss on here. I guess it's just something we have to deal with in our own time, it seems to be taking me a lot longer then most, and I will pray that you don't have to keep going thru the sorrow as long as I am. I would like to stay in my home but I can't, this all happened so fast that we didn't have a chance to get things the way they were supposed to be and his son still has control of all the financial matters and what I get is not enough to keep the house, but also, maybe when I can move out I can move on. He will go with me where ever I go and be with me where ever I am. You are right about this web-site. I have gotten a lot of understanding and some really good advice. I've been able to realize things that were right in front of me, but couldn't see them until pointed out.

    God Bless you Rooster5, and I will pray for you and that you get help with your healing.

    Minnie



  • Angelreader, it seems like a race sometimes, it seems like I'm getting so tired of trying to figure out why I'm even in it. I know you are right, but it seems like I'm loosing this battle with my mind. Thank-you for the blessings, I need all I can get.

    Minnie, Blessings back to you



  • Dear 10gemini06,

    I am going to tell you what someone told me and I hope this helps you. I can feel your pain and anguish because you can't communicate with your husband. This is also my first time being away from my husband too.I know you miss your husband so terribly right now. You know in your mind that he is in a better place and is not suffering from any more illness.It seems that you are the one that is suffering and I know your beloved would not want you to be that way.

    Your husband can see you and he would not want you to be sad.

    I want you to open up your curtains or window shades and let the warm sunshine into your bedroom. Then get some plants and what I do is to get some fresh cut flowers...this will make you feel better.

    Tonight I want you to take a nice hot shower or bath. Put on your favorite lotion and perfume. Put on your fluffy or light weight night clothes. Light the candle for your husband. As you do all these preparations talk to your husband...tell him how much you miss him, tell him what you did today, and tell him all your concerns.

    Then put on some soft music. Turn down the lights. Now hop into bed. All these things I mention will help your mind get into a relax state. Then this when you clear your mind so it is possible for your husband to come visit you in a dream. You see if your mind is constantly going then there is no room left for your husband's spirit to come to you when you dream.Remember you must let your husband's spirit come to you.

    This may not work the first time so keep at it.

    I think if you were able to contact him in a dream it would make you feel better. Then in the near future you could make steps to move forward with your life.

    I remembered this past Christmas, I had enough energy I sent out Christmas cards that had a white polar bear on a piece of floating frozen ice that was looking up at the moon. I wanted everyone to know that I was looking for my beloved husband. I think this is where you are at right now.

    Now lets talk about your step son. Believe me you are not the only one that had difficulties with the family after burying your beloved. I knew when the time came I would have problems with his family , his stepsons, and ex-wife. So both my husband and I disscussed about the arrangements. My husband wanted to be buried in my family's plot but I knew if that was going to be ...his family would have dug him up and placed him in another cemetery. I did not want my family disturbed so we agreed that he would be buried by the other woman...his mom.

    I always told my husband who ever makes it to the pearlie gates of heaven makes sure you are holding it open when I reach heaven. I even reminded him in the Church at his funeral.

    Anyway back to your finances...did your husband leave a will? If there is no will then all your husband's possessions revert to the wife.I would check out an attorney to discuss these matters.

    I remembered my husband's family tried to take the vehicles from me because they thought they belonged to him. The vehicles were in my name. But when I asked the attorney he told me if the vehicles were not in my name they would revert to the wife. Your stepson could be pulling a fast one. So please consult an attorney.

    Hugs,

    Rooster5



  • Angelreader,

    Wow, looking back I wrote some pretty raw emotional stuff. I do know he is here with us, he gives us sighn's alot. His energy isn't strong, but I do see and feel him when he is present. He's my little jokester sending me picture flashes of how he signed his name when he wrote his I's with a circle above it after watching a funny scene on the T.V. about how immature children draw circles above there I's. Visiting our daughter in her dreams, mascarades his favorite scent all around me. lol Yes, I know he is here. I am a very spiritual person, I highly believe in God and it's a race back to heaven and he won the race. I have come to peace with what had whent on, and I am not mad at "Mom" so, I forgive her I know it's her own way of grieving. Do you think that the very possibility of my husband which liked to tell jokes picked the very day on April 1, to pass? I love him alot, and had I not been prepared for the 6 year's that he fought and was sick I don't believe I would be as strong as I am now. I am taking it one day at a time. Thank You for you kind words. I know he was so young, but he has a very important job in heaven and he has relayed this to me in a vision of Arch Angel Michael all dressed in battle standing on top of a rolling hillI. I pray that we all will find peace at the close of the day!

    Blessings & Peace to thee~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~+Devine+~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



  • Gemini,

    I know that had I not been prepared over the 6 years my husband was sick It would not be possible for me to be strong. My last post was really raw emotion's coming out, since then I have forgiven his parent's and have moved on. I am sad that you and your step son arent talking, I pray that you both will be reunited again to honor your husband. Surely, your late husband would not want this for you. Maybe, that is what he is saying to you. Could it be that he saying to you that to just let it go, it's just temporary possesion's. Just know that he is there, wether you see him or not look for the little signs that he is showing you he is there. Like some one said; talk to him he is listening and there to help you along your journey thru life. I pray that he will come to you in your dreams and surely give you peace. Some times we may never see or hear our love one's who have passed. There are things in life worth living for, Do not be afraid to Remember, it's not about letting him go, because he's always going to be there when you need him. He is always there in Spirit,memories & in your heart. So, it's not letting go it's "U will see him when u win your race Home! You got him to get u throu it, and I pray that you will have peace some day!

    
    ______"I'm Free"______
    
    Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free,
    
    I'm following the path God has laid for me.
    
    I took His hand when I heard His call,
    
    I turned my back and left it all.
    
    I could not stay another day,
    
    To laugh, to love, to work or play.
    
    Tasks left undone must stay that way,
    
    I found the peace at the close of the day.
    
    If my parting has left a void,
    
    Then fill it with remembered joys.
    
    A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss,
    
    Oh yes, these things I too will miss.
    
    Be not burdened with times of sorrow,
    
    I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
    
    My life's been full, I have savored much,
    
    Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch.
    
    Perhaps my time seemed all too brief-
    
    Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
    
    Lift up your hearts, and peace to thee-
    
    God wanted me now, He set me free.


  • DevineEvanescence,

    Thank-you for the lovely poem. It is so beautiful and so right. I know that everyone is trying to help me to figure out how to deal with this. I often marvel and at how most people can go thru this and get thru it and here I set, it seems I might be the only lost sheep left in the world. I can tell from your writing that you have been there and back. Your loss has been great and your faith has brought you thru it. I to have faith, I do a lot ot talking to God. My nature is to see it, deal with it and get over it. But this is not letting me go. It is not letting me move on. I am trying to, but believe me, something is not letting me. I just don't understand it.

    Thank-you so much for the poem, I printed it out and will read it and cherish it and you for your kind words.

    Minnie



  • Dear DevineEvvanescene,

    I read your post to 10gemini06. I am grieviung the loss of my soulmate and husband,Keith that passed away suddenly six months ago. I read your poem. I do love the words because it brings me peace. I still miss him so much.

    Hugs,

    Rooster5



  • Dear Minnie,

    I pray that you do find peace, Your welcome



  • Dear Rooster,

    I am too sorry for your loss, just remember he is always there for you, like my husband is for me and our children. The poem is what we picked out for his memorial and I put it in a picture next to his cremanes. It matched him so well with his situation being that he was so young at the age of 31yrs old. I pray you to may find peace!



  • DevineEvanescence,

    I have tried to connect with my Angels, but am not even sure how to start. I s there any advice you can give me, and I don't even know who my Angels are, can you help me find out. I don't know why, but I know that God and my Angels are the way to go to help me settle this all in my mind. Your advice has given me hope that things will change and for some reason, I feel it may be pretty soon. I still have that feeling that my husband is trying to tell me something, and for some reason, I still can't get it. I can't really let go until I get that settled.

    Thank-You

    Blessings

    Minnie



  • Dear Minnie,

    I too didn't know what my guardian angel's name was, until a friend of mine told me what it was. I have been told the way to peace and relationship with you guardian angel is to still your mind and practice meditation. Once in a while I hear a ringing tone in my ear, and will hear suttle words. Go to and ask him what your guardian name is! i too am searching for answers that sometimes come when were not expecting it. I pray that this will help you find some peace. I wish that I could speak with your guide, but my guide only speaks to me. Sorry, And your welcome Minnie


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