Can't let go



  • Hi, my husband passed away almost 3 years ago and I can't let go. I talk to him all of the time and he is still my only friend. I can't get interested in anything because we did everything together, so without him I don't want anything. I miss him so much, I still cry every night to just see him and hear his voice. I have my house up for sale, I guess I thought if I could sell it I could start over. He built it and it seems to be a place for me to hide out. I guess my question is, am I going to sell my house before long, because if I don't, I will never be able to leave here. It was always just him and I, now it's just me, and I need to know how to start over and if I'm ever going to be able to or should I just give up.

    Thank-you and God Bless



  • 10 Gemini, losing a loved one is never easy, but you have to release them so they can be free to grow on the other side. He knows you love him and you will probably dream about him, he would want you to continue your life and be happy. He can hear you and knows you love him. You are not alone in your grief, look at the post "Share your Inspirations and join our group." Take care and be strong but most of all, "Live." šŸ™‚



  • Thank You Thunder, I believe you are right, I have been here before and have gotten very good advice. Thank-you for taking your time. God Bless



  • Thank-you poetic555. I know deep in my heart that what you say is true, but I don't think I have really faced the fact that he is gone. I fear the day when I realize that he really did go, that he is not here with me anymore. It's like I'm living in a dream world and I'm being tested to see what my reaction would be to really loosing him. It's like I am the one that died and am in hell, and I don't know how to get out. I guess selling my house would create a diversion for my mind, and moving would give me something to do until the day comes when I can let him go. I know this probably doesn't make much sense to most people, and I have to face facts, but I can't. I am talking about me as I am a third person.I am living as a third person, waiting for something to happen.

    Sorry to be rambling on like this, and thank-you so much for taking your time with me.

    God Bless You



  • Hi 10gemeni06, Thunder is right, never give up. If you do, it will break your husbands heart. You know he died (and I don't know the circumstances) but you need to accept it. Just know in your heart, that he is always with you. He is happy when you are happy and vice versa. Live and do things. You don't ever to really let him go. You will always have the memory of him so honor that memory and live.You can take him with you everywhere you go. But know, that as long as you're not happy, neither is he. So pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go be happy. For both of you.He will always know you loved him very much and you will know it too. You will never replace him. He will always be in your heart.He wouldn't want you to be miserable thus he is too. Enjoy yourself so he can enjoy life through you. Have you ever watched tyhe Ghostwhisperer? That show should help you understand a little better. If you have to, envision him doing everything with you like you did before. Never forget him he will always be with you.



  • Dear 10Gemeni06,

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss...my heart goes out to you as I know exactly what you are going through...though in my case it was my son who passed. I'm going to take a few minutes to share with you what I know and what I've learned...in hopes it provides you with a bit of comfort.

    First of all, your husband is not gone. Because you are on this forum, I know you know this already. Life doesn't end with your passing. Yes, your physical body is no longer needed, but out of your mind/body/spirit composition, your spirit soars and continues its eternal life on the other side. What we call Heaven. When your husband passed, he was not alone. He was greeted immediately by his angels...and he saw family and friends who passed before him, and he felt like he was coming Home. Because, he was.

    That doesn't mean he doesn't miss you terribly. And I know as sure as I type this that he does not want you to be sad and cry. He is okay. He is not lost, he is not afraid, he is with loved ones and his entire being is brimming with love and Divine light.

    This is going to be hard to hear...but I'm going to say it anyway because I had to hear this myself from my own angels. Your loved ones who pass are "torn" between being able to pursue their spiritual journey in Heaven (for it does continue) and staying with you. They have so much to do for you do work in Heaven -- with many more resources at your disposal than you have here on Earth. But when you can't let them go...they are tied to you because they feel they need to be here with you to help you.

    I didn't want to let my Son go. He was only 22 when he passed. Also 3 years ago. Yet I had to let him go. For HIS sake. He had many things to do in the hereafter, and I was responsible for holding him back. I couldn't do that to him. It wasn't fair to him. My motherly instincts kicked in and I told him to go help the world, go help his sisters, help his Daddy who is my husband and was devastated. There were many more people who lost a loved one and a wonderful friend when my son died. They needed him too. And even his dog needed him. Octavius. I had to let him go...so he could go help and love the many others who were grieving and also I had to let him go so he could go be his very own angel to the world, in whatever capacity that would be.

    For your husband's sake, and those friends and family he also left behind who are grieving and need his help and guidance as well...I'm going to ask you to do the hardest thing in the world...and that is to let him go. For remember, he is not gone. You are releasing the cords that tie you together -- between Heaven and Earth -- so he can go be the best spirit he can possibly be. This doesn't mean you don't love him any less. Love transcends space. It transcends everything...and you WILL see him again. It was his time to go. It was not your time to go. You have more life to live and more love to share. Honor your husband by doing just that. Even if it's in his name. Find a cause to perpetuate his memory and as a remembrance to your love. Start a cause. Help other grieving wives because you have walked in their shoes.

    You...are loved. You always will be. Your house is not your husband. Memories of him are what is there. I can now walk through our house in memory and see my son grinning from ear to ear. I have that memory no matter where I am. The twinkle in his eye -- still there. Your husband is just a flash away in your memory. Right there. See him? He's there. He's not in your house. You need to live where you want to live. If it's too hard being in the house, I understand. I had to move to. But, now, in hindsight, I could have lived in the house. For my son Ryan is not in a bricks and mortar building. He's in my heart. And that dearest dearest Gemini, is where your husband is and will always be.

    Let him go bask in the love and light and truth of Heaven. He will always be with you, helping you every step of the way. You are the woman he married and the woman he loved. Be that woman now and share your husband with the world. For he truly has a spiritual calling to assist. Share him. And you will feel the effects of this manyfold.

    I miss my son every single day. Just as you miss your husband. My tears stopped (for the most part) when I let him go bless others who needed his help. For I knew he would always be with me. And when he turns my lights off and on, he's with me. When I open an envelope that has his handwriting on it, and my heart is broken, I feel a spray of wet water on my face and know he is with me. Ask your husband to give you signs he is with you. He will know the right way to do it. And I promise you...with just one sign...whatever it is....be it a song you hear or words you read or something only you can appreciate...you will heal. Your heart will heal. For you will know as sure as you know anything...he is right beside you.

    Angel blessings to you, and to your husband,

    Beth



  • Dear Sylvannah, I have watched the ghost wisperer, and I sit and wonder if that could happen to me. I guess I am like a million other people who want just one more smile or wink from him, maybe I'm just not getting it yet. Maybe when I can face the reality, then I will start to get the sings that I know he must be sending me. I know God will not let me just give up. As much as I would love to.

    Thank You for such kind advice and God Bless you



  • hi 10gemini06,

    I have posted this experience in the other thread, you might have read it but anyway, I am posting this here, to share it with you. I hope you can find some comfort in this.

    My brother passed away a month ago, he was a kidney patient. He spent the last 6months of his life having to go through painful session of dialysis. No, there is no history of kidney failures in our family. His kidney was damaged when he got into a traffic accident about a year ago and since then, his kidney was not functioning properly. Funny how fate can change a person's life in just a matter of second. My brother was a healthy young man, he was a Physical Trainer in the Army for 10 years( you need to be super healthy and fit to be able to get this position).

    Anyway, I spoke to him on the phone 2 days before he died, before I left my family home to go back to my own. ( I live thousands of miles away from my family). When I reached my own home, in less than 24 hours, I received a phone call that my brother died. I was devastated! I took the next flight back to my homeland again, where all my family are. Flight took me 14 hours and including the reservation, drive to the airport etc, I was home only about 2 days later. I didn't get to see my brother for the last time. I missed his funeral.

    I was full with regrets. How I wish I had stayed at my family's home a little longer. If I had gone home just a day or 2 later, I could be at my brother's funeral. I started to blame myself, finding reasons to tell myself that I could have done things otherwise. I could not accept the reality that I won't be seeing or talking to my brother anymore.

    2 weeks later, I had a dream. I dreamed that I was in a car, getting ready to drive away. Surprisingly, my brother was standing outside,just a few feet away from my car, smiling at me and waving me goodbye. I was in the car, looking at him waving at me. He looks healthier, just like he always was before he was diagnosed with kidney failure. He did not say a word but the expression on his face tells me what I needed to know ( or I think I know).

    I woke up from the dream feeling at peace. I found my closure. I know that my brother was trying to tell me not to blame myself for not being at his funeral. I did my best to get there. The expression on his face tells me that he is at better place now and happier. He is not suffering from the dialysis anymore. He is at peace too.

    Just a few days ago, when I was sitting alone in my family's living room, there was suddenly a strong smell of perfume. It was the smell of my brother's favorite perfume. I breathed in to really make sure that I was not imagining things. The smell was still there, very close to me. I ran out of the house to sniff the air outside, No perfume smell outside. I came back into the house, there it was, the smell was still lingering. After a while, I realized that my brother was with me, visiting me. I calmed down and enjoyed the smell of the perfume. I spoke out softly " If it is you brother, thank you for visiting me. I love you and I will always miss you. Feel free to come again anytime." After a few moments of silence, the smell was gone, leaving no traces at all....

    Please be strong. Letting go is not easy but in order for you to move on, you have to let go. Let go doesn't mean that all is forgotten. You can still keep the memories in your heart. You can still keep the happiness you shared together in your soul. He is always with you, watching over you. He wants you to be happy and to cherish life. When the time comes, you will be with him again. In the meantime, hold on to the memories but let go and seek the peace you need.

    I wish you all the best all the strength in the world.

    Hope you will get your dreams, the signs...

    Do not give up..

    Lots of love to you.



  • Angelreader,

    You speak from the heart and for some reason I can hear your words in my heart. I know what you say is true, I cried reading it. I know I have to let go of my husband, he died of cancer. It breaks my heart to hear of your son's death also. One minute I say to myself to let go and the other I can't. I just can't seem to believe he is gone. I have such a unique situation here, he built our house and then only got to live in 9 months. It was his dream home, but not mine. I love it because he built it. I know he will make a perfect angel in Heaven. My heart is so heavy at times with grief that I find it hard to even breath. I know I have to move, financially and physically and mentally. It's like I'm not living my life anymore, someone else is, mine was interrupted and I can't get back to any kine of normal until I face that interruption and deal with it. I know in my heart it's time to start healing, I pray a lot for guidance, I do know that I am getting help from God, and maybe even my husband, I wouldn't have been able to do what I've done without it. Sometimes in my mine I see a group of people, standing up above me and shaking their heads and telling me to let go, to move one.But, I don't see my husband, I can't even dream about him. I assume that's because I won't let myslef believe he's not coming back, I say it and I say he's gone but I can't believe it. It seems I've just been able to mention the words that he died, it's usually passed away, or gone. I cry when I say he's dead. I know what your saying Angelreader, I do believe you, and maybe you have explained more to me then you even know. I will work on it, starting now. I know you feel my pain, I feel yours. But yours is not hurting anymore as much as mine is now. Mine will get like yours, I will always hurt, but will learn to live with it. It's just so, so very hard to do.

    Thank-you my friend, (if I may call you that) and God Bless you and your wisdom. For helping me. And you really did. It will take time. And I believe now, my husband would thank-you too. I think once I sell this house and move on, I will once again feel the sun on my face.



  • What wonderful messages are being shared here. 10gemini06 know that you are not alone and this is a journey of healing each takes in their own time. The fact that you are here in some way reaches out for the help you need in adjusting to the many feelings you have. Trust that your husband's love is always with you and that he will watch over you. Take time, find quiet and peace, lean on those here who do care and understand the feelings that are consuming you. Wishing you many blessings.

    RC



  • Emergence,

    I have smelled strange things too, sometimes like cologn, but I never figured out where it was coming from. Maybe it was my husband, but at times I smell like someone smoking a pipe or cigar, my husband didn't smoke either. My husband didn't have any one type of cologn or after shave, he wore several different ones, so I didn't connect it to him. I can't dream about him nor do I ever see him, even in my mind when I try, I can't picture him. I always thought it was because I won't face the fact that he is gone. I know I have to, I just don't know how to yet. I worked so hard wanting to save him, I even stayed at the hospital the last 3 nights of his life. I was holding his hand when he went. I was there everyday for two months, I had to travel 200 miles a day to be with him everyday until the last 3 nights and for some reason, I wouldn't leave. I know now, it's because he needed me to help him. And now, I can't even find him. I know that I am not the only one in the world going thru this but it seems that most are much more well adjusted then I am about it. Maybe when I can except it, I will finally find peace again.

    Thank-you for sharing your experience with me, I feel better somehow knowing that there is a time for healing, maybe that's why I am here. You all are helping me heal. Oneday, I will come back into my own body and and like I told Angelreader, I will feel the sun on my face.



  • Thank-You so much RCdreamer. Yes, I agree. I think I have finally found a place to find peace and it is here. As I am new to this area where I live, I have no friends, and I never was one to make friends because my husband and I were the only friends we needed. Now I have to learn life all over again.

    God Bless each and every one of you who have reached out to help me.



  • Just remember, every time you close your eyes and think of him, he will be there. He is probably sending you signs that only you would get. Like you might hear your song, or your movie comes on, etc... You might be so grief stricken to see them. Just take a deep breathe. Close your eyes and see him with you, and go out and splash in some water or something. No need tolose off life. That would make him sad. He is always with youi, if you don't believe me, just close your eyes. Enjoy things. He will enjoy them with you.



  • 10gemini06,

    You are most welcome. Anytime you need a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear, feel free to give me a shout. I'll do whatever I can to help you go through this. We can go through all these together. Support from one another is very important and that is what so special about this forum. You will get all the support you need.

    Lots of love to you. Be strong.



  • Maybe I have to slow down and just quit trying to connect with him. I think as sylvannah said, maybe the grief is not letting me feel and see what is right before me. As I said, I have no one here that I can talk to, and this has helped me realize that I am not alone. I have really been thinking about what all of you have told me, and it makes so much sense. My mind has been jumbled up for so long, it's been hard to think anything thru. Now, it seems there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I guess my fear was that if I let him go, he would be gone for good and talking to him would be useless, because how could he hear me. I know I have to now, to hold him back is wrong and even thou it breaks my heart letting him go. Thank-you all so much. As harsh as it sounds, I guess it takes a broken heart to understand one, and each and every one of you have had your hearts broken as I have. I now know that I am not the only person in the world that has, and is, going thru this. Peace be with you all and God Bless you all, and Thank-You so very, very much.



  • Hello 10gemini06,

    I am really feeling for you, I lost my Husband 15 yrs ago, he died very suddenly due to an embolism, he was only 48, I couldn't accept it for a while either

    It's so good to read all what the wonderful people on here have shared with you, it warms my heart to know there are those out there who will step into our lives when we are at a loss and share their loving comforting words.....

    I was just wondering if you have a Centre or place you could go to for grief counselling, I think this would be very good for you to be in touch and talk with ones also going through grief, it will also give you opportunity to make new friends too as I see you mentioned you haven't lived in your area for long, I think it's the worse thing we do is when we cut ourselves off from everyone, I know because I did that too, I went through a time when I felt too guilty to feel happy!!....I used to say to myself "what right do I have, when his life was cut short", but after time I realised it was ok to be happy again and I was able to move on.

    I really wish for you to find your comfort in your loss and enable you to move on, I truly believe you are beginning to be almost there, just for the fact you joined this wonderful forum...

    Much love and peace to you,

    Denise

    ā™„



  • Dear 10gemini06....I find your grief very moving....I don't think you are ready to let go...you are trying, that I can tell by your post, but you are not ready yet. There is no time scale for grief. What everbody says on this post is true...for them. So this is my version of the truth. People can help guide you but..it will be in your and Gods own time frame. Something that helps me, " It is better to have loved and lost ...than not to have loved at all...... Because love...to haved loved and to have been loved is the greatest gift of all.

    There are many men and women that don't know that. Can you imagine not to have had someone in your life like your husband, to never to have known the kind of love that you shared? God gave you the greatest gift, the gift of love. When you move on, will be according to you and God. Take your time and only when you are ready ( not according to others time scale )...Work though your grief at your own pace . If it takes longer ...well then it takes longer. You will know...when its time. A peace will fall over you. If I could send all the angels to your side to help alleviate this pain in your heart..if I was capable of doing that...I would

    Holding you in my heart

    light en dark



  • Hi Gemini10

    Geminis have a quick silver mind, a playful nature, and a good sense of humor. Your love was your other half...so naturally you are missing "a part". You may have been soul mates to each other. and it is not easy to just forget about the times you spent together. But...you are going to have to be strong...not weak. I lost my soul mate in 2006. He and I were soul mates. I saved his phone call the day before he died on Aug. 9, I think I would lose my mind if I lose his voice message saying "I LOVE YOU"....And I started talking to him out loud...remembering some of the funny things and the traumatic things. Not seeing his face...not waiting on him has been pure torture. I was his love, I was his supporter, I was his care-giver as well as home health. For the rest of my days I will never forget him. It has helped me because I am saving his message on my answer machine...so I know I am keeping him alive and visiting him.......

    Julianna77.



  • You don't have to let him go comp;etely. You can keep him in your heart. He understands everything but he is ready to go. He knows you are strong now and you have alot of support so he can let go too. It wasn't all you. But I think you are both ready and like I said, if you need him, just close your etes and he'll be right there. It's ok and you will be ok. You can share him and he'll stilll find time for you and maybe if you quit looking so hard, you will find what you're looking for. And if you need any of us, we are all just a click away. We've all had someone we had a hard time letting go, so we understand.



  • Gemini,

    I know how you feel my husband passed on to heaven April 1,2010 he was 31yrs old, he left behind 2 children 8 and 9yrs old. He battled with cancer for 6+years , I am taking it day by day it's hard for me as well. I find comfort in knowing that he is in heaven not suffering and some day we will be together as a family again. I know he is here with me some times, it just wish that I will get the chance to see him. His mother is taking is really bad, She truelly loved him and he was an only child. I think she is having a nervous breakdown and I try to comfort her but I feel that if she was a more spiritual person she would be able to deal with it better. Not saying that any of it is easy because it's not. I feel that his mother was upset that we wouldn't move 1300 miles to where she lived so that she could be around him. Her and I have never had a good relationship, I think sometimes all she thinks about is her self. My husband didn't want his ashes split up, but I did it just so there wouldn't be any crap started at the funeral service. I know he is ok with it now being in heaven. I got a phone call from his step dad the day he was laying dead on the gurney, asking me to make sure I split the ashes with her, and I'm going to let them see the kids. It never was suppose to be what any body else wanted just what he wanted. It really makes me sad and sick to my stomach, that they just don't care about no body but there self. I feel they pretend to be nice half the time just because my husband loved me and the kids. I have hard time sleeping at night, our children just whent back to school and I cry for all the missed events that there dad will be "physically"missing in the future. I am sorry for your loss, I know how you feel, I am sorry for dumping all of my feelings that are going through me but I pray you can find whatever comfort that will make you at peace.

    Taking it one day at a time

    
    Mistie