Asking for your prayers.....

  • My deepest thanks to you sunshine. I hope all is well with you and yours.

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  • hi, im so sorry to hear about your friend, i myself was married to an abusive animal, i had three children and pregnant at the time, i kicked him out and eventually moved away were he never find me. it took me alot of time to get over it and im still working on alot of issues even now, but life is good, im happy and free from him. your friend will too and you know why cos she has a dear and caring friend like you. take care, may many angels be always with you both. karen

  • Thank you Karen. Love and Light to you!!

  • Azaza12- I have not heard from you or I might have deleted your mail as I do if I don't recognize the sender or know what it's about but know that the police won't really help you and a piece of paper won't stop him either. She may call the cops and have her piece of paper when they do get there ( I know I have a 30 min. wait time and my cops are completely useless) Hopefully, it won't be too late for her when they do get there. They will make her go to court and get a restraining order or a DVI. I was in court once with a lady going to get one, then her husband killed her a few days later. So I don't depend on the police. Is she still having an issue? If so, tell me her age. That will actually help alot. I hope she got away cause it never gets better. It may look better but it will happen again. And it just gets more severe each time. Even if it has been a while since the last time. She obviously has a friend in you so she can always go stay with you as long as you are not a neighbor and wouldn't think about you when she leaves or you will just bring it to your house. And if he can hit her, you can bet he can hit you too. You don't even mean anything to him. But men, in general don't change. He can go get help and stop for years and something will just snap. Even if he pledges to go get help, she has to leave. I don't worry about it anymore cause my husband committed a murder/suicide and had he known where I was, I would have been the murder.That's where it ultimately ends. If they can do it once, it will happen again and if they are used to doing it, it will always be there. Even if he gets help, she will be scared every time he gats mad. It takes a big man to hit a woman, an even bigger man, not to.

  • Azaza, My prayers are with her for her escape and continued safety and with you to keep your strength up for her. It will be a long road that will become tiresome for you. What a great friend you are! If noone else is helping her, she definitely needs you. Always always remember to keep yourself safe. Think ahead of every possible situation. Don't underestimate him. It's a good thing right now she doesn't know where you live. If she doesn't know, then he doesn't know. She will need money and a plan to leave when he's not home and when he can't just pop back in unexpected. She only needs a few outfits, she can leave most of her belongings to save her life. Things are replaceable, she's not. Does she have children? That will make it harder. I pray she doesn't. Once she leaves, she'll need to go somewhere and not tell anyone, even family, where she is for a very very long time. I hope this doesn't discourage you but as far as the police, she's right, they will not help. My father died when I was seven and my mother met a man that ended up being crazy. He beat her really bad, almost killed her. Her head was bigger than a basketball and her eyes were out past her nose. We moved an hour an a half away and he found us. We came home one day and he had kicked our door in waiting on us. He even hitchhiked his way there! Every time he went to jail, they let him out. He even found us in a grocery store one time. Another time, he kidnapped her and told me he was going to send her back to me in little pieces. It was one nightmare after another. Every time we moved, he found us. You would think after the kidnapping with terroristic threats they would have kept him but he kept getting out. He would call the judge at home or send him letters crying and begging. Finally, he left us alone and moved into some apartments. He kidnapped a neighbor, raped her and beat her. He "finally", 7 or so years later, got life in prison with no parole. Right before that, the judge let him out on the condition that he stay medicated so he couldn't function, couldn't drive or work. When he quit taking the medicine is when he attacked his neighbor. If her situation is this serious, she can't even tell family where she is because someone will slip up and tell the wrong person. That's what happened to us, friends talking... It's a very small world when it comes to gossip. Especially once someone leaves town. I heard all kinds of stories after we left. Of course, now we're back but people still ask why we left and that was 25 years ago. She can cut her hair and change her color. She needs to change her name temporarily. Does she have a relative far away that he doesn't know about? Preferably many many states away? You'd be suprised how many men do not know we have family members that are far away. (Still do not tell the family here where she is going or who she will be with only that she will be ok and she is in danger if she tells them or calls them, and ask the other person not to contact them for her safety.) It would be easier on her to have someone far away instead of going by herself. That is just as scary as staying in the abuse to some people that have never lived alone. If she doesn't have anyone, pump her up. Tell her how exciting it will be to just be alone for a while. A vacation to catch up on reading, meditating, drawing, resting, or whatever she loves. As long as she doesn't write and start publishing anything in her name. She should take a defense class and watch the movie enough, with jennifer lopez, not to kill him but for self defense issues. I would say she shouldn't even tell you where she's going just in case you're questioned but for emergency contact, it might be helpful for you to know. That would depend on if she's leaving for good or not or if you ever need to warn her. Don't make the mistake of telling her he's been arrested and it's safe to come back. He might get out. If you do know her new location, you can't tell her family or friends you know where she is, he might come after you. Don't even tell anyone that doesn't know her. Again, it's a small world. Gossip gets started in barber shops and grocery stores. Just tell her family to keep you informed because you love her and will miss her and leave it at that. They'll call you up and tell you if that crazy bastard stopped by and just respond with wow, that's awful. Don't tell them you'll warn her or let on to anything. Well, all this is saying she will leave and set up new shop. The HARDEST part is getting her to leave. Keep asking her does she want to live. Tell her she deserves better, she's beautiful, intelligent and doesn't deserve to live like this. Tell her it only gets worse. (By the way the crazy man I was talking about beat his mom almost to death, she had to have brain surgey and he gave a lady an abortion from home wthout her consent, he tied her up). If someone is crazy, there's nothing they won't do in a fit of rage. If they do drugs or drink, it's worse. You can also set up code names with her that he won't pick up on. You can use things about the weather or how she feels to know when she can talk and when she can't. It's not a good idea for your number to show up on their phone either if it hasn't already. I will keep thinking on this and get back to you if needed. I'm sorry I don't get on here everyday. It comes in spurts when my life allows it. If she doesn't have money or a relative far far away to help, you can always take up donations. I don't lie but if it was to save someone's life, I would in a heartbeat. I'm not sure who or what the donation could be for. You have to be careful with this because you can be arrested for fraud. And anything over I think 500 is a felony. I'd call an abuse center and get their advice. Don't give her name or any personal information such as address or employment, nothing about her. Tell them the police haven't helped and someone is fleeing for their life. Ask what kind of donation could you raise without getting into trouble and without giving her name to raise it. You might have a hard time with this one. Someone should know something. If they don't know, ask who to call, keep asking everytime someone says no. Churchs may allow the youth groups to hold car washes, etc to help raise the money. Just ask them to say it's for a private benefit. I would go in there and beg them if I had to.I would explain the situation to the minister again without giving her name. Network it. Someone will come up with somthing. Even if these ideas and yours sound crazy, when they see you are desperate to help, they will rack their brains to help. No person in their right mind would send you away without at least giving some kind of help or advice. Some people have junk cars in the yard that they're dying to get rid of but never got around to it. They can be crushed for a couple of hundred dollars. (Gas tank has to be removed, but people do it everyday). There are a lot of good people out there that will be willing to help but they can't know who it is for or it will get back to him some way or another. The problem is you or someone very trustworthy and sharp minded will probably need to do this for her. She probably doesn't have the will power, energy or time away from him to do it and people will recognize her. If she doesn't have money, I'd definitely call the abuse centers for ideas. You can talk to 4 people there and get 4 different answers. Hopefully she has money or something of value or he does. If she has a car, she can sell it. She won't be able to drive it anyway. She will need to wait and meet the buyer at the last minute so he doesn't get suspicious. She can sell jewelry, wedding rings, etc. Anything to save her life. Cash in cd's if she has any at the bank, retirement fund, life insurance policy that has a cash value, etc. She can start another one later or her parents can. I pray that her sutuation is not this desperate but it sounds like it is. Abusive men always latch on to timid women that are afraid to stand up for themselves and punch back. He's either way to strong for her or she's never fought for her life before and scared to do it. I don't believe in hitting men or women but if someone is coming at me I'm going to hurt them so they'll stop. If she can't overpower him, she definitely needs defense classes!!!! I can't stress this enough. Someone offers free classes somewhere. Friends can even teach her. Hit them hard in the neck and they can't breathe, then between the legs and in the stomach, but you better be able to run fast if you can't over power them. I hope I've been of some help and not scaring you to death. It's just that I've been there and noone deserves to live that way. CNN, I think, had it on the news recently that one of the highest reasons of death in the United States is due to domestic violence. They had an article on their site about the police not helping, that enough is not being done to protect our women. Depending on the money situation she can buy a cheap 500 or less dollar car but someone will have to put the tag and insurance in their name or ride the bus. Absolutely no credit cards or checking account, etc. Nothing in her real name not even utilities. Hopefully she has someone to stay with so she can save money. Google how to change your name or ask the abuse centers. These small id centers can do it if she takes in fake documents. Again, it's lying but it's worth it if she's in real danger. Tell her it will be tough for a while but so worth it and once he's moved on to someone else, God forbid, or arrested for good, she will finally be able to live the life she's dreaming of. God closes one door and opens a better one. Tell her to always keep the faith and don't slip up even if she gets lonely. Make new friends there with her new name and don't date for a long long time. When she does, get a background check and date for a super long time before even discussing marriage or living together. Give them time to show their true colors. Everyone always aims to impress in the beginning. Learn from your mistakes and create that wonderful life. Good luck and God Bless!

  • Also, just wanted to say, have her contact sunrise. They work on domestic violence. They will know what to do. They have a shelter, somewhere. They only tell women that need it si I don't know where it is. If you want their #, just let me know and I'll locate it for you. They also have a class. I think it is every tues. but I don't remember. It was 4 years ago that I had to go. I went from a physically abusive relationship to a verbally abusive relationship. I was 18 when I was in my abusive relationship. Nobody helped me but there is life after 18. lol She needs to get out. I will do what I can. Maybe she could come here. He wouldn't expect that! I know of everything by experience and if I can help someone avoid the same experience, I will

  • Thank you ConfusedScorpion! I sat down with Linda a few weeks ago and had a really long talk with her. She has a plan. It's going to take some time but she's taking control of her situation. There are some contingencies to consider and some obstables to overcome, but she seems intent on getting out. I have given her information on places she can contact to help get this plan moving. I have contacted DV organizations to see what there is that I can do to help, and passed that info on to her. It's a very tough situation, with most of it being tied with the house they both live in, that she bought and he forced her to put his name on it. I don't know the intimate details of her plan as the conversation we had was very heavy so I'm giving it a bit of time to sink in between us before I approach her again and ask her how the plan is going. I know she might need to leave the state and have told her I'll drive the freakin' U-Haul and put it in my name!! She is very appreciative of my support and she has it completely until she gets free of this animal.

    I was saddened to hear your story. I'm glad to hear that the situation has greatly improved. Love and Light to you!!

    Thanks again and Namaste

  • Hi sylvannah! Linda and I had a chance to talk to each other a few weeks ago, after I posted this thread and she has a plan to leave. It's taking some time as there are some contingencies and obstacles(the house in her name and in foreclosure being the biggest) she needs to take care of. I have your e-mail and still may call upon your help and/or advice. She knows she's missing out on what could be a very happy life and she's tired of her situation. He hasn't hurt her too badly yet since he relies on her to work and make all the money, so she has that advantage(if you could call it that). But it's when she decides to go is when it could get ugly. She knows she has good friends who are ready to help. So when it's time, we are all there.

    Thank you so much!!!

    Love and Light!!

  • Oh...and there are no children involved, thankfully! She want to have children, just NOT HIS. She's a smart woman.....just in a tough spot.

    Thanks for all your prayers and thoughts, people. Please keep them coming!!

  • A prayer for courage and self-respect. The demons she fears at the thought of being alone and homeless are gentle tigers compared to the demons that surround her now. I am visualizing a golden light of protection encircling Linda. Strength! There may have to be a sacrifice in order to gain her freedom, safety and dignity, at least temporarily. She should consult a lawyer concerning the house. No material thing should take precedence over her well-being.

  • Thank you, archersbow, for the protective light for Linda. I informed her that she has dozens of people who don't even know her, who have done the same for her as you have. Keeping her in their thoughts, meditation and prayers. She appreciates the support!!

    Bless all of you!!

    Thank you!!

  • Dear azaza12,

    God bless linda and everybody that loves her,those that do wrong will eventually pay the prize before they cease...Is just a cycle that has repeated itself,linda needs to get out & fast.Call 911 & linda would feel much better,relieved from a everyday tragedy.She needs to leave him and move on.

    Soon she wil fine somebody much better but she has to close that chapter of her life & forgive;to truly move on.

    Many Blessings 🙂

  • azaza12....How is your friend doing? Did she get out of the situation?

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