Heartbroken, (Still)



  • Its been nearlly 2 years since my husband left me for another woman and im still missing him like crazy. We have 7 children together but i just cant get over him, im not sleeping or eating an i feel like ending it sometimes just so the pain will stop, Help needed bad.....



  • Wow...diezel...I'm not sure what your religious beliefs are but I will definitely put you in my prayers. I will start by saying " Everything happens for a reason" While I have not been in your situation, I have been a part of a similar one. I have watch my mom spend years in an unhealthy marriage...just unhappy and lonely all the time, only to have her husband whom she supported commit adultry in her face...so close to home... A few years back my sister went through the same thing and she did attempt to end her life. I was an emotional wreck...I was so scared that she may have done damage to her health, so angry that she would allow someone to break her down so much that she felt unworthy...angry for her selfishness...yes I said selfishness...because she has 2 children that won't understand why mommy isn't coming back ans 1 child that is old enough to understand but may have thought that he wasn't worthy enough for her to stick it out through her rough patch and continue to be his mom...because I would've had to re-arrange my whole life to keep those children together...Happy...because by the grace of God (or whatever you choose to name that higher being)...she wasn't successful...a nerve struck in me when I got that text message that felt like she was saying goodbye without actually saying it...the same message a few other family members got but didn't think anything of it...I say all of that to say...PLEASE DON'T HARM YOURSELF OR ANYONE ELSE!!!...This is my first post on this site...and I can't believe its about something so near to my heart. Now I've had heartbreak before may not to your degree but it still hurts...I'm actually trying to get the strength to end an emotionally unstable relationship right now...and yes there are days that I can't stop the tears but...I believe that I'm meant to be happy...to be loved and be in love...and I'm learning to accept that it may not always be with the person I choose...sometimes that person is only to be in our lives to add something special or a lesson...You got 7 something specials out of him being a part of your life...but now he is gone...and you have to take this opportunity to find and build on your inner strength for both you and your children. Reach out to friends and family to help you through this...never be so ashamed to talk about your feelings with them...your hurt, abandon, betrayed, maybe even damaged...but you are not Broken!!! YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE!!! And you will receive it...just be open to it...right now it may only be from your children or silblings or friends...but if you have any belief in God...know that...that love is the most cherished and unconditional...just ask him to help you through this time of need...Trust me...He Will!!! You may not get the results you want...especially if you are praying for your husband to come back...God may have decided that you deserve more...he may be clearing the way for you to experience love the way he meant us to...Don't shut the door!...it takes time to heal...Now my mom actually had to learn that while God may have wanted her to have her husband...he didn't want her to have him while he was destructive to her life...so he is back now...but with a positive change...that took time apart and actaully letting go...fixing and focusing on herself...now she is stronger and better for it...My sister...still hurts...but her eyes are now open to the person that her ex-husband was...completely unhealthy for her and she has let go...and has stayed strong in her decision...I have come to believe that if it is not a person's goal to add to the happiness and positivity in your life then you may need to close that door...end that relationship...because it may be blocking your blessing of someone who is meant for you...I know I've just about written you a book but...like I said everything happens for a reason and you are worthy and let no one tell you different!!!



  • All i can say is thank you, I really didnt think anyone cared an you dont even know me. you just dont think when your in so much pain it takes over your life like a demon. Maybe one day ill see the light shine on me again im sure it will. thanks again x



  • I am so sorry to hear about your divorce. I had the exact same thing happen to me! I was married for four years to a man that I loved dearly and we had one son together. It was devasting to me to have that marriage end becuse I didn't want the same thing to happen to my son that happened to me when I was three and my parents divorced - but it did! I was destroyed - couldn't eat or sleep for months - but I kept plugging away day by day. My work, my son, my family all depeneded on me to get through it. It took me 4 years to get over the pain and it still affects me now12 years later! That sense of abondonment is so painfull and I still run from relationships so I don't get hurt again. Your ex is not worthy of your love anymore and you deserve a much better man. Talk through it with friends and family - sign up for a dating site - even if you don't want to meet anyone for a while - just getting e-mails from guys that are interested will help you feel better. There is someone else out there for you and you can't let your kids down. You need to show them how strong you are and that no matter what happens, you can get through it. They are your lifeline and you need to remind yourself daily of that. What you do to yourself rubs off on them so you must be strong! Don't talk about the divorce around your kids and try to keep a routine for them and yourself. Take things one day at a time and rely on your family to help you whenever you are feeling down. Call someone - don't let one man destroy you when he has proved himself to be a worthless, self-centered, piece of dirt. And DON'T let him try to come back to you when his other relationship starts to fall apart. If you don't trust someone you can't get that back without lots and lots of therapy for both of you. If things don't get better, please talk to your doctor and let him/her help you. My friend had to go on anti-depressants because she was having suicdal thoughts over a failed relationhsip and it helped her immensly - just please don't harm your kids by taking your own life. Imagine what that would do to them emotionally - they would be more prone to take their own lives as well!! BE STRONG!



  • HI Diezel, I wouldn't look at your ex w/rose colored glasses. I bet there are flaws that probably showed-up a while back. Never underestimate your impact on people. You are capable of many positive things and I bet you have a positive impact on many people. A family is a blessing. Don't underestimate those who need you. Begin anew knowing that you make a big difference. I try to make a pact w/myself to create light in every situation. People will notice. You will too. Find someone that you can talk too and talk about it. Don't be afraid because if the truth were to be told more people than you realize have gone thru the same thing and have felt the same thing.



  • I know exactly how you feel. I broke up with my wife of 10 years almost a year ago and I still miss her like you would not believe. I can't sleep and I'm constantly thinking about her. We still see each other frequently, but we cannot live together to make it work. PLS seek professional counseling in this matter becuase thoughts of ending it are not healthy for the mind. God forbid something triggers you and actually go through with it. Your local church or house of prayer are a good place to start, and also take shelter in your home and children......keep it together....for them especially



  • I'm quite young to know what marraige is like... But from being in a lot of relationships where I thought it would last, I get the feeling of what it's like to be commited. Well it depends how you and your ex husband lost a connection. From what I see, you guys must have some communication because of having children. Most people say "In the end, things are okay. And if it's not the okay, it's not the end. I've been in a lot of hard situations concerning of love life relationships, friendships, family problems, and others. I've been tormented for longer than I can imagine, and I know that things will work out one day, so my advice is to never give up. Don't feel like you can never find love again because chances are you most likely will. This is just one of the many things in life a lot of people go through. It's very hard, but you'll learn that time goes by and you'll soon move on. People with sympathy and a heart will deffinately respond to you because those people, have either gone through the same thing or just want to give you advice to keep your head up.. Which is what you should do. Stand strong. Don't give in. My advice;; EAT! because you don't want to give your children a bad example. And SLEEP! you can get very ill and open up to some bad habits from not sleeping enough. And lastly, don't ever want to give your life up for a man. In all odds, things will be okay, and I can promise you that. This is coming from a fourteen year old who has been to hell and back. My best friend commited suicide, another friend's dad. And it's haunted me since then. Just never give your life up. That's one thing you'll regret in your death.

    Never put yourself down because of this.

    I always say to myself "Don't think of the negatives, just be prepared for it."

    So always think positive 😃



  • Just try to get through each day as tho its all there is. Don't think of tomorrow 'cause you know the saying "tomorrow never comes-for tomorrow is today." Love is just a gift the father loans us! I've learned after two failed marriages nothing lasts forever. We know everything has an end, that is the sad fact of life. Our children will never fail us, that's the glory of life. So how could we even consider failing them. After all God's Love never ends and we are all supposed to be as God-like while on earth. So everytime you want to give up, just remember the Father didn't leave you. Do you really want to leave your kids? All is a lesson in this life, and I truely believe if he takes something away, something better will replace it! Karma fact: what comes around goes back around three times.



  • Diezel,

    Please know that you are loved beyond measure. Your children are your blessings. In August my SO of eight years, the man with whom I thought I would spend the rest of my life, left with no warning and less than five minutes of explanation. I was blindsided and absolutely heartbroken. I am a single mom with two daughters,now 18 and 22, in college with lives of their own. They are the lights of my life. I stay focused on my blessings and what I need to do to be a good mom and a good person. Some days are easier than others. I've started doing short morning visualizations, visualizing myself happy, busy doing the things I enjoy, seeing myself (and my heart) filled with love, joy and gratitude. I constantly say to myself that I am lovable, loving and LOVED. I've started to receive signs of this joy and the world looks a little brighter. If I'm having a bad day, I allow myself to cry, to feel the emotions that I need to feel and then focus on the good in my life. Please don't hurt yourself. My mom tried to commit suicide when I was 13 (I'm now 55). I still struggle with the feelings that I wasn't important enough to her to want to stick around. I felt abandoned, incredibly sad and inferior, feelings that still rise their ugly head when I'm feeling down. Please don't leave that legacy for your children. Show them your strength. Teach them how to live through life's ups and downs with courage and integrity.

    I left an unhappy marriage after 23 years. I was scared to death, but I knew I couldn't keep living the way I was living. It was difficult. My girls and I went to counseling, lived a very simple life (not much $$ and I'm still in a big amount of debt) and found joy everyday wherever we could find it. You can do it Diezel. My big brother always told me that you can't find your way out of a deep hole looking down. Look up, Diezel, and see the blue sky. See the beauty of your life in the faces of your children. Please know that you are loving, lovable and LOVED! Please keep in touch. I will check back here daily. Blessings, mumbug



  • hello diezel

    just read your story and it is very heartbreaking for anyone who was or is still in love with the one! i went through something sort of the same myself. but let me ask you this, why do you love him so much? are you hanging on for emotional reasons or is it more than that. did you need him for financial reasons or did you need him because of love? sometimes are ego is hurt when someone leaves us for what ever reason. ask yourself how many times you wish he was different or treated you better or maybe a little bit more loveing. all i can say is look at why you miss him so much. if he did not treat you the way you wanted to be treated dont you think you owe it to yourself to find the one who will treat you that way. i sure did and it is great. take time for yourself and see who you are. get to know yourself over again because we sometimes lose ourselfs in a relationship. you also have your kids and they are the most important reasons to live. by you being a better person they will also be the kind of person that you can be proud of. my motto in life you never know what is around the corner and that is the exciting part of life. go out there and find the person who will treat you like a lady, listens to you and does what you want to do every now and then. believe me he is out there. it is also ok to be by yourself. just let yourself be open to everything. embrace all kinds of people, get active in an group of some sort and start to live again. your ex, well sometimes the one is the person you just cant be with. but if he was truly the one then you would not be without him. he has hurt you enough so stop his power over you. yes, you can still love him in your heart, but it is time to turn the page and move forward. think about this. does he care about you at this moment? think of all the times he hurt you. look in the mirror and tell yourself that yes you are worth it and more. good luck and keep the faith in the universe.



  • Thanks for that its help me knowing that so many ppl are thinking ov me an yet dont even know me, i only have 3 ov my children at home now 19yr old son 21yr old daughter and iv got a 2 an a half yr old foster son whom i fostered at the same time he left me,beleive me the smile on his face every morning lets me know that life is worth living if only to give him his chance in life. What was i thinking???



  • Hi Diezel,

    So glad to hear from you. You are right. People do care about you very much. You are loving, loveable and LOVED!

    Blessings,

    mumbug



  • WOW! I totally have been in a divorce with a serious hurt....I recommend therapy....divorce therapy or a therapist who will let you do all the talking and help you sort out the problems you missed in the marriage...Talking, talking, talking helps you get it all out and over with...may take more time..but you must work on yourself, find hobbies, passions and work on YOU.

    I went through divorce therapy and it helped me tremendously....I picked myself up and said I am not gonna be taken over by this, I went to the gym 7 days a week and became obsessed with finding me again. I found me and better. looked and felt better than ever. The endorphins kick in and make you feel alive and young. I found passions and hobbies and jumped in with both feet...became happy again...

    Best Wishes and Happiness


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