ASCLAC part 2



  • Moon>>You're sad, and lonely. That's the reason we fall in love... to try an avoid those two felings

    Lua>> Not neessarily..I haven't been in love for nearly 20 years, and I was doing fine on my own, I never felt lonely or sad on my own. My Aries broke my heart a long time ago, and I avoided falling in love to avoid being hurt again..

    I don't think I am ready to walk away...and not before I see him again..I need to see him again see how things go..this email/phone call thing is hard...

    I am feeling more hurt now before I talked to him..I thought he was avoiding me because he thought I'd be mad, but he's the one that got mad at me for getting upset with him...like I'm the one that twisted his actions...I was readly to be soft,understanding and I was ready as ask him to communicate a certain way but he didn't let me get that far, he just kept getting defensive and interrupting me..never heard him talk in this way before.

    In the next month I have to think about whether I still want this or not..but it'll be hard letting go. But it didn't seem like he was even slightly interested in hearing my point of view, he had a way of justifying everything..



  • Lua- "Not neessarily..I haven't been in love for nearly 20 years, and I was doing fine on my own, I never felt lonely or sad on my own. My Aries broke my heart a long time ago, and I avoided falling in love to avoid being hurt again.."

    Lua- what is your goal for this relationship?

    Like what I mean is : I want a boyfriend type of guy to go out and have fun with and be in love with... but not move in or marry anytime soon.

    Lua- what do you want?



  • Lua>> when i cornered my crab when things got wrong (i know now i should have given him space and maybe he would not have withdrawn for 3 months - but this is not what i wanna tell you now)... so when i cornered him, you dont know how defensive he was...

    i mean it was his crap too in our case... you might remember the story... i was sleeping over every weekend and then on a thursday we did not talk about the weekend. so i asked in a mail whether he has plans with me or should i make my own plans. he answered that it is tempting i should do my own plans. so i thought ok, he wants a bit of time for himself. then on friday he texts me to say how much he misses me but hopes my plans are working out fine. and i text him back that he was the one who wanted me to make own plans.... and then i made the biggest mistake, got drunk and texted some bullshit to him... and then a mail waited for me at home... telling that he 'thanks me' for the messy texts and other ironic stuff. so im still naively telling, hey we had a misunderstanding, so lets meet today... and no answer for two days. then i went to his home and he was leaving to the cinema and he barely talked to me... me ignored me on the street and walked by... he was totally pissed...

    on the bus he let me hold his hands, but didnt let me kiss him... and then when we got off the bus he offered me to go with him to the cinema, cause he had two tickets... and i went and on the way to the cinema, WHILE HOLDING MY HAND and walking, he was SCREAMING with me... that he did not say he doesnt wanna spend the weekend with me... and he does not need a mum to tell him that he 'can' do otherwise... that he would tell if he wanted to do something else and had no time for me.. and then i told him that i didnt mean it like that, that he should know me for now that well... and he just kept on screaming with me and even blamed me for going there and trying to fix things, cause he wanted to calm down cause i should look at it, he is now screaming and he didnt want that. and then he told that he is not happy now, so he does not want to see me until he is happy again....

    so i was like wtf....

    im just telling this, cause he made the whole mess up, he could have told me in the mail that 'yes, im planning to spend the weekend with you'...

    and a lot of people (even not being crabs) do take immediately the protective way and attack back... sorry Lua... but wait it out!



  • moon>> yes mr crabby writes me every day a mail after he wakes up... i always found it important and positive as you guys (crabs) say that you dont like so 'strong' all time communication... but he does...



  • Kel- the sagg and his partner just got lunch and did not ask (as they always do) if I wanted anything.... do you think this was Sagg's way of trying to be cool? I can't figure him out yet. Once I get his pattern down I'll be fine... Just gotta figure out his pattern.

    Still, just to be on the safe side... I'm going to stay back, let Sagg come to me.

    Scorp IM you today?



  • moon>> pretty busy with that sagg arent you? LOL happy to see you so cheerful. 🙂

    ok, so i texted my crab at 8pm and told him that im sorry just saw his mail now and didnt think he would have plans for today with me. but that i am at home and if wants he should just come by, the rest of the brownies are waiting for him (and me of course too).

    and he texted back telling that he still has to do some shopping but depending on when he finishes he might come by.

    wow that is an improvement. i just wrote him to let him know that i did want to see him today, just out of formality. and he always answered in situations like this that 'it's ok. i'll see you some other day' but now wow, he actually MIGHT come over. LOL



  • moon>> pretty busy with that sagg arent you? LOL happy to see you so cheerful. 🙂

    ok, so i texted my crab at 8pm and told him that im sorry just saw his mail now and didnt think he would have plans for today with me. but that i am at home and if wants he should just come by, the rest of the brownies are waiting for him (and me of course too).

    and he texted back telling that he still has to do some shopping but depending on when he finishes he might come by.

    wow that is an improvement. i just wrote him to let him know that i did want to see him today, just out of formality. and he always answered in situations like this that 'it's ok. i'll see you some other day' but now wow, he actually MIGHT come over. LOL



  • Thank GOD I have the Sagg to take my mind off of my Scorp.

    I gotta get the Scorp to the point where he is waiting on my emails Like he used to do. I hope I can get him back to that point. He would get sooooo annoyed when he woke up and there was not one waiting for him. He'd call and be like WTF is wrong with you?

    No need to respond... just venting a bit...



  • Moon>>Lua- what is your goal for this relationship?

    Like what I mean is : I want a boyfriend type of guy to go out and have fun with and be in love with... but not move in or marry anytime soon.

    Lua>>I have a different view of relationships, and I came to this conclusion after spending 13 years without one. I have friends to go out with, so it's not for just going out with. I spent many years without an intimate relationship, but I beleive that when you have an intimate relationship-boyfriend,girlfriend type, or marriage, it's for spiritual and personal growth that you cannot have in other relationships. People you fall in love with sometimes show you things inside you that need deep healing. Sometimes only through these deep intimate relationships you see parts of yourself you need to work on, or that person by being who they are and pushing certain buttons only they can push.

    When he showed up I was happy he was Brazilian, because I really missed speaking Portuguese. He was also the most compatible lover I've ever had. I couldn't believe it could be that good, I had only dreamed of it!! He was funny, those are the superficial things. On a deeper level I realized that only by having relationships can I heal the innermost parts of myself, learning to open up, accept love, being vulnerable, being patient, learning about myself from this person...how he makes me feel whether good or bad is more about how I feel about myself, not abo him...So for 14 years I had avoided relationships not because I was "happier on my own" but because I was afraid of seeing myself in the mirror. Seeing my flaws, weaknesses, vulnerability. I'm a Leo with a big ego. I have to maintain my strong majestic image, I didn't want to see my flaws...

    So what do I want? I want a chance to learn, grow, become a better person learn to love someone as well as learn to love myself, learn to comminicate, learn to be gentle, kind, heal my wounds, learn to give up my ego, learn to be soft, understanding, secure about myself, etc.. As long as cancer gives me that opportunity, as long as I am learning and growing without detriment to myself then I feel that's where I should be, but if the pain is more than the growth and it prevents me from growing and going forward, then it's time to move on.



  • Moon>>Lua- what is your goal for this relationship?

    Like what I mean is : I want a boyfriend type of guy to go out and have fun with and be in love with... but not move in or marry anytime soon.

    Lua>>I have a different view of relationships, and I came to this conclusion after spending 13 years without one. I have friends to go out with, so it's not for just going out with. I spent many years without an intimate relationship, but I beleive that when you have an intimate relationship-boyfriend,girlfriend type, or marriage, it's for spiritual and personal growth that you cannot have in other relationships. People you fall in love with sometimes show you things inside you that need deep healing. Sometimes only through these deep intimate relationships you see parts of yourself you need to work on, or that person by being who they are and pushing certain buttons only they can push.

    When he showed up I was happy he was Brazilian, because I really missed speaking Portuguese. He was also the most compatible lover I've ever had. I couldn't believe it could be that good, I had only dreamed of it!! He was funny, those are the superficial things. On a deeper level I realized that only by having relationships can I heal the innermost parts of myself, learning to open up, accept love, being vulnerable, being patient, learning about myself from this person...how he makes me feel whether good or bad is more about how I feel about myself, not abo him...So for 14 years I had avoided relationships not because I was "happier on my own" but because I was afraid of seeing myself in the mirror. Seeing my flaws, weaknesses, vulnerability. I'm a Leo with a big ego. I have to maintain my strong majestic image, I didn't want to see my flaws...

    So what do I want? I want a chance to learn, grow, become a better person learn to love someone as well as learn to love myself, learn to comminicate, learn to be gentle, kind, heal my wounds, learn to give up my ego, learn to be soft, understanding, secure about myself, etc.. As long as cancer gives me that opportunity, as long as I am learning and growing without detriment to myself then I feel that's where I should be, but if the pain is more than the growth and it prevents me from growing and going forward, then it's time to move on.



  • swamped at work...

    have a quick question for moon...

    do you find that people pour their hearts/lives out to you really quickly?

    i've been talking ot aries all day...and i've already got him spilling things...

    it honestly makes me feel very alone lol don't know how to explain it

    just wondering if this was a cancer thing



  • Wow you guys have been busy. I just got in and getting something to eat. I will try respond later.



  • I wonder why it doouble posted?

    Katie>>and a lot of people (even not being crabs) do take immediately the protective way and attack back... sorry Lua... but wait it out!

    Lua>>Oh my, Katie. I do remember your story now, but reading that again what your crab did that made such a big thing out of a small misunderstanding and screaming at you sounds like a completely different person than the shy slow crab you are dealing with now. You two probably never talked about that again did you? Maybe sometimes it's good to let it go and not keep dwelling on it..maybe I should let it go and not mention it again after he comes back from Brazil, unless of course he makes a similar move and does something weird again.

    maybe your crab also set the reset button because he wants to erase all that mess..my crab seemed to have pushed the reset button for the last 13 years before he found me again. He was actually blaming me and how I rejected him for his depression and his inability to have relationships. But only mentioned it the first night.

    I'm just going to let it go and see how he acts. He was cold to me, but he's already sent me a funny cat video and I know that means he's not that upset with me, and I'm sure he would keep in touch, maybe not with words..



  • Kel>> i know you asked moon, but: i think that there are people that naturally give out that sign of them... that they can be trusted and are good listeners. and to those people all the rest is going and telling stuff. i am a very good listener, and people feel it, so in most of my relationships (i mean now with friends too) i know much more abou them than they know about me...

    this is one thing.

    the other thing is: you are a crab, you dont open easily at all. so maybe it is just strange for you, cause you are not like that. have you thought about that? some people dont take it so hard to talk about themselves quiet fast. 🙂



  • katie you are probably right...

    i think in my head "why are they telling me this? they don't knwo me lol i would never reveal myself to someone so quickly"

    this thread is really the one place that i dont mind sharing and reading what everyone has to say 🙂



  • Lua>> well yes, i tend to forget about all the c*rap too (which is lucky actually). i never thought i can get past that so easily. but actually since that occasion i am 'afraid' of him. like im walking on eggs cause im afraid i might say something that triggers him again. so i try to be careful.

    and no, we never ever even metioned that 'misunderstanding' and those 3 months. we do like it never happened. i figured it is easier for him and i bet my a-ss he really really appreciates me not bringing it up ever... and for me Lua... honestly? it cant be erased from our lives, it did happen, i hope we both learnt from it and generally i rather look at tendencies. meaning, he is really nice and cool now... so whatever it was, probably him liking me overruled it and he came back... there has to be a reason that he 'dared' to come back after all he caused me...



  • Katie-compared to how your cancer acted mine acted very tame..I mean he did not scream at me, just argued with me, had an answer for everything and would't let me talk or listen to how I felt about the situation. he even said he didn't remember that I was going to be in Manila until March 29 so he thought nothing about being there on march 31....



  • Adventure and everyone,

    I have seen the post yet I will get back to you guys tomorrow. I am tired. I had a very long and sunny day including singing class.

    So I am retiring for the evening. Didn't sleep that great either.

    Night night....



  • hi. new thread new names.. things are moving fast..

    kel,

    be sad if you have to delete all your posts. does that mean just yours or everybodys?

    what exactly makes you feel aries is coming on too strong?

    lua,

    i think its ok that you got honest with your crab. even though he cut you off a bit and was defensive, he made contact with you, and you were still communicating with each other. it is possible he was feeling bad already and didnt want to be reminded.. and sounds like you are a bit like me and get yourself worked up beforehand and run scenarios in your head.. have to just try and be quiet and patient and see what they say.. unless they have been completely unreasonable then .!!!! its the little signs that give the clues i think. i suggest to keep the communication going more.. perhaps even more calls. have you made a decision about hong kong?

    katie,

    so no more carrot cake eh? you two might have started to turn a nice shade of orange soon!

    i love brownies. did you put icing on them?



  • hi and nite flow,

    hope you get a better sleep. singing class. yay eh!

    how is the class going? are you learning some new songs?