ASCLAC part 2
Stranger- "i had a thought actually that i would put money on the fact that when scorp read your funny email he wouldve laughed"
I bet he at least rolled his eyes!
. i bet he loves your sense of humour. scorps do , esp cos life gets heavy for them they like to have a good laugh. he is appreciative of it moon , and he is giving back to you in his way which is helping you with your business, which is what you have been wanting!
THAT IS EXACTLY what I was thinking as I was driving home today. Maybe I am looking at this all wrong!
so thats yay! relax, go with the flow, let things take their natural course(LOL i STRUGGLE WITH THIS!!! Time is runningout etcetc!!!!) sorry moon eeeek! ok RE;LAX breathe.. we'll do it together! in one nostril out the other......
perhaps in time he will relax a bit himself and joke back with you.. but like you said and understand he is sorting himself out.
Ugh! I know! I keep forgetting this....
keep being you moon you're gorgeous!!!
Well, I did have a great Glyco peel last week!!!! lol...
Although, it has still left me a bit ruddy in the face they say it will pass soon......
I can't wait! In 2 weeks... IT'S BOTOX TIME BABY!!!!!! YEAH!!!!
well getting revenge indirectly, i'm not going to actively do anything to rip out his heart, i just want him to hurt knowing that i've moved on and am happy without him
kEL- i feel like my scorp preyed on me, used me to boost his ego, knew what i wanted but kept dangling that carrot just to keep my attention."
I dont think so. I think your scorp liked you but was stuck with fish boy.... and does not yet see the dammage fis boy is causing him.
maybe in time i'll feel like you do about your scorp, that maybe somewhere there was compassion, but right now i have an unyielding fountain of anger towards him and what he did to me.
Then just stay away until you can look at him with less hateful eyes...
he kept me down for a very long time. or maybe i'm just mad at myself for being so stupid and allowing it to happen for so long...who knows
Nah, It's like you told SV once, we all do things we regret.. or something like that. Err done on the part of love can make you feel the worst most times...
is that really what you want kel???
Must be that Scorpy moon ..lol..
i have to head out so catch up later folks!
SV-"I'm going to the restaurant tomorrow night."
Good, if it feels right then do it.
I know he won't be there and I'm sure no one will tell him but it's the first step I can take right now.
You dont know for certain if he will find out or not,,,,, BUT you will be able to tell from the reception you get from others what he said about you.... good or bad.
Maybe in another week I can go over the weekend or something. slow but steady...although I still dont know what I will say or do. I'm so nervous already!...ugh...
Awwww.... remonds me of how I felt when I met scorp that night.... before you see him... feel for the twinkle SV, it wont let you down...
Adventure- so yesterday after the night he had come around i sent him a text in the morning something about my painting then wished hima good day . didnt hear back.
Typical scorp.... they need to "Process" the good times as well as the bad..lol..
i did recall that lately he had siad a few times how i never go and visit him at his place. which isnt true i have been there lots in the last two years but not alot int he last few months... anyway i was thinking..."play hard to get" like what everyone is telling me. but then just thought stuff it i felt like popping in to see him and have a chat. he hadnt been home from work for long and had had a shower and hopped into bed.. when i knocked he peered from behind his bedroom curtain. my heart beat a bit faster. he opened the door all he had on were his boxers with a couple of holes in them and he looked adorable and s/exy! he let me in and made a cup of tea for me.
Awwwww cute blushing
then we just chatted about our days. it was relaxed and i was in a good mood and so was he. we laughed alot. it felt GOOD. i said a couple of times that i was going to leave,, hehe but didnt .. i was enjoying his company and i got the impression that he was too. he ended up cooking us some soup. and we chatted about life and people and all sorts of things and listened to music. i felt grounded and not needy of him. he then said he was going to have dinner at his sisters place on wednesday and asked me if i wanted to come.. he will be going there after work, and i have to go to the city so he said if i wanted to come up there after and meet him there.
YES! Soooooo far Soooooo good!!!!
i immediately felt nervous about it. and i am wondering if he is just wanting me there to support him cos he hasnt been there for a while either. i think his sis gets a bit upset with him cos he doesnt spend enough time there with her kids. so i dont know??? should i go?? i know it would mean a lot to him.
Go. Go for him.... go for her.... but mostly go for you. You're building remember?
its just that i would personally rather spend the time with him going out to dinner just the two of us this weekend. maybe i can do both.. i know the sister will be watching me like a hawk..f.uck i gottta stop being so paranoid. i get nervous around other peoples kids too.. like i am being assessed or something. moon what u think?? go??
Go. F-the dinner alone. If he wanted dinner alone he'd invite you for dinner alone. Go, Go build...
when i left i asked if i could have a hug, and he did and said that he really enjoyed my company as we were hugging , and made a little joke about it not being a handshake. it was a yummy long hug. really felt a heart connection. and felt something else (lol) too, briefly .. i then left . he gave me some soup to take home.
LMAO! Good, somebody was thinking of you that night!!!!! ..lmao!...
i felt a bit wired when i got home. thinking about stuff, about the hug, about our conversation, going to his sisters.. it took me a whle to get to sleep. then i had a dream i was at his sisters and her kids were looking at me like i was an alien, and scorp was in a shutdown mood with ten pairs of socks on and we then had an argument, damn!!! woke up at 4 am.
STOP! RIGHT NOW!!!! STOP IT!!!!!
trying to get to that good feeling place again. i worry about everything.
f.ucking future. its the living together and kids thing that is always in the back of my head. well not always, it wasnt when i was with him last night. but i know if i have s.ex with him it will get stronger.and i like the feeling we had and i dont want it to change. .. but i cant hold out the s.ex forever!!!
..lol.. hold out til it feel "safe" mentally. enjoy day by day... how about this.... you take the advice you give me... lol... and i'll take the advice I give you
have a good noght adventure girl... and FYI, the travel will work itself out.... give it time....
Kaplow- Hi I'm moon, a Cancer female....
WOW! What a story indeed....
have a childhood friend that ive known since age 6. story, story, story....He came over to my house & we had **** !
But before we did the do he said " You know we can tell anybody " and that rattled me .
Can't tell anybody??? OMG! No he did not!
Im not into Casual **** !!!!
Right, but now Crabby thinks you are.
A whole year went by and we talked on the phone a couple of times.
did he ask to see you???
Out of the blue he calls me to let me know that he was in town for his Birthday & that His mom STORY, STORY, STORY.... It was time to go & he walked me to my car & he said he definatley wanted to see me before he went back home. He called the next night and asked me what I was doing . I was out at a club , I asked him if if he wanted to come & he said he just got in from hanging out .
This is all bad. You are dying on the door step! Girl, he's gotta get the gun!!!! YOU'RE RINGING THE BELL!!!!!
He asked what time was I going to be home , I said Im not sure because I had some other stops to make why what's up , and he didn't respond ! So i left it alone . The next day he left. 4 months later Me & my fam was in his city for a funeral . I called and invited him to come out to dinner with the fam . He had said he had previous plans . He then Texted me and and asked we were leaving i said in the morning , he said ok Ill holla at yall when im done . He texted me around 11pm and asked if we were still out , I said no were back at the hotel . he said well " are you in for the night " I said "yeah we have to get up real early to get on the road " He did not respond . 1 year later I went back to his city with the fam . I called him to see if he wanted to hang out . He told me that he moved up north so he can go to Grad school ! Now he is only 2hrs away ! I had him on speakerphone . He said that we should come and visit since he was closer to home. I took him off speaker and he ended to convo with " Dont be a Stranger " What does that mean ???? . Next week iam going to a housewarming that is 30 mins from where he is ! I was going to stop and see him since i was so close. ( I have not told him yet ) I really care him & i wonder if he feels the same. I want to be more than friends with him. My questions are . 1. Should I go visit him ? 2. Do you think he has any type of feelings for me ? What did he mean by " Reading Me". Im scared that if I dont go that ill never know what could be ? Does Dont be a stranger mean a open invitation ? We only had **** ONCE. . He's a CANCER & im a SCORPIO any advice , comments , questions etc... would be greatly appreciated ! Sorry the story is soooo Long !!!
OMG! ..lol.. I dont mind long stories... I'm the queen of them!
Sweetie, this is not good. I think he has feelings for you BUT you need to make him hunt! not die on the doorstep. He needs to mount you on his wall... show you off.
Have you ever read "Why Men Love BTCHES" or "Why Men Marry Btches"?
They outline your story to a "T".
Man sees a Moose... man hunts moose..... man shoots moose... man is proud of shooting moose he has the head stuffed and mounted on the wall for all to see....
Man sees moose.... moose wanders onto mans property... moose goes up to mans door, rings the bell.... dies... man calls sanatiation to come and get the dead moose off hi step. He is not showing anybody the dead moose.
No challange..... no hunt.... no man.
BUT there is hope...
give me some more info. I'll post more tomorrow. I've gotta go whine over my Scorp...lol....
lolpet- OMG! I have so much I want to respond to..lol.. can I get to it tomorrow? I hope im not offending you... I am just super tired..lol..
just one last thing to kel.... are you really certain you're done with scorp???
What does Katie think?
moon-I like the way you dissect everyone's post bit by bit and comment, lol!
One question-you said that cancers have a hard time opening thier heart, so if he does and I do too, are we going to be stuck in this "no one is going to dare to fall for the other first or express it" dance forever? He was very expressive how crazy he was for me up until last October..so I was expressive back...then he backed off, so I backed off...
silence from my crab btw..miss him..he's 12,000 miles away now..:(
kel-you've got some drama going there..libra, pisces, aries, scorp..lol!
SV-so you've decided to go to the restuarant? Good luck
thanks for your offer - I need all the help I can get.lol.
Can I just say to you, that there are good butterflies and bad? My best friend used to suffer from the runs when she was excited about going out on a girlie night - used to be a sign she was going to have a good night!! ( am sure she will love me sharing this with you. ha ha.)
I too have been through the problems at work (at the time I gave up on marriage, the place where I worked was closing and I was offered a job in another deparment one day, withdrawn the next! (Long story)This dragged out for 6 months. I was really good at my job, loyal and was so hurt that they could treat me like that. It took the death of a young boy I knew(20) out in Iraq to make me pull my socks up. I just thought how dare I feel so sorry for myself when his mother had just lost her son. There are always people worse off than yourself, but it doesn't make how you feel any less valid at the time. I had my time to wallow and be depressed and needed to come out of the bubble)
Now I have a job I really enjoy, where I am appreciated and it is all behind me. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
OMG - I'm really sharing now - you will all think I'm some kind of nut job.lol.
What I am able to say is, although I have had bad times since, I have been more able to cope because I can pick up on the signals earlier and do something about it. There is no way I would go back to that medication. As stranger said, you feel bad on it, you feel worse when you come off.
Being able to talk to others and not keeping things to yourself really helps. Sometimes we cannot see what others can. Even if you can't open up to friends, this thread is a great support system. "A problem shared ...."
I find that if things are ok in one area of my life it gives me a cushion to deal with the others. Even if you can't identify which causes you the most anxiety, taking action on one will certainly help.
I must confess, I get the nerves, the butterflies, the being unable to sleep still on the nights where I anticipate text from Scorp after we have been apart. Usually between 2am and 6am. I cannot make myself relax, try to sleep until that time has passed. The adrenalin is flowing at speed. I am usually quite good at predicting when they will come, but have had many sleepless nights when they haven't.
Do you think the debating with yourself about going to the restaurant has pumped up the pressure on yourself? Maybe now that you have made the decision to go it will ease a bit? Or maybe not until you have been. The only thing I will say is, don't be too disappointed if it doesn't turn out how you wish. Can you take a friend with you for moral support and turn it into a social outing where you can also have a good time so you can take something good from the visit? There is nothing more depressing than building yourself up for something that doesn't happen. Go with no expectations, less stress. At least you will be able to suss the place out. Walk in there head held high and looking gorgeous. Give them something to talk to him about.lol. Few deep breaths first, then go girl!!!
Good luck. xxxxx
no problem, I have plenty of time.lol.
Have to update on the weekend text issue though.
All been a bit strange.
As you know, I wasn't expecting Scorp to be at the gig, for several reasons (just not his thing, doesn't like live bands, not that friendly with the runners, should have been working ....)
I also wasn't expecting venue to be changed 4 days before to be closer to his home.
I don't know if he had a ticket before he saw me there, or had been in bar and just paid at the door after.
Anyway ..... text from him, Sunday night. Replied Monday. Straight to the point. He sent original text, I replied to the content. Left at that.
However, last night I received a further text "missed what?" Duh!!! 24 hours later he is making out he didn't understand my text.
So, I bit. Sent another text saying "the bullets in Guatamala, during your 40 mile run"
Reply "Yes, ok"
So now I am wondering if he really was as dense as he has made out, or if he was using it to maintain contact? I certainly never expected any further contact, and had resigned myself to it.
Its all so juvenile and immature. Thing is, I am playing his game, even though I don't like it, so I am as bad as he is.lol. I know he loves the drama, where I need my balance. But still I play.
I think fate will be having a good old chuckle right now. Putting us both in same place on Sunday. Maybe to remind him I was still alive?
So now I wait to see what happens next.......... and wait ................. and wait..............getting bored now....................and wait ........
think we have big time difference. im in australia. anyway i wanted to reply to lots of what u have been writing hard to keep up.
yes this thread is a lifesaver. yes i rekon when i go camping its good to be anonymous and not j=have to be waiting for texts calls etc cos no signal it feels so free!!!! bet scorp hates it! i hate the anxiety of waiting for people. so what im gonna say now to you is this...DONT WAIT!!! if you can? you are giving him too much power. why dont u jsut text him back? keep that convo flowing. we truly have to believe that we are not going to be swallowed whole by these creatures lol!!!
i think he took so long to reply cos he was trying to read you..read the emotion behind what u wrote, and i think he truly wasnt sure what u meant. and add to that he also is wanting to talk to you again i think.. but doesnt want it to be a fly by nighter..yes its all weird a.ss and it drives us NUTS!!!! completely nuts cos most people respond straightaway to a text and dont read so much into it.. and i do also think they like to play the game a bit , do the ol mystery thing to keep us guessing to keep us keen. god knows what age they learnt it or maybe they were just born with it. and if you REALLY want to analyse it all ... we have our own part to play... its the dance of seduction the mating game... when does it end???? well what happens in the animal kingdom??lol. it really is all so simple really. ok.. so once that is figured out. you have to decide if you want to play. so ... he sent the last text.. so its now your turn.
i think you struggle with what i do.. which is the boom thing the change... when the dance is over and there is the shutdown.. cos we must love the dance!!!!! even though it makes us wake up at 3am!! aurgh! ok and its like this.... they dance in the legs and the hips.. we can also dance in the mind so we can keep in going longer. i think im rambling now and waxing lyrical? im actually tired. been a long day. like you i feel attractive now.. and know i am desired by men. ahh its al crazy town! i have to decide whether to still drive up to his sisters tmoro, it will then look like i am realy going out of my way, cos before i was already going to be nearby- if it was today- bt now it will be different. ahh whatever. gdnite talk snxx
Quick update.... NO WORD FROM MY SCORP....
How shocking ..lmao!..
aries is a sweetie pie!!! i think you should make him a pie!! lol. yeh stick to what you feel. i think i am understanding the anger thing more now.. i actually said to scorp the other day that the only way i would be able to get over him would be to hate him. which is full on and really more like something i think he would do, i have never been like that with anyone else before. but it is true they dont really let go. maybe its the only way for you to make a clean break for good. although something also tells me that the truly only way would be to completely fall out of love and lust with him. anger is healthy sometimes. we all have to feel it and like you said before it can empower us to move on and get things done.
botox? what are u botoxing??
Stranger>>hey , sounds like we all suffer from anxiety!! i get it really bad too. when i have to be in crowds sometimes, when i am with scorp, at night when i am by myself. i used to take valium and xanax at one stage, lost a heap of weight, thought scorp was cheating, wouldnt travel with me.. the pills actually were addictive, and when i didnt have them i felt even more anxious it was terrible i had bad insomnia too.it really was a hellish period when i look back. that four months overseas really helped me .. i put on weight and ate healthy food and no pills. now i am just trying to challenge my thinking more , when i do get anxious, and talking to people about my fears really helps, trying to have a laugh every day, and maintaining a sense of me as much as i can! i think when i feel oppression- either in the world or my own life- it affects me ina really bad way and i can panic. so my suggestion to you, is to keep being honest with what you need for yourself, and yes yoga does help i have done it for years, although not much since got back but i want to do it again, you have reminded me thankyou! a walk on the beach every day helps, and keep expressing what you feel!! i think as far as crab is concerned, be yourself. go there when you feel comfortable to go there( the restaurant). weekday or weekend i dont think it matters. you dont want to start playing too many games, and you dont want to worry about what he is saying or not saying, i know those thought patterns and they do lead to anxiety. just relax again and breathe!
SV>>I haven’t lost weight from the anxiety, lol, although that would be an added benefit, JK! I actually find myself eating or snacking to try and make the feeling go away. I’m thinking that s psychological. I think it’s heightened more in the past couple of months after my crab and I stopped talking. Every morning, for some reason, I wake up and look at my phone in hopes that he text me. It’s ridiculous, it doesn’t make sense, but I do it. I also lie in bed for a few minutes and go over the things I have to do in the day, and I get the anxious feeling and I want to stay in bed the whole day…yes, yoga is definitely something I have to pick up again. It’s been a year since I stopped and I feel like it helped so much when I was doing it. I stopped because it was getting too expensive. At one time I was taking three dance classes and yoga. I was spending close to $200 a month on that stuff. I’ve cut down to running on the treadmill at home and only taking one dance class so I’m sure adding the yoga now won’t be too much of a strain on the pocket. I really don’t want to take the meds if they are going to mess me up even more mentally or emotionally. I sure as heck don’t want to get addicted to them.
I guess I really am worrying a TON about what my cancer would have said to people about me. If he did, then he did. They only have one side of the story, and they can’ judge without knowing mine too. Anyway, we’ll see. I’m going to the restaurant tonight and hopefully I’ll get to see my friends I haven’t seen in a while. I’m sure he won’t be there, and I kind of don’t want to see him either...I’m not ready for that tonight… You asked what kind of food they serve, it’s Middle Eastern.
..lol.. my forehead silly woman.... i am very adverse to wrinkles!
Moon>>Im in an emotional H^LL right now, I gotta keep flows advice in hand. Let him go, enjoy my life AND DONT GET SO EASLY RATTLED!!!!!!
I will try to remember this. I dont want to be hot and cold, Kel is right if I runn off and change my pattern I'll be running hot and cold to him. Not the best quality to have. .
SV>>you just need to take it easy right now. You are getting scared for no reason. You know how he feels and you know what you have to do. If I were you, I would stop sending him SO many e-mails. He’s probably not looking at them as much as he would if you only sent them once in a while, or if it were about your business. If you go hot and cold on him, it’s going to push him away. Do not hide and do not pull back. Just take it easy and be light, just like you told me.
Moon>>Well, I did have a great Glyco peel last week!!!! lol...
Although, it has still left me a bit ruddy in the face they say it will pass soon......
I can't wait! In 2 weeks... IT'S BOTOX TIME BABY!!!!!! YEAH!!!!
SV>>Botox??? Girl, be careful! I’ve heard nightmares about that stuff. Make sure to go to someone GOOD!
Moon>>You dont know for certain if he will find out or not,,,,, BUT you will be able to tell from the reception you get from others what he said about you.... good or bad.
SV>>hopefully he wouldn’t have said anything, but if I know him, he would have told my friend(restaurant owner). My friend hasn’t been very responsive lately, and he’s been ignoring my texts. He told me he’s been “super busy”. Dunno…we’ll see tonight….