ASCLAC part 2



  • SV -

    Do you know what the root cause of your anxiety is? Once you figure this out you can start to learn how to control it.

    Mine I think stemmed from losing my grandmother, I lost her 2 years ago. I lived at home with my parents, she lived there too, she was like a mother to me - cooked dinner for all of us every night, always was around to talk, she was a Cancer too so we had a special bond. But yea on thsi particular day I came home early from work because i was having my mother drop me off at the bus station so i could visit a friend in NYC. I came home that day, she had laid down to take a nap on the couch. I thought nothing of it so i went got my over night bag, packed it up, went upstairs to get my mom (she was napping because she worked the overnight shift at the hospital) and when we went ot wake her up...nothing...I blamed myself for a very long time, what if I had come home 10 minutes earlier? what if i had checked on her right when I came home? could i have done something? would she still be here? I still take responsibility for it, I know it's stupid but I have trouble forgiving myself. It really was painful to lose her - i didnt even get to say goodbye and for a long time i was terrified of dieing would have nightwares about it, and it was just the first in a series of painful events...losing a ton of money on my first flip, my relationship with my Aqua falling apart (and losing myself to his depression), lashing out at people, having se*x with a LOT of people and dangerously, getting involved with drugs and partying...and then I met scorp who preyed upon my insecurities, low self-esteem and self-destructive tendencies. After I met scorp, my anxiety went through the roof and i started to develop lots of health problems which made me even more anxious and unmotivated. And this lasted for months and months and months...

    Then in December I started acupuncture and I began to feel balanced again, I started to take back control over thigns and started to fix myself and for the first time in a long time I feel happy again. I still get anxiety but with acupunture, exercise, positive thinking and meditation I have kept it under wraps, it doesn't run my life anymore.

    I have no idea why i just told you all of that....but yea acupuncture comes highly recommended by me



  • kel>>Then in December I started acupuncture and I began to feel balanced again, I started to take back control over thigns and started to fix myself and for the first time in a long time I feel happy again. I still get anxiety but with acupunture, exercise, positive thinking and meditation I have kept it under wraps, it doesn't run my life anymore.

    I have no idea why i just told you all of that....but yea acupuncture comes highly recommended by me

    SV>>kel, I'm so sorry about your loss. Sounds like you were really close to her. I've never had a special bond like that with anyone. I keep mostly to myself and give bits and pieces of myself to my friends. even my best friends dont know all of me...mostly because they don't understand...I'll definitely give accupucture a try. the dr. suggested all these anti-depressants and Xanax(I was actually kidding when I was talking about taking Xanax in my earlier post, now I'm just scared). I've always had anxiety, for as long as I can remember...even from my early teens. I just didn't do anything about it. it's gotten worse in the past 2 years or so and REALLY bad in the past six months...I feel anxious right now as I type...it's such a weird feeling...I know you understand...the tingly sensation...the random butterflies in the stomach...the shaking and having a hard time breathing...the light headedness...the problems concentrating...I'm really wary on taking meds and I would rather go about the natural way first. she suggested I take up yoga again to help with deep breathing. she also suggested desensitization treatments...Thanks for your input. I'm definitely going to go natural before meds first.

    I know why you told me...I get it...it's ok 🙂



  • Hi SV,

    As Kel mentioned above, it helps if you can find the root cause, and find a way to control or erase it from your life.

    If you can, avoid the medication. Been there, done that.

    Mine came around over 7 years ago, when my brother and his wife broke up. They had a much stronger marriage than mine and my brother was sooo upset. It made me question my marriage, I was approaching my 40th birthday at the same time and I was so unhappy I lost my appetite and couldn't eat. I lost 42lbs in a month. Not long after I gave up on my marriage. It wasn't working and was making me ill.

    I went to the docs and they gave me pills. ZOMBIED. They turned me into someone I didn't know. Or like. I stopped taking them against the docs instructions but I knew I had to get myself out of the mess, pills wouldn't do it for me.

    Not long afterwards I met Scorp who stopped me from my rapid descent off the rails. He has caused me so much grief over the past 6 years I haven't had time to be selfish and think about myself.lol. But seriously, he made me so happy after being miserable for a long time and that made everything else seem so much more bearable.

    I still have my moments, but I can see it coming and head it off at the pass. I have occasional panic attack, but use relaxation exercises to get me through. Going out for a walk, in a park, or by the sea soothes me. I can walk for hours. Empties my head and by end of the walk things don't seem so bad. Having some time for myself, going out with friends - doesn't solve anything but time passes that much quicker when you are with others. Sometimes having too much time on your hands can be a bad thing - too much time to overthink, which in turn makes you anxious again.

    I hope you find a way to get on top of yours soon and find your balance again. Try not to let it overwhelm you - there is hope!!! There are other survivors out there.

    Much love.:-) xxxx



  • hmmmm.... I dunno, how about if you switch it up a bit... like log on one day and not the next. Remember the art of war....

    confuse him... make him not know what and when to expect anything... lol...

    Ugh! Guys... I am trying to remember what adventure said... when I send him these funny emails... they are gifts... like gifts... so dont expect an answer...

    BUT I CANT HELP BUT WANT HIM TO ANSWER!!!!!



  • So much for the age of technology, eh?

    It is supposed to be a good thing, but more methods of contact have just led to more ways for others (mainly men) to cause us more stress!!

    Years ago you could only sit around willing the phone to ring. Now there are calls, IMs, e-mails, texts for them to use against us as weapons by not responding.

    I was brought up to be polite and ALWAYS answer. These people obviously have no manners!!!

    Do you think people got themselves in this state before there were telephones? Waiting for letters that never turned up? Has it always been like this?

    There's a lot to be said for taking off to the wilds as stranger does. At least that way you know for def that you won't get a reply cos there's no signal!!!!



  • Loplet - thanks so much for responding. I know that you and I haven't gotten to know eachother yet, but I'm a scorp and I can help you out in any way you need. as far as getting to the root of my anxiety, could be anything really. like I said, I've been feeling this anxiety for years and for as long as I can remember. I'm not sure exactly what it could be. I know that lately I've been getting more anxious about my cancer man, and also stressed from work. but there are other things that I can't explain...like getting panicked at the mall while I'm shopping(terrible for a girl who LOVES shopping!), or feeling anxious while I'm just sitting at my desk at work, getting major butterflies before meeting close friends at a restaurant even though I just saw them two weeks ago. It’s just weird…I don’t know…hopefully the yoga and accupucture will help. I’ll also start walking more and see how that goes. Thanks again for your help. 6 years of scorp love huh? 🙂

    Moon - he knows you want him to answer, and he's not answering on purpose. stop sending so many, he'll come back snifffing. lol, this is the same advice you've dished out. listen to yourself!



  • so I've been really REALLY thinking about it. I'm going to the restaurant tomorrow night. I know he won't be there and I'm sure no one will tell him but it's the first step I can take right now. Maybe in another week I can go over the weekend or something. slow but steady...although I still dont know what I will say or do. I'm so nervous already!...ugh...



  • Ok, well he answered.

    Flow- He ignored the hysterical email... (which everybody who hears it cant help but laugh their heads off!) BUT he did send what he did for my business today.

    I guess that counts for something. It's eithe 2 things....

    (1) He's ahowing me he's helping me... or

    (2) He didnt comment on my ever funny story.... so... He's back to just helping me with work.

    I guess I should stop sending the funny/interesting emails I was sending him. I hadnt sent anything since Saturday... where all I did was responded to HIS email.

    No funny jokes/stories/stuff since last Tuesday....

    Time to back away from the Scorp I think....

    Flow???



  • moon....lol

    stop, you're running hot and cold. be consistent towards him



  • don't play games

    you back away from him, you're inviting game playing...and you're back to where you were before, with all the drama and mind f-cks



  • OMG MOON!!!!

    So yea Libra JUST asked me "Are you and Aries officially an item?"

    So somehow Pisces found out that Aries and I went on a few dates and somehow he thinks that we're an item and GUESS WHO HE TOLD!?!?!? He told Scorp that Aries and I are an item, and Scorp asked Libra if it was true. Libra told Scorp that he doesn't know

    LOL!! DRAMAAAA!! LOL!!!!!

    Well scorp knows now for sure



  • That d*amn fish is so in love with Scorp, he's been the problem from the beginning you gals were so right about that

    I bet he so enjoyed telling Scorp that...almost makes me mad that fish boy was the one who told him



  • kel - just seems like unnecessary drama. Libra is the puppet, unfortunately. too bad your Scorp doesn't have the guts to ask you himself, or show you affection otherwise...

    I'm in a weird mood...not sure exactly what I'm saying...



  • Kel to moon-OMG MOON!!!!

    So yea Libra JUST asked me "Are you and Aries officially an item?"

    "So somehow Pisces found out that Aries and I went on a few dates"

    Could he have found out from Libra??? THIS WOULD MAKE A LOT OF SENSE TO ME IF HE DID.

    "and somehow he thinks that we're an item"

    This is actually a VERY good thing I think...

    and GUESS WHO HE TOLD!?!?!? He told Scorp that Aries and I are an item,

    The fish! OMG! He just started to put the nails in his coffin. Stupid fish... KEL! DO YOU SEE WHAT THE FISHH DID????????? THIS IS GREAT!!!!!!! HE JUST KILLED OFF HIS QUEEN!!!!! CHECK MATE IS INEVIDABLE NOW! (did I spell that right???..lol..)

    and Scorp asked Libra if it was true.

    And the snow ball is starting to rollllll.....

    Libra told Scorp that he doesn't know

    HA-HA! He does not even see he's doing Scorps dirty work for him!!!!

    LOL!! DRAMAAAA!! LOL!!!!!

    Well scorp knows now for sure

    Kel, you could not have asked for a better plan from Santa!

    he-he!

    SV- Libra is the puppet,

    Girl is ON POINT!

    unfortunately. too bad your Scorp doesn't have the guts to ask you himself, or show you affection otherwise...

    Ahhhh..... but I think he will soon.... with a little sugar in his coffee.... not enough to make it sweet, just enough to take away the bitter.... lol...



  • I think what happened is that Aries told Pisces (they're friends as well, small small g*ay world, everyone knows everyone...) that he and I went out on a few dates...

    Then Pisces spun it to Scorp as we're an item

    How should I handle this?

    I know Scorp will ask

    I was thinking of telling him "It's none of your business" lol



  • sv,

    hey , sounds like we all suffer from anxiety!! i get it really bad too. when i have to be in crowds sometimes, when i am with scorp, at night when i am by myself. i used to take valium and xanax at one stage, lost a heap of weight, thought scorp was cheating, wouldnt travel with me.. the pills actually were addictive, and when i didnt have them i felt even more anxious it was terrible i had bad insomnia too.it really was a hellish period when i look back. that four months overseas really helped me .. i put on weight and ate healthy food and no pills. now i am just trying to challenge my thinking more , when i do get anxious, and talking to people about my fears really helps, trying to have a laugh every day, and maintaining a sense of me as much as i can! i think when i feel oppression- either in the world or my own life- it affects me ina really bad way and i can panic. so my suggestion to you, is to keep being honest with what you need for yourself, and yes yoga does help i have done it for years, although not much since got back but i want to do it again, you have reminded me thankyou! a walk on the beach every day helps, and keep expressing what you feel!! i think as far as crab is concerned, be yourself. go there when you feel comfortable to go there( the restaurant). weekday or weekend i dont think it matters. you dont want to start playing too many games, and you dont want to worry about what he is saying or not saying, i know those thought patterns and they do lead to anxiety. just relax again and breathe!x

    moon,

    kel just gave you good advice. and i think that its true you have to relax a bit again, and this is from me WHO KNOWS THE FEELING! i had a thought actually that i would put money on the fact that when scorp read your funny email he wouldve laughed . i bet he loves your sense of humour. scorps do , esp cos life gets heavy for them they like to have a good laugh. he is appreciative of it moon , and he is giving back to you in his way which is helping you with your business, which is what you have been wanting! so thats yay! relax, go with the flow, let things take their natural course(LOL i STRUGGLE WITH THIS!!! Time is runningout etcetc!!!!) sorry moon eeeek! ok RE;LAX breathe.. we'll do it together! in one nostril out the other......

    perhaps in time he will relax a bit himself and joke back with you.. but like you said and understand he is sorting himself out. keep being you moon you're gorgeous!!!

    kel,

    it touched me to read about your grandmother. death is a biggie . my stepdad died in front of my eyes a few months before i met scorp. i was very close to him, he died of cancer. my dog died a month before that of cancer too, i had him put down which to this very day i still struggle with my decision. i have alot of repressed guilt that comes up time to time. i loved that dog with every pore of my body with all my heart. he was my best friend. i was looking after my dad at the time and then my dog got sick too..i ddnt want him to suffer like my dad had.it was a rushed decision. i cry about it alot. there was so much i still wanted to share with him and i wish i had just taken care of him. its interesting... scorps dog got cancer a few years ago and instead of putting her down he buys pills for her from the vet which keep the tumour at bay. and she has been fine i think. it upsets me to think that i couldve done that with my dog. but i had him put to sleep instead. i killed him basically i feel like a murderer. i have never got another dog. he was the most beautiful intelligent animal. protected me had a great sense of humour.damn im crying! oh kel! i guess this is what life is like sometimes.. you know i dont believe there has to be a time limit on grief. but that guilt stuff is awful. i know my dog loved me and i hope he has forgiven me. your grandmother loved you too she sounds like she was a lovely woman. it wasnt your fault it was her time to go.

    i too sometimes think that scorp came into my life when i was vulnerable and yeh i also have those thoughts of feeling negative about that that i was like a kind of prey. i dont feel that today. scorps although they struggle to show it are very compassionate.

    i agree with s.v that it does sound like alot of drama and yes i also agree that it is a shame that he cant ask you himself.while he is still playing fish fingers you have to get on with your own life , which is what you have been doing. and its good kel!! nobody is going to be perfect and aries may or may not fit you and your lifestyle. as far as libra is concerned i think i would be steering clear for a while.



  • But Scorp is too late unfortunately...because I'm not stupid, Scorp hasn't changed, if I EVER gave in to Scorp, he would return to the way he was before

    ANd besides I'm liking Aries, he's a sweetie-pie

    But it will be nice to dish a little revenge back at Scorp, rip his heart out like he did to me 🙂



  • You're right SV and kel, I am getting crazy. I have to keep flows advice in mind.

    Give him his freedom, dont nag and stay in his line of sight.

    Im in an emotional H^LL right now, I gotta keep flows advice in hand. Let him go, enjoy my life AND DONT GET SO EASLY RATTLED!!!!!!

    I will try to remember this. I dont want to be hot and cold, Kel is right if I runn off and change my pattern I'll be running hot and cold to him. Not the best quality to have.

    I answered his email and said "thanks, I hope it helps keep them at bay"

    He has not responded yet, and I am trying not to get rattled again as there really is no reason for him to respond. I have a business issue, I'll email it to him on Thursday or Friday.

    I'm switching it up... staying in the line of sight...

    FLOW????? HELP!!!!!

    ..lol..

    Well, that's what these boards are for... to go nuts here... and not with them. ..lol..



  • KEL! NOOOOOOO that is very bad Karma.

    Look, if you dont want Scorp, then let this all pass. No revenge, a little lesson if you like him is one thing, but revenge?

    BAD KARMA.... I just can't do it.



  • adventure -

    ahh! i'm sorry i drummed up memories of your stepdad and dog! that guilt stuff will get to ya, it's the worst. when you lose people i'm not sure you ever really get over it, you just learn how to cope.

    i feel like my scorp preyed on me, used me to boost his ego, knew what i wanted but kept dangling that carrot just to keep my attention. maybe in time i'll feel like you do about your scorp, that maybe somewhere there was compassion, but right now i have an unyielding fountain of anger towards him and what he did to me. he kept me down for a very long time. or maybe i'm just mad at myself for being so stupid and allowing it to happen for so long...who knows

    it is WAY too much drama and i'm sick of it, i don't know if i should say something to aries about it or not. it's not really his fault - unless he did say to Pisces that we were an item - which i don't think he would. i'm pretty sure that Pisces filled Aries in on the whole me-Scorp scenario, which sucks...but what can you do?

    even if aries doesn't work out, i'm still not looking back at scorp, our time has passed, he missed his opportunity.

    as far as libra is concerned, he's a sneak, between this and his little sideways insults about aries because libra is jealous, i'm staying clear until he gets his act together. id ont need people like this in my life


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