Captain..please help



  • Hi,

    My name is Sonia. I was born on 24 May, 1985. Im quite disturb these days because of few things which i do not want to discuss here.. Can anyone especially Captain tell me when are all the things going to get alright? and second question is when will i get married? im getting pressure from people that i should get marry soon...im really not feeling good these days..Please help...thanks



  • Sonia6, you feel bad because you are not living an authentic life - that is, one where you do what YOU want to do. You are very easily influenced by others but they can never know exactly what you need to make you happy. If you want to feel better, stand up for yourself and live your own life according to your own rules and regulations. You really don't need anyone else to tell you what to do. Stop hiding away and being so easily wounded by other people's criticisms. It doesn't matter what others want for you - it's what YOU want that is important. You also worry way too much about things that may never actually happen. Cultivate some peace and calm (through meditation and regular exercise etc. ) and develop more objectivity. Listen to what your gut instincts are telling you.



  • PS Are you having or do you have problems dealing with the passing of loved ones?



  • I with my family shifted to a different country 7 years back because of some cirsumstances and i couldn't adjust myself here(different country) maybe because i was the oldest one or because i came here at the age of 18 when u really get used to the environment u are living in, n u cannot accept other cultures the people, their cultures just feel so alieniated to u that u dont want to accept them and my mother language is different so i just feel frustated because i feel hard to deliver what i want to say in a language which is not mine..i can communicate but sometimes i don't find words...i mean i don't have command on the language...i want to speak the language with the same fluency with which i speak my own language.... for the past 7 years my life has quite changed or you can say ruined as far my studies are concerned...and lately i had been told to see a guy who had no hair on his head and who was our family friend...i don't like baldies...everyone has their own personal choice....he was good looking but he had no hair...plus im in univeristy and he only completed his A-levels....i rejected because i am in a different country....n i wouldn’t have felt secure with him coz he only did A-levels whereas i studying in his country where the language is different is completing my degree...my family didn't tell me to get married to him..they just told me to see him...but i just explained to them if i do not like the guy by his face y do i need to see him(see him means to talk to him)...so yeah when this thing came up, i just started 3rd year of my uni then...n my dad tried to explain to me the things which were right..he told me the guy is a gentleman, hes handsome, he knows how to talk to elders...he(dad) knows the family and all...but i was so confused...i told him i cannot decide about marriage at this point of time when im in my final year which is the hardest of the 2 years n i didn’t like the guy...simple was that...and u cannot concentrate on study properly when u have been told consistently to talk to the guy...so my dad didn't leave this thing n argued with me for about 2 months or so...n i got quite upset coz of the study and pressure from the family..but finally he got married few weeks back to another girl ...anyways this was one thing which i have told u..there r many things which keep happening to me after coming to this country...

    I do what i want to do...yes i get worry too much because i see things from all angles...u said the things MAY never actually happen..but u cannot be 100% sure if things will not happen...i listened to my instinct thats y i rejected him...i shouldn’t be saying rejected..i just felt like hes not for me (n plus im not ready for marriage but as i told u im the oldest one so ill have to get married so that my younger sisters also get married...its just that the oldest one should be married first in order to get the younger ones to be married)..... but u know when u say to ure parents that u don’t FEEL like hes not for me...they do not understand this..no i do not have problems dealing with passing of loved ones...but i do get upset when i see someone in my family(my small sisters and brother) r going to the wrong path, doing the wrong thing...when i tell this to my dad he says that its none of ure business..its their life..u haven’t made ure image like that so they could listen to u....i mean what?...it doesn’t mean if im speaking angrily to my sisters then im saying the wrong thing or my intention to tell them to be on the right path is wrong...i cannot see my sister(s) ruining their life in front of me..yes i do what my gut instincts tells me to do...but i really want to get married this time and go away from this house....so when will i get married?...is it going to be this year?....coz i am fed up , don’t feel like doing anything especially studying , cannot concentrate on study if i see(feel) the things in the house r not going right....i couldn’t be able to study properly like i used to study after shifting in this country...



  • What about going back to live in your home country after you finish your studies?



  • yes i was thinking to go back there but my family was saying what would u do there if ure family is here...i was thinking to go back there and get married but i don't know...i have seriously gone confused...u really get stuck in between.....im torn between two countries...after living here i do like some of the things which i like in the guys living here but there r some of the things which i really dislike about them....same thing abt the guys living in my home country...there r things which i really dislike abt them and which r not in the guys living here and some of the things r good in them which r not in the guys living here...so i don't know where to go, where to live, what would be my future,..im not the kind of person like i was used to be...so i don't know if ill start my new life with the way im right now....would i be able to make my future life prosperous?



  • yes i was thinking to go back there but my family was saying what would u do there if ure family is here...i was thinking to go back there and get married but i don't know...i have seriously gone confused...u really get stuck in between.....im torn between two countries...after living here i do like some of the things which i like in the guys living here but there r some of the things which i really dislike about them....same thing abt the guys living in my home country...there r things which i really dislike abt them and which r not in the guys living here and some of the things r good in them which r not in the guys living here...so i don't know where to go, where to live, what would be my future,..im not the same person like i used to be...so i don't know if ill start my new life with the way im right now....would i be able to make my future life prosperous?



  • Sonia6,

    I'm not psychic. Have you immigrated from India to the US? If so, I may be able to give you some practical or common knowledge advice. It sounds as though you're having trouble with cultural adjustment but at the same time appreciating some freedoms or differences.



  • I feel like your destiny lies in your home country, in the customs of your culture. I feel you will be more at peace there. At heart I think you are a traditionalist - it makes you feel safe.



  • littlelioness

    No, i didn't migrated from India to Usa....but im from one of the asian countries and moved to one of the foreign countries. Btw r u Indian? Yes, please do give me some advice. Well yes you can say so theres a bit of cultural adjustment problem, and i have noticed that the asian children who are born and brought up in the foreign countries(whose parents were also moved to foreign countries maybe coz of their circumstances etc ), they(asian children, people) are quite mean to the people who have come from their home countries and who are also asians. I mean they think just coz they were born and brought up here they are above the people who have come from their home countries not so long ago. I think you can understand what i mean.



  • Thanksyou Captain, If you think that ill go back to my home country then thats great!!

    If theres a chance of getting married there then thats even more great..lol


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