This empty sadness... *sigh*
I'm not usually a sad person. I'm bubbly and I typically brighten days. But when dealing with a particular relationship in my life, this sad emptiness washes over me. I feel like i lose my "will". I'm usually not one to have pity parties but the feeling is so unlike me that it's troublesome. Maybe I just need re-assurance that this feeling, that these issues will go away, that this situation will resolve. Maybe I need to know that I will be ok, that the other party in this relationship will be ok and there will be a happily ever after? Maybe I just needed to vent. Any and all insight is appreciated.
Relationship issues are the number one reason that people commit suicide. They are important and are way underestimated by a lot of people. We get a very strong sense of validation and worthiness...a sense of meaning and purpose when in a relationship. The problem is, when we depend on another person's validation TOO much (which is all to easy to fall into, believe me, I know) we lose our power, and this is the most important thing to avoid. You are a powerful person and you are multi-dimensional. You entertain well and people respond well to you. You might even be asking yourself: "ME?! YOU can get to ME that way?!" But in some very profound sense your dependency on this person has become way to strong. This relationship is PART of who you are NOT ALL of who you are! The best artists in the world create a high percentage of their masterpieces over love--But NOT when they are lost in the other person! It is when they go within and get real with their true fears and feelings that the best work is done. TO GO TO SELF. TO REMEMBER SELF BEFORE THIS PERSON WAS IN MY LIFE...you know?
Also, know that you are not alone...there are so many of us out here feeling less than sparkly. But I try to remember not to put all of my eggs in one basket. You get your joy from many sources, especially because you are a complex person...This person may not be your source right now, and things will need to be worked through...But what about all of the other beautiful things out there that MAKE YOU FEEL HAPPY? Do not spin out into a depression that you cant get out of! Think of something, simple as it may be, and go enjoy it!
Make sure youre not overlooking any side effects from either getting on, or coming off of new medications.This is often the answer to feeling really "off".*
Well I hope that helped a little gorgeous, my fingers are tired, but do write back, Id love to work with you a bit. -WBRL
I'm laughing and crying as I write back to what you just wrote. I'm laughing because you are right, I am astounded that I impact people like I do. I've been told that I'm like "crack" to certain people, lol. I love my friends deeply and have amazing balances with them.
What is bothering me is another point you brought up, for 13 years my entire identity was defined by this other being. From the time I was 17 (when we married I was pregnant.) up until two years ago when he left for school, I did what he wanted me to do, gave up everything I needed to do so that he could press forward and accomplish his goals. It was when he left that I figured out who I was, what I neeeeeeeeeded and what I wanted. People were introduced into my life that lifted me up and filled voids that I knew were there but couldn't quite put my finger on. So, for two years I've been trying very hard to let go of the resentment that I've had for the past 8 or 9 years, all while trying to maintain my individuality. But when my husband is around I just get tired, literally, as though I'm drained. Its hard to be "happy" and I don't do it on purpose it just "happens". It just feels empty inside. I'm afraid of being defined by him again...when I'm with him I'm so weak. It's crazy. I've accomplished sooooooo much, I'm able to thrive in situations most people can not but with him, he knocks an idea and I don't even have the will to defend it.
I have many blessings of which I am soooo grateful. Our kids, our location, opportunities for them, the fact that I'm finally able to go back to school. The fact that he's going to have a very promising career. I have spent plenty of reflective time, centering myself, finding the essence that makes me "me". It's hanging onto it that concerns me. I'm at hte point where I function better without him here because when he's here I feel like I have to be so strong so he doesn't break. I just have no words for it.... maybe with the right questions I can identify this?
And thank you for your response... luckily, I'm not depressed unless I'm thinking about our future or he's around, that sounds so bad doesn't it?! When I"m out and about things are great :0)
I came here with the same feelings and I have to reaffirm 100% that you need to find you again. I have found me again and it makes me more happy than what I ever was with my ex. He's recently started talking to me again and it is so easy to deal with him because I AM FIRST. It's great that you miss me, want me...blah blah blah....but NOW....if you leave, it isn't going to matter like it did the first time you left. I had to spend time honestly saying "I bless you and release you to do whatever you need to do." I also came here and found so many answers to my life that I realize that I am complete. No one can make me more complete. Yes, I definitely want to be sharing my life with someone and if it works between us I will be thrilled but if it doesn't, it isn't going to change who I am. I will just remember us fondly and move away from it. I will however, always be moving myself in a forward direction, opening myself up to giving love and receiving it. Finding out the answers to all the things that I always wanted to know. Find yourself. You are incredible and have much to give.
I'm not coming out of a bad relationship or anything like that but I can so relate to what you are all saying. I have felt lately like when I look in the mirror that I've lost my "light". I've been someones daughter,sister, mother, friend,aunt, now grandmother for so long that along the way, I lost sight of me. I feel like in communicating with all of you I'm finding fine threads of myself coming to light again. A feeling I've had but suppressed, a memory I've forgotten because it was important to me and not others, a time when I felt good....sad huh? but true in so many ways. I feel like I'm trying desperately to embrace the knowledge and kindnesses of those here to find my way back to being the person I was destined to become so many years ago. You are an empowering group of people and I am so glad you help the loneliness that has been my life feel a little less lonely each day.