Reading Needed 10 year Problem

  • This is a relationship problem that just won't correct or change no matter what avenues I take. I am not able to divorce myself from the situation due to many reasons (medical, age, income,status,etc) without hurting myself immensely, but there should be some other alternatives to move on inside this structure. Several forms of counseling has been administered with no success. Several methods have been applied with no success. I'm coming to the conclusion that I am to suffer in this problem though I have done nothing to warrant it and it is killing my self-esteem and spirit. I need to find out if this is a past life problem between us, or possibly karma for him ; or me; or both. Or something going on in this life. Would someone kindly do a reading that will hopefully rid me of this ten year problem or at least help me to understand what my role needs to be in it or how I can feel some peace and love from this? I hope someone can feel my vibes and my deep sorrow. Thank you so much. I am Leo, Aug. 05, 1947 and he is Taurus, April 29, 1955.

  • The tone of this relationship is often strong and silent, with a knack of looking to the future. Sensuous expression is extremely strong, but feelings are usually kept under control, giving the relationship a quality of objectivity and cold detachment. Lines of defense are clearly drawn, and quarrels and differences are left unaddressed, in the hope they will eventually subside. In hard times, the relationship will have a capacity to foresee upcoming problems and virtually to move mountains in order to restore equilibrium if each party so desires.

    You two make an unlikely romantic pair but once together you will tend to hang in there. If the romantic flame fades, your partner will see the need for change first but won't always be sure what direction to take. You on the other hand may exhibit masochistic tendencies in refusing to recognise a problem, but will be able to create a plan for the future that can make the relationship somewhat more tolerable. Marriage may be tricky. The visualisation of a future state will aid or accompany the decision to marry; generally, in fact, a realistic attitude often prevails here, in which romance is not seen as a necessary ingredient. Instead, practical matters, especially financial planning, take up a great deal of time. The sexual side of the relationship may also be seen in pragmatic and non-idealised terms. Fires eventuall die out if the embers are not stirred occasionally.

    You, Wicksteve, must live your life as simply as possible in order to avoid a psychological implosion and learn to modulate your divergent energies. A stable home life is the best form of grounding for you. You need to get to the roots of your lack of emotional objectivity. Outbursts of passion, fits of temper, and emotional dramas will interfere with your progress toward your goals. Cultivating calm and the willingness to explore your own patterns will be extremely useful as will the ability to share your thoughts and opinions with others. If you can avoid the dangers of hypervigilance, alarmist attitudes, and the tendency to be judgmental or over critical of traditions, institutions and people, your life will be much smoother. Commitment is not really your forte but, if you can lose your need for more and find instead the joy of creating harmony, you will find the stability you need. Despite your charm amd magnetism, you can be seen as cold or aloof and in many ways unapproachable by others. Becoming more patient with people, giving them more of your time and attention instead of frittering away your energy on too many involvements or idle pursuits, and being more 'present' rather than wrapped up in your own thoughts will improve your relations with others. The grass is not always greener on the other side.

    Your partner has a tendency to depression and self-pity, often becoming withdrawn and anti-social. In his better moods, he is protective and nurturing but he still needs to wrestle with the need to release some security issues. Taking risks is not his forte and he may repress a great deal of creativity and inspiration as he attempts to impose structure on the unpredictable world of his impressions. A sense of fatalism will dog him and his failure to turn his abstract dreams into concrete reality may see him retreat into laziness or the belief that luck controls his destiny. If he can cultivate the ability to become a spiritual and worldly self-starter and release his fixity, everything can improve for him. His love of sensual pleasures can also lighten his load. His charisma can attract the wrong sorts of people in relationships and he must be careful not to surround himself with flatterers or sycophants or his self-image could become over-inflated. Due to the emotional and psychological depth of his spirit, he might not be easily understood by others. In love, his sexual experiences may prove to be so transformative for him that he develops a sex/love dependency. Fidelity is not necessarily his forte. He may disappear on his loved ones frequently - to go within or outside to his adoring public. Marriage should perhaps be something he foregoes, except that he so loves the magic of love and, with each new partner, becomes convinced that they are 'the one'. He has prophetic ability and can become a spokesman for his group or profession, often making it necessary to choose between his private and personal lives. Most often, keeping his turbulent feelings under control is a full-time job in itself.

  • Thank you, Captain. I'm not sure I understand all what you have said but I will read it continuously until I do. We ARE married along time; 17 years. And yes, I have been cold in this 'affair' with my husband since for ten years there IS no all on his part because he needs, as you have portrayed other 'sex love dependencies. I get tired and very hurt waiting for my moment in the 'sun' and receiving none. Yet, I am to be the dutiful wife and grant forgiveness over and over and continue on and say nothing. Unfortunately, as you described I'm not made of that mold s o I am judgemental and overly critical of the porn. I will try to take your advice as you have mentioned and I will try to be more loving but being faithful and remaining in a situation that seems like a forever dead- end street to me, is very hard, indeed; however, I'm not in a position to be able to move on and i suppose if I learn to tolerate what he does, I should be able to have a smooter life. I don't know if the additional explainatione of my life makes a difference in your reading, and if so, I'd appreciate whatever more you have to tell me but I want you to know how very thankful I am that you have taken this moment to help me. Thank you so much.

  • Wicksteve, according to your numerology, 2010 is a year of contemplation for you so it might give you the understanding you need to get through your situation.

    This is a year of introspection and reflection, a time to analyze your thoughts and actions, and pursue studies of an intellectual or metaphysical nature that interest you. During this year you will want to explore life's deeper truths, either looking into philosophical matters or studying natural sciences. You will find yourself better able to solve problems, and come to a greater awareness of your full potential. Let things come to you in 2010, as this is a year when thoughts and ideas materialize. It is a good year to carry out plans that don't require involvement from others, and a year to guard your personal "alone" time, so as to avoid feeling irritable. A time to get "centered", you may find that at times during this year you feel lonely and left out. The main lesson is to learn to be alone without being lonely. By the end of this year you will likely be in a position to handle life with greater insight and efficiency.

  • Wicksteve, sound like a lot of people I know. as well as myself many years ago. One feels stuck in a relationship for whatever reason . Health and finances are very important to a person yet over all happiness seems to be sacrificed as a result of feeling the need to stay with a person for the reasons you mentioned. It is very apparent you feel trapped with no way to get your husband to be the partner you would like him to be. There is always a cause and effect in everything we do and I have discovered it is true in relationships as well. To exist and perhaps be able to change the dynamics of your relationship, my recommendation would be to change the way you see the relationship. Once you are able to accept your partner for the way he is and not for the way you desire him to be, then and only then can the relationship change. As you know by now, you cannot change him as much as you would like to and have tried. Haven't you seen what happens many times in relationships when one person takes the other persons love for granted? They feel safe and stop doing the things necessary to keep the embers burning. The other individual starts possibly looking around and may even be treating the other person very aloofly like they had been treated. All of a sudden the one taking advantage first is possibly being taken for granted now and gets scared. Most individuals at this point, if in deed they truly care, would recognize they better start paying attention and quit taking advantage or they will lose the person they truly do love. I am not telling you to quit caring or loving but I am saying possibly when you quit trying to "save" the relationship and become aloof to his short comings perhaps it may cause him to react in a different manner. An anology might be, "kill them with kindness". It is very hard for a mean spirited person to continue being mean spirited when all they get in return is "kindness". Try really accepting there is no way to change the relationship for now. Do not ask him for what he finds impossible to give. In other words, start caring about you and act aloof about and to him. Spend time in self help skills and nurturing your psyche. Do whatever it takes you to feel good about you! Once he sees you have emotionally moved on perhaps it will cause him to effectively want to change himself. My heart goes out to you as I was once in a relationship many years ago very similiar to yours. A therapist told me I was basically feeding the problem by continuing to shove my wants and needs down my husbands throat which only made him back further away. She felt I was too dependent on my partner for my own happiness. I fought that concept for a long time but she was right! As soon as I stopped showing I cared and expressing my wants and needs so mucih he started treating me differently and truly we had a very much healthier and happier partnership. I felt he respected me more and liked me more when I showed him my happiness was not dependent on our relationship. I did not stay in that relationship only because I had moved on emotionally to the point where I truly stopped caring and I realized I was an attractive, intelligent and kind person and although I had succeeded in many areas of the relationship, it was still mostly a mutual dependency type of partnership based on each others insecurities. We are still very good friends! I have been very happily married to my soul mate for almost 30 years and my ex husband married a good friend of mine and they are extremely happy and have been married 15 years. I will keep good thoughts for you and pray you find the answers to help you as you do sound deeply sad and unhappy. Light and Love.......MorningGlow

  • Thank you, Captain, I do feel you are right and have already felt much of what you've said this year. My biggest fear is being 'alone and lonely". you read that correctly, though I love being by myself now; resting 'in' me, so to speak, and yes, I do now get irritated when I am bothered while alone in my thoughts. I believe I do need time to get centered. it seems like my husband is my one main constant in my life. All I do is think about him and how to keep him happy and I think it angers me because I don't feel I am getting that back from him. i do now want to receive further studies in metaphysics, and other areas that interest me. I know I must stop living my life around what my husband does and trying to analyze his motives. I am hoping my life's path will open doors that I may not be aware of that will help me. I appreciate your help, Captain. It's certainly time for my self-esteem and illnesses from this neglect I feel is let go and a new life emerges. I feel better already!! 😉

  • Hello MorningGlow: how kind of you to take your time for me and my problem. i am so thankful for your advice and i see alot in my life of what you are saying. It's true about it being hard for me to accept the fact that he is nOT going to change. I know that but I carry that perpetual hope that one day he will see the light and realize he is hurting me. He certainly has been told enough to know it but you are right (as is my inner voice) that this IS his way and he has no desire to ever change from it. I know all you've said is correct and now at this time in my life, it is time for me to spend more time on my needs and taking care of those needs. I always was independent until I met him and he let me know he was going to do everything to spoil me and give me what I wanted. When I let him, I guess he didn't like that idea after all, and decided I was to cater to him and make all decisions and handle everything, which I did quite nicely. I see now that he takes full advantage of that. It is time to stop being so involved with his every need and stop needing him to make my life whole. He'd rather have his online sites then me and maybe it's time to stop analyzing his need to do that and start analyzing what I could be doing while he is self-satisfying himself and stop thinking of the hurt it causes me and start thinking what will help me to smile, laugh and be happy. Thank you for helping me. Between The Captain's reading and your advice, I may be able to make this the year that "was" rather than the year that "is", changing years of sorrow to years of self-reflection and burning happiness. Thank you. 🙂

  • are so welcome. Yes, please take care of you and bring happiness to yourself by reinforcing that you are a very valued person and woman! My heart aches for you as the type of relationship you have with your husband can destroy a person's ego and self worth. Please do not let that happen. I see you have so much love to give but everyone needs it confirmed and given back. I will be thinking positive thoughts for you!

  • Yes, MorningGlow, you are right and THAT is where my dilemma is....the problem I am faced with and not sure what to do......i DO need that confirmation and need love to be returned. Ten years without it is slowly killing my spirit and I feel it and it hurts a great deal, esp. when I find proof weekly that HIS love is going out to 'net' sites and i find these shocking things. I should be use to it now. I know how Sandra Bullock feels. Already my self-worth and ego, self-esteem is shot. sometimes i feel absolutely ugly, MorningGlow and somehow, without divorcing him and losing ALL I worked so hard to gain (and I would lose). There must be a way to find happiness for me and some way I could just detach from his disinterest in me as a lover. He is like two different people. Around others he treats me like I was a Princess and all lovey. He has everyone convinced he's the most loving, perfect man. Even my children thinks he's the greatest. I've tried to discuss it with him and they think I'm hard on him. I have learned to keep quiet. Any suggestions?

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