I'M HOPELESSLY IN LOVE WITH MY CANCERIAN FRIEND
I'm new to the forums so please bear with me. I know there are alot of existing Cancerian threads but here it goes. I have a male friend who I've known for years. We lost touch some years ago and by chance reconnected last summer(July 2009). We've picked up our friendship from right where we left off (all those years ago) and we've been close ever since. Around New Year's he invited me to a (New Years) party in Manhattan, I agreed to go. But then I didn't hear from him the entire week (leading up to New Years and the party) I didn't think much of it because I had other invites and I was busy w/my cake business. So, before I went to my New Years events, I called everyone(including my Cancer buddy) to wish them a Happy New Years. He didn't answer the phone I figured he was getting ready for his party. So I called him on New Years day in the afternoon to ask about the party and chit-chat as we normally did. He didn't answer. I called the next day, no answer. An entire week went by and I didn't hear from him. I began to worry; My friend suffers from depression at times and I thought he was having an "episode". So I wrote a quick 1 page note letting him know that I was concerned about him and for him to either call or text me letting me know that he was at least alive. That was a monday. On tuesday at 10pm he sends me a text talking about a movie he just saw. WTF?!? So I texted him back and asked if he was ok. He didn't answer my question, but kept a conversation going. During that week that he didn't talk to me(we normally talk and text 3-4 times a week and hang out at least 2-3 a month.) I was a wreck! All I could do was think if I did something to offend him, or did I say something, did he just not want to be bothered w/me anymore, what? Since I was just emotionally drained, I decided to give our friendship a break....I didn't contact him for a month.(he didn't contact me either) During this month long hiatus, I came to the realization that I loved him more than just a friend, more than a close friend. I didn't understand why I was just so overly concerned and more so, angry at him for not calling me. I have plenty of male friends who I speak to intermittenly and I really could care less. But this time and this guy was/is different. So fast forward a month later he texted me out of the blue(I was thrilled to hear from him). I called him and we were on the phone for 2hours. We decided to meet up a local bar for a few drinks and conversation. While at the bar we were having very intimate and personal conversation(nothing sexual). He confided to me that I am one of maybe 5 people that he can talk to and trust without fear of being criticized and judged. I was really happy and honored to hear that. I always try to be a good friend. It was then that I KNEW FOR A FACT that I was in love with him. We've since resumed our normal "relationship". We have the same sick sense of humor, we have a few hobbies in common and we can just sit and talk and laugh for hours. At the same time he can really get on my nerves and his moodiness is enough to drive a person crazy! But I love him just the same. My intuition tells me that he feels something more than friendship for me as well. He sometimes does things that seem like tests of some sort. I am a pastry chef and whenever I make something new or tweaking a recipe I bring him the spoils.(he LOVES it); but every once in a while he questions me about actual cooking. Like how often do I cook and what types of food do I cook. We're both foodies so the questions at the time didn't seem odd; but now that I think about it, there's a lot of things that he's done that could've been signs of interest that I've overlooked(because I'm sometimes oblivious). Now I have serious feelings for him and I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should tell him. I don't know how to even broach the subject. I'm also afraid of rejection. It's really pathetic, I know. I'm a grown woman and I can't muster up enough courage to tell my friend that I love him. PLEASE HELP ME!
Ugh stupid Cancers! shakes fist Even if you DO tell him, he probably won't respond. And if you do it in person, he'll probably disappear for a while after. If you're able to do it, I would just keep your feelings to yourself and try to show him you are into him (affection, doing things for him, etc.) and just go about being friends. IF this is something you're able to do. I wasn't!
Villette: That's EXACTLY what I've been doing. I haven't told him because I'm afraid of scaring him off. I just show that I am there for him. I listen to him when he has a gripe or an issue about something and offer my advice when he asks. Last week he said to me, "You're a good friend". I'm glad we were on the phone, cuz I started to tear. He's really sentimental and affectionate..and then he can be a jerk. But I've known this about him for years. We met in the 5th grade.....25 years ago! We were "frenemies" till about our junior year in highschool. Then I guess we both began to mature and so did our friendship. Mind you, he still continued to tease me relentlessly(as he does even now). We remained close throughout the remainder of h.s and even through college. And then we lost touch. We met up again thru a mutual friend last July. I honestly don't believe that it was "just a conincidence." I believe that we were supposed to be in each other's lives. Oh and another thing. We are both in our mid-30's and he STILL teases me like when we were kids. Onlly difference is, I find it funny and endearing. Not so much back in high school. Like you said, Villette, I'm gonna keep playing it cool and be friends. I honestly wouldn't want to do something to jeopardize our friendship.