Weird Dream last night



  • Ok I get it now. lol Well, all I have left to do then is just keep going like I am and see what happens. Will I meet someone soon anyway, that will help me physically? When and where? My daughter can help me inside but she can't replace my ductwork or anything like that. But it would be funny to watch her try. lol I know how to do it all, I just can't. It's quite aggrivating! I used to work on my car. Replacing engines and rebuilding transmissions. Now I can't! AAARRGGHH! I try sometimes to still do stuff and I start shaking so much, I can't even nail in a board. Ticks me off. I never wanted to be a useless feamale but now, I kinda am. They can't treat me like a stupid female though. I still know everything and I can usually tell them something they don't know. Or say something that will suprise them that I do, lol I am no dummy and I am not afraid to let anyone know it. I know lots about lots. My mother (God rest her soul) was a very snart woman. She was oart of Mensa and a shool teacher for 40 years but, she didn't have the common sense God gave a rock. lol I am not nearly as book smart as she was but I have alot of common sense and I am street smart. I really am no dummy either. (except where math is concerned) lol LOL I can watch a movie called Mega Piranha about giant piranhas. Sounds fascinating LOL I will take all of your advice to heart. And I will remember it when the situation calls for it. Thank you Hans



  • Hans i noe exxactly what your talkin about thats he is the main reason i dont feel lonely anymore cause i always have him and i try to make an effort to talk to him during the day sometimes i do forget or somthing like love i would through evrything away for wich is why i think i cant have it yet i guess im not ready im not worryied about it to much its just this one girl ive always had feelings for starts popping up again then we get close then we get to close and she backs off and im a all or nothing guy i cant do this dancing in out not with emotions atached i would have to let go and then when she wants to be serious i cant even think about it cause i already let go meanwhile im just gonna focus on evrything i got to do right infront of me



  • CuriousitykilledKiki

    Man is nothing but the mind: if you think you are a

    coward you are a coward; if you think you are brave you

    are brave. It is thinking that makes it so: as a man

    thinketh, so he becomes. It is simply a question of his

    own thinking, but when you think something again and

    again it gets more and more deep in you; it becomes a

    rut in the brain cells. Immediately, whenever any

    situation arises, the deep-rooted habit starts

    asserting itself and you think you are that. You are

    not!



  • sylvannah

    Will I meet someone soon anyway, that will help me physically? No.

    When and where? The way is blocked because you are going forward exclusively for the many outward-oriented close contacts.

    Whenever you see some problem has arisen, it is a

    good opportunity, a challenge, a critical moment. Use

    it creatively, find out ways and means. Listen silently

    to your own heart and if a certainty arises from there,

    good; you have taken my advice already.



  • Siriuslupine,

    but it is certain that you will repent one day.



  • Well crap! I guess I'll do what I can and try not to hurt myself. I don't understand that the way is shut. And I already do that. (as far as what to do when a problem arises) I'm getting the rest of my stuff tomorrow that way I can cut off all ties w/ Cliffe. He is just a pathetic drunk that didn't desrve 2 days of my time much less. 3 1/2 years. But I wanted to show him that he was important and I wasn't giving up on him that easily. But now I am gone. Even if he was to sober uo today. At least I was more than ready to leave. No heartache. I remember that pain and it sucks! I have spirits making noises tonight. I wish they would stop. I don't really know what they are trying to accomplish anyways. I still don't know what they want and I know they are there. They are not real negative but I want them to stop and go away. They are not welcoed nor wanted here. Anyways, I gotta cook dinner. TTFN



  • Also, just curious, what is your time frame for "soon"? ! day,week, month, year?



  • so i am what i think and what i think i am i am not? interesting riddle.makes [im]perfect sense.

    if you mean that the psyche kicks in old ways when nothing else is, then that still makes the physical plain dependency irrelevant. quite. but if you think you are right, you must be right afterall, we are what we think!



  • sylvannah

    Also, just curious, what is your time frame for "soon"? Year.

    And it has no

    connection with date, day of the week, month or year. A

    moment comes when thoughts become calm, become silent.

    Consciousness becomes a pure mirror. Let your

    consciousness become the same, put your time into this

    process. It is better if you become it yourself.



  • CuriousitykilledKiki,

    you are not your habits because you are not your

    brain and you are not your thoughts. You are this

    awareness that feels that there is fear. So you are not

    fear -- you can see the fear. You are somebody else:

    the watcher.



  • ok, i cant tell if you using an analogy or if your being straight up. are you telling me that this is what i actually am, or that this is what i should achieve? in your oppinion.

    consider my failure to grasp at the moment, but can you explain to me, in a not so intricately wound kind of way?



  • ok, neither nor.

    This is what you actually are.

    can you explain to me, in a not so intricately wound kind of way? no. consider my failure to answer at the moment. You could not go inwards because you thought there would be death. So you are running away from your own identity.

    And it is there... it just has to start flowing.

    Once it starts flowing you will be in such a rejoicing.

    Every human being carries such great joy but does not

    allow it to happen... carries an ocean of joy but

    remains a poor woman, remains a beggar. So drop beggarly

    ways! From this moment you are a queen, a master of

    yourself.

    The old habits will come again and again but you have

    simply to say 'No, nothing doing! I am free of you' --

    and soon you will see that they have stopped coming.

    When you don't receive them they don't come; when they

    are not welcome they don't come.



  • This is sumthin i dont understand repent one day i feel like he knows my heart knows when i shoudnt do sumthin and when i should and its up to me to make the final decision but repenting for sumthing for making a choice that came from the heart is sumthin i dont think i can do i just recognize that it came from my head instead of my heart i shoulda listen to what he was telling me in the first place then i would never end up in any of my crazy cituations i feel like heaven is on earth we all are given our on garden to live in and our actions determin whether gaurden lives or dies or becomes a beutiful place to live to raise children in and help nurture there own guardens with the make there own and because i feel like this when i certain part of my guarden starts to die or wilt or change im right there to take care of it unless i realize that this amazing plan ive grown just happend to be a weed and is taking water or life away from my other plants so its up to me to make this guarden beautiful or make it a scary forrest the crazyiest is what i beleive the guarden does for you if you do random things the guraden changes who you are mine has made me into a wolf hence the name siriuslupine wich has multiple meanings most common serious wolf so when i enter other peoples worlds this is how i come off but no one likes a scary animal so its funny that i became a wolf in sheeps clothing but it made me wise an optimist friendly and intellectual and i still maintain my natrual idiotic perspective wich being humans is all about i figure that ill find whatever hes givin me cause hes givin me the tools to find it



  • Love is risky. To love is to move into danger --

    because you cannot control it, it is not safe. It is

    not within your hands. It is unpredictable: where it

    will lead nobody knows. Whether it will lead anywhere,

    that too nobody knows. One is moving into utter

    darkness but roots grow only in darkness. If the roots

    of a tree become afraid of darkness and don't move

    underground, the tree will die. They have to move into

    darkness. They have to find their way towards the

    deepest layers of the earth where they can find sources

    of water, nourishment.



  • so simply because i dont understand what direction you aim for, i am afraid to take in the understanding? no. 'death' isnt something to fear. running from my own identity? again, no. why would someone who is stung and allergic to a wasp run from the vaccine? self denial or over indulgence are not in my nature.

    I'll take what you got for now, and maybe in the future the impasse wont be so great nor misleading.

    thnx



  • why would someone who is stung and allergic to a wasp run from the vaccine? because he trusts his energy and not his mind.

    Your interpretations have been misleading and incorrect. From these interpretations it seems you should not try to grasp from another that of which he is the possessor.



  • yeah, but a couple of years ago you had that kid who died as a result of gettng stung alot and the parents were gong on fath. I think you have to do everything based on both. One sting is one thing but over 100, you should maybe go to a doc and have faith that you are doing the right thing but don't make a decision on faith alone. You should go with your heart and your mind. Your heart can make you do some stupid things if you live by that alone. That is why you have a brain. Just like though you can't live by your mind alone, cause even then, you can make alot of bad choices. You have to learn how to tune them both in at the same time! You can't use one w/out the other.



  • If you write on a blackboard with white chalk -- the

    blacker the board the whiter will be the writing. You

    cannot write on a white board with white chalk. If you

    do, there will be no writing. The contrast is needed.



  • agreed sylvannah. balance is vital.

    but thats my point. that makes no sense. some ppl are stupid to do something like that, but if you locked a man with that scenario in a room with the needle right there would he take it or would he run around for a while? he would take it.i understand what your saying but you arent doing the same. i was saying that its irrelevant. the original situation and your answer is like 2+2=fish. then when i tried to verify, or make sure i understood what you meant, you changed it up.



  • I'm sorry. I'm not exactly sure what you are talking about. Sometimes I say stuff, I know what I mean but loses something in the translation. Not many things I have changed up on except where I personally may be involved. I still think that we should do in the old days, where if you were convicted of murder (or some other heinous crime) they should take you out back and hang you or shoot you. Not make US support you for 30 years and so freakin what if whatever death penalty is inhumane. I'm sure that whatever they did to get there, they didn't consider or care about the people they did it to. I firmly believe in do unto others. Like Susan Smith, should've been strapped down and drowned. That's what she did to her children. I don't get it. There are so many people out there that want to adopt. If these people don't want their kids no more (for whatever reason) don't kill them. Give them to people that want them then kill yourself if you are so unhappy. My life has been so miserable. Most people couldn't handle half of what I've been through. I've attempted suicide a couple of times (obviously unsuccessfully lol) But each time, I really didn't want to die. Things were just so bad, I didn't know what else to do. But when I was done dealing with all that crap, everything was still there. I just needed a little time to think about it. Not let myself get overwhelmed where I make a stupid decisions. I need to take deep breath and use my head. Clear it out a little and handle just one or two things at a time instead of letting it all pile up and fall on me. It's easy to make rash decisions but to make good decisions might take a little more time.


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