I am having a hard time healing, can anyone help me please



  • HI there,

    I have been married to my best friend foir 25 years, we have a beautiful home 3 great kids and everything was great, then he dropped the bomb that he weasn't happy and he left.

    He swore he needed space and would find his way home and I snooped and found out he was having an affair with his high school girlfriend.

    She has been married 2 other times and they are living together.

    I am not the kind of women to take that kind of abuse, but it has been over a year and I still cry everyday.

    I really believed he would come back home, but he doesn't even want to talk to me or his kids.

    Help

    My dob is 12-15-59 his is 6-20-63



  • Do you happen to have his birth location and time of birth?



  • I know this may not be of much comfort, but a person with his pattern is not usually a long term relationship person. It is amazing that he stayed with you as long as he did. He has the typical aspects of someone going through a midlife crisis and will eventually reach a point of regretting his actions, however I do not recommend waiting for him. It is very important for to to do the things that help you to love yourself. Eventually their relationship will collapse. You have to ask yourself, 'Do I really want to be hurt in this way again?" Remember also that Geminis are typically very non-committal - flexibility can be a good think but he takes it to the extreme. It was a bad idea for him to leave a secure homelife with you for something that is a road to nowhere but it will take time for him to see that.



  • I know he was born in Alameda Ca not sure what time.

    I understand what your saying about being no commital, but he was for 25 years, we had it all and I can't see a future with someone else and I think he is too stuborn to admit he was wrong



  • Nancyeann, I am feeling your partner felt dominated by you and wanted to break away to find himself as an individual. I am not saying you were like that, but that's how he felt. And it's why he doesn't want any contact - he is afraid of you asserting your dominance over him again. He went back to his old sweetheart because he is trying to regain his old days of youth when he felt free to be himself without the burdens and responsibilities of a family. But he will find you can never go back to your past.



  • To the best of "Your" knowledge he was commited, seriously? I doubt it.

    If he was "Honest" he would have told you the truth about about where he was planning to share "Space" & with whom.

    He only told you he would find his way home = 1) So you wouldn't give him any more difficulty than you did when he left, &/or 2) Just in case things didn't work out.

    You just need a few things: A good lawyer, a good therapist (Everyone that has been cheated on needs a non-bias ear) some time to work on your own self, Oh! and change the door locks 🙂 If he ever does come back, I'd kick him to the curb! Unless he goes to counseling with you Before moving back into "Your House" & the therapist agrees you both have worked things through. I am not trying to sound un-caring, I do care 🙂 My 2cents. Hope it will help you in some way. Love and Blessings



  • thank you all for your replies I understand most of what you say, but I have been his wife for 25 years and this is not him, I don't understand this and therefore am having such a hard time.

    we weren't just married, we did everything together, he was my best friend and he not only ran from me but his kids as well, and his house.

    I have been having tarot readings that indicate things will go my way and I was hoping foir some insite.

    My reading always pretty much say that I have ti wait and get strong and I will get whatever I wish, could this be true



  • I'm sorry, but he is a real piece of shit. What kind of man runs from his own children even???



  • that is what I have been saying, this is so out of character for him, he was a great father and husband, hooked up with this slut from highschool and changed overnight



  • Hello Nancyeann, i m sorry honey to hear about your story. if know this most be heart broken , i can see from his birthday is Gemini man right well you need to strong with those one

    he left you behind and you feel down but you need to be strong and seeing this issue as an opportnuity for your to do the things you didnt do for long time or things you always wanted to do.

    you are not left with nothing you got your children, it's time you make yourself happy and try to let me go, accept his decision and wish him well and start focusing on you and top thinking about him

    keep yourself happy

    you could look inside your chart and his chart but this could happen with anyone and you need to strong for you and for your kids

    Gemini men like someone that has their own life and are positive

    maybe when you be all happy and shining again he will run after you because he will see you didnt leave yourself to die, you fight back and you fight back for you and not for him

    Be strong and value your time in this world

    crying is good you let it out but you need to also look that life is not over, no point trying to blame him or you for that matter just be strong and everything will be fine

    good day



  • Hello Nancyean, i have a small gift you, this a song for you

    enjoy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UDNZP9qNby4



  • I so hear you.

    I'm a Cancer and my ex was a Capricorn....and he was the love of my life. I found him in my early 40s and he was 11 years younger than me. But we had SUCH a good relationship!

    He left me too....for alcohol and paintball.

    Isn't that crazy????

    It was the typical male "midlife" crisis. I cried for a year too.... We are still friends, and now he regrets what he has done....but he has moved on (not to a better place...he and Lady Alcohol have a raging love affair that I can never match...and his health is declining at a rapid pace...) But I chose not to go down that spiral with him. I waited a year for him to take advantage of our health insurance, and then I divorced him and ended the health insurance coverage. He told me on my birthday two years ago in a likkered up fit that he just couldn't stand living with me anymore--and what was funny is like you, we had a good life.

    So, I'm sending you a link. You can find the song online I am sure....but I heard it again last night and it made me sad and strong all over again.... It's called STAND.

    http://www.stlyrics.com/songs/r/rascalflatts3211/stand1084610.html

    I have found such solace in strong music to help remind me to move on. Ihad 16 years of something good...but nothing lasts forever, it morphs and changes and relationships take two.

    21 years ago I loved a man desperately. And he loved me. We were both married. We never spoke of anything like it. We talked about walking a spiritual path, how we both were honorable people and we would always have to do the honorable thing.... And I walked away (and in spirit, he walked away as well) and the depth of what we felt was very intense. But we both walked away...honored each other and our marriages. I thought they'd be married forever, and she left him for HER high school sweetheart. He's remarried now. We talk maybe every 3 years or so, a brief phone call...are you ok? And he said he thought he was going to die. But he got himself a good counselor, moved on, and he is remarried now.

    I guess what I am saying is that life hands you pain and there is no way over it, under it, or around it...you simply must go through it. And somewhere, you come out on the other side and you STAND.

    Find a new passion. Go to school to become something you have always wanted to be. Bellydance. Howl at the moon... Life is giving you an opportunity out of crisis. would you really want him back? Would you really be able to trust again?

    Everything happpens for a reason and timing is everything. Find yourself again, because you are the only you you will ever have. Begin your own healing process. Find inspiration for yourself. And STAND.



  • Good grief, 25 years and then turn everyone inside out.

    You need to vent, expel the pain often and loudly just try to maintain with the kids, but trash him freely, and take care of yourself. I do suggest that you do not make anything easier for him. I have a friend that her husband did the same thing and she does not talk to him, period not a word, he tries "I miss you, you are my best friend" she does not speak a word and just leaves. His family called trying to guilt her she says "no comment" they continue she hangs up the phone. She lets the kids continue whatever relationship they can with him and Grandma, but he lost his standing, and everyone's trust and she just doesn't say a word. And the girlfriend left. It's been 5 years and she's just beginning to trust her judgement, she's got a great guy and she looks fantastic.

    Best wishes



  • So see Sister thing like this can happen to anyone and it's really an opportunity to start NEW again, let him go if thats what he wants and doesnt valuate you but you need to make sure you will valuate your worth, stand for yourself and go get a new dress, get a new hair cut, learn to feel good again,

    the great things about past is it's in past and whatever happen there will never happen again so you have the opportunity to give yourself whatever you wished before

    Remember who you are



  • nancyeann

    I know right now your life is consumed with why why why. Please do not roll this betrayal into one big lie to erase your life with your husband as it really is much more complex. You are reaching out and bringing to light a subject that will be sure to touch a raw nerve in many woman so be careful not to gather more pain than comfort. Spirit shows me the word pulsating in bright bright pink--SELF-RELIANCE. This hand you've been dealt holds a card that will take you closer to your highest potential if you choose to put your energy in that direction. Right now the obstacle is TIME. You cannot rush this process he is going through or the one you are as well. Spirit also says letting go is your challenge. Not in a giving up way but as a trusting child lifting this big burdon up to the heavens and saying "God I don't understand it can't think how to solve it but trust it into your hands that I will get to the other side and all is OK!" Your relationship with your husband was very real and like most long term situations it gets very comfortable--too comfortable. You are steadfastly predictable and that is both good and yet easily taken for granted. It is being tested right now. Please do not change your open heart to accomadate this terrible blow. Instead allow yourself your grief--it is healthy to have crying times but then get back in the saddle and let in the light and be SELF-RELIANT. Learn to be happy without him for now. This affair will not last. It is like a bandaid on a real big problem your husband must resolve in himself. The reason he is in total cut off mode is his resolve is really that weak because if he was rightly committed to his new life he would not need to hide from his conceinse. Spirit says to repeat this loudly--HE IS NOT AVOIDING HIS CHILDREN HE IS HIDING FROM HIS CONCEINSE. Heartless as it looks from the outside it is so telling of how delusional this man has become to protect his lie. He lies to himself--his new partner lies to herself and both are clinging tightly to the idea of it but this can not last. Midlife crises is no joke it is real--men are more hit by the loss of masculinaty and dreams than woman and act out in many ways. Some just go into a funky depression and others go leaping for a whole new life that somehow will make fathertime back off but it is just a bandaid. Your husbands symptons festered with this overwhelming thought that he missed the boat that somehow he wasn't ready to let go of his youth. Very sad because now all he's done is porolonged the reality we all come to terms with. Getting old often is interpeted as being invisable. This woman made him think he was not invisable. It's like when you get a beautiful gift and you put it on the perfect shelf and for awhile you smile everyday as you see it--you dust it often--then three years later it's still beautiful but suddenly so familiar in that space it actually became invisible! This is the lesson your husband has waiting for him. He has taken a familiar safe secure relationship with you and mis judged it as hohum. Believe me he will wake up. The lesson for you know is to re energize who you are. Redecorate your home--if you can't afford that just paint and move all your favorite things around. Embrace change as it will ease the pain. Your children need to see you thrive it will be a gift to them. Do not keep anything around the house with bad memories. You need to be very me me me right now--do things you love--enjoy the things you love--stay busy--take classes--join clubs--AVOID pitty parties at all costs--invite into your life women who are strong positive survivors. Give yourself crying times but then dry your eyes and get busy. Create a peace garden just for you to have a ritual that uplifts. A symble of your faith in God to solve this big bump in the road. Spirit says Christmas will bring very very good news this year. Also I see a job offer you might consider part-time in the helping field and you will find it very rewarding and an older woman will have much wisdom to share. I also see one of your children surprising you with very good news. I really see much good in the future for you if you can just not let this dark time overshadow it. Spirit calls it a reawakening. Embrace the change. Buy yourself flowers. Blessings



  • Dear Blmoon,

    Wow thank you for that beautiful post. I actually feel what you are saying, I am a strong women and have let this take over my self worth, I feel somehow something has been telling me all along to not give up hope, that if it was meant to be it will be.

    I have started reaching out to friends and planting a flower garden for peace, and I ask God everyday to help to heal him and to lead me in the right direction.

    Thanks again for giving me some hope