To anyone who can relate?



  • Have you ever been so honest with someone it hurts? I mean for years, and its not anyones fault. Its just not meant to be?



  • Hi serious7,

    Yes, I have done that with one of my relationships, many years back.

    We were together for about 3 years but those 3 years weren't bed of roses for us.

    I was very much in love with him and when I love someone, I tend to be very forgiving and all I wanted to do was to guide him to be a better human being, to be a better boyfriend and maybe life partner.

    He cheated on me, slept with his ex girlfriend, I forgave him. He started to take drugs, after mixing with the wrong crowd, I stayed by his side and help him to clean up his act. There were many other problems as well. I forgave him countless times.

    His family loved me very much and told me that I was the best for him. Maybe because of that and the feeling of responsible to help him, I stayed for so long. I was young then, at my early 20s.

    One day, we had a big fight. I just got back from work and there he was, at my place (my family home). He started to pick on me about something and we ended up raising our voices. It went all so fast and before I knew it, he picked up a big vase and wanted to throw or hit my head with it. My aunt stopped him. I was shocked. He was never abusive before. That moment I realized that it was the end. I had to end the relationship.I threw him out and told him to stay away from me. I do not want to have anything to do with him anymore.

    He tried all sort of thing to come back to me but I ignored him. He get all his family members to call me, to ask me to forgive him. His mum called me crying and begged me to change my mind. That hurts me the most. I had to be honest to his mum and told his mum that her son is not good for me. If he change to be a better person, that is great but I won't be there for him anymore. Period. My mind is made up. It was not meant to be. I was so determined to fight the universe, fate, destiny..etc...I won't go back to him, no matter what.

    A year went by....he did change to be a better person. He cleaned up his act, landed himself a great job etc..and single. He was hoping that we will be together again. I got to know all this from a good friend of mine. One day, I decided to give him a call to meet up. During the meeting, I told him that I am proud of him and I am giving him the closure he needed, in order to move on. I told him honestly to leave everything in the past and accept the fact that I won't come back to him, It is no one's fault that we won't be together again, it 's just not meant to be. I left him there and then. It really hurts me to do that to him, but I needed to...

    Well......this is old news now 🙂 Hope this helps!

    Whatever you are going through right now, I wish you all the best and stay strong.



  • Dear serious 7.Yes I have.It hurts like hell.Sometimes its not meant to be especially with a soulmate.Our souls chose certain lessons before birth maybe thats why.In any case everyones life paths are different.Been there and not too much wiser.But sending you lots of healing love and hugs and prayers.

    Love and Light



  • Hi Sweetie,

    Maybe look at it from another angle, be thankful that you had someone you felt you COULD be so totally honest with. It's so good to have one person that you can be completely yourself with and feel comfortable in expressing your inner self. When you feel different and set apart from most people it's important to have someone you feel close to and can be open with. We all need a friend who allows us to be who we really are with them.

    xoxo



  • Hi serious missed you i hate you have had that experience it not only happens with women but men to me and my wife or so to be ex had a fairy tale marriage. All i ever ask of her was not to lie to me and it went fine for twelve years i never had a reason to doubt her or her doubt me i even told her if a women spoke to me or any thing that might cause a doubt there was no problem that i knew of untill i noticed her doing some thing totally out of caricature and i in the first time in 12 years i started checking on her and she started lying about stuff and all her actions pointed toward messing around . I never caught her but the far-fetched stories continued and for nine years i tried to get her to deal with it i always told her if she ever s-c-r-ewed around and admitted it we could probably get over it as long as the lie was exposed and dealt with and what i mean by that is a person can not s-c-r-ew around unless they lie to their self first and you have to get to root of the lie we both were living in the light it was great the hardest part has been for me accepting why she made that sacrifice i still do not know but it's getting a little better i am being grateful for that 12 years we had i have never had a relationship like that before and i do hope i can again with some one i have had a very wild life before when i drank its been 26 years now and i do not do what i use to and i am open with nearly every thing so i am trying to move own with my life and the main one i have to be honest with is me and some times it don't feel good but today i am gratefull i can feel. Delbert c



  • Hi serious

    Sorry you are hurting so much.My heart feels for you.I was in a relationship for five years where i was truthful but he wasn't..lied and cheated so much.I can not even talk about it i feel so stupid putting up with the situation for as long as i did.

    I think sometimes a person doesn't come into our lives to stay....only to give us insight too ourselves.Hopefully you won't let this prevent you from being the honest and wonderful person you are.I wish you joy and peace.



  • Thank you all so much for the support! It means the world to me! Especially being such an extroverted person. These are all very helpful and thank you all for sharing! I wish the best for you all!



  • You know Ty why truth is so important to me cause i was a lier,thief ,abuser,a con ,hustler,and i destroyed a lot of precious relationships i had a lot of women who really loved me and would do any thing for me and i treated them like dirt i was mean violent ,but always hopeing to find the one that change my life you see i wanted all the good things and a good wife and be a good father and provider ,every time i would start drinking and ruin it all. I used alcohol to do for me what i could not do for myself and i excelled at work i had to be good at what ever i did i had to be the fastest and the best at what i done to have the money to live the way i was living alcohol made me and it made me feel good but then it turned on me and started going down & down to were i was staying on three week drunks not drawing a sober breath and i finally hit bottom at 32 years old my life came crashing down the alcohol quit working it would not cover the pain anymore it wouldn't tell me its ok and it didn't hide the guilt anymore i wanted to die but i couldn't i was beat and i found help threw treatment and AA and i found this power that saved me and pulled me out of the H-e-ll i was in and i call him father and threw him i found me i got to the root of the problem and it was not alcohol .Today that is why truth is so important to me it keeps me from going to the pits of H-e-ll again today 26 years latter i am still very grateful and sober i got to make amends for the harm i done my kids do not run and hide behind the couch any more screaming and crying .Truth is what sustains me and keeps my light shinning today sometimes i forget where i came from and i have to be reminded what is important. Truth its not money or a home or a job what got me this far is Truth belief in a power greater than me and Him expressing himself threw me and i get all the benefits. I do not know why things are happing the way they are but i do know that Truth will guide me threw it and it is my life. Delbert c



  • Well said Delbert, at least you found out, some folks never do and then it' too late.:)



  • Del, Congrats on the 26 years. I've got almost 13 myself. The great part? Even when relationships fail...I never do as long as I don't pick up a drink. I was on a journey to knowledge before I quit drinking because I knew what I was doing wasn't working for me. I was lost. I was unhappy and before I got to the point of no return....I got lucky and got arrested for DUII. I wanted to take the step to stop using and but couldn't. Getting arrested allowed me to do that. AA was the next step in my journey to knowledge. I still practice the steps even though I don't attend meetings anymore. I engrossed myself in the program and kept going on the path of enlightenment. I was single for 9 years while I found myself. I just had a relationship that I thought was the one end late last year and even though it was very painful....it put me back on track and what I have found in 5 months is way greater than any relationship would ever be. I'm happy, truly happy with ME....not who I am in a relationship...not who I am as a mother, worker or whatever. I am truly happy with me. Whatever comes my way will be even greater since I have found me and me is really important. Keep going as you are....it's all good.



  • Thank you very much but i give father credit and a lot of patient people i was fortunate the last treatment center was my 5 th one my counselor told the other patients look at old Delbert he knows that big book like the back of his hand but he just can not stay sober his problem is he just dont apply the big book in his life he is a good example of how knowledge will not keep us sober and that he said oh Delbert will probably be drunk in less than a week of leaving here and out of 35 patience over half wont make it that is the facts and that is so true but you can see i made it so each day is a blessing for me even going threw my other s-h-i-t and congrats on yours Aunt Buck my sobriety date is July 23 1983 seems like a life time i have seen so much good and a lot of bad i haven't been to a meeting in over 7 years i was in service work for over 10 years its been great and its great to find new friends and i agree Aunt Buck the ones who had us do not realize just how lucky they were LOL I have just got to say it you all eat your hearts out i am setting outside by my camper in my chair in the shade writing this on my laptop the birds are singing and it about 80 deg is that great or what ! If you all were here we could have a round robin . Delbert c I also went by my nickname Tooter


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