What should I do? please....



  • What do I do about my man issues? What's going to happen? Anyone have any insight...please?



  • Can you give some more information on the situation?



  • Thank you Captain for responding. My husband is so stressed, he's in a really strenuous program for school, he seems better when I act like "we" are ok; which causes me to feel that his instability is my responsibility. I'm afraid he's going to snap, he's unpredictable, I'm afraid for him, I mean really really concerned that there will be a tragedy of some sort soon. We have two kids, they are older, we've been together for over 15 years. I'm just so concerned and I feel so responsible and helpless at the same time. Thank you again for addressing this... I'm just thinking this is all going to have a very sad ending. :0( I don't know what to do.



  • I am getting a very strong message that you should GET OUT NOW!

    Do you have friends or family you can go to?



  • No, I don't have anyone here. Yikes...I've never pegged him as 'that' kind of person. I was more worried about him hurting himself. Thank you Captain...



  • I should clarify. I don't think he would hurt us, I just dont' know what do do for him and his stress level. I went back and re-read my post about our situation and it sounds so much worse than it is. I was just getting at the fact that he's taken on all he can handle and I'm afraid it's too much for him, he's just at the point where he wants relief but he's pushing on forward and trying to do his best... the pressure is heavy though. Since he's been in school (two years now) our relationship has become much more honest and I think it scares him, he doesn't want to lose us but in order to finish this program he has to make choices: stay home (and lose more than just this opportunity) or go to school (and have very limited time with us). He feels guilty and torn and he has such a hard time with that. Anyway, I didn't mean to make it sound scary in the other post... I am afraid for him, not for us (our family, or me and the kids) I'm more afraid of him ending up hurt on his motorcycle or something.



  • You still need to get out in order to take the pressure off your husband. Not a complete break off of the marriage but a separation to allow him time to heal. Can you go to a shelter or something just for a little while? He is a pressure cooker that will burst if he doesn't get some easing of the stress.



  • No, there's nowhere for us to go... I'd be afraid that a physical seperation would freak him out. He always talks about how afraid he is to lose me. We don't fight or argue but I can feel the anxiety and tenseness. Maybe I'll ask him to stay somewhere for a night if he needs it. I feel like I need to be here with the kids but maybe if he takes a night or two on his own he'd feel better. Poor guy. He always seemed so cool and collected. I think for years he's been boiling inside and I'm just now seeing it come out. I always knew it was there but he wouldn't let me in. Thank you for your advice. I'll try getting him to take a break without it looking like any kind of physical displacement on my part.



  • Hi Glad,

    I'm not as talented as many on here are, but have learned to listen to my intuition.

    My first gut reaction was for you to leave, even after you re-wrote. I agree with The Captian.



  • You can stay in communication through phone or email. But your physical presence is a constant reminder to your husband of his responsibilities. I am feeling you don't want to leave him because you fear what might happen if you aren't there for him. But the reverse is actually true. Your presence reminds him that he cannot affford to fail because others depend on him. Pressure, pressure, pressure! Why not make a separation sound like it is for YOUR good, not his? By pretending you need a holiday or saying you have to visit a sick friend or whatever, your hubby can get a break yet not feel he has failed you.



  • Thank you :0)



  • I'm feeling a ton better, the weight if off of my shoulders. Thank you :0) Thank you sooo much.


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