Please...someone help!

  • I am about to go crazy. The love of my life, my soon to be ex-wife and I slip a month ago. We argued a lot and I iniated a breakup because one night she hit me several times when we were argued. She started seeing another guy and I got her back but she left me two times and said the flame was lost. The third time we were together for a week and she started to change her mind after leasing a house together with me...I screamed at her to get out of the house and never to contact me again. She got a lawyer a week ago and I signed the no contest divorce papers. I just signed them because I didn't want to look weak to her.

    Please someone tell me how I can get her back...I am literally going crazy...I know we are soul mates. My name is Kenneth her name is Eun-Mi. I was born June 22, 1981. She was born June 14, 1984.

    I met her in Korea and brought her to the states. Please help me before it's too late!!! I haven't spoken to her in over a month out of stubborness though I did send an email and a valentines bear to her workplace about three and a half weeks ago or a month or so.

    I am terrified to call her because she might be with another guy and hang up on me or something. I never imagined things like this between us...we were practically joined at the hip for two and half years. Please someone tell me if she will ever come back to me. I love her more than life itself...but I feel like in order for her to be attracted to me again I can't chase her. please help me. Many thanks. I am literally losing it. I want to call her so so badly.

  • I just would like to know A: Will she come back to me on her own? B: Would it hurt my chances to call her?

    I just wish more than nayhting in the world we were together and both trying to improve our relationship together. I am willing to go to marriage counseling and the whole nine yards. I think about her every second of the day. I used to take her love for granted but I still always took care of her and was good to her. I just want us to be back together. Some insight would be so greatly appreciated. Every days seems to just get harder and harder.

  • I am no love expert but something attracted you two to begin with. I would just try to start all over. Date her. Take her out and do stuff together but don't pressure her to tell you what's the matter. Just let all the past go, and start all over. You two might be attracted to eachother all over again. Just have fun and don't dwell on the past. Forget about everything that happened before today. If you are meant to be, you will be together again. Just don't bring up ANYTHING! Just let everything go and start all over. Let me know if that works or is even possible.

  • In my mind....she should come to me as she left me the last two times. This must be the only way she can have the proper respect and attraction levels for me. Also, I was willing to make major changes in my personal life and she wasn't. I feel like she has to realize that I loved her more than anyhting and not disrespect me and be abusive so much...put me down in front of others and such.

    If I call her, I feel like I will only be setting her up to mabe get back with me and leave again.

    Can someone please tell me what her reaction would be if I called??? I am scared she will get strength from it and think she is right more and more and decide to squash me again. I really just want to grab her and hold her so so much.

  • The problem is that you, Kentucker4, want romance (rather than the reality of mundane day-to-day living) and the security of a home base - your ex wants the opposite: freedom, success, and to do her own thing. In other ways you are both as bad as each other - the way you both try to hurt each other and get what you want. That's not love, it's hate. This is more destructive than constructive and is a bad combination for love. Be glad it's over - she isn't coming back to you.

    You are chasing an ideal of romance rather than reality - open your eyes to the fact you were not really compatible. Get out of your head and find someone who is better suited to your needs.

  • Thre do you know this???

    Are you just speculating or did you do a reading???

    I don't just want romance.....we really never had that in the first place...I was the first one to want my freedom not her. She used to cling to me every day and tell me she couldn't survive without me. I just love her like family. I used to want to run away but stayed and took care of her no matter what.

    How do you know she is not coming back??? I s that somehting you saw ina reading....because two physchics told me she will try and come back and offer an ultimatum of some sort.

  • I use to always talk about how I wanted my freedom and she would tell me that was stupid and to have a baby with her and start a family.

    Th Captain please tell me whbether or not you know for sure if she won't come back or not because I have good reason to suspect otherwise. Some times you don;t realize how much you love someone until they are gone.

  • much as this pains me to say, I believe she has a good side and a very bad side. The bad side uses her good side to manipulate people. She used me for a greencard I know....yet I still deeply love her. She also is blind to how much I cared about her.

    I have been told that she will try and use me again int he future and will make an ultimatum if we are not together again somehting about hurting herself. Her changing her idea of using people being acceptable is also futile from wehat I have been told. I have also been told by two people if I let her get back together with me, it will ultimately lead to my death. I refuse to be scared of htis, though, as I think I can help both of us become better people through God if we did get back together.

    Yes, she wants her freedom right now, but so did I for the majority of our relationship and she refused to give it to me

    She was bedridden with panic attacks for months and clung to me every day and was petrified of the idea of me leaving her. Now that she regained her strength, the tables have turned so to speak. I I just want us to work things out. If she continues her way of life I know she will be utterly miserable. No one can be happy deep down knowing that they use others for their own personal gain. She is also a chronic smoker and raging drunk.

    She one time had this dream where she saw Jesus and he tried to reach out for her hand and told her that all she needed to be happy was to believe and to put him in her heart. She said in the dream she couldn't reach out because she couldn't believe. When she left this last time, she left her Korean bible on a table. I took it as a sign that she had given up trying to be good and is succumbing to her darker side completely. I don't like thinking that she could eventually be the cause of my death one day....but I also think about her by herself. She tried to kill herself two years before I met her. She used to ask me to save her from her life when we first started dating. I can't help it, I deeply care about her. She can have all the freedom she wants for now. I need to decide if I will take her back when she tries to contact me again for whatever purpose.

    You say she won't be back...are you completely sure of this???

  • Sorry Ken but I feel she has found another man to support her. So she no longer needs you.

  • I am feeling she is much happier now as well. There will be someone else for you.

  • I'm not really sure why you are so attached to this situation - it sounds truly horrendous to me. Are you afraid there won't be anyone else for you?

  • No, I love her.

    Maybe she is happier right now, because she is attracted to new situations when everything is easy.

    How do you know she is really happier.

    No other man will be able to support her emotionally the way I did. I know this. She will come running back, right? Is she just using this other man like she used me???

    When she was first with me, she was very very happy. She naturally gravitates toward strangers until the new wears off. This man who she is with has been dumped by countless woemn from what I am told. Are you saying they will be together forever???

  • It sounds like you want to control her - that is not love.

  • And you say she was happy when she was first with you - that means she has not been happy with you for some time. If you really loved her, you would want her to be happy with whomever she was with. This is not love - you want someone to dominate to make yourself feel more secure. But that is not how you feel secure about yourself.

  • Ok, you are way freakin off. I don't want to dominate anyone. I was never the controlling type. I always encouraged her to go out with her friends and even make guy friends. I never got jealous...until she cheated on me. In fact, she was the one who controlled me for a long time. In fact, she became like a dominating tyrant. It's so ironic you use that term for me. She never let me go out with my friends and was constantly jealous of my family. Seriously, you are WAY off on this thing about dominating. Also, she always demanded we make a baby right away and NEVER considered my feelings about it....we weren't financially ready and she sure as hell wasn'T emotionally ready to be a mother. I really htink it would have dammned near killed her in her state back then.

    She is an abusive person and gets that straight from her father who used to beat her mother and cheat on her. Her own mother told me this face to face.

    One common trait among abusive personalities is they tend to blame alll of their problems and unhappiness on their partner. Our former landlord called my mom and told her our neighbor was terrified of our wife because she could hear our arguments from the next room (duplex). She also told me mom, "if that was my son, I would get him far away from her." As you can imagine, my parents wanted me to get away fast......she 'loses' her mind sometimes and blackouts out and throws stuff, hits...will do a monster...literally. I used to be scared to sleep sometimes at night after this would happen and she would never even remmeber it the next day. I always knew it was coming when her eyes would roll back in her head and she would start convulsing like. Was crazy to witness. Felt sorry for her, though, because she had no control over it.

    I took care of her for many many months when she was sick and she would literally abuse me when she was drunk. Sometimes she would come home from hanging out with her friends and be falling everywhere hitting her head and I would just try and help her to bed and she would go ballistic hitting me falling everywhere cussing me out puking.

    I am NOT the reason for her unhappiness. She was never happy when I first met her and told me how horrible her life was and asked me to save her.

    Then she became very happy for a few months and obsessed with me and way too clingy..until the new wore off in our relationship...she suffers from clinical depression and borderline personality other words....she does not even know when she will be happy and when not....she is a rollercoster.....extremely happy one day and horribly depressed the next and always blames me for her unhappiness.

    Well guess what.....before she met me, she blamed her parents for her unhappiness and her ex boyfriend.

    Pretty soon....when the new has worn off with this guy...she will also blame him for her problems or whatever.Ofcourse, I know he is rich, so she can do all of her plans right now. Of course, she is happy. She is the type to look for the negative though and will find things to be unhappy abut sooner or later. I know her like the back of my hand.

    A very well respected physchic told me she will try to contact me again sometime in the future when she realizes this guy can't provide for her what I did both emotianlly and physically but that she will try to use both of for the other and that guy for his money.

    If she ends up in the future...not currently...happy with some else or alone, then that is what I want for her. However, she is ONLY happy when she is in a new situation and reality has not set in or she hasn't had enogh time to get bored and start thinking about bad things instead of the good.

    I have no desire whatsoever to dominate her. I just miss my closest friend and I guess I get very sentimental thinking about every thing. And I guess I am very jealous about another guy being with her. Yeah, that is not true love, I know. I can be selfish at times and am verbally abusive and take things for granted. Maybe I need to look at this as a lesson about myself as well.

    Maybe I am crazy to still desire a relationship with her. Maybe it's just the fact that I don't seem to have a choice now in the matter that makes me want her. If that's so, then I am wrong. I'm so mixed up right now, I don't even know. All I can think about is our past. I guess I should have followed my heart and left her a year ago and things wouldn't be so grueling feeling. Then I would have felt guilty.

    Well, you said there is someone else for me. When will I meet this person? I do believe you are right about the capatability issue......I always felt that way and wanted to end the relationship about a year ago but didn't have the heart to do so. She use to always tell me she would die if I ever left her. That statement really stings right about now....she would say it literally every day and hold onto me like a new born baby.

  • Kentucker4 Your situation sounds alot like mine except my boyfriend is an alcoholic. I stayed in the beginning because I loved him and I was hoping that when he saw what he had, he would change a little. That never happened. Then it got to where he expected me to do everything and took me for grante. I felt almost obligated to stay because I knew no one else would.But then I realized, that my being there, made him feel comfortable and I became an enabler just by being there.He won't even think about changing or how he treared me until I am gone. It will take him to lose almost everything to say "hey. What have I done?"He will have to hit rock bottom before he realizes what he had and what he threw away and hopefully, I'll still be here. I gave him 3 1/2 years. I have to go on living my life and when he makes that realization, maybe I'll still be available. It sounds like she needs a major wake up call too. But don't wait for her. You never know how long it will take or what you're missing. If she sees you moving on w/out her, it might help her see. You deserve alot better than what you got. As a result, I have very low self esteem. I need to pick myself up and move on before it is too late. I just found out I have MS so I might not have much time left and I don't want to waste what time I do have on someone that is ungrateful and unappreciative. He can be selfish and inconsiderate and he doesn't see it. He has to lose to gain. Maybe the same w/ her. Sounds like she needs professional help too. (like my b-f) Kind of guide her to it w/out her knowing.It's the only way to help both of you.

  • Sorry to hear about MS...that just sucks. Yeah, maybe she will.

  • Domination and control can be a very subtle thing - just wanting someone to do what you want is about control.

  • Cut the drama and emotion and calm down, Ken - of course you still have a choice in this matter. You can choose to leave behind an abusive relationship - and no matter what you may think, there is no love involved in abuse - and move on with your life. Or your other choice is to waste your time pining for a person who never really loved you. This woman used you to get the support she wanted - she will do it to every man she meets. Accept that you learned a good hard lesson but don't let it embitter you or turn you off relationships in general. There are actually some sane people out there.

    But maybe it's just the crazy ones who attract you?

  • I am also feeling that you actually liked the drama this person brought into your life - beats the boredom, right?

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