Opinion Wanted



  • Love Life Reading-

    After some a very complicated love life I stopped dating all together for about a year now. Even the idea of dating was repulsive to me and I know that I really needed the time alone.

    This year I feel I should take a decision regarding my love life, because just ignoring the problem is not going to solve it. I need an audience voting to help me make a decision.

    Here are the 3 players as well as the advantages and disadvantages of dating them:

    1. My husband

    Positives:

    • I enjoy his company (most of the time);

    • around him I am a “domestic diva” and a good mom;

    • adores our son;

    • have nice memories together- great travel companion;

    Negatives:

    • Sexually incompatible.. (most of the time) We had good times together but

    only when he works hard at it – and that happens almost never;

    • around him I cannot perform well: financially or professionally, because I need to be a perfect mom and encourages in me overspending.

    • his family is against us;

    • his financial wealth is poor, and until he changes that we cannot even exist as a family.

    1. Mr Libra Man

    Positives:

    • Strong sexual attraction;

    • around him I look my best and give a lot of my time to stay fit and healthy;

    • he is financially balanced and a moderate spender and that will correct my overspending tendencies;

    • a good start: together we can afford a 2-br apartment by selling his condo and my covering the apartment price difference funds;

    • we both love warm weather.

    Negatives:

    • I will need to overcome the sorrow he caused me in the past and he will need to feel sorry that he caused it;

    • he will need to cut out on his sports activities time up to 50% (otherwise we will be seeing each other only on rainy days);

    • he will need to give up on his constant search of new relationships and overcome his lack of decision: the one step forward, 2 steps back attitude;

    • he expects me to reinvent myself vs. accept me unconditionally.

    1. Mr Mistery Man/ “Dragonfly”

    Positives:

    • He took a long time and put in a lot of effort to really get to know me in a way that none else ever done it;

    • He is very well spoken and very well read;

    • His feelings seem to be very intense and matching my personality;

    Negatives:

    • He knows who I am but I do not actually know him;

    • I am not fond of his profession.

    • He has a daughter who might not like me;

    • Despite the strong mental attraction, I am not sure if there will be any physical attraction between us.

    Can someone help with their opinion as well as a psychic connection?

    Thanks.



  • Hi

    ahm dont u think ya need to b divorced b4 u hunt for new male companion? just a thought. as 4 ur 3 men, read up on their signs it gives a clue, best would b ur sign by linda goodmann

    she gives a very good picture of how the signs interact. look for one that has ur sign on it, n inside all combinations with ur sign n the left 11 signs both genders. it has helped me a lot in my dilemmas.

    as 4 psychic sense, i think u long discarded ur husband n his fam in one pile of pot. dragonbfly i think u need to meet in person n see what clicks. mr libra well they know well when they hurtn hate it, but well ahm

    in end the choise is urs. but do get that book by linda goodman. it may help

    best of luck



  • Hmmm

    Husband -

    By expecting you to be a perfect mom and sees you as a "domestic diva" is like torturing you mentally and not letting you grow to be your own self. He needs to know that you are his wife, not his "trophy" , brutally speaking. He is a great travel companion but the reality is based on daily lives together. How can you gain support from a person who cannot encouraged you to flourish professionally? He needs to be happy for you and support you in whatever you do. Hmmm......and bad sex life, that's double pressure! ( Just so you know, I have dated a guy who had problems holding on, he can be done in like 5 mins but I stayed around because he seek other alternatives to please me. Also, he is a sensual person and his touch is magic , I forgave his shortcomings!)

    Well, I think your hubby will be a great friend but as a husband, I don't think you can be with him forever. You already "left" him a long time ago by venturing out, dating other people.

    Mr. Libra Man -

    You both need to forgive each other, let go of the past and begin a new chapter . You can find a way to compromise about his sport activities by suggesting that he involve you in some of the activities. That way, you two can still spend time together and he don't feel force on quitting doing the things he loves to do. Also, you might need that much time alone, whenever he is busy with his sport, to focus on yourself and grow professionally.

    Not sure if this Libra guy is the perfect guy for you if he cannot commit himself to you and keep on searching for new relationships. If you are the one for him, he would not be chasing others. His heart won't let him do that. Don't you think?

    Mr. Mistery Man -

    Hmm.... always good to be with someone who took the time an effort to get to know us better, he seems like a nice guy. Go and get to know him better. Go out on a date. I know you hate dating but sometimes, it is necessary. How can you know if you both are physically compatible if you don't see each other often? Communication is the key to a great relationship ( believe me, I learned this the hard way!). Go out, have a good talk about his profession, maybe you might understand it better or you can be honest about not liking it ( not on first date though). As for his daughter, how old is she? It might be easier for you to make her change her mind about you if she is still a kid. If she is already an adult, oh well, have a good talk with her. Anyway, this the least you need to worry about. Worry about this later. First, figure out what you want to do with her daddy.

    Whatever your decision is, I wish you all the best in life. I feel ya, it is not easy to be in such a dilemma. Be strong.



  • Hi HPriestess.

    No marriage is a perfect match. Even if it is, it requires patience, faith and trust in the Divine to not let egotism, sexual desires, etc., distroy the marriage.

    You can only control what you do, you can not control what he does. But if he is faithful to you sexually, then my advice for you is to not divorce him or be unfaithful to him. My advice for you is that you display your life to the Divine and ask for guidance and healing from old thought patterns as the Divine gives you inner healing to teach you who you are and what you are meant to do for yourself and your husband in this world. Even what are you meant to do in this world at all. As you let the divine spirit heal you from within, the purpose for your life in this world will be revealed for you. You will see that the search for this man or that man or any man at all is useless for your growth as a human being. Only by giving your life to the divine spirit, can you find peace in this world.

    I know several marriages where the two are sexually incompatible, and they work as helpers for other people together and they at the same time have what they themselves feel is a good marriage. A marriage is not about Cinderella being saved by her prince from the dragon (the lower forces in the world). The marriage is about the two together working for a better life together, for a better world together. It has nothing to do about sex.

    Sublimation, to channel lower forces (aggression and sexual forces) upwards, is a part of healing into a more complete human being. The surrendering of the lower forces is even a criteria for inner healing. So there is nothing bad about that people are married whom are not sexually attracted to each other.



  • thank you both for your answers.

    Astrologically speaking I cannot compare them-

    because for the libra I do not know his time of birth and for dragonfly I do not even know his birthday.. but I think is a Capricorn which in fact may be a good thing beacuse I have Saturn on my house of romance (house 5);

    I cannot get a divorce before I know whom I choose.. I will first need to take the husband off the list in enable to do that and I have not done this yet.

    As I said I am not hunting any man.. I have not even been dating anyone for 1yr..

    Please..I am not planning to date any of them right away..I just need to pick one to know which direction I am taking..



  • Hp, i ve been in the "point me in the right direction" mode since 1998. N more full force since 1999 n added to it in 2003. I STILL aint got a pointed direction. not saying neíther of us EVER will but the direction point may takes its sweet long way.



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  • I think you already know what you want to do and maybe none of these men are right for you. It appears to me there are issues with all of them that are causing you concern or at least not total happiness. I believe mutual respect is paramount in a reationship and if you truly love the person you are with and that means, "their happiness is as important to you as yours" the sexual part is secondary. I have been married to a man for 30 years who is my soul mate and best friend. I don't always like everything he does and sexually he is not my match but and it is a very big BUT...he is there for me emotionally and that is probably the most important ingredient to a happy relationship.in my book. When I am sick, he is there to wait hand and foot, when I am down he truly listens and does things to boost me up. In other words, my happiness and well being is as important to him as his is to mine. The tender looks, the little smiles when he looks at me across the room as if we had a private joke are a hundred times more important to me than whether he is my exact match sexually. I have always been sexual and if we were better matched in that area, it would only be icing on the cake but it is secondary to the recipe, I am truly happy. My wish is for you to "know" without a shadow of a doubt you are with a man who loves you unconditionally and who you love unconditionally as well.



  • HPriestess, this is my opinion only. I first think that you need to decide what to do about your husband before you decide what to do about the others. You need to free yourself from that so that you are really open to having another relationship even if you are only dating. The other 2 if you can not decide then it is not time to make a decision and you should continue to get know the mystery man more and find out about him in order to make the decision. People can change but only when they want to not when someone wants you to change so any of them that want to change you will not work. Sounds like maybe you need to consider opening yourself up to other possibilities rather than the 3. The one thing that did jump out at me if I want to go with my intuition and first reaction was that you never mentioned love with any of them, maybe you need to think about that. The one thing is that since you are thinking about dating you are obviously ready to make a step and that is just being open to dating and a relationship. Good luck!



  • There will always be challenges in relationships. There is no perfect relationship. Even if it is, it will still not be completely without flaws. That is why I say it is the desire that needs to be worked on. I dont see the point of getting new man, then a new one, then another new one etc. That is the pattern if the point is to find someone perfect, or where "everything" matches. The desires needs to be tamed before one may be able to see clearly. What you really need might not be what you want at all.

    You say you have been without a man for 1 year. Is that long? I know people who have not had sex for 14 years, 8 years, 5 years etc. 1 year is like saying you dont know what celibate really is. Celibate is something that lasts for ages and ages, not just a few hundred days.



  • Wow I agree to a certain point on almost everything you all have said, took some of the words out of my mouth! HP we have simuliar situations except for all the choices, marraige wise yes! As for you husband at least you enjoy his company and he loves his child thats big! I feel u with the sex part, I'm in the same boat (horrible). The money issue is very important too. For door # 2 (smile). I agree with what the others have said, you cannot change ot suit someone else or you will lose who you are, you also cannot change other people. I would not go there, it's headed for failure and frustration. For guy number 3, get to know him better. I would not rush into anything. Think about what makes you happy, what is important to you in life now and in the future. "Why can't we have it all! I definetly feel u there. In my case my husband was always a good provider for the family, but a horrible husband and so so father. I stayed because I wanted a stable environment for my kids, sometimes we evolve and outgrow our partners. I'm thinking of leaving too but want to be absolutely sure, I can make it on my own. I agree you should pray about it and don't rush into anything whatever you decide. Make sure your eyes are wide open and not clouded but lust, as good as that can be, or clouded by Fairy Dust! You have written the pro's and con's about each one. Figure out what you can live with or without. Good luck!



  • Thank you all,

    however I need to make a point clear.. I do have a physical attraction and I love to kiss with my husband. However is not that strong as it should be, maybe.



  • The problem is that in order to know if I want to get a divorce is to know better what I can expect from the other 2, especially Dragonfly. To know the other 2 better it will be like cheating on my husband.. I am kind of stuck in a circle.

    You asked me about love- the love has been tested with guy 2 and it did pass the test of time.. 3 years now;

    The re-event part is what scaries me..and the potential failure.. then I will be left with nothing.

    He expects me to loose some weight and better my career.

    My moral duty is telling me to stay with my husband, but I also know if I do that I miss out on a lot of opportunities.

    My psychic instincts are telling me that most opportunity/ the best for me alone is with the Dragonfly.. However is not that easy to contact him.. I need for him to contact me. Of course I have done nothing to encourage him as well.. since I took the ye



  • HPriestess,

    I might not be the best person to give advice or opinion since my love life is not that great either.

    But I am willing to share my opinion anyhow;

    Follow your heart. Give it a good thought and take your time. Do not rush into anything. I am not a psychic but I have been "celibate" since the day my relationship ended, That was in 2001/2002. I was not looking for love or relationship since then. I focus all my attention on myself and my career. I even refused to go out on dates and there were severals. Things changed when I met J last year. I was healed in an instant. The love and the hurt I carried for so many years due to my past relationship were taken off my shoulder when J arrived in my life. Is he my soul mate? I don't know but I know that he was sent into my life for a reason. I was not looking or searching and his presence were unexpected. Although we are no longer in a relationship now, I will be always grateful to him for opening my heart to love again. We are taking things slow now, back being friends again.

    So you see, I have a choice to make. I can get out of my comfort zone and take the risk of putting my heart on the line and hope that the universe will give J and I another chance again or I can just give up hope and stay put in my comfort zone and settle for less. I am not in a rush. I have to think this carefully and I will definitely take as much time as I need. I really hope you do too.

    Nothing is set in stone and no relationship is perfect. No matter who you choose, there will be up and downs. It is great to have someone who has so much things in common with you but being different from each other can be good too. You will learned and filled each other with your differences.

    All the best, HPriestess.

    May you find the answers to your situation in a timely manner.



  • I feel for ya HP and best of luck. I couldn't possibly tell you which way to go as I can't seem to manage my own love life. I'm starting to think that not everyone gets to have their other half.



  • HPriestess

    Have you considered self discovery before considering a major change in partners? I think if you build your own life, by accomplishing things that you would choose for yourself, that the partnership problem would solve itself. Let it come to you.



  • if Dragonfly is a Capri then this post will help you a bit :

    I am married to a Cap for over 9 yrs. I can't say your Capri will give you the same stability and security, because each personality is defined by many factors and astrology is only a small part of it anyway.

    but I can say, in general among many Caps I know. if he is not interested in you, he will not bother giving the time and effort to know you better. He does this, because you mean something to him, because he plans to spend the rest of his life with you. This also means, unless you reject him, he will do anything to make it work between you two : which includes

    If his daughter rejects you, he will make sure things will work out in the end. He will fulfill your needs, be it financially, physically and mentally. Because he wants you to be there for the long haul.

    A Cap doesn't do things unplanned. That;s why they approach everything and everyone cautiously. but when they do, they will go full throttle. That's one thing that usually drives people insane, not only Leos, but almost every single person I know just don't have the patience for them. They are also traditional, they respect old values. Means your marital status, could be the reason why he is passive. Unless you make a move, he won't make his. But from the way you described him, I think he already made his move and you know it.

    If he is working on a goal (career, business, even winning poker game) most likely he will ignore you. Not saying that he ever does that to you, but just something I found in general and I think it's good for you to know in case you call and he never answers or he snaps out when you call him. But if he does want you, you will be one of his 'goals' this means he will do anything to have you and keep you. similar to a trophy. I can imagine he is hesitant to contact you, because right now you are someone else's 'trophy'. But if you can assure him that you want him and he can see the proof that you are working on a divorce, you'll notice a change. Cap is a Cardinal sign. they believe what they can hold, of course this is generalities. so if you can show him a proof that you want him and you file a divorce, he will go full throttle. just be careful, if you want him, don't provoke his jealousy. you may end up losing both your hubby and him - slowly too. because just like they approach everything and everyone slowly, that is the same way they leave.

    Anyway, sorry this is so long. I am sorry you are not happy in your marriage. but before you make your decision, you need to be certain that you are not leaving your husband for your own advantage. you have considered many things I know, but try consider it again and again. You have got many advices coming your way, but the real advice will be the one your heart says. Take your time and turn inward as long as you can. Remember the good times as well as bad times, all of these shape you as a person you are today. Be prepared, because once you leave, you can't just go back easily. Even if you are ready to leave your husband, you need to take the time to know these men more before you actually spend the rest of your life with them. Unless you feel you know them enough, I guess you know better. The Caps' daughter, for example, you said she might not like you, so you are not sure. Take the time to know her, take her out for girls day out if you can. If you are no longer married, it's easier of course to 'know them better'. Doesn't have to be physical, because marriage life isn't all physical anyway.



  • Hp you can not change to please anyone else! Thats the main problem in most relationships someone want's to change someone. "Take me as I am in all my glory, or not, Beauty or not, etc. Love is supposed to overcome all. There is a saying in my community and it is this. "HE LOVES MY DIRTY DRAWERS." That means even when I look my worst, He still loves me. Now thats Love. (Un-conditional). I'm hoping for it but not looking. I'll wait and love myself in the mean time and don't settle. I'm sure you are beautiful as you are! Your Spirit sure is. 🙂



  • P.S. I'm over 330 Pounds and gorgeous and actually I have to run men away when I go out with my friends! Beauty is Skin Deep but ugly is to the Bone! (Figure that out!) 🙂


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