Connection w/ many life path lessons for both-Should I walk away?
I have had a complex friendship/relations with a male (17 February 1973) which has taught me many lessons which I had been struggling to learn. As our relationship turned abusive, I walked away (first time I have had the strength to do so and this was one of the many lessons). However, the more intune I am spiritually, the more I learn and meditate (healing touch), contact those watching over me (auditory, visual, automatic writing), and the more I dream I keep receiving messages that he needs my help. He has not always been abusive and not with another woman whom we mutually know but has been hurt severely (by this mutual friend). I firmly believe his negative behaviours towards me are transference. This, of course, does not excuse the abuse.
I continue to let go and and have absolutely moved forward but my guides continue to draw me back to him, or at least, continue to raise my awareness of his needs and his pain. I do not want to put myself into a painful or potentially abusive situation but I cannot entirely walk away. I do feel safe and protected by those from the spirit world who surround me as much as I feel protected and safe by living in a transition house (with staff who not only know abuse but one, in particular, is a healer and intuitive). I also send him light from a distance.
I feel like I cannot walk away and there are more lessons the two of us have to learn together even though my logical brain tells me to forget him and remain out of contact. This is not the pattern of abuse talking; I have been in that place many times before and have done my research and have, for the most part, learned those lessons. I absolutely know that I deserve to be loved unconditionally and it is not romantic love I am seeking from him (any more).
Anyone have any ideas or messages from the spirit realm for me on this?
I should add that I did recently send him a snail mail letter owning my blame (as it is never one person's issue when there is conflict) and offering him help and universal unconditional love of friendship while still making it clear that I cannot accept the negative behaviours in my life; that I did not reject HIM but rather his fear and the mask he hides behind (part of the issue is that he knows I see the frightened child under the cold and distant facade and that only frightens him more. He is terrified of really connecting with anyone and isolates himself from the world and buries himself in his work and academics, as I once used to do myself).
In case it helps, my birthdate is 15 September 1977.
Thank you in advance for any help offered.
You are not being asked to renew the physical connection but your guides are urging you to find forgiveness in your heart for this abuser. You may have learned lessons about abuse etc, but you still have not forgiven him, even if you think you have. Only when you finally forgive will the connection be broken and you can at last truly move on.
PS Understanding is not forgiveness.
Thank you, Captain. This was an aspect that had completely escaped me.
My guides have made the situation far more clear to me and it is more complicated than this but what you say will be good for me as well. I am not quite ready to forgive but when the time is right for this then I hope I will be able to do so.
What I do know with greater clarity is that this is a past life issue that I have repeatedly put myself into even though I no longer have that debt and/or lesson to work out. I have repeatedly subjected myself to traumas I have not needed to. I also know that this man is a "worm who has his hooks into me" (a mentor's phrasing) and I need to free myself of them; this is partly why I cannot yet forgive. I need to remember the negative aspects (as well as the good) in order to fully release him from my life. I also do not need to continue sacrificing myself in order to save others. But, as I have said, forgiveness will come with the appropriate time.
These are the lessons I believe I have yet to learn from him and I know I can learn them from a distance. There is not need to continue to allow abuse in more life nor do I need to set myself up for anymore emotional pain.