How do I stop a negative relationship pattern?



  • Auntb, I imagine you could be out like so many others frantically looking for another position, freaking out, feeling anxious, or you could do exactly what your doing, and feeling a whole lot better! Do you think the path your on is the harder path, or not really either? Is classes something you would have liked too do anyway? If so, sounds like a good time, like a gift you've given yourself, while in the process of gaining so much of yourself back too, I would love too find a good carrer fit, a classroom for me would be torture, I cannot sit still too this day in that environment! I get a sense of calm from you though, like you can, and like you might be really excited about being on that path! Online is the only way for me, so I can get up and wander around!



  • BC, Oh...I tried to go back to school years ago and couldn't afford it. I was getting tuition reimbursement from my employer but after the basics were paid, they wouldn't pay for me to switch fields so I dropped out. So now...they are paying for me to switch fields and I couldn't be happier than I am right now. I am so excited. I think I will do a combination of online and classroom. Both appeal to me.

    I was freaked out about it initially but then I realized that as long as I do what I'm supposed to be doing....all will be fine. I know without a doubt I am on the right path and exactly where I should be right now.

    Did you ever get your cards back? I went to a mind, body and spirit fair this weekend and saw Angel Oracle cards there. I was very tempted but I listened to my intuition that said I needed a pendulum more. I love it. It is SO very cool to play with. I lost like 2 hours this morning playing with it. LOL.



  • bluecat>>I didn't know the weather changed like that,

    Sandran712>>Normally it doesn't.Remember in January? We had 30 inches of snow..It took like 2-3 weeks to get rid of it.Now...Because we had an early snowfall.The allergy count outside is worse now.Trying to get my bike riding in for the next couple days.Because Friday and Saturday looks like rain.Alot of people get mad at me when I am not around when they can't reach me.I am just so damn busy.And that's the thing about us Cancer's... People get real pissted off when we are not around.And then we get mad when we need someone.So that evens itself out...LOL.But...Make no mistake...If my son is sick you know where you'll find me.Right by his side.



  • I haven't got them back yet, I haven't seen her, she has so much going on, I always forget too ask when I talk too her bc of everything she has going on. A pendulum? How does it work AuntBuck?



  • Thats great that they are paying tution now, was it because of the co. moving?



  • I know you would be Sandran, you have a lot on your plate!



  • Auntbuck>>combination of online and classroom.

    Sandran712>I just can't see doing an online class. It's so impersonal.I wanted to take child psychology for special needs.But,the classes take you too far away from home.So I just gave that up.Like bluecat was saying,I just have too much on my plate.H-e-l-l- I got people in my life now complaining that I am not around for them..LOL I think Cancer's are the most needed sign of the zodiac..And if we are not then...People need to quit bothering us so much...LOL



  • Awww, Sandran, you do have a lot, someday, hopefully you will have time too do so many of the things you want, as I'm sure others will benefit! I think it is more impersonal, but I like having the freedom too do it on my own time. Auntb, care too share what you studying?



  • Sandran, I know your an emotional person, probably misunderstood with that a lot, as what you mentioned above, I caught hell for defending that on a different thread we both know which one), never meant too get caught up, but I felt what I felt about it, got reamed too, I get along with most everyone, so that was harsh, but oh well, I felt some icky stuff coming from that thread



  • Well...I want to be a medical patient advocate. I was a legal secretary/assistant for 10 years before I got into being in manufacturing as a change analyst. I was torn between medical and legal when coming up with an idea for a future career. I went to a reader and she said I like to bring about change. I like to do for other people...(cancer trait...ehhh Sandran...BC?) so she was suggesting things like advocates or something and I told her I had a background in legal but wanted to also do medical and she came up with a patient advocate. She then asked what I recently did for a living and I told her a "change analyst." haha. We both laughed over that one since I guess I have been doing what I was supposed to be doing in some form. The patient advocate was perfect since I like to remove obstacles. I enjoy helping people and I love being able to make their day by solving a problem. I think the patient advocate will be perfect for me.

    Because my job went overseas, I qualify for Trade Act Assistance thru the Federal government. All tuition and books and supplies will be paid for while I collect Unemployment for the time I am in school. I can get up to 30 months of training. :0)

    As far as on line classes go, I have done them before and some of them are really great to take on line. I took 3 writing classes on line. So, as far as being impersonal? I don't know. I write a lot on these forums and I don't think that it is impersonal to me. I can connect with everyone here and still feel part of it. With on line classes you have to participate in class forums so you get the interaction with other people and your instructor. I took a medical terminology class on line and a math class also on line. For me, because of my learning style, I need to be in a class for math. The terminology class I got an A in but I still think I might have benefited more if I took it in class.

    BC - a pendulum is like a scribing tool. Look it up on line. You can ask the pendulum yes or no questions and get a response to your question. Pretty nifty little tool I think. 🙂



  • AuntB, I think you will be a great patient advocate! I think online, with some in class, labs, that would be nice, people would be there as, well,peopleare bound too make some friends along the way! The med field is still holding on through the economy, obviously! So, may not be difficult too go right into your field after school, I haven't heard about any hospital staff layoffs, benefits shrink, hourly people having too go home on time, but thier hanging in there. I say I don't think I want too solve anyone's problems, but, I guess thats not always the case after all, I do tend too like too see people happy. Its great that you have identified that trait within yourself, and can apply that too something so positive for others in a line if work, your really balancing out! I am still figuring out what my contribution is going too be, I like the idea of providing stress relief too people, like in an atmosphere that counteracts that, I like what flowers do for people, makes them smile, they smell beautiful, and clean, I like being outdoors, geez, I'm starting too sound like a wedding planner! I hadn't actually thought of that one yet, I admire those you just know a good fit, and aren't afraid too make that "change", like your doing, its going too have a positive impact on people! I bet your going to get asked out a lot too, in class, at work!



  • Sandran, I think its different when someone has a lot going on, and just feels blessed too be able too go back too bed at night in one piece, I'm assuming someone who takes care of someone else is bound too feel like they gave up something they might have wanted. You said you gave it up, not changed your mind, like it would have been something you might have liked too persue, if that the case, I pray you don't have too give up anything else, that you can rediscover some of the things you want, and hopefully get the oppertunities too realize any dreams you might have buried too! I know I have buried more then a few myself! AuntBuck, what is your biggest motivation? what keeps you going, smiling, looking ahead? and frankly , how did you find or indentify with such an important aspect of yourself, that would lead you right where you want too be? When it seems like so many either don't know, or are just going through the motions, resenting their work?



  • bluecat>>You said you gave it up, not changed your mind,

    Sandran712>>I wonder what might have been if I followed what I wanted to do.When I got out of high school.I wanted to go to the Art Institute of Pittsburgh.I wanted to be an Artist.My mom didn't want me to go.Made up alot of excuses to keep me home.My life surely sucks except for the fact of my son.I will never trade in a million years.But, I wished I would have known if I was good enough to do something besides what I do now.



  • You still could? or is motivation been affected by all the let downs? Its hard too get past let downs, sometimes! You still can! I'm beginning too think my life, well, My LIfe after the kids are a little more grown up, so, yeah, My Life, might just start after 40! People aren't slowing down, settling down anymore, for a lot, it seems like a lot people are getting thier best life, as far as what they can do, what they get back even in 50's 60's!



  • Aunt Buck, your a walking inspiration for showing its never too late, for those trying too figure out and do their thing! Sandran, what sort of art were you into?



  • Sandran, it just sort of came too me, but mabe an art class with your son? seems like it would be healing for you right now, or mabe just throwing some supplies, materials out on the table, you guys hitting a little project together? then putting a pic of it up for us?



  • Bluecat....this place has a lot to do with my motivation. I came here to find answers and not only did I find those answers....I found my motivation when I did get some answers. I can't put my finger on it specifically except that I just KNOW this is right for me. Coming here has started me back on my spiritual path and as part of following that path, I trust in the universe and believe that everything happens for a reason and after my class last Friday...I know that I am in the right place, doing the right thing and as long as I have trust and make sure I move forward in my actions...everything will be fine. I don't even really miss my job but of course it has only been 2 1/2 weeks so I still feel like I'm on vacation. I went to lunch today with a former co-worker and she had to get back for a meeting and I was like....lalalalala....I get to go pick up glasses, drop off catalogs, check in on my mechanic, go grocery shopping, chat with my kids, do a delivery, cook dinner....just have found so many things to keep me busy since I've been off. It's just all good. I can't explain it very well....I just know, if that makes sense. :0)

    The patient advocate is good since I did worry at one time about coming out of school and competing with 22 year olds when I'm 48. I think that people will have more confidence with someone who is 48 and has life skills when it comes to taking care of their business. Besides the fact that it just feels right for me.

    Sandran - its never too late to do art. You can do art at home. Maybe you can do art with your son. I hear that art is very good for autistic children for helping them convey their feelings. Maybe if you can get him to draw, he can communicate better with you. I think art would be good and you don't need formal education to pursue it. Depending on the type of medium you use, it could be very cost effective too. You are never to old to try something new. EVER. If it feels right...do it. As long as its not illegal and I don't get that vibe from you. LOL. DO IT...you can if you want it!



  • Blue cat....once again we're thinking along the same lines...



  • I think I might qualify here, most of the guys I went out with in my late teens and early twenties,before I met my first hubby were too afraid to tell me when the relationship had run it's course, and dealt with it by standing me up, often in places we'd arranged to meet like pubs and street cormers, (as I'd no car, and sometimes little cash, this could often lead to embarrassing situations)of course before mobile phones I could,t check if there was any real reason (I learned later in life this usually meant they wanted to be "friends with benefits") My first hubby left me to return to his mother, and I was told by the high priestess of a coven I belonged to, when I waa having relationship problems with my second hubby (he'd fathered a child with someone else when I'd only had my son about 6 months) that I attracted dependent or child-like men, now I know hubby has been damaged by his rather toxic relationship with his mum (she told him as a child that "the wrong child died", his older brother died a short while after birth, and she's never praised him, even to me), but I don't want to do it again if I am unlucky enough to lose this relationship, any ideas please?



  • Well, I have too be honest, I have been more interested in Not giving up on things that I thought weren't meant too be, after I've seen how well you have come through all the changes you've gone through with the job, and the guy, your son! I have this trait, like I sit on something forever, but when I feel like I have too, as if its a sink or swim, do or die thing, then I'm great in a crisis, but if I don't have too, then I just sort of ponder, drift off, dream, I'm working on not so much dreaming, a little more doing again, I use too want too do everything! Then I got into an all about others phase,like giving back, where I sacraficed everything in me too do for everyone around me, I just forgot too balance out, and expect a bit of respect in return, so now I'm working on that balance thing.I love my charities still, and if someone asks me for help, they will get it, just don't have that anything goes attitude without thinking it thru anymore. Mabe why I have such a hard time honing in on intution, its painful if I'm not focused on less then ten things at one, I think they call that add! I know its there with me, as like so many others on here, I kind felt a bit different, people look at you kind of strange when you tell them you had a dream about the very thing thats going on with them! Like you, I feel at home here too, now I feel like I have a bit of intutution, perception, just a little compared too a lot of others on here, but I don't feel weird about it anymore. I think thats awsome that you picked that up for Sandran too! Show us what you got Sandran! I love art, any art, but thats whats great about it, its personal, yet can be shared for others too admire, theres no bad art! Keep us posted on AuntBuck, its been a great inspiration! Sandran, if you do a project, I'll get out my sewing needles, this never Happens, except in my mind!


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