How do I stop a negative relationship pattern?

  • Auntbuck>>Wouldn't it be weird that your irritation with Freaky Ricky is actually this concept?

    Sandran712>>He really irritated me for 7 years.He probably felt every avenue was exhausted on his attempts to attract my attention .So the last thing was to drive up on top of me to get me to notice him. with his car.But for rubbing the wrong way would be my mom.she is who I spend most of my time with.So I do believe this..

  • But...still it's like a harlequin romance

  • Sandran, what is it about Freaky Ricky that irriates you the most? has he ever actually tried too talk too you? Or just drive around? I don't know if just married people that have the curfews, I lost my walking buddy once, when they found a boyfriend, then he became their new walking buddy, some people just seem too have friends too fill up the void until they get a boyfriend, I'm not like that at all, my family is my priorty, but I won't abandon my friends. Aunt Buck, you have come full circle, and you have helped a lot of people on here, its awsome! I think its nice that you refuse too give up nurturing, being kind too those who need you, sometimes it seems we just have too trust ourselves too say yes, or no, and no we are helping the people we're meant too help, atleast thats what I'm working on, and it going better! I still have the guilt when knowing when I have too say no, but I realized finally that I'm not a mean, or selfish person, I will extend myself too others, I just realized that I may not be meant too help everyone, for instance, my ex's cousins, that I knew a little, called too ask me if I would babysit for a day, so I did, and all was fine, I kind of enjoyed it, having a little baby around for the day, I was wore out when they picked her up though, but she was great company, adorable! Well, then they had another one, and asked if I would keep them both full time, since I was staying home for my kids, I wanted so badly too say yes, of course, as they trusted me with their children, they didn't want them in a daycare, or unfamiliar babysitter yet, I wrestled so much with it, but I realized I had made other committments, one being too the animal rescue group, that I would eventually take in another pet, I wouldn't have been able too go my kids after school actvities as easily, and I would have had too baby proof the entire house, and I was still trying too think of a way I could do this out of the blue request, in the end I had too tell them I didn't feel like I was the best person for that long term, I really never did daycare before anyway, but I still bad for it sometimes! I respect how balanced you seem Aunt Buck!

  • Bluecat...I'm getting balanced but I still have a long way to go on this journey. I am happier than I've ever been in my life. The exLibra's girlfriend took did the move and told her husband she wanted out. The problem? Libra still is not trusting her and is still looking at me and trying to figure out what is going on. I tried to explain to him last night that he is finally getting his dream...the woman that he compared everyone to and now it seems like he isn't sure he wants it. He is a time and touch person. She is a gift person. She feels that the way to show love is to buy things for people, including him. I don't have the resources to buy anything except for myself and my children and told him that. I have nothing to offer you but time and touch. She has the money, the means for him to get all the possessions that he could ever want. He is now realizing that she is a gift person and that money is important to her. She can do without that time and touch and he wants that more than anything. I actually think that he is realizing that the dream he built of in his head over her doesn't match the person that she is now. I'm still encouraging him and telling him that this is what he has always wanted and that until he runs this thing thru, no one else stands a chance. He will never be able to make a commitment to anyone until he figures this out. However, as much as I am pushing him towards her and his dream and I want what's best for him...there is still a part of me that wants him back and wants to continue the dream that I had of him for 3 years. So, yes, I've grown...but I still have a long way to go too. I have told him over and over that I do love him but I also love him enough to let go so that he can have everything he ever wanted. He still hasn't figured that one out. I reminded him that once again, he's got one foot out the for him. Me, while I do want him back to some extent, I also realize that this is a lesson for me. This is lesson on letting go and having faith that what God has in store for me will bring me unlimited joy and happiness. Whether that is with him or without. I'm still keeping myself open for love and know in my heart....I will find it and it will be a compliment to my life.

  • bluecat>Sandran, what is it about Freaky Ricky that irriates you the most?

    Sandran712>>The following me in his car.I've always been leery.Since childhood.I've always walked places where people followed me in the cars.As young as 8 years old.Walking a mile from home in the dark.I was going to girl scout meetings.In the 70's is not too bad.But, 2010 is worse now.

  • Sandran, I can understand that, what does he say when you confront him about it?

  • AuntBuck, I see your point, if he was comparing everyone too some dream he had about this woman, he needs too go figure it out, sounds like he straddling the fence, not sure what he wants too do now, he told you she buy the love hue? Wow, you really have been very patient with all of it, so now he's saying she isn't exactly what he remembers, or what he had in mind?

  • well, you know, of course theres that part of you that wants him back, you couldn't have come so far if he had been easy too just get past, mabe pushing him in that direction so he can get out of his system? Realize what he wants? So, if he were too, without reservation, decide he wanted too turn around, go back, do you think you would have any issues with trusting him again? I've been in situation where I welcomed back with open arms, then worked on the trust thing, bit me in the ass, what do you think?

  • Is anybody here having an emotional affiar with thundr07? I just ask bc he said he had change of heart about cancer women, we're jekkll/hyde now? and who kicked his ass? I'm lost

  • Bluecat....oh there would definitely be trust issues now. I didn't have them before but I have really reamed his a** in the last couple days about the trust thing. Truthfully, I think I am getting past the point of return. I'm not really sure that he would be the one for me or if I would even want him back. I did a class tonight on the Hall of Records and I was so excited about it and he knew I was taking the class since I talked to him up until the time I went into the doors for it. When I got out it was all about me coming over to see him. After about an hour of this, I finally told him that I was glad to see that he was so interested in my life that he asked about the class and how it went. He, of course backtracked at that point and said he was going to ask me about it. I kind went off on him and cut him down and out for the night. So see...I'm not completely balanced. After tonight....I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm unbalanced Oh well...he deserved it. I had a reading a couple weeks ago and he asked me what was said about him and I told him the truth. That as I grow spiritually, my attachment will to him will lessen. I pointed out to him tonight, it has. I have become the most important person in my life and rightfully so. If I don't take care of myself, I can't help anyone else. Therefore, he is no longer as important to me as he was since I have put myself into the #1 spot. Anyway, still have room to grow on this one. :0)

  • Not sure what's going on with Thunder....sorry...can't help on that one.

  • Oh, no big deal, I just thought it was odd, he seemed too have formed strong opinions over certain cancers out of nowhere, anyway being balanced, I think thats a tough one, we all struggle with that, but really how one be expected too go through all that bs, and behave perfectly reasonble anyway? Thats way too hard sometimes! Sounds like you accepted his chosen path, and then he comes back, says well, not sure now, wants too know whats up with you, that was an ass reaming waiting too happen, it seems like his completley caught off guard with how your filling time with positives, intstead of waiting for him too come around, like some of the ex's, he probably doesn't know what too make of that!

  • Libras, decisions, decisions! They don't like too be told what too do anymore then the next person, but they seem too need help with those decisions!

  • Oh...i've been very helpful in pointing things out to him these last couple weeks. He asked me why I was so open with him now and I told him I have nothing to lose anymore. At one time I had him to lose but since he's gone....I can let it fly. I still try to treat him with respect and not hostility but I can't help but be truthful now. Not that I wasn't before, but I definitely glossed over things that upset me. Ya....can't do that anymore. Too happy with where I am to do that anymore. Like I said..I think this is good for me since he asked me why I was even talking to him again and I honestly believe its because I still have lessons to learn from him and I told him that. He was my relationship to work on jealousy issues and I think by the time this is done and over with....whichever way it goes...the jealousy stuff will be behind me. I also think that God put me in his life to help him. Maybe that is the only reason I was ever there. Who knows.

  • You are great track either way, too me it seems like you can't loose with the path you took for yourself now, obstacles of course, but you have come farther, acting on your best interests, instead of feeling that were hurting you, thats a hard thing too do, so of course your going too feel like expressing a few truths too him about it now, your not being mean, your being honest, and letting him know what it made you feel like, but its his life, like you said, and yours is going in a positive , stretching sort of direction, keeping you cultivated, learning, I guess when your feeling generous, you could thank him for that!

  • I have told him several times that I appreciate the fact that he did this to me because I wouldn't be where I am now and I am happier than I've ever been. There is no stress about anything right now and I have never been able to say that. EVER. So, yes, I have been generous and have thanked him for screwing me over so that I was forced to go outside myself and look for what I needed. It lead me here and this place is amazing. My son asked me this morning if I spent the whole day on here and I said no, but I like to start and end my day here. It gives me such a great feeling to be here. Throughout all that has happened, it has been a lesson that included pain and hurt but it has been such a true blessing for me that I can't possibly feel regret for what happened. :0)

  • You ever get that feeling, like you should falling apart right now, but you just don't? That you just feel your about where you need too be, thats getting there? I felt like that going through divorce, the right peace, strength just comes when you need it for awhile, might even a be a song! Carrying through the bs, helping us feel peacful through transitition

  • I was falling apart from October to January. At the end of January after I got back from Malaysia and discovered the peace I found there and then returned to real life and other stuff happened...I was forced to find myself. It seems like I am getting there. I am at the right place, doing the right thing and there is no fear. I've only been unemployed for a week and a half but there is still no anxiety or fear about the future. No nagging doubts that I'm on the wrong path. Just a complete sense of security that all of this is good. I am on the right path and all is well in my world. That doesn't mean it doesn't have its tense points but they seem easy to overcome because of where my heart is. Yes...the strength does just come when I need it and if I could figure out a way to write down everything I feel, it would be a best seller when it came to a song.

  • bluecat>>Sandran, I can understand that, what does he say when you confront him about it?

    Sandran712>.I don't think he ever said anything.I think he knew it bothered me.So he kept it up.Hopefully now.He should back off.I've been outside taking advantage of the nice weather.When you live in Ohio.You gotta take any nice days God gives you and make the best of it.I recently ordered that Wave By The Firm.Exercise contraption that lets you rock back and forth with your feet.I am hoping it will work for me.

  • Sandran ,Lots of my family is from Ohio, its close too a state I'm from anyway, I didn't know the weather changed like that, I thought it was hot as hell when spent some summers there, close too Cincinatti! That wave sounds like fun!

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