How do I stop a negative relationship pattern?

  • I love that movie, Uncle Buck is the best, everyone needs a relative like that! So you are like that? thats awsome! Us cancers are usually the comic relief with those that know us well. I think he will kick himself, no doubt about it, you said that you hope your son has the good qualties that he had, but with a strong sense of self. Do you feel like your libra guy lacked that? My little libra is actually been my easy child so far, my taurus and capicorn are taking turns taking years off my life.

  • Hey Aunt Buck, thanks as you really helped me too! Thank you for the advice on my thread!

  • I like being the comic relief. I just have to remember that it is not always appropriate. But you just can't help it.

    I think my Libra was confused about what he really wanted. I think his brain told him one thing, his heart another. He was made for a relationship but because he had some bad experiences he wanted to convince himself that he was a loner. Better off single and by himself but yet he couldn't help but want to be with someone. It really was where he was happy. What I tried to give him (and me) was the relationship and the alone time. I have discovered that there are some men out there that cannot and will not be by themselves. They will accept whatever relationship comes their way just to be in a relationship. The fear of being by themselves is too overwhelming. I wonder if they lack a sense of self to carry them until the right relationship comes along. I think my Libra fell in that catagory. The longest he ever lived by himself in his adult life was 6 months. He met, he moved in or he married in a short time. I was the only one that don't have to live together. I guess I do have to say that he felt that was a goal for me at the beginning that we move in together. It really wasn't but it also wasn't something that I would have been against doing sooner than what I (I thought "we") had planned.

  • Liviing together after falling in love would seem like the natural progression of things once everyone was ready too make that move. I have heard time and time again, and seen it with my own eyes, those libra men just seem too have it almost decided for them in relationships, they seem too get pulled along, because they can have more then a few admirers at one time, and have such difficulty making difficult decisions. You had the sense too do things different, create a different path for him and you, it sucks that he couldn't be comfortable with the gift of freedom you extended him too make ones own choices, he let the other lady come in and make them for him, he has too know that, and live with that. It doesn't make it any easier knowing you tried too do the right things, and might have had a better idea of what those things were then he did, does it? I hate that good people suffer too, but good will surely come your way before its over, I couldn't feel right about responding too your thread if I second guessed that for a minute, thats the honest truth.Speaking of libras, I went too get my cards today from my friend, but I never got a chance, we were all talking about libra gals being drama queens over on Thunder07's thread, and well, bless her heart, my son told her son about our latest drama, and she broke down in balling, and wanted too make sure he was allright. She offered too write a statement for us, or talk too any of the advocates invloved in our case, as much as I love her, I'm afraid she she would start yelling, cursing, balling and they wouldn't take her seriously! I was touched that she would do that for us though, I'll try too snag them again tommorow, I'll just have too bring it first thing!

  • I cannot make him do anything....or maybe I could have but...I didn't. I didn't like being controlled by my ex-husband and I didn't want anyone to do that to me and I didn't want to manipulate him. I did break old patterns with this relationship and I'm glad that I had the relationship because I did see that I can attract good men in my life. Just not this one forever. I can wait very patiently for you to get your cards. This thread has really helped me a lot. Thank you so much.

    I commented on the other thread again.... :0)

  • It helps us all! By the way your insight you got on my ex was dead on! Yeah, you probably could have had some influence on which way the wind blew with your libra, but the truth, interegity of the matter was not something you could ignore, having been there yourself, you were better then that. Sounds like you would fare well with someone who has a strong sense of interegity in matters of relationships, and relies on it when confronted with choices, one that can handle the gift of freedom in love that you extend.

  • Rid negativity if it really is getting you down and you cannot change you cannot make people think the way you think and you cannot force anyone to do anything really, not long term.

    Think positve, it is hard but just try to think of things that make yourself feel good.

    think about what you really want and remember to always be aiming for happiness. that's why we are here isnt it?

  • Auntbuck>>There haven't been a lot of relationships in my life, I'm almost 46 and I've had about 5 serious relationships. I have dated other men but it seems to me, that the ones that I allow myself to care

    Sandran712>>I am 46.Never married.Only had 1 serious relationship.But, cheating is not the reason I left him..And he died 7 years ago.I agree with 11 secrets...I think when you get dumped.You stop~heal and think how you were treated.Remember the signs.and stop it before it goes any further.My biggest weakness is going back in the past to find someone that I never got the chance to see if something was worth saving.In the middle of trying to catch up on old times.It dawns on me why I dumped them in the first place.I fade off and never see or talk to them again.I'm sorry I've been blessed.My high intuition saves me from heartbreak.I have zero tolerance for cheating.If I get cheated on 1 time.They are gone.If the guy is long distance.I don't bother.And cut all ties off before anything gets started.I am not into this he said this and that... and he lives too far where I can't see them.That's alot of BulllShittt!! And men need to get a grip!!.I think guys go for long distance because they are bored with themselves.And they are desperate to talk to someone.Because a Cancer Does Not! Repeat!!! Does Not want a long distance relationship.

  • We live on opposite ends of a big city. So...being in a big city it doesn't seem like its long distance. And I guess I should clarify, when we split he hadn't done anything with this woman as far as SEX was concerned. He had only ran into her and then talked on the phone with her. She called him to talk old times. At least that is what he told me and my gut tells me that he isn't lying about it. I'm sure by now after 5 months he has done something but at the time, I do believe that it was just talking to her and like you said...going back to see if there was something there worth going for. He wanted time to figure it out since he was confused. He thought he might still have feelings for her but didn't want to hurt me either. He never treated me bad during the time we were together. But to me...being confused meant I wasn't as important to him as he was to me. Being with someone that you love...means there would be never be a choice. I have a no tolerance policy for cheating too. I don't share...EVER. I don't step out on relationships and I made it clear to this Libra that if he ever did cheat, it would be adios MF. I thought he was the same way.

    I haven't mentioned this but I've been to readers locally and have been told he loves me and wants to come back but can't. My last session said that he has a karmic debt to her. He left her and her children in a past life and they all starved to death. He keeps going back even though he knows its not right this lifetime because he has to fix what he did before. I do believe in past lives and if you go back to the original post on this thread...I was wondering if I did something in a past life to bring this to myself. She told me that I unfortunately got caught in the middle and that it was nothing I did. She also told me he's not done with me and thinks about me all the time. She says he will come back but this time I get to make the choice. Its hard letting go because I've never had a connection with someone before to where 30 miles away, he would wake me up in the morning from a dead sleep. It used to be a running joke with us when we started dating because our first call of the day I could tell him exactly what time he woke up and had thoughts of me because he was waking me up. He did it again after we split for a while but that has ended because I've closed myself off to him. Anyway, karmic debt...whatever...I'm not waiting around to see if it comes true. LOL. It we were meant to be together we will be. I bless him and release him to do whatever he needs to do In the meantime...I'm doing what I know my heart wants me to do which is reclaim my spirituality and refocus on all the other things that are important to me. I was on the path before I met him and while I stayed on it...I didn't give it the focus that was I giving it before him and what I am giving it now. Since coming here to the forums....I have found such a sense of peace and look forward to each day and all the changes that are coming my way. There is no fear...there is no negativity..there is only joy and delight that I get to move forward!

  • Entering a relationship or Even Considering having a relationship

    with a man that already has too much package on his plate isnt too good!

    you enter the relationship with drama, and most times end up leaving with

    way mooreee.. i say if thats the case walk out now, because us ladies

    have the tendency to overthink all we've been through with a person and figure

    hey we can endure a little bit more until he finally gives in and see im the one

    but no no no, you deserve a relationship that starts fresshh because that

    becomes negative energy which is not good for any relationship ladies.

  • I agree...and yes, he did have some drama when I met him but he kept it away from me and when we started dating it was just dating. We weren't looking for a least I tried to convince myself I wasn't but I guess I was. I haven't talked to him except for his accidental "wrong number" call a couple weeks ago since Thanksgiving. For me...getting all this out and talking about it is catharic and cleansing and is allowing me to move forward. I so appreciate everyone allowing me to do this and helping me thru it. It is such a blessing.

  • Sandran12 ,I agree with setting up the rules on cheating, I had replied too a post not too long ago, the person was worried about a weird cancer guy that cheated on his girl with her, I'm like, um isn't she who should be posting about her disloyal boyfriend on here instead? Asking for help too cheat, I just can't abide that kind of nonsense, and they wonder why they have problems? AuntBuck, whoa, a karmic debt, that sounds awful, talk about throwing around the guilt, how does one even begin too know how too make that right? How are we suppose too know what we did then, much less fix it now? Isn't there any way too be released from these karmic debts in our currant lives?

  • girl your a Cancer, how'd you figure dating a guy without getting attached could happen ? lol (joke)

    whats his sign by the way ?

    i feel like you should, give this give a little space, wheather its avoiding

    him for even a day see if he notices the pattern has changed and

    if he does then it prolly means he misses you, he want you around &

    he wanna continue things and if not Hey, or just There and show little


  • After the After S** column you posted I was true! I should know better. I just hadn't been with anyone for a while and thought I could settle for less. Duh. He's a Libra. Had to laugh at his definition too since whenever I asked what he liked it was "everything." No...specifically...everything. Makes sense when you see it say, if you liked it I like it. LOL.

    I haven't seen him since the day before Thanksgiving. I've given him all his space. I made it clear I wouldn't contact him again and that if he wanted to come was up to him. He did an accidental dial of my number when what I believe was trying to contact her a couple weeks ago. He asked what I was doing and I said watching TV and I get this sorry, sorry, sorry. What? My kids saw my face so they were talking at me and I'm trying to pay attention and missed what he said and then he hung up. I tried calling back twice and he wouldn't answer. The second time he sent me a text and said he dialed the wrong number. That was the last contact. The day after I went in for a counseling/reading session and started a healing session to break the bond. It devastated me. In retrospect, when he asked what I was doing... he thought he was asking her....he wasn't happy. I sensed that it was a obligation call to check on her, it certainly wasn't what he sounded like when he talked to me. He made his choice. My reader is also say that this woman has him tightly under control and on a VERY short leash. He got everything that he said he didn't want again. Hmmm....

  • They do have time making choices it seems, she just swooped in and made off with him!

  • but I wonder, why hasn't he called too ask about kids? you would think he would atleast want kids too know if he thought of them.

  • bluecat>>Asking for help too cheat, I just can't abide that kind of nonsense, and they wonder why they have problems?

    Sandran712>>I responded on that thread too.What people need to know..Cancer zodiac are not the only cheating sign out there.Cheating is everywhere.And I get real pisssted off when someone bashes Cancers for cheating.I particularly hate a married woman going after a single man.Tries to justify the newly founded relationship.What relationship?If I see a man out my window and I like him.I don't call that a relationship.I was dating a Saggitarius.I told him I couldn't see him anymore.Because I am tired of you breaking dates with me to be with someone else.He almost shhiitt himself.Because I found something out about him he didn't want anyone knowing...LOL

  • Auntbuck>>My reader is also say that this woman has him tightly under control and on a VERY short leash. He got everything that he said he didn't want again. Hmmm...

    Sandran712>>I get so pissted off at men that do this..I think it's funny..He got what he wanted.LOL..I would not be surprised after he has a falling out with his new woman that he gives you call.He will realize after it's too late. I am curious what a Libra man acts like.I never met a Libra man before.But, if he is a talker.I don't want one...LOL

  • Sandran - Oh....he was very dependable and giving. Treated me with a lot of respect and consideration. That has a lot to do with why it was so difficult making the break. He was a hard worker, smart, polite, didn't have much of a temper and it was NEVER directed at me. EVER. He was the type of guy that didn't really sweat the small stuff. He was a fixer. If there was a problem, he felt that you deal with the problem directly and now. Not like me where I like to mull it over and over and then make a choice. Very good at looking at every side of a situation. I loved the fact that he wasn't the type to get all bent out of joint if someone cut him off or whatever. He just would do the "a**hole" and let it go. My ex husband would be riding that person's bumper and honking and cussing and flipping them off. He made you feel good about yourself. He made me want to be the best that I could be for him.

    BlueCat - His relationship before me he got close to the woman's two kids and they used him for money and didn't give him respect. She had a great niece that he absolutely adored and when the relationship ended, he got cut out. He loved my kids and thought about what was best for them but I think he didn't want to get hurt again by caring too much. I know he misses them but being how he is....he will just let it go and bury the hurt. That was one thing that I didn't like about him but I understood it. He tried to keep in contact with the niece about the little girl and sent presents but it turned into them calling for money only. And she was so young when he left that as she got older, she didn't really remember him. He eventually gave up.

  • I wonder if you will share your list of relationship expectations? Have you also tried listing what you bring to a relationship with a significant other? ( and be very open with you list, portray the good and the bad...) And let's see, there is a book out that is titled "Avoiding Mr. Wrong". I havn't read it yet, but you can bet I am looking for it. I think sometimes that there is a sign stuck to my forehead that says, I am not sure what ot expect!!!, but still, I continue to look for the good this life and all of the situations it has to offer, and encourage you to do the same.

Log in to reply