Very worried

  • I thought my post went through, but something went wrong (incase it shows up twice) I am very worried about my ex spouse's constant threats and aggravation, my child came from a weekend visit with them with bruising that I had too have checked and documented at the hospital, the doctor said it would have too be reported, that it was excessive, especially in the face. My ex is already lying about it, trying too place the blame anywhere but themself, they behave one way in front of people and another when no one is listening/watching, so I'm worried about what other lies they might tell,We have been divorced for years, yet I am so tired of the constant stress this person brings too us and now the final straw, my child has been physically hurt by them! Wondering if anyone has any thoughts on this? Thanks too all!

  • What does the child say? Did the hospital contact the police and have they contacted you? If not, go to them and have the child testify about the abuse.

  • Oh yes, the hospital contacted the authoritys,and took pictures of all the suspicious marks, they said he is too stay with me, not go there to visit at all until its been investigated, they asked me too make sure he was in my custody, he is old enough too tell us everything, infact all of my children were present at the time it happend, and all have the same story. They said he was being disrespectful at the time too my ex's girlfriend, and then he was picked up and carried into another room by father and they heard him crying, screaming, then he came out very upset, angry. I am not at all for letting kids run wild, or being bratty, but the doctor said they were not "easy bruises" , like the ones kids usually have from just being kids, they were all over and in the face area. I spoke to my ex about it and they first claim we are making this up too conspire against him, but if I were going too do that, it would have happend a long time ago for one, and second, my child would not be covered in marks! He then changed it, and said that he came there with the facial bruising, which I of course know he didn't, and it would be terribly ironic that the one on the face just so happens to match fairly well too ones that are else where after all the children were asked seperate. I feel so drained from years of putting up with ex spouse,my children and I have gone on too have good lives, but he seems like he just won't stop trying too control.

  • I guess I am just still frightend, because this person has made so many threats too me up to this point, they claim that they can take the children away from me anytime they wanted, that they have ways of doing that if I don't raise them more strictly, I haven't done anything by any means for that too happen, but he is so manipulative ,controlling that I don't put it past them too be very low and dishonest, that part scares me the most, I have been more then forgiving, always falling for the nice act, then he will just turn. Someone very sweet and very accurate did a read on them awhile back for another situation and said he was suffering from a bit of mental instability, and it seems that way a lot. I just hope I can protect my children and keep it all together while he tries his hardest too break me. Oh, by the way, wheres my manners?! Thanks Captain, for your response!

  • TheCaptain, I just wanted to say I thought too myself well, whats next? and the thought " we Won't forget, but we'll be waiting with forgivness entered my mind." Then I happend onto your thread On Protection and I related very much too what you shared, as well as the others. I realized what I already knew, but had allowed fear too block, I had found some answers too my trouble, fear feeding fear,and forgiving too heal, I don't feel so afraid anymore, thank you!

  • You can't let yourself be bullied any more. Stand up to your ex and threaten him with the police if you have to. A bully will always crumbleunder threat of a higher authority. Tell him your child's abuse has been documented. Stop believing his empty threats - after the latest incident, there is no way he would get custody of the kids.

  • Thank you so much!

  • bluecat123

    The Captain is right.Fight for whats right,whats yours by right,and for your children's selfesteem.I know from personal experience that bullies are cowards and all of us have the strength to stand upto them.Zero tolerance for abuse.Theres a tiger inside of you.Fight hard and smart.You owe it to yourself and your kids.

    Hugs and prayers...The strength is inside you.

  • Thanks Suramya! I'm preparing myself for that, and praying I make the best decisions along the way.

  • I know I want them too know I did everything I could too make sure they are always safe, this is going to get a little tricky, a conflict of interest so to speak because the accused is in a position surrounded by authority that I know shouldn't make a difference when it comes too this sort of thing, but I've seen it happen, I just hope and pray they can't, or won't attempt too help him out by helping him evade responsiblity, and keep him from realizing what he must change.

  • Whether he changes or not is not in your control,but your response is.Stay strong and believe in yourself.

    power to you and may God keep you and your children safe !

    Love and Light to you

  • Thank you, God Bess you as well Suramya!

  • Thank you so much! I am gratful for you the support!

  • All my life I've stood up for myself if I was backed in a corner, but I like too be peacful by choice, I think thats the core of it for me, having too fight back hard, when I'm so ready for the battle of wills too be over. I just can't imagine waiting for any peace in our life until the kids are all grown up. I feel like I have too look over my shoulder all the time, I'm usually pretty mellow, but when it comes too anything getting in the way of me and my little shadows I get all weirded out.

  • OK....I have a little experience in this. Ex-legal assistant, single mom and have nothing but single mom's for the most part for friends. This has happened to me and them also. To help alleviate the fears, feel a little more empowered over the situation....document everything. Document every conversation with your ex. Note the date, time, place, etc and the details of the conversation. Document who was a witness to the convesation. If he leaves you messages on your phone, save them. If you do end up going to court, you will be able to show a history of this badgering/instability. Also, think about your ultimate goal in this situation. You want to protect your kids. Do you want them to lose all contact with your ex? Judges like to see compromise. Rarely do they completely remove access from one parent. You have to think about what would be acceptable to you in terms of visitiation. You can suggest that he have supervised visits, counseling, etc., if you show that you are willing to work with your ex while still protecting your children the court will view you much better. You go in and start throwing out accusations without proof, you will look vindictive and it won't work in your favor. If you present yourself as a concerned parent with their childrens best interests including their protection as the issue then the judge will look as you as being reasonable. Your ex will look like an ass for trying to turn you into the bad guy. As Captain said, focus on the good with the kids and don't hang onto the negative. By documenting it, you are acknowledging it and you can leave it in a notebook for reference later if you need it. Leave it there and don't let it carry into your daily life.

  • Oh thanks Aunt Buck, that is awsome advice! I will document it from now on like you said, I guess that means I should handle him with tact of course, not let him push my buttons anymore. I really agree with what you said, about the judge wanting everyone too come in being reasonable, not turn it into a circus I imagine. I don't know if it will go that far, hopfully he will just stop the nonsense and we can all live our lives soon.

  • Definitely handle him with tact....I also believe that you should keep the documenting to yourself and not get angry and tell him you are making a note of everything. If you do that then he could start hiding again and it will not help you. Ex's always push buttons...that's why they are ex's. Right? For the most part at least. Anyway, do what you need to do but don't keep it from enjoying what you have. :0)

  • the child is suffering here its physical abuse, that poor child, i would not allow any of those children to go near the man hes insane hows that child going to be feeling being purued like that and from his own father, and you as the mother must be going out of your mind with the worry of what that lunatic will do next, keep those children away from him, and keep on going with your life and enjoy your happiness, the poor child i really feel for him

  • Hi, I too feel for the children, as do we all. My children are my life and I am extremely protective of them, as I am sure you are as well.

    From a practical point of view, if the kids ever have to go there, even for a few hours, take photo's of them prior to going to your ex. Make sure its with a camera that date stamps, if nothing happens whilst at be it. But if the kids come back with bruises then you have undeniable evidence that the bruises were inflicted whilst kids were in ex's care. It will certainly strengthen your case that he is not fit to take care of and protect the kids. Just a thought.....

  • get a restraining order for the children and have them put supervised visitations or no contact in it that way if by some chance meeting the father can be arrested and the children can be safe

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