New thread for mother daughter family abuse healing



  • There was a request for a new thread on this popular topic. Not sure if I can capture and sum up all the gems that got this topic rolling on another thread but assume someone will latch on and get the energy ba rolling. We have had input on the naming of different abuses--physical, mental and any other forms imaginable. The damage of emotional and physical abondonment issues. The denuial. The loyalty to preserving the mother bond. The self loathing it perpetuates. Someone wondered if we pass this along--how does this run through families. Do grandmothers relate to grandaughters in a more healed way then the mothers? This thread was more about healing stories versus the failures. We had wonderful stories of survival and triumph and a hard earned evolution of the spirit to embrace the darker side of us all as human born. Do we choose our lives before we are born? What gifts are on the other side of rising above our wounds?



  • I'm hardly an expert but I do have thoughts on the topic at hand. Recently my own daughter & I were kind of suffering that lack of communication loathing if you will. It was quite painful but after I asked about it here it seemed to almost heal itself. Mind you it's probably more coincidence that anything else but the timing is great and I feel so blessed that we are beginning to converse again and find our way back to one another.

    Regarding the question about grandparent relationships, I never had the luxury of knowing either of my grandmothers as they died before I was born but did enjoy a very dear relationship with my maternal grandfather. I'm fortunate to have a great relationship with my own granddaughter. I think you may be on to something that in that format perhaps they have not experienced (yet) whatever the conflict is on the earlier generation and so the grandchildren are accepting of the grandparents love and the space they share with us in communication is very different from that of the child. My own personal take on this right or wrong is that as parents we are so caught up in the responsibility of it all that we lose sight of the pure joy of just being in each others lives. With the grandchildren it's exactly that, the joy over rides the responsibility card.

    I'm not sure if this is where this topic was headed or not. I do believe we suppress abuses in our past and by burying them so to speak the damage done festers. For me it has been a struggle with self worth over my lifetime because of stupid actions by others and things said to be hurtful. People don't realize how painful the almighty word can be when it is perceived as an attack on our character. I hope I haven't messed up your thread. I'm sure I could go on but am anxious to see what others have to say on these topics.



  • 50% of the cells of our brain that form our experience in life are made up of cells from our biological family as much as 18 generations back.

    That means that 50% of our daily thoughts, beliefs and experiences are influenced by the thoughts, beliefs and experiences of our ancestors.

    To break away from this, one must reclaim the whole brain and begin to recognise when we are experiencing our own thoughts, beliefs etc and when we are not. When we see that we are not we are at choice to continue being at the effect of our ancestors or in present time, with present choices to make a different outcome.



  • RC dreamer, I agree with you about the every day demands of parenthood playing a role. Its always easier too look back after a stressful situation and see what we wish we had done differently. I think self forgivness is the hardest of all sometimes. I'm not sure why some people seem too never feel the need to make ammends, say their sorry, and others realize and do in some way, whether it be through action or words. I know my mom could never seem to get herself too say anything that would build a bridge there, but in her mind, butting into my life is her way of saying she's sorry and she cares. Not exactly how I would do it, or what I think I would want too hear, but I realize its her way.



  • I truly feel for anyone who had a toxic mother, and never was apologized too in any way, for those that have began the process of forgivness, healing, I wish them all the blessings in the world.



  • RCdreamer

    you captured well some of the aspects covered. Interesting what you said about soon as you started "asking " about an issue it seemed to get better. I have observed this as well and think it falls into that catagory of giving something a name and bringing it to the light is all it takes to bring healing within reach. Although I think you have to be ready to see the truth in a non judgemental way. Self loathing and regret seem to be the toxic element we pass along. It is hard to love and forgive ourselves more than others I think--in fact I've heard it said that we can't forgive others untill we can forgive ourselves and kindness with ourselves is the first step in healing. I was kind of wondering if a new thread would pan out. You did good. Blessings.



  • Thanks all for the responses. Blmoon I am intrigued to see how this unfolds with others input. I am always a bit skeptical about how my thoughts are taken in answering posts like this. Just because I lack confidence in myself like you said.

    I am also fascinated with Tarot's statement that so many of our cells dictate who we are and that message we give off to others is not always true of us individually. We are all very much a make up of those around us family or otherwise. I can remember as a kid visiting with a family friend and my mom explained to me that their daughter was adopted. My response was that she looked like them how could that be?. Hardly a psychic response but I thought it appropriate in this post, my mom said simply "We all grow in the likeness of those we love". Perhaps in our case although it is probably true it may not always be a good thing necessarily. But back to the ancestral input on our lives, I fancy myself a genealogy buff and love it, it's my passion but the concept of so many others making up who we are makes so much sense. Kind of like "duh, of course I knew that" but actually thinking about is another story,quite a different twist to how we got where we are today, if you know what I mean. In response to "one must reclaim the whole brain" I agree in some ways but the genealogist in me says but so many people have contributed to this bloodline I am a part of,do I really have a right to mess with all their input?

    And bluecat what you said makes sense too, we are all self-critical and in being that way are we in turn placing an expectation on our children to be the same. I think without meaning to that is true. Wow! Scary stuff indeed. The old adage that "I want so badly to be a better parent than my parents were" we all secretly say it even if our parents were great, it's only natural to strive for something better. I suppose without even realizing it we place ourselves in a position of knowing what we are doing for our children will in their eyes not be good enough, one day, because they too will want that something more or better for their children. Great thread, keep it going.



  • Bimoon i dont know why but this thread made me want to join in i now it might not still be running but just in case, i had the nerve to say something 🙂

    I got on well with my grandparents more than with my mum, I dont get on with her at all she barely even talks to me much and when she does shes always grumpy, I get bullied at home a lot by my sisters and she rarely tells them to Leave me alone because she knows they wind me up.

    its like she doesnt evan want to know me, she never says love you anymore, and i went to hug her the other day she sheered away from me, and didnt want to hug me at all, i dont know what iv done wrong.

    i dont get on with anyone in my family, there too sarcastic and very very Judgemental espeacily my mother im getting really depressed here Bimoon and i dont know what to do about it, i mean i know i have to wait a little longer to move, but that will be some time.

    and i cant sit around and start to become evan more depressed knowing my own family hates me.

    My sisters hate me, they say why dont you move. or stuff like your own family hates you why'd you stick around here for, it feels like iv done something wrong, but i dont know what to do anymore.

    even my dad doesnt get on well with me. Bimoon do you have any insight as to what i should do about this situation 😮

    Best wishes

    RebeccaAnn



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  • Thanks for the bump lovingsilverwings 😃

    x



  • RebeccaAnn, I pray you will get your answer and you will but I just want to put my two cents in if you don't mind. I understand how you feel because I felt like an outcast often as a child and even had periods where I wondered If my Mom loved me. My mom was very cold and to the point most of the times, not touchy, feely and neither was I, so I'm must have inherited some of it at least earlier in life. Now I love to touch and hug etc. Believe in your self, you are here for a purpose and a reason and If your family doesn't appreciate you, it's their problem and not yours. What kept me alive was believing in myself even when no one else did and you can do the same. Love your family, don't judge them but pray for them but please refuse to be their victim. You have us to talk to at anytime and to be there for you. I'm praying for you.

    P.S. Back to what Blmoon and others were saying earlier who knows why things are the way they are? We may have had many incarnations before with these people that were not resolved in a previous lifetime and maybe are here to sort it out in this one. I love my Mother despite of who she was or is, she tells me she loves me all the time now. I used to cry and have pity parties but no more. She is responsible for her on past but not me. Blessings, Love and Light! 🙂



  • Thank You Poetic555 i understand, i really still do love my mum its just i don't think she loves me very much, she never says it now, and every night since i was little iv had nightmares never sleep my eating habit's are on and off, and i cry my self to sleep every few nights or so.

    depends how bad im feeling. feeling so Alone at the moment it is getting to me, but i will get there.

    I know what you mean though we are here for a reason, and i have enough will to keep going 😃

    Thank you for praying for me 🙂 its nice to feel appreciated sometimes, i wish i could pray like you but im not really the type of person too. i use to be but stopped :S

    Best wishes

    RebeccaAnn



  • Bump 😃



  • It's so easy Rebecca I can't tell you what to do, but I know what belief will do for you! Whenever you are ready just ask him to come into your heart! You will get the help you need shortly!

    bump.



  • thanks poetic555 😄

    It really means a lot to me knowing that

    Best wishes

    RebeccaAnn 🙂 X



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  • i posted something on the what are you thankfull for board poetic555 🙂 X



  • Bump 😃



  • I read it and I answered you! You are welcome anytime! Go read it Becca!



  • i couldn't see where you posted Poetic555 😮

    I went back to check but couldnt see your reply

    Best wishes

    RebeccaAnn