Cancer: confused, love or using?
A year ago i met my cancer,, things happened fast and before we knew it we were in relationship. so over the past yers we brokeup after a month and then became exclsuive with rules such as if the other wanted to leave or screw ppl we could.. but as soon as u did it it was over no friendship no nothing.. We did this has it was eaier on him and less pressure around uni.. we found we actually spent more tiem together... and it wasnt jst about sex cos we would help each other with assignments, he was there to take care of me when i was sick and other sweet things.
His sister got fed up with him and told him to man up n get his shit together or he would loose me. so he said we needed to stop the sleep overs and what we were doin... it lasted 3 wks before we randomly had sex again.... we started talking the week before my birthday and for my birthday he went all out... brought me a ring, watch, earring dress,books, lingerie n some dvds
so from sept till november we werent techincally together but thigns were still happening and when we went out with mates he stil paid for everything...
so nov. we wetnt to a mates 21st birthday i got drunk cos i was angry.. i walked away from him and got lost i rang him nhe rejected it 2x and onthe 3rd picked up then came found me. We then procedded to argue til 5:30 am in my driveway .. we have only had 3 big fights in the year.. adn i norma,,ly dnt yell at him but this tiem i jst let allmy feelings out. 2 weeks later he deletes me form facey n i hear that he said he wants nothing to do with me,...
go to another mates birthday he onthe first night ignored me and excluded me from all convo's
on the sat he turns up pissed looks a back and forth at this girl and me and then kisses her... ( iv since foudn otu he goes to our friend watch this,....) needles to say i went to get even i ened up dancing with so many guys and kissing 15... in the middle of the night he grabbedmy armt o help him fidn the person i hate the most when he coudl of asekd 3 other ppl...
so nye i got very drunk, and slept with the person he hates the most.... i haev no idea how is happend but i remember saying no .. i love david..
-- he finds out and really lets loose.... he never tells me how he feels.. whenhe is angry jst goes quiet and this tiem he expressed how angry he was multple tiemsalso sayign i hope it was worth it ad such... n i aksed why does it matter to u he avoided questions and then goes u " fucked him with my neckalace on" ( iv never taken this necklace off bar that night when it nearly broke cos a child was playign with it)
3 days later allmy stuff was stolen fromthe beach at night.... n then withitng 20 minutes of that the hiome computer crashed for no reason... so bascially when i her to get my id bac dave was the only oen i coudl call... and he came through was ther withing 5 minues n the firs tthing he brings up is wat was stolen his jewlry frommy b'day.. nhe brings up fmy necklare was stolen....
i sent an email sayign thankyou .. n after a few replies he accused me of all these thigns i havent done,.. n we sorted that our n he goes i dint think u had.....
so the next night he turns up to a group outing and makes special effort to say bye when he jst said bye to the grpoup he came to me tapped me onthe shoulder n sad bye.....
so a about a month goes by i randomly said hi andhe responded then would respond to qestions i asked.... next day we had a 6 hours convo about everytig form jason to flifting to genreal talkn back nforth.... n he refusd to see me so i sent wat i wantd to give him by courier.
we've been talking almost a month now... and its nearly every day a few weeks ago i jst akse dho whewas n he volunterriluy told me his nonna ws inhospital nt hen later inthe night gaev me updates... thensince then our convo's go from flirty to normal things... n laterly j he has asked me to go on cam.
the convos then get more dirty and flirty... but i dnt know where i stand like he makes odd comments....
1. he noticed i was gettignready at one am n goes ur seeign a boy.... and goes at least use protection lol... hahaha....
- then told me to wear granny knickers so whent hey saw them tghey woudl run..
2. 2 nights ago he does jason msg u .. i dint anser and skipped he asked again ina different way when i didnt anser again he goes your not answering my question do u talk to jason yes or no.....
3. he wanted to know abotu my dates and mentiond one of his ... n said it didnt work out cos of distance n uni...
4. he goes i hope you find a good bf... n i was liek imnot lettign anyone near me... he goes good.. work on ur self...
5. henhe tells me he will prob be single till july when uni is over its the first tiem he has given a dead line.. or a startign one..
today a mate of ours.. brought up the piont that he may be usignme atm as i am a comfort one n he knows im still here... and an ego boost.....
btw he is a cancer..... i really love him and ive tried to move pon so many times over the past year and its jst not happening....
so i woudl like someadvise on what to do is it a tiemn paitence thing... ?
anothe mate goes its liek he wants you btu doesnt. n mayeb doesnt want others to have u .. he also said if he didnt want u around you wouldnt.
-- 2 wks ago he shocke dus all by coming out.. n at the end the night hehugged me.. he said bye to every eone waved at me.. then put his arms up for a hug ( child like) how he used to do when he wanted hugs.
-- last friday a mate was all over him .. I cried but not in front of them adn i damn well know he looked at me durign the night. n basically at the end the night inthe car we found him in the backseat in the middle.. he opened my door.. i sat with my feet on the door n knees onhimn he rested his arm onme then would nudged me acknforth...
I'm jst trying to work out if he is confused n does love me or is jst using me..
confusedlibra>>I'm jst trying to work out if he is confused n does love me or is jst using me.
Sandran712>>It's hard to pin point exactly.There is alot of drama being told here.It could be just using.Because of the circumstances.Alot of drinking.
well friday we bioth ended up with our mates n he initiacted convo n we talked for 2 hours mostly just us,, abd jason happened to be there.. and i sat with dave and he woudl whisper inmy ear n tell me to fi my shirt when the buttons un popped,. not that he was complainign apparently .. and he sat reallyt close in fronto of this particular friend even when we were together he wasnt this close n personal in front of matt..
Hi Confused Libra,
I haven't had a chance to read your whole story, but I do know the Sandran can really help you as she is a Cancer female and can give you a good perspective of that sign. there is also the two other threads that I've been following. One was started by the wonderful Lindieloo called "have I lost my Cancer bf for good?" and the other one is “ASCLAC” started by MoonBeauty. There is a LOT of great advice about Cancer men on both threads and different experiences men and women have with this particular confusing sign. You can probably repost your story and there are plenty of people there to help out! I’m having troubles with my own Cancer boy at the moment as well…lol…
Hope this helps!
ASCLAC” started by MoonBeauty
Sandran712>>Don't go to this thread.It focuses more along the scorpio help.And you won't find me over there.I call this the Aflac thread.It's a sleeping pill thread.Which means it bores me and I want to fall asleep on it.
Confusedlibra>>so i woudl like someadvise on what to do is it a tiemn paitence thing... ?
anothe mate goes its liek he wants you btu doesnt. n mayeb doesnt want others to have u .. he also said if he didnt want u around you wouldnt.
Sandran712>>The guy that said this shows some jealousy.Maybe he's jealous you like the Cancer and not him.Just a thought.As for patience with a Cancer.We do not make a move so fast as other signs would .Cancer is more cautious..We wait awhile..We feel out a person.Do not do alot of talking/texting/emailing.would rather have physical contact.Cancer can have mood swings.Very emotional.We feed off of another person's moods.If a person gets mad they can get mad etc.Cancer's do not like asking for help.And we solve our own problems.Cancer's have good intuition.If you're hiding something he can sense it.
Thankyou yoy have been some great help.. commentson my other one cos it posted twice by accident havet been such help..
- i don't expect much from himas i read up on sign and it doesn bother me that i hvae to male the contact or plan things;.... and im used to him not talking over msn etc... cos he is either doing uni whilst or or jst being a cancer.... and i don't mind his mood swings its taight met o be patient and hold my temper. and i dnt midnhim being cautious cos nomally i am but after 10 months of being there... iv shownin im willign to wait till after uni..... I realise beeing able to provide n feel you canand have uni out of the way is important so iv always surported that... I'v noticed thats it vey rarely he has eluded to needing help.. but is always thre to solve mine.... I've never lied to him when ever he has asked me iv been up front...
-- Its just atm ,.. ( non concentual sex, cos thats wat it was.) I don't know how he is feeiling about me atm... I'm getting so many mixed messages... as expresses i don't expect himto be chatty onmsn... but that is the only outlit iv had to be able to talk to himinthelast month as we have only jst started talking again and was rather suprised when he replied.... a month ago i never thought he would talk to me ever again.. much less start coming out again or pullignme aside to talk to me,. or talk on msn where he makes half the effort if ot more for instance last night.... he flirts and makes comments....
-- liek friday night he kept telling me to ix my top .. or leaning into me or whisperign inmy ear to talk when there was so no need;....
just would liek some help in wokring out if he still loves me and to keep fighting or if time to give up n walk away..... I lov ehim so much and i realise he will be angry about jason.. even tho i ddint do it intentionally or choose to.. he said he was suprised on friday whenhe wasnt angry whenhe saw jason.. cos there was bad blood ther before this..
does him getting angry n for the first tiemexpressing to me how angry he was showing he stillcares....
or him rescuing me n helping me when i had know one else to...
i have read thast once cancers love thats kidn of it.. im jst worried that if there is to muich hurt to salavage the love n pasion we have.....
liek i don;t understand why ask me those funny questions about jason or for the first titme say he is lookign at being single only to july/....
-- and i think you are right about the friend.... cos of other funy comments he has made,. or atm he keeps trying to push me into meeting his friend.. n setting us up.
confusedlibra... and i think you are right about the friend.... cos of other funy comments he has made,. or atm he keeps trying to push me into meeting his friend.. n setting us up.
Sandran712>>This may not be a bad idea.Meet the friend...This will let you know if the Cancer is interested.Cancer's are very jealous.If there were any feeling for you from the Cancer.He will express being jealous in his actions.It is worth a try.And who knows.You may like the friend better and Cancer ...you will not bother with.Cancer's do disappear alot.So keep that in mind.If you want someone around all the time.Just be prepared that Cancer do alot of disappearing acts.They spend alot of time alone.Not alot of people can handle being with a Cancer.I cannot handle being with a male Cancer.
i already met the friend... and its a blah n iv made him jealous enough ..... abndi dnt mind him disappreaign cos he always comes back .. n i liek my aloentiems too .. i jst wnt him to be mine again n to stop with his mind games one minutes flirtignn freminising,,. n the next beign an ass....
confusedlibra>>i jst wnt him to be mine again n to stop with his mind games one minutes flirtignn
Sandran712>>You can't control a person's feelings.But, it seems like there is an awful lot of teasing to be passed around.Everyone is going around making the other person jealous.Someone needs to grow up.If this guy is playing mind games it is not worth the time to have him around.I think the Cancer just may be a big tease.And I would not spend alot of time investing much into this relationship if it develops into one.
I know i can't control them i just wish there was a slight indication as to what is goin on.... yer we tease each other but in the past it tends to work out and the relations is generally good,.,.we weork well .. i don;t pressure im there, know wat he needs and things just work...
-- liek last night he goes from being all flirty to hot to, now you shouldnt be showign ppl you boobs and reprmanding me... nhe knows straight he is the only oen that gets to ... then he was liek woman ur so distracting... n then he always makes rules he cant keep... nit seems to be happening again...
- i just wish i knew wat was goin on in that head .. just to know whether he is testign me n wants me to wait tilluni is finally over.. or to serioulsy jst go move on... and cut him out completely... which would b hard as we share the same friends and cant reallyy escape each other..
confusedlibra>> liek last night he goes from being all flirty to hot to, now you shouldnt be showign ppl you **** and reprmanding me... nhe knows straight he is the only oen that gets to ... then he was liek woman ur so distracting... n then he always makes rules he cant keep... nit seems to be happening again...
Sandran712>>Cancer men can be controlling.And manipulative.No matter how much I liked a guy.If a person carries the controlling issues I start walking.
he isnt completely controlling i dont stand for people telling me what to do u.. you tel em to do soemthign il do he opposite to piss you off....
-- i get wher ehe cares about my health and education so i dnt mindhim keeping tabs on those..
-- but he contradicted himself... n he tends to do it all the time.... one minutes wil be like nice.. n complimenting me co sof somethign i ddi with out realing it .. tell me to stop teasing.. n then when he made a comment i said many a tru word are sai din jest... n then that almsot caused an argument.. as i apaprebntly worded it wrong after i explained the meaning.. n he was liek shit if u dnt wnt the grab ppl attentionor u dnt wann do this u shoudlnt b dointhat.. i said calm down im not having a go .. n then it ws sorted ... then he goes jst rememrb imteh ex n il alway sbe the ex blah balh .. n its liek well if ur the ex why u so curious into who i date and ur theone that iniates alot of things...
-- our friends apparently had a discussion about us as they have wanted me to move on for a while and when they al sat antalked they came to the conclusion based onwhat they have seen n been todl that he obviously stil cares n has felings/ love and is in denial.
-- i then apparently confirmed their suspicions with wat happened friday n telling her what we've been talking about...
as her bf piotned out if he didnt care he wouldnt come when she needed him fast.... n he woudlnt give a toss wat she got up to nor would he care about wat happened with jason.....
i know they get moody and im used to it.. iv learnt to deal with it... i just wish i coudl work out where i stand.. he has hurt me once and i him... when we get together the chemistry nlvoe is pretty obvious and strong and the passion is ther.. i dnt know is its a crab thing where he comes out n retreats n is scared or ... and he never says things directly ... so i dnt know if he is jst tryign to reasure himself when he asks certian questiosn or makes certain statements for me to react to .. or is jst being truthful... I got told look at their actions not words as actions tend to be more truthful .. n well it showignhe stil loves/ feelings..
confusedlibra>> and he never says things directly
Sandran712>>Cancer does have the tendency to contradict them selves and dance around a situation instead of coming out and saying it directly.As I said before we are very moody and we feed off of other people's emotions.If someone is havingf a bad day we will start feeling the same way.Kinda like transference.Even when someone dies we can pass that bad grieving feeling to another.
i really appreciate all th help you have given me.. so if i just am here and don't apply pressure... and roll witht he punches and go with the good times.. and dnt dwell on him when he is being moody. i love him and impretty sure he loves me by the way he reacts to things and given then events in the past i would say that him trusting me to tellme his grandmother was in hospital was a good sign.... and the fact he can now talk to me for hours..
-- is there any clues you could give me in how i would possibly be able to get him to come out more with his feelings or at least admitt to them. Also maybe how to get him out of certain moods.. or I jst leace him alone till he is over it.
confusedlibra>>Also maybe how to get him out of certain moods.. or I jst leace him alone till he is over it.
Sometimes you would need to leave him alone when he is dealing with some things.I guess just be there for him when he feels like venting.It gets old I know but,.that really is the only way to get a Cancer to open up.I know Cancer's are selfish too.They want you around and in the same turn they want to disappear alot.after awhile You can start learning to read their behavior better.That basically requires alot of physical contact.
I used to b able to read him we used to see each other nearly every secodn day, now becuse of things we talk nearly every night onmsn which isnt the same. but at the same time a start as before he wouldnt eventalk to me on here let alone if he saw me in person... we are slowly workign up to it.. iv had to learn to be patient i normally have a bad temper... i still know when to not push him over msn btu its just the mixed signlas that get me n i get really emotional then its like it never happeneds...
Sounds like you two are young, young love can be so intense, confusing. I would tell him kindly, please don't be cruel, and just tell you how he feels, the relationship setup you described to avoid temptation, that probably wouldn't have too be the case if he weren't making it complicated too begin with, and excluding you from conversations because he is angry, that is jealousy and pouting on his part. Cancer females and cancer males are obviously alike in basic ways, but cancer guys can be very different from the girls, especially when it comes too relationships, your libra? then your going too want your feelings too be taken seriously as well, I would be leary of agreeing too any relationship terms you didn't feel completly comfortable with, even for the sake of loosing him, and ignore the pouting, and rude attempts too make you jealous with other girls, all of that silliness. I think you have too get a bit of feel for what you think of as love, what your idea of love is, as far as give/take, and what your deal breakers are, your comfortable boundaries, ask yourself if they are realistic for your life right now, and if he is meeting that for you more then hurting you.
I have almost been married and willign to move over seas with my partner n i thought i loved him and i feel abotu so stronger n so much differnt.. i have been through alot of shit, inthe past with mathew the fiance.. who later got married 6 months later..
iv had a bf cheat on me n lie to me about it n concieve a child...
iv been molested my my grandfather
been raped twice by two different ppl....
my lesbian best friend stole my bf of two years then i found out he had S e X with 15 other women in between our relo....
Im sick of this crap.. n dave has never once down half the crap that lot all did...
Dear Confused, What do you know about your astrology charts? I have had several relationships that could be similar. The on/off stuf could be partly because your sun signs are "square" or in challenge to each other; It could also possible be because one of your uranus's is in aspect to one of your personal planets. My experience with uranus relationship was with a Leo (square to me). This guy and I went hot and heavy for a short time and then it was like - - - over.
Another scenario is when one person's personal planet is sat on by saturn the planet of "stern parent". disciplinarian etc. My ex and I had that. We kept being on and off over a 3yr period. Our communication was never as good as yours seems to be.
Cancer is similar to the crab: soft on the inside/ hard on outer, very jealous and protective. Crabs sidle up, never direct. Once a crab grabs on it rarely ever lets go. But the one I had was very private and very tight with his money. His family was important but distant. Good luck.