Is it Best to walk away..Or..Stay thru thick n thin?????



  • Im a gemini woman in love with leo young man...we been together for 3 years and we been living together for some time now off n on... we were very serioud looking at wedding rings planning to buy a place for ourselves...one day we got into a lil fight and he wanted to leave the house.. me not wanting to play games gave an altimatum and... he chose to leave... now we have made love and still talk.. but my baby is going thru hard times right now and is losing himself to some bad habits... this habit is causing him to say things i know he will regret... now the BIG QUESTION....SHOULD I STAY BY HIS SIDE THRU THIS BATTLE AND PRAY IN THE END HE SEES THAT I HAVE NEVER GIVEN UP ON HIM... OR WALK AWAY AND LEAVE HIM ALONE?????



  • What bad habits and did he have these habits before?



  • drug habits... and i believe yes he had some habits b4 but was always very secretive about them ofcourse... i didnt find out about the habits until one major breakup we had then the last time we got serious he admited to me he had a problem but had been working on it... but now its clear it is a PROBLEM... because he is becoming a different person from it.. and he denies it religiously... i love him and am scared and worried for him... but i cant fix him if he doesnt want to be fixed i can only be there for him... that is why im so stuck



  • Sorry you are going through all these feelings.I know what it's like too stand by some one you love even if you are getting hurt in the process.You are right you can't fix him he has too want too fix his self.Have you tried too talk him into a rehab?



  • thank you soo much for talking with me i really appreciate it... im a strong person but with him i get so weak and lose control.. as for rehab..he doesnt admit to getting high.. and the topic is not open for discussion with him... but the man he is staying with saw my breakdown yesterday and told me that he is doing the shit alot... it hurts so bad to lose him to that... we have been thru soo much in 3 years.. he is from a diferent country and is here alone since 16 yrs old ... now that we have found each other my family is his family and he is part of our fam now... he has gone thru fam deaths wit me he has stood tall thru all my family drama... i just feel like we are all he really has here and he is making a HUGE mistake...



  • it depends on if its drug related because if it is you could be in for a long haul I speak from experience, don't be an enabler you may have to take a step back and wait for them to hit bottom I'm telling you because I used to be the person using and my loved ones had to show me tough love. They loved me enough to let me go, and it took awhile but, I came to my senses, thank God. No one can tell you what to do or will your loved one stop no matter what, until HE is ready good luck gemini and God bless you



  • thank you mistyque.... ugh you got me choking up... i appreciate it... and i think you are right.. thats just what is so hard for me to do... oh pray for me.. thakyou ssoo much



  • Shawnaks I have been in your shoes and I am here to tell you it's better to leave this relationship behind you for now. If he hits his bottom soon and gets help he should wait a year before starting any relationships because he has to put himself first. I am sure you know this mistyque406. And while he is on the drugs they will come first. Not you and not your child. Some one on drugs or alcohol isn't able to love anyone or even themselves more than the addiction. I really want you to understand this. If you stay with him as support then he will always make excuses and so you also make excuses and your already doing it. Which makes you the enabler. You would do well to get some counseling yourself and go to some meetings and it helps you to understand his problem and yours. I don't know what your family life was like growing up but there could have been some enabling going on in your home when you were a child. It may have been there was a different problem other than a substance problem. There are other kinds of abuses like work, gambling, religion, sex, food. So anything done to an extreme becomes an addiction. Alcoholics do everything to extreme including their hobbies. When you start making excuses for them you often don't stop. And then your children start to think it's normal till they see that other family's don't live like that. Don't let your child even get used to this because it's not one of the things children need to grow up feeling safe, proud, loved and happy. And if by chance they don't follow in his shoes they just might resent you putting them through it and using love as the excuse or obligation. Truth be told my dad was a weekend alcoholic. And made our lives miserable and my mom said oh he's not an alcoholic cause he drinks beer! And be happy he is doing it at home and not at a bar. Are you kidding? And you know what you tend to pick the same kind of people through your life because you know just how your going to act. It's familiar. For you to have to change after a life time of being one person and you have to make the change is very scary because you don't know how that new person will act and you are afraid of getting bored because you have had so much chaos that anything else is abnormal to you. Don't start your child's life this way.



  • Libra Lair thank you for your insight.. its greatly appreciated... me and him do not have children. thank god for that... we had tried but it never happened,... i see know the reasons for that... my child hood was like you said full of substance abuse.. my mom had the axact problem my lover does but she controlled hers differently... she has been clean for bout 5 or 6 years now.. amen... alcoholics run deep in my family... so i'm aware of so much and it all has made me grow fast spiritualy.. but wit my family i will stand strong and help as much as i can... i have made a difference in my mothers life hugely and my sisters... but its a different approach with family... i feel its in my nature to be a healer of some sort and it is confirmed in many of my readings... but iam still searching for many answers and ways to grow... and with this relationship and his problems i1. very confused.. well i was... believe me when i say the help and advise from this forum made up my mind... and the last few days i have been living in pure serenity because i feel like i am on the right path... mind body and soul... and i thank you all for playing a part in that...i am 21... so i have so much time to learn soo much.


Log in to reply