Captains advice for Wenchie's muck!
Ok, let's try again here. This could be a fulltime job Captain!!
Wenchie, you are destined to be a mentor for others and getting involved with helping people will indeed get you out of your own head for a while as you focus on other people's problems. But you must lose your need to be right all the time. Sometimes you can get frustrated because people don't do what you think is right for them. That may be but they still have to learn from their own mistakes. The right way for them may be the WRONG way. You tend to need to dominate people in a sort of non-aggressive way. As soon as you give your advice, know that your job is done and walk away - leave people to either take or reject your help, that is their call. You will find much inner freedom by knowing exactly what your responsibility is - and what it isn't. You are the coach, not the player. You belong more out in the world using your gifts, than at home with the family.
Anyway, to your issues -
Fear of being exposed as a fraud
Addiction to passion without affection
Obsession with proving your worth through being loved
A need to fall in love with all the wrong people/ an insatiable urge to pursue impossible love
Affairs that go nowhere
Infantile need for attention
Propensity for romantic tragedy
Feeling unwanted and unloved as a child and as an adult
Obsession with love and novelty to the point of stopping your development around the age of sixteen
Fear of emotional enslavement/pushing away those who love you
How to get your power back - allowing others freedom and space, relating more fully to another person, letting children go, giving up personal love for a greater cause, outgrowing the thrill of high-risk gambling, appreciating the vast resources of people at your disposal, and loving all beings - freed from traditional bonds and conventional attachments.
Fear of being overrun by your own or other's dependencies
Obsession with personal safety
Clinging and overprotective attitude towards family
Inability to detach
Constant retreat from worldly responsibilities/being so responsible you have to beat people off with a stick to get some peace
Living with fear of impending eviction
Dealing with agoraphobia
Getting stuck with sick parents
Overinvesting in a traditional family
Feeling as if the nipple was yanked from your mouth
Curling up by a fire that went out
How to get your power back - finding pride in making your own way, resisting the urge to turn everyone into your parents, maintaining professional distance, setting limits and boundaries, shedding inappropriate bonds of intimacy, saying goodbye to conventional bloodlines, rising above your origins, appreciating the career that sustains you, and pursuing success despite a lack of inner tranquillity.
Lots of food for thought there Captain, thank you very much. I do tend to get involved in other people's problems all the time, it's great to take the focus away from myself!!! But I wonder if I do that too much to the detriment of dealing with my own "stuff"??
"But you must lose your need to be right all the time. Sometimes you can get frustrated because people don't do what you think is right for them."
I don't think I need to be right, just have my point of view understood. I don't mind not being right, but I like others to understand where I am coming from and what I mean. But I will certainly keep that in mind.
Wenchie, helping people with their problems will help you with your own. Not only by gaining perspective in realising that there are many people much worse off than you, but by coming across people who may be experiencing the same stuff as you and learning from how they deal (or do not deal) with it. The answers you get for them may be for you, too.
Where do I get the answers from?
Wenchie, your own God side or higher Self. We all know the answers deep down. You are not just your outer human shell - inside you are a God. But at the moment it is your frail human side that trying to deal with issues that should be dealt with by your immortal all-knowing side. That is why you are having trouble coping.
Captain, my intuitive side / higher self is not co-operating! Leaving me to sink or swim at the moment and I'm sinking! Probably didn't help that I told my guides and angels where to go and exactly what I thought of them.
I thought making major changes a few years ago would make my life simpler and sort things out for me once I got past the initial hurdles. I feel like my whole life has fallen apart and it's not getting any better. Back then I would have thought that by now I would be settled and have things sorted but I almost wish I'd not taken that step because I wonder how further everything is going to unravel before it starts to get better. I'm tired Captain, I feel like it's never going to end and I want to feel like things are falling into place somewhat for me.
And honestly, I don't feel like I know anything at the moment or what I should be doing or where to start first. I feel more and more lost and confused and I'm just fed up. I'm trying really hard to not be negative and see the silver lining but just can't be fagged anymore.
Wenchie, this is all just your swirling emotions getting in the way of hearing your intuition. I feel that something has stirred up past issues of neglect and lack of support in you and the muck is trying to get out. Let it out - you really don't want to suppress it. It doesn't go away, it just festers. if you want to start your own thread here to let out all the muck, do it and I will be in there fighting with you.
Here I am - the muck raker! :0
Wenchie, I just feel you have lost your own true self somewhere along the line. Somewhere you substituted what other people told you was you for the authentic you. Now it's time to get your old self back.
Feeling pretty lost myself right now, but I've asked you for some info on other threads and hopefully that will give me a direction to start on. BTW I really enjoy the threads you've put up, very interesting and informative, thanks.
You're welcome Wenchie - please feel free to ask more questions if you don't find enough answers here. Sometimes just the act of forming the right question can help you find your solution.
Thanks Captain, will do. First thing I'm working on is getting out of my head. And also forgiving myself for mistakes in the past without totally beating myself up about it. No one could criticize me more than myself! Obviously that is all attitude change and not going to happen overnight.
Wenchie, i feel it is not you whom you have to get out of your head but all the other people from your past 'living' in there and their repeating messages that you are not lovable or no good etc.. I feel if you were in there on your own, you would be much more content.
Captain, I AM on my own. I have been for the last two and a half years. I was a complete hermit there for a while, not socialising or talking with anyone.
I like being part of a couple, but can't be bothered with the whole dating thing. Would rather just stay on my own until the right person comes along.
Poor Captain!!!! Now you see why I have stayed away, trying to figure all my stuff out and obviously not getting very far!
Wenchie, I am not talking about being alone physically, just emotionally and mentally. You need to get rid of all the 'people' who are torturing you in your head. Because the view you have of yourself is only one that has been created by others. It is not the authentic you. The real you is what you need to find.
Ok, copied all my muck over into the one spot!!!!
Captain you are right, when I decided to leave my marriage I realised I was fed up with being who and what everyone else expected me to be. I have done a lot of work on myself in that time and I have learnt alot about myself and why I do things. I'm not sure where to begin to get the authentic me back.
Wenchie, my guides are telling me that you are so tired and exhausted because you have been struggling to acquire the life you THINK you want, and not the better one that the universe has for you. You are a salmon swimming up the wrong stream - no wonder you feel lost. for a start, I am being told you are living in a bad negative place. Can you move? If not, you need to do a complete 'cleansing' of your home ASAP.
How do I get myself back?
Haha, me first!
You also need to change your image to one that is more suitable to the real you. Cut your hair, buy new clothes - give away anything that you feel does not represent the real you. And I'm talking about the strong, independent, happy person who is being pushed aside by the defeated, tired, grumbling outer personality.
Is the problem with where I am living due to my brother having moved in? He moved in to help me get back on my feet financially but I know it has created a negative home environment. I can't afford to move and need him there until I get myself sorted out. I can get some sage and do a cleansing if that will do the trick.
I don't know what life I want right now, but I know what I am living is not it. I don't know which direction to start to head in.
Outer changes - yes. Now, Inner changes - you need to sort out what you REALLY want from life, not what you think it might be, not what everyone else has told you it might be, but what deep down you really want for yourself. What really makes you happy?
Yes your brother is a problem - he is a reminder of the past and keeps you rooted in it just by his presence. Do the sage cleansing ASAP. Are you sure you really need him there? Are you sure that you are living where you want to in place that you really like?
I like my hair the way it is and I have got pretty much all new clothes, I had to buy new stuff...I lost so much weight due to stress when I left my ex. He put me through the mill and does to a certain extent still. I don't have the funds to replace things again. I know I used to feel strong and happy and independent. The tired and defeated person has developed over the last few years with all the crap. It's been hard to stay positive with everything falling apart at the same time. But I generally can put on a mask and show people want they want to see.
Captain, the sad thing is I have forgotten what it is that even makes me happy, I haven't felt happiness and joy in such a long time. Just being used to day to day struggle of one kind or another has knocked me down somewhat. I actually hate the person I have become. I wouldn't want to be around me sometimes. Then I like to help others and feel wanted and useful and feel like I am doing something worthwhile for someone and feel it is being appreciated and those times I can forget about myself.
the reason you hate yourself is because it is not 'YOU'.
Tell me about how you dress and do your hair. Is it for yourself or to be attractive to others?
What you really want is to be loved but if you don't love yourself and send out vibes that you are unlovable, who else will?
".I lost so much weight due to stress when I left my ex. He put me through the mill and does to a certain extent still."
Incorrect - you ALLOW him to put you through the mill. Move away from his mill and start grinding your own corn.
If I don't have him there sharing half the rent (he's been there since December) I don't know how I will manage financially until I catch things up. I don't really want him there to be honest, but I figure I can put up with the living situation until I get back on my feet, you know just make the most of the situation. My place is what I can afford (before I started drowning financially) and actually used to have a great vibe and felt happy there until my brother moved in. I wouldn't get something as nice and for as good a price if I move, not to mention not having the first month rent and bond in advance. I'm kind of stuck in a lot of ways until I get myself out of my financial hole, but that's just like 95% of us at this time. So I just try to deal with it as best I can.
Couldn't you get another flatmate?