Moonbeauty, Hun I read only your post. I too have to think this one through there are many things going on in that conversations you two had. Give me a few will post tonight when I get back from class.
In the mean time Keep your head and chin up girl. big hug
Kel and the rest I will get back to you guys later too. Busy day
Okay couldn't wait.
First of all I want to say I am proud of you!! Big time. I want to go back to the time I started talking to you about this man and issues he has to deal with. I asked you if you was willing to stay around that long to see when he untangles himself. I said it would take at least a year for him to do certain things before he finds himself again.
This whole meeting and conversation validated that. I have to admit that you’re right about your twinkle yet reading all he said about her hmmmmm.
You putting him in his place in the past by marking out where you stand and what you want from him was the greatest move you ever did. That my dear was your protection from all what he is doing now. It is clear to me now that this man loves you. Yet he is soooooooooo afraid to lose his identity in the process. He is now cut loose from a marriage of over 17 years that somewhere he clearly lost himself in the long run.
Like you he has seen something he liked and probably wants but maybe the timing is still not right for him. So what he is doing to that girl is below standards she is paying for what his wife did. He wants excitement and kids don’t sound like that to him. He is soul searching and he has a long search ahead of him. Jeez.
Him being honest to you says a great deal too. I commend him for stepping up like that. It is his lost for not bluntly asking if those things he is seeking he could of get from you. A friend recently told me something that opened my eyes a bit more. She said there are guys that know if they touch you that they are hooked and there is no way back for them then. And so therefore they do all kind of weird things to put you off. Maybe that is the case also for you. So don’t take everything he says or doesn’t say personally. It’s his issues.
You need to get back to focus to what is the most important part in this matter namely his advice to you concerning your business. One thing at the time.
And to address his so call offer for over 60 days I will say this to him:
= If you make up your mind after the 60 days I am here to talk to you then. See where you stand in your soul searching. You know my worth and what I am about. And I know you want me. The rest about me you need to discover if you’re willing to stop being so afraid to disappear in the appearances of the moment.
If you’re willing to rediscover me I would want to go out to dinner some time. But if you still don’t know what you want then perhaps we should then be friends and work together and leave everything else out of the equation.=
Basically what you’re doing is putting the ball and options in his corner.
Under other circumstances I would tell you to tell him to kiss your royal behind. Yet for now you need him for your business.
About you not being like the designer he has now. HA! To him! Who is he fooling? His ego needs a big overhaul. He needs to understand what he is looking for is not what he really wants. Yes she is a designer so what? Yes she doesn’t have kids..so what? Yes she puts him first....aha!!! He thinks she puts him first! No, she is not.
Just as she is a stepping stone for him so is he for her.
When is he going to learn to love himself first and then attract the right person?
Moonbeauty for now your place around him is as a business contact and perhaps friends but not more. Let him clean up his mess first then talk to you again. If you haven’t moved on MAYBE just maybe you can see if he can offer you what you want.
Relax all is not lost.
Oh. If he starts calling you. Then tell him what I suggested and then say this is the only time you are going to say this. Next time we can talk about the weather etc. You got your timetable and so I will hear about that then.
Guard your heart and emotions for the coming time.
Heading to class. Bye guys
Flow: already the advanced class today? really interested how it went.
“bet he did pay attention! Gave you a little dose of your own red medicine :-p”
I know right. Lol
“I think Scorp hasn't come far enough yet, don't you agree? He hasn't EARNED the right to be with me. I'm only goign to see him again when he admits feelings for me or he does something really nice, like the Jazz club thing. What do ya think?”
You’re right. It has to feel right to you. He knows Papa spoke and what the rules are. They are not back bending so he can comply so let’s see how much time he is going to take this time. Does he feel or knows that Mr. Libra isn’t a that interested anymore?
Ah just read your update on Scorp. being lazy...hahahahaha Well he will have to jump some hoops to get in shape!!!!!!!
What does a Scorpio wants deep down inside?
Basically what everybody wants. To find that special person that you can completely intertwine with and grow old with them. I don’t think the term soul mate is appropriate. Just someone that can look through our eyes, feel what we feel and make the world stand still when we are together and that every single day of our lives.
And I agree with the way Shorty voiced it.
I am leaving NOW!! lol...I will tell more when I get back. Bye
Moonbeauty I don't know since I just dropped in for a short time to see what my coquette friend was up to but your guy? How does that man stand up straight? His head is so big that I feel like he is about to fall over from the weight of all the attention. I don't know about all of you girls but having been around the block a while longer I have come to some conclusions for myself and who knows you may want to give it some thought. I finally learned................................. after having my heart stomped on and swept under the carpet a few times and we aren't counting ok? I decided I don't want anyone who doesn't want me. I can't make someone love me. I am not begging someone ever again to stay with me. I am not going to settle anymore to keep someone or change and loose my identity. Now I didn't do it over night and I sure hope that you all have better self esteem than I had in earlier years. But now I am the best thing for someone else. I will remain who I am. I am who they were or are attracted to so there is no reason to change that. If they think I am setting around pining for them they need to take another look. When and if they make up their mind I will be around but you may have taken too long to decide and I will have found Mr. Right and you can now just keep lookin. If I find someone fine if not then I don't mind my own company and I can work on myself not worrying about what's going on in someone else's head. And I am more happy without drama in my life than I ever was before. So watch how much your willing to give up, cause a man won't be giving up anything he doesn't want to or wants you to believe he gave up! It's about you not them!
Hi everybody. Justavapor ans shorty thank you.
Flowsco- I made a big boo-boo. Last night when we spoke my cell phone battery went dead so when I got home I called him back and he said he was with the kids and would call me when they went to bed. He never called back.
This morning I sent him an email. I told him that we want different things and I get that now, I didn't understand that before but I do now.
I told him I can never-- not now or in 60 days be a single model fashion designer that partys all night and can put him above everything else and if that is what he wants then by all means go and be happy, I wish him the best.
I told him I am a girl who loves to go out, get dressed up and have fun BUT I also like the family part of my life too. I like playing games with my kids and being home to cook dinner for them. I told him I like to take care of the people I love.
I told him that I wont ever change what I want. I still want the same thing I wanted from day one. I want a fun boyfriend type of guy who will take me out and go away on vacations with me, play games with me, take me to clubs and the movies-- do all the fun stuff that I like BUT who understands that I have children and they have a dad. They dont need a father and I dont want a husband.
I told him that no matter what he decides to do in his life not to sell himself too short. A person can have the best of both worlds-- it's just finding a balance in their life. I said that one day he too will find that balance between cool guy and surburban dad and when he does I bet he'll find he's a much happier man.
I told him that I'd like to keep hs help professionally, but that's it. I told him that wether he realized it or not knowing him has been emotionally taxing for me. I said relationships should be fun, easy. I've been married, I have my kids-- everything I do now is a bonus.
I said 60 days is good for probation girl but the day a man tells me I'm on probation is the day I take myself off-- and away. I told him that the thought of waiting 60 days to be put on probation is just not too appealing to me at this time, because like him... I am a hot property too.
I never heard back. Don't think I will either. I hope he does not f-me for work. $hit, I wish I used my head more.
Sorry about your singing flowsco I've had my head in the sand. Katie I missed your post about your guy as well.
Can I tell you all... This still hurts.
moonbeauty: i personally dont think you made a mistake with writing down everything you wanted. let's clear the waters. it wanted to come out of you, so it did. i dont think it was a mistake. now actually he knows all again, he knows where you stand.
and of course it still hurts, and it will still hurt for a while... but then it will get better. we are here for you, even if that is not that much right now.
and hey, about my crab dont worry, there is nothing overwhelming new, so wont even tell it. it is time to deal with yourself. a big hug for you! i think you did well.
This post is deleted!
Kel! yes i know, i understand what you're telling. and that is what i wanted to explain in my comment, that it is not exactly that he didn't keep every day communication... normally i would not mind. i tried to explain with this that i was also surprised about my reaction that i started to feel so bad, thinking that he is meeting someone else. so i was rather expressing my own insecurities and not that im supposing that he is dating all around while not being with me... i feel terribly bad that i dont trust him.
today he wrote and it came out that he is ill. i think i have serious work to do with myself.
"'i dont deserve you. you deserve much more.' i do believe he really meant those things"
It will take him a long time to get over this, but I think this is common with Cancers (or maybe anybody for that matter) we go "What? WTH? WHy do they want me?"
Kel, and about this above... you know what is the worst thing??? that whatever i do or say it won't change it. only him can change that attitude and believe that he is worth of my love and care... and and i guess as a consequence of him thinking this way, he will all the time take steps back, cause he is afraid that i dont really want him and sooner or later will dump him. while im sitting here and having the only wish to be with him... stoopid....
Kel: Katie katie katie........Cancers CANNOT do everyday communication, it's really hard for us.
Katie: so if he is sending me more mails on a daily basis (sometimes 3-4) that means that he is making a huge effort to make me happy?
Kel: I know that there's something there between us, but do you think that maybe he was lieing about wanting only one main FWB? I feel like he says this to anyone that he wants to keep his "grips" on, like maybe i'm the 4th guy he's said this too in the last few months. He has lied to me in the past, I have a really hard time trusting him and what he says. And part of me feels like, if I agree to this, when spring rolls around and he's feeling more motivated and gets in shape, he's going to start with his head games again and start pursueing others...after reading what happened with moonbeauty, I'm not sure that I really want to deal with Scorp anymore...deep down I feel like he's only chasing me because he's lazy and doesn't want to try to meet anyone new at the moment and he thinks I'm an easy mark...grrr is my reasoning logical? or do I sound like a crazy person? lol
Katie: now you might just be overanalyzing... did you learn it from me??? LOLOL
i still hold my suspicion that i shared some time ago, when FWB came first time in the topic. im not sure he only wants FWB with you. i do believe there is something more to it.
he is just too proud and/or s-hitting into his pants from deeper commitment. so what is the easiest way for him to spend time with you without actual strong bound? FWB. he does not have to wait for you that much (for the occasional s-e-x), he can get you spending time with him on a regular basis and still preserve some of his 'freedom'.
come on... i dont have that much experience and i might be seeing things wrong... but the 'only s-e-x' stuff is not about having s-e-x more times, teasing each other all around, having s-e-x talks and after s-e-x staying over and cuddling all night... if you wanna cuddle with a person that is not mere s-e-x... at least not for me...
also, i might be overanalytical, but recognized a new pattern in his recent behavior, what was not there earlier....
he always talks in all the plans he has in a 'we' form. we could go, we can look for it... all around we... that is important no? LOL ok i shut up for the rest of the day... i feel like im sitting on a rollercoaster.... well, probably whole life is a freakin endless rollercoaster... am i wise now?
Oh kel thank you that would be great. I am hurting so much right now.
When he said he was a hot property I believe him looking all hot in his Burberry coat and Brooks Brothers shirt and pants. He looked great actually. I don't think he's missing when he shoots either, he made me swoon (on the inside).
I also believe when he said he wants girls in heels and dresses. I know him. He loves that. I've heard him say it at leat 20 times before.
I also believe that this fashion model designer chick is probably all that and a bag of chips.
He was too cocky, too sure of himself. He said he was happy to be his arrogant old self again. I believe everything he said. If you saw him, he's good looking man, drives a nice car, very educated, rich-- he's not making it up.
I also believe him when he says he's happy, confused, loving life, things are great. I believe this.
I think I'm not for him... not right now. Flowsco was on point. He's going to need some time to figure out what he wants and also after 17 years of marriage... to strech his legs so to speak.
I think I have to step back. It just hurts so much. I really wanted him. I also really miss him. Somebody come up here and just slap me upside my head please!
Oh I forgot the best... we got on the subject of $ex and he was so cocky. He was like "I am the best in the $ex department I feel bad because you'll never find anybody better than me... ever. It's a gift" I was like oh brother. Then he says "no, it's true. I try harder. I take it very seriously, you'll never have another man like me again... a girl I once knew still never got married because of me, I ruined her for all other men, she still wants me and it's 20 years later"
No, I am not kidding. He said this-- or very close to it anyway.
Better make it two slaps upside my head-- one for the right side-- and one for the left!
Moonbeauty: sorry i dont want to take it to jokes... but you know that someone who speaks the loudest is the most insecure? self confident people dont have to tell you all this stuff.
and sorry but i have to spell it out: WHAT THE F-U-C-K is that with the s-e-x part??????? i would have slapped him right on spot....come on, he should get over himself....
till now i was my dimplomatic self... but this guy has serious issues....
and let me tell one thing... my exbf (and that was a relationship) was always bragging about me not wearing miniskirts and high heels... now he cries me back...
how old is this guy??? still doing the p-issing contest....
...lol... I would have slapped him too, but we were on the phone. He's in his early 40's.
To be honest I think I may have brought up the $ex thing indirectly but he took it "there".
Is everybody seeing something I am not?
I see a goodlooking guy who is finally free and is going biserk with his new freedom and meeting tons of girls and having a great time, and does not want to be anywhere near me, a woman with 3 kids who is racked with debt and although at one time I may have been what he wants I am no longer that girl because---- I think-- he thinks--- he can do better.