Help with a scorpio man
Hi all, I'm new here.
I am currently engaged to a scorpio man for a little over a year. We've been together for almost two years. We are having communication problems sometimes. The times we argue is really bad. He gets emotional and I get emotional. He says I make him emotional. He is better at keeping his cool than I am. He says things that offend me in a cool manner sometimes and in my attempt to defend myself, I have a tendency to get emotional and that just sets him off angry. It's at a point where I feel that if I try to express myself in a way that does not agree with him, it's awful. I have always been a very confident person, but he is breaking my spirit. I don't know what to do. It's like if its not his way, it's going to be a very bumpy ride. I get so emotional and frustrated when I try to speak up for myself because he is so overpowering in his attitude and he RARELY says he is sorry, but somehow, I'm ALWAYS the one who has to apologize due to my emotional state. Even though I am saying the right things, it comes out wrong.
Can anyone help?
Take it your a piscies from your picture, i'm a scorp guy.
O.k, piscies and scorpio are both water signs which means emotion, and its going to be intense with these two signs, piscies are pretty open about their feeling while scopios shut it all away and eventually explode from time to time.
Us scorps do have a problem in apologising, so its no surprise you do most of it.
You say he says things that offend you, does he do it in public or just when your together, because we are secretive and dont like to show our feelings to anyone so if it is in public then he could be hiding his feelings for you, but if its when its just the two of you then i think it could be that he is trying to show you who is on top in the relationship but in the worst way.
When your in a calm state try sitting down and talk this over with him, Try to be calm and logical and i think he'll listen to you more. When you argue, get emotional and get angry he proberbly feels really uncomfortable and just will not give anything you say the time of day.
If you are a piscies then staying calm will be hard for you as you display emotions openly but if you can do it then i think you've got a better chance of getting through.
Scorpios have respect for strength, show him some, don't break down into an argument and you'll get there.
Hope it works
Thank you, tetley79. You are right. When we both are calm, our communication is much better. He told me today that we don't argue over any of the major things, i.e.: finances, intimacy, family, work, etc. Our challenges seem to stem from small things that get blown out of proportion because the past is bought into it. We both do this to validate our points or whatever in the current situation, but then we somehow get off point and other things become the focus. He told me I shouldn't hold stuff back from him...if he does or says something I should address it right then. But most times, his judgemental comments take me so totally off guard that I'll try to manage my emotions and decide when, if ever, I will bring it up.
There's no particular place he makes his comments. He just sometimes doesnt' have patience with me. He admits this.
"Scorpios have respect for strength, show him some, don't break down into an argument and you'll get there." ::tetley79
I am strong, which is sometimes the problem.:) He says I'm not listening because I'm too busy trying to make my point. I have Mars in gemini so I can be talkative, and he is cusp libra/scorpio so he also likes to talk. We are getting better and I will definitely take your advice about showing more self-control. Thank you, I'm sure I'll be posting more as our lives continue to unfold.
Being with a scorpio is no easy ride, i know we are passionate complex people that many others have a hard time with but be honest with us and we will be there for you.
Hope i've helped, and if possible will give more hints on scorpio in the future if possible.
tetley79, thanks for your advice. sorry for the late response. there's something of a cold/flu virus going around and I was out with it since last saturday, 2/27. I'm beginning to feel much better in the last day or so.
Yes, you have helped. alot. It's like this growing process with us. Maybe more with me. He seems to know what he wants and he is very consistent. He told me he has not changed his mind about me even though I surprise him. I just wonder sometimes that since he knows me so much, why is there impatience or even misunderstanding? he is getting a lot better though. He is very kind since I've been sick, and usually he is. It's just those times when we disagree that things can get carried away.
I am only going to comment on the impatience bit. Your guy is cups Libra/Scorpio right? The impatient part comes from the Libra sign I would say read up on the sign where ever you can and it might clarify a great deal.
Tetley has been a great help to you so I will leave you in his capable hands.
Flowsco, thanks much. I have often thought of him as a Libra. To tell you the truth, I've dated two libra guys in the past. I really didn't like either of them. No offense to the LIbra dudes out there, I just don't like them for me. Some of my guy's actions are SO similar to those two libras.... I'm telling you, if I find out that my fiance is really a Libra, he is REALLY going to get it. I don't know his birth time and he doesn't know it either, so it's really hard to say whether he is a true scorpio or a true libra. I am dealing with him mostly because I believe him to be a scorpio, otherwise, I would not give him the TIME OF DAY. That sounds so shallow, doesn't it? Hey, I guess. But truly, I am looking for a spiritual connection that I believe will take the physical connection to an inexplicable height/depth. I don't know if an air sign could handle where I want to go with my love, let alone understand what the heck I'm talking about.
Again, no offense to libra dudes. I just don't have the patience for them and I don't believe they truly understand the depth of a Piscean. Yes, I'm cusp Aquarius, and I have my Aquarian moments, but there is no way I would let a Libran get away with some of the stuff I have tolerated or endured with my guy, No f***ing way, babe.
I purely deal with my fiance because I truly believe him to be a scorpion and believe "somewhere" in him he "gets" the Piscean and we "get" each other of a very deep, spiritual and intimate level. But there are pivotal times in our relationship where we are each on so much the opposite side of each other, it makes me wonder, seriously. I've had scorpion friends, both male and female, and the males that have liked me have literally scared me because they "GOT" me so much and I felt there attraction, intensity and geniune forceful depth of desire for me. It was raw and real and powerful. I didnt' want to play with it if I didn't feel the same for them. But if I did ever feel that way for a man who was a scorpio, I felt I could either get totally lost in him and lose my sense of self. This truly scared me because I've been "there" before (not with a scorpion), and it literally killed me when we broke up. If I ever got that much "into" a guy again I don't know if I could stand our breaking up.
With my fiance, that type of connection is not there, at least not for me. I love him, yes. But it's not the scorpio/pisces love that dominates the astrology boards or my own experience. I totally retain my sense of self with my fiance, I am totally not so "immersed" in him -- yet I truly believe he can go "there" with me. Does that make sense? I want to go "there" with him, but it's just not happening for me yet. I think this is because of the hurtful things he has said to me that really stung because I felt he does not truly know me and is speaking to me due to past experiences with other women. It appears I have to bear the wrath and hurt he suffered from those previous females.
I know women in general respond in certain ways, but the response may be just be the way we (women) are wired, not necessarily because we are trying to hurt the guy. Evidently, some of my responses remind him of previous females, and I don't get a chance to be unique, geniunely feeling misunderstood and want to be understood just because some female before me knew how to manipulate him or didn't give a dam*. I don't get the benefit of doubt or the "clean slate". I'm lumped with the rest of them. Even though I clearly AM NOT like anyone of those women inwardly. This is what he comes to realize AFTER he has hurt me with false pre-judgments.
I know he is a deep feeling person. He can be ssooo accurate sometimes at many things. Yet there are times when he misses the "ME" in the equation.
He is very optimistic -- which I think is the Libra, as well as the scorpio -- in that he KNOWS we will make it as a couple in love if we can just get over some of the mindsets (well, mostly me getting over my mindsets-- according to him).
I haven't read about Pisces Women and Libra Men. I know of a couple though, and they appear to be truly in love. He left college for her and they have been married for several years. He is still working on his degree, though.
"You say he says things that offend you, does he do it in public or just when your together, because we are secretive and dont like to show our feelings to anyone so if it is in public then he could be hiding his feelings for you, but if its when its just the two of you then i think it could be that he is trying to show you who is on top in the relationship but in the worst way. "
tetley79, I don't quite understand the part where you say if he is offending me public then he is hiding his feelings for me........
And if he does it in private he is trying to show me who is on top in the relationship, but in the worst way......
could you explain these two a bit more?
I know you basically want to know how to deal with your “Scorpio”. Yet I am so intrigued in what is wrong with Libra’s in your book. To me you’re dealing with both. And the closer he is to the Scorpio sign in birth date the more strongly his Scorpio side will be. I am saying that because I am wooing one at the moment.
Yet the Libra side is the confusing, intriguing part that I need to continue to figure out.
It also sounds that you’re scared to look for that deeper connection because you both have unresolved issues of the past that is lingering between you.
I must say this. We all can dive into astrology yet we are dealing with people and experiences. Everybody is different and I know you agree. And perhaps your encounter with the other two Libra was a preparation for your current relationship. Who knows.
To be fair to Libra men, the relationships I had with the two libra men was when we were young, so this could have been an "age" thing. One was in my senior year in high school and the other was when I was in my mid-twenties. I just found both of them to be too dam* horney. It was such a turn off to me. I know scorpios probably won't have a problem with that smile, but it created problems with me. The second thing I find with them is that they act a little too feminine for my taste. I sometimes feel like they are competing with me -- in so-called "feminine" areas like cooking, shopping, clothing and perfumes. One guy I knew even got jealous when I would give myself a foot bath or a facial sauna! He wanted one but felt funny about going to a spa. Go figure.
The third and last thing I can think of that has turned me off with the ones I've dated seriously and just as aquaintances, is that one minute they are saying one thing, and the minute you agree, they take the opposite side and I find myself entering into some kind of debate with them. That's annoying.
So there you have it. All possibly superficial things, but nevertheless, those things have bugged me about my involvement with Libra men. I just don't want a romantic relationship with them. I can be platonic friends perhaps, but absolutely nothing in the romance arena.
My North Node is in Libra. So that could be a choke point for me, too. There is something I need to learn from them I'm told. So your statement:
"And perhaps your encounter with the other two Libra was a preparation for your current relationship" has poignant merit.
I get along famously with Aries, always have, and have been mistaken for one. But that is because Aries is my south node which I think is where the resistence to Libra steps in a bit
I am a Scorpio woman so I will give you a female perspective on "Scorpio". Anger is not related to a Scorpio any more than a Taurus or Aries. Emotional outbursts are triggered from the emotional state or what sign your moon is in. You would check out your moon sign and his then next find out what that sign has to say, after that the next astrological influence would be mars or "the call to action". Both of you will have another astrological influence to check out.
For example my Sun is in Scorpio so I enjoy mystery intrigue, the undercurrents that influence all people, I have a greater than average ablility to withstand loosing everything and starting all over again. I am fiercely loyal and can't stand BS, yet I am very supportive to those around me. Now my Cancer moon makes me very protective of my family similar to a leo but with a difference when I get upset I will not blow off steam I will keep it under my crablike shell. Here is the cunundrum...my mars is in Sagg. this means when I do blow up I do it like a volcano and never bring the subject up again. Weird? yes but true. What I am trying to help you figure out is that in astrology there is so much more than the sun sign. When you couple this with another person you have more interaction with the various signs they have.
A professional astrological chart based on Synastry is my suggestion. Composite charting is still in my opinion not going to give you what drew you to him, him to you, what is the glue that keeps you together and where are your trouble points to watch out for.
Good luck to you,
Thanks. I appreciate your post. Because I don't know his birthtime exactly, I can only narrow it down only so much. As such, he could have Moon in Sag and Cancer in Mars, or Moon in Capricorn (I don't remember the Mars). I have Moon in Cancer and Gemini in Mars.
Concerning his placements, I've been leaning more towards the Moon in Sag/Mars in Cancer aspects since those combinations dominate the day he was born - 10/23.
You are right about the anger based on a Sag influence. He does get angry and then he wants to move on from it ......at least that is what he says. However, it doesn't really get forgotten as he will bring certain "flare up" points (that caused past "arguments") into a current "conversation" .....and that just isn't always the right thing to do. Especially if the past situation was resolved and forgiven. Now if I try to do this, I'm accused of bringing up the past, but if HE does it, it's because it's RELATIVE to prove a point in the current situation. Argh! I know this sounds immature, but he can be very unfair. I'm accused of bringing up the past, using a "tit for tat" attitude, etc. YET, when HE does it, it's ok and brings RELEVANCE to prove his point/s.
Again, it's very hard to figure out what is going on because I don't have an accurate birth time. Believe me, if I had this information when we first started out, I would have had our charts done. However, since that is not possible at this moment, I can only use "generalizations" of the sign, as well as just continue to get to know him through trial and error.
Wheelsofortune, I just want our marriage to be successful, like everybody else would want. The more information I have that will help me understand him as well as myself, the better I can be in this relationship. I would like to be accountable for myself.
Which brings me to my next post in a few moments........
He is very into staying fit. His military background and his playing sports when he was younger is the foundation of this conditioning. I have always wanted to build my body up as well, as I am tall and slim. I have long legs, but very small calves. I've always wanted more shape to them, but didn't know if a person could shape their legs or if they had to be born that way.
At any rate, we basically do everything together. Before we got engaged and we got our house together, he was very possessive of my time. Literally, he wanted me with him every free minute I had. No joke. Ok, fast forward. He has been talking about us working out together, either joining a gym or getting equipment for home. Ok, that's fine with me. We can do this together. He knows all the machines and what they do for the body, so I figure he could be my coach. I mean, he wants to take over my whole life as it is, so helping me to get fit would be right up his alley. Well, it's not. I get the feeling he doesn't want me to go to the gym with him.
I say this because everytime we have spent time at a hotel on a mini vacation, he goes to the gym alone. I literally have to "invite" myself to go with him and I don't get the feeling he really wants me to go with him. I can not explain it. Maybe it's my Piscean/Cancer sensitivity, but I really feel like he'd rather go without me. Yet, ANYTHING or ANYWHERE else, he wants me to go. I know when he wants me to go somewhere with him or wants me to do something with him because he will either not go or do something UNLESS I am with him. Yet, the gym is totally different. I don't know what to think. He gets emotional when I bring up this point -- like it's "touchy". This concerns me because I don't get it.
It leaves me to go down a downward spiral. I know there are women who go to the gym. Some are a bit overweight, but many are not and wear "tight" gym clothing and they look really well built, fit and proportionate. Now, since he does like looking at other women, I guess all men do, this bothers me a bit. But there is nothing I can do about it. I'm a bit insecure because again, I'm slim. I don't know how his past women were built, but I have a feeling they weren't tall and slim like I am. Plus, he wants me to get a boob job (bigger). He says my body would be better proportioned to my height and hips if I had this done. Whatever. Maybe I should be flattered that he wants me to get breast augmentation, but it really doesn't make me feel so great about how I look to him as I am pre-boob job. I feel like he is not completely happy or satisfied with what I have to offer him -- naturally. And this thing about him going to the gym alone -- at night -- without me, when we do EVERYTHING together and he ALWAYS included me in the "GET FIT" lifestyle, I'm thinking I will "cramp his style" at the gym. If there are other women there who look great in their gym gear, he may feel like I am "controlling" his "eyes" to look/gaze/admire the fit bodies all around him.
I guess I am letting my imagination run wild here. He tells me I think whatever I want to think and make more out of it than necessary. But if you man alwasy includes you in EVERYTHING and you pretty much have altered your life to be what he wants, and then he decides to not include you in something that BOTH of you will benefit by and doing something that is fun and that he truly enjoys and is "into", it makes me wonder why he doesn't want to do this as a team/couple.
He's not jealous, I mean, again, who would want me? Plus, I don't give him any reason to be, there's no one else I want and I've been single (and celibate) for eight years prior to meeting him by my own choice.
He's got a really great body (just a little bit of a tummy that is really getting tighter due to fat-burning vitamins and workouts) and he knows it.
I could be making a big deal about this. I just don't get why he appears uncomfortable about my going to the gym WITH him. He tells me I can go with him if I want to, but honestly, based on how I know he is about us doing everything and going everywhere together, it causes me to wonder why the same level of "fervor" is not there when it comes to going to the gym. I told him I've never gone to a gym. I told him this something I thought (by all intents and purposes from our conversations about it) WE would do TOGETHER. But since that is not the case, it makes me wonder whether he wants to go to the gym alone to show off his skills and look at other women admiring him or him admiring them.
Ok, I'm getting tears in my eyes. See what I mean? I'm a mess and probably so friggin' wrong about all of this. I don't know how else to explain it. Gotta go. I wish I wasn't so insecure with him when it comes to my body.......
Are you so sure this is the kind of relationship you want to endure for the next 10 years?
Your his project based on the information you have posted. I definatlely would be concerned if I was told to get an augmentation. He has perfection issues that will never go away....never, I was involved with someone similar with physical fitness and the zealous behavior to be a perfect specimen.
I know it's so hard to let go of someone that you love, but honestly is this the kind of scrutiny you want to endure day by day, week by week?
Your self esteem does need a boost not your breasts!
All men do want to go to their "cave" to me it looks like the gym for your fiance. This is natural for them to want alone time to just be a guy.
This is your life Valentina and worth every bit as much as anyone. What are you doing for you? What makes you happy? Where do you see yourself in the next 2 years?
Focusing purely on your partner is not healthy, you sacrifice the thing you have control over ....you.
You are very sensitive and very loving......does he deserve you? You deserve the same kind of love, your not an accessory to him.
Think about this, there is no need to be drastic but please think about this and think about what your life should look like down the road. You are here to contribute to more than his ego.
WheelofFortune, thanks for your post.
Yes, he is a perfectionist. VERY much so.
Yes, I have asked myself the very questions you are asking. Most of the time, I can handle his scrunity and his criticism. He is getting better because I voice the things that he says or does that hurt, and he takes deliberate steps to stop the behavior.
For example, recently, I told him it's basically not what he says or does that hurts, it's HOW he says or does it. It's about loving one another in how we do things. It's important to me to feel the love WITH the scrunity or criticism. I want to know that this person Loves me and is not trying to belitte or hurt me in an uncomfortable situation.
So, if I'm not "feeling the love" in his actions or responses, I let him know that. However, he finds it very hard to apologize, because he doesn't like doing anything wrong (the perfectionist) and he may not feel like he has done anything wrong that I should get offended about. This can be an area of contention between us. Because the way I see it, if someone I love is offended or hurt by something I've done, whether I agree with them or not, I'm going to be sensitive to them. I'm not going to blow off their feelings just because I may be right or THINK I'm right. It's about resolution and understanding not about destroying the other person's spirit.
It's funny you say "project" because there have been times I have felt that way. It doesn't make me feel good to think that way. He's got some problems, and I have and still stick by him throughout when others would leave.
He says he loves and respects and needs me more than I realize and I shouldn't lose sight of that. He can be cocky, then he can be very humble and loving. But honestly, it seems like it has to be always on his terms. Again, he is not the type to apologize -- so what he will do when he has messed up is to do stuff to make up without ever saying I'm sorry.
I do accept that most of the time because it's probably the best I can expect. But I want the apology....so at least I KNOW that he acknowledges his offending me -- not just blow it off.
There are many things that we enjoy about each other, along with some not so great things. I am not in the mind to break off my engagement because of those challenges. I want to be able to work through them. So that's why I'm laying everthing out here for all to read
Does anyone out there understand what I mean by that? I know that he and I want our relationship to work. "It's not the end of the world" he'll say when we have disagreements or arguments. That's always been encouraging for me to hear because it shows me he's not in this for the short term. Although it wouldn't be easy, I can always walk away and so can he. But my interest in this forum was to find out how couples make it through the challenges.
If I'm wrong in my thinking of him or if he is wrong, then maybe folks here can help us out. I'm not trying to throw it all away.