What are you really asking?

  • This particular section about Love and Relationship attracts a lot of questions - "Will I ever find love? Will my lover return? Will I have kids? Where is my soulmate? Why does he/she treat me so bad?" etc.

    But I think behind all those questions is just one very hard-to-answer question - "Am I lovable?" Isn't that single question really at the heart of all these fears and problems? That you fear you may not be worthy of love, or are so terrible that you are afraid nobody could care for you? And that you will always be alone?

    Maybe you need to ask youself if there could be something in your personality and attitudes that puts people off if you have trouble with relationships? Everyone is indeed worthy of love - but maybe you don't believe that. Perhaps the answer to your question lies in an examination of your own self and your insecurities.

  • I wrote this whole big thing then it erased so I'll repost tomorrow!!!!!!! GRRRRR

  • Looking forward to reading it. Guess that bed rest is helping...:)

  • I believe, that the word "alone" has been tainted throughout time. Through society, media, stories etc. No one ever wants to be that only one to end up alone, of course that makes one think, I am unlovable, unworthy of love or care. Unworthy of this fictional account of the "ultimate"

    love which has been dramatized through cinema and music. It's moving, of course.

    But is it even reality? Since these images have been bombarding on your way of thought so

    long, do you truly know what you need?

    We should seek out relationships or stay in relationships to learn and grow, there is so much to

    be learned by interaction, it is a beautiful thing. But, think about it, if there is no detachment within these relationships then there is no time to reflect and understand the bigger picture.

    You obviously may lose yourself on the way and this is where one gets scared to be alone again.

    One must not fear being alone. I think that the moment one leaves a relationship is the most

    enlightening. You find yourself, abruptly, left without any vocal clutter in your ear, no other opinions or thoughts. You are just you, for this brief moment.

    I remember I was in a 3-4year relationship, for the most part it was good but I felt I was missing

    something. I ended up going to Mexico on a service trip to fix up houses. I did not know

    anyone on the trip but it ended up being one of the most enriching times of my life. I came back

    and had to be alone for awhile. To appreciate this beautiful peacefulness and self-love I had encountered.

    I had forgotten what made me happy. To make yourself happy is a precious piece of information you need in life. When all else fails, you are left with you. I was able to make myself smile, without anyone else. It gives a certain sense of completeness and wholeness, a rare satisfication.

    I am not saying, screw finding love, that's not it and of course there are different circumstances,

    All I am saying is that try hard to love yourself first, to the point where you are satisfied with solitude. At knifepoint, you'll fight hard for your life, but why!? Because you have a genuine love for yourself. That is a little extreme, but I hope you get my drift! ..lol

    If you do want to be with someone, It will blossom and bloom into a relationship without obsession, extreme uncertainty and all that bad stuff no one wants. The strength

    and courage in being able to stand alone will make you stronger and bring about relationships that are not simply there to fill a void. If there is no void, then the relationship is a companionship, an equal and balanced beautiful energy

    Again, remember to embrace yourself, to enjoy the power in self love, it is powerful to know and recognize your own wants and needs and desires first. It is a constant journey of self discovery ๐Ÿ™‚

    Of course, I could be crazy, I'm 21 what do I know and I just felt like writing so no need to take in what I just said.

    If there is any truth in what I said then great! I'm off to sleep lol ๐Ÿ™‚


  • I said I'm not saying screw* finding love. They censored me!!!!!!!!!!! hehee

  • Lovely Post

  • Yes indeed, in everyone's frantic search for a relationship, they often forget and neglect the most important relationship of all which is the one with yourself.

  • TheCaptain - so true, it all starts with ourselves which can often be a battle. We need to be at home in our own skin before we can take on board someone elses. We're complex beings! Love the post. Hope you all have a lovely day! ๐Ÿ˜„

  • Captain,

    At first I was I concerned, if not alarmed, by how many women in this forum are insecure about themselves. Is that insecurity an encapsulation of the female culture today? If women could embrace their power (don't mean withholding sex) but our nuturing, insight, and apparently our wilful love for another whether he wants it or not, couldn't we be perceived as the stronger sex? Women today purposely denegrate themselves. Perhaps, that is how a deceptive shift in power will happen. Being an older women, I know this is not a news flash to young women who have not experienced discrimination. How can we be so empowered but so short sighted?

  • Just to share my experience,

    When my relationship ended in 2001, I took a time off from dating for quite some time. I was never lonely or unhappy during that period. In fact, it was one of the best moments of my life. I took all the time needed to heal and to find myself again. I went travelling, spent quality times with friends and educate myself further by enrolling for courses. I was proud to be "alone".

    I finally open my heart to love again last year. Neither of us were looking for love but it was brought to us. When I met him, I just knew he is the one I want to be with. Fate has a funny way of bringing 2 person together, when we are ready.

    I believe happiness is in all of us. Some of us just didn't know it yet. They think they need to be with someone in order to be happy. I thought so too before but my 7 years of "alone" time told me otherwise. I create my own happiness, no one else does.

    Sorry for this babbling, just feel like sharing ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Hi all

    Lovely debate. Im guilty for asking that question when will the love for me yaddah yaddah yahh. I cant recall who asked me a vital thing, do you not love yourself? it stumped me.

    It razzed my brains for days because i was trying to make headway of this puzzle, which in end wasnยดt a big one.

    the reply i came to was makes sense, if i dont love myself as i am flaws n quirky personality, who the hell will? How can i then nag everyone that are psychich, reader medium etc when the one for me will come n love me if i dont love mysefl?

    I extended to, if i dont love being with just meself, me and i, how will i then be able to love when im with someone?

    So this consensus is what i use when i as reader am asked when will love arrive in my life, i always ask if you dont love urself as u are fully flaws n all, how can u then fully b happy with someone? so make urself happy first by embracing all the great in you as well as ya flaws. Skeletons can be taught to dance you know.

    i think this is the main issue, we women often expect the man to provide us with love n happiness, BUT if that doesnt exist first, how can it exist in a relationship? And is it fair to lay all this burden of providing happiness and love on the guy alone? Is a relationship not a 2 way street? Equal 50 50%???

    Another way i place it is, if ya unhappy do u blame ur partner? if u want change u start the change n ur partner will follow ya lead, BUT it has to come from u, n always remember any relationship is a delicate fragile special plant. Needs loads of nourishments, n loads of TLC.

    Plus thing from a good relationship or friendship is so many things. BUT for it to be good, oneself has to be content as one is, embrace and love what one is all the way.

    ok ill get off stage now. I start repeating mysefl if i havent already LMAO

    ta ta ladies


  • You guys make a whole lot of sense. I hope everyone who is desperate to find love reads this and understands that the best type of love relationship comes when you stop looking for it.

  • Seeking many things. I am a Libra 10-22-59. I have many experecions since childhod. I still do. I wamt to enhace and grow, Some visions I6ve had have come true but I know there is more to come. I would like to know if it is my near future? To let you know I^ve had dreaems, visions, intution,premitions. Please give me a reading. The vision, and enhancement. I so appretion would be greatly apppreciotion. Much Much THANKS

  • This is not the thread for personal readings, Sparkle. Create your own thread in the appropriate section (do you want a psychic or tarot or astrology reading, etc?)

  • I agree! The most important relationship you have IS with yourself!

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