Wondering about the holidays

  • Much love to you Kay... I believe that everyone has spoken the words from their heart that you are loved. Trials may happen not for you only, but to help you children learn or experience some small event that shapes their lives forever. Hang in there and remember to feel the sun, breathe the air, and slow your mind. Accept the gifts of living and know you are loved and precious. All will work out as it is meant to be and someday you will look back or a wise mentor will show you why these trials were needed.

    Blessed Be.


  • My thoughts are with you Kay - I am having difficulties too but am trying to make the best of this bad situation we all find ourselves in... I don't know how to make it through either but believing I can is the thing that is keeping me going... I grew up VERY poor and we had wonderful christmases with gifts from Salvation Army and Lifeline etc I remember them - but I also remember my Mum trying her best to make it work for all of us - and that makes me love her even more!! And i mostly remember the love that we all shared with family and friends - that was a priceless gift that no one can take away and it cannot be bought... the best gifts in life are not material..... they are given freely from one human to another 🙂

  • Hi Kay, as someone that grew up in an underprivileged household as a child I believe it creates gratitude and strength. You are the mother, you need to take responsibility for your family. Set rules and be a good example to your children. You can't teach them to give up and that life is so worthless. There was never one time in my life that I felt resentment for a poor-Christmas because we were taught the value of our parents' work. That's the best gift you can give them for the holidays.

  • Hello again Kay, your poems are beautiful and iit sounds like you really are a true poet. I wanted to keep reading them and would look forward to more. It's so wonderful that you can get so in touch with your feelings that you are able to write poetry as touching as that. Not many people can do that. Bravo! Please don't feel like your feelings are childish at all. After many years of dealing with so many problems, sometimes it's harder for us to deal with things, even trivial things can set us off (the bucket is full syndrome). I know someone mentioned a doctor which may be a good idea to help get you through the rough patch. Sometimes we need a bandage for our emotions, just a rest really to heal and medication can give you that rest and it doesn't need to be long term either, just as a bandage would for a wound, then you can allow yourself the healing time you need. As an Aries you won't want to accept that, but the fact that you've been through so much shows you deserve to get some help for yourself. I hope you look into it. My Aries girlfriend is very sensitive and always helping others, but seems so strong at the same time that I sometimes forget she can use some help, but it's very frustrating for me because she always declines it, therefore she's not allowing me to be a better person for helping either, when we could share the burden. It sounds like you are good at helping others, but please acknowledge that you need to accept help yourself even if it's just accepting that you deserve it! Another friend of mine contacted the church she had just started going to when she was going through a really hard time after a divorce and they can really help you. Dealing with suicide is alot to deal with and I sympathize with all you've gone through. I'm glad you were told your husband is trying to help you from beyond and I really believe he is too. You wll be helping him by allowing yourself to be helped too. Please keep us posted...

  • Kay, Please, please don't beat yourself up, mentally, now, for reaching out and sharing your fears and feelings. You did the right thing. Think about where you may be right now, hadn't you reached out for some support? You are NOT an idiot or any other of those names you called yourself that I don't even want to repeat by giving my energy to them. You are a human being and by being one, we all have our moments of self doubt, vulnerability, and weakness, this however does not make us idiotic! It makes us normal..lol.

    Your poetry is beautiful and that could be a great outlet for you when you start to feel down. A place to funnel that negative energy, out of you and on to paper. Find your inspiration girl and keep on writing!

    Best Wishes,


  • I hope you are feeling better, after all the wonderful replies. Please, remember to get in touch with the love that is always surrounding us, even when we don't feel it. It is as easy as just desiring to feel it, at every moment, at every breath you take.

    Also, after living with your husband, it will be wise to attend a group, both you and your daughter, to cope with codependency, and for grief support. You are stuck because of the way you were molded then (or even before). I know time will be a problem, but when the intention is for healing, everything is placed in order.

    The holidays are only about love, for accepting and giving love. Family love, bonding love, sharing the joy of being together and being loved for our family. Sorry, English is not my first language, but I tried with lots of love for you, sweet Kay. Btw, your poems are beautiful. They show you have a strong soul, you only need to atune with it.

    I will keep you in my heart and in my prayers.

  • I saw Ahliyah post on one of the threads about you and I decided to write this.

    I’m going to give you a different perspective and before you read this, you may want to close your eyes and turn inward for just 5 minutes. Find a place that you long to visit and imagine that you are there. Keep this place in your mind as you open your eyes and read.

    All living beings consist of the psyche and the physical. Our spirits, all come from the spirit world, to the physical world in order to learn and move forward. This is the general purpose of life on the physical world. Each of us has a specific purpose, known only to our own individual spirit. In order for us to learn, the universe sends us challenges. What we have to do is, of course, overcome them and learn the lessons. The amount and type of lessons to learn is only known by the universe. Our spirits will keep returning to the physical world until all these are learned, taking any physical forms we choose or assigned by the universe. For some it will take 10 life times, and others may require more or less. If we don’t learn it, the universe will keep sending the particular lesson from one life time to another. In the universe eyes, we are all equal. There is no smaller weaker unluckier. There is only, opportunity to learn and advance for each of us.

    That said, committing suicide is not a solution. Because if you don’t overcome these challenges now, you will experience them again in the next life. So clearly, ending your life before your time to go, is not going to take the challenges away. In fact, the universe will send you two in one challenges next time, the very one you haven’t overcome and the challenge that meant to teach you not to commit suicide again. Hence, facing challenges as they come, is the best way to deal with them. Some challenges, are meant to break you down. Because the universe knows each of us to the core, and so it knows you can make it anyway. The question is, do you know this too. To answer this, the universe provides guidance and support. They can come in any way : through your psyche or through people around you or not around you, but able to lend help and tips. You have one clearly visible to you now, the man you met. He has been supportive and is meant to be there for you. Remember that we are all equal in the universe eyes, therefore each of us has been through similar situation, regardless which life time these events occur. Maybe not exactly the same, but similar and therefore the lessons will be similar.

    Now about your situation. First of all, mute the questions you have about life and surviving it. Why/when/how/what if etc. Instead, tell yourself “I have to survive, and so I will find a way” Remember the phrase when the going gets tough, the tough keeps going. This is what you have to do. Why do you have to survive? Because your family looks up to you and because toegther you all have a future. Because you can and the universe knows it. Because there is no way around it and so you are going to have to keep going.

    Second, leave the past where it belongs. This is easier said than done. But what is left to learn, if things are easy? Look back to your past. Make an honest assessment, of your wrongs and rights. We all make mistakes. There is no one living being always right. In fact, the mistakes and failures are meant for us to learn from them, not to be ashamed of. Make amends whenever necessary and possible. Then, close the door never to open it again. If you should cry, point out a date in your calendar, say 5 days from now. You will cry your worst until the whole 5 days are over, all these tears for the past. After 5 days are gone, no more tears/despair etc will be done for the past. You will live only for the current and for the future. Live has to move forward, not backwards or stuck. Dwelling in the past is negative action, it will invite past hurts and those that hurt you in the past, back into your life. So by closing the door, you are doing yourself a big favor.

    Third, live your life in positivity and balance. What we get out of life is what we send out. Refrain from negativities: fear, worry, despair, anger, sadness, jealousy, revenge etc. We are here to learn and move forward. Negativities will drain you and block you from hope and seeing the bright side of life. Revenge belongs to the universe. Do not despair when someone wrongs you, when the ones you love are taken from you etc Everything happens for a reason and the universe will return all negativities as well as positivities to sender. This means if you are angry towards those who angered you, you will suffer from those who angered you and what the universe sends you back. You don’t have to fake a smile, lies and denials are negativities on its own. You can ignore and leave it to the universe, and continue your focus on survival which is your main intention. Live in balance, means nurture your psyche and your physical. This does not always cost money. You have internet connection, you can google and get free videos about spiritual encouragement or exercise. Yoga might be too much for you now, but 20 minutes meditation should be ok. If you are into religion, go with your religious activity and leaders. Good books are chicken soup for the soul, you don’t have to buy new one, you can go to library or read free article online. Plenty of ways to nurture yourself. Living in balance is important in order to live life fully and experience what life has to offer. You may only see hardship now, but every hardship always brings fruits of labor. If you are not physically well, you can’t enjoy fruits of labor when it comes. So don’t forget to nurture yourself, no matter how busy you are. Go with what you can afford. Then learn to receive. Whether it is gifts, help or advice. You can not live in balance if you only give and not receive. If you can give good advice, then accept good advice. Don’t be afraid to show you need help or advice. If you know everything, why come back to the physical world? See my point?

    Fourth, protect yourself from negativities of others. People send this out intentionally or unintentionally. So on top of life challenges, you then suffer from negativities you send out and the ones other people send you. You may wonder what’s the point of being positive if you are still suffering? The universe wants you to learn, and so life challenges will not stop coming. The universe will return all the positivities and negativities to sender, but it will not stop the sender from sending them. Because it is a lesson on its own and some lessons have to be learned the hard way. Only by returning negativities to sender, that the sender will learn to control what they send out, if they do not send negativities out, then the universe will not have anything negative to return. How to protect yourself, I have a thread for this. I will give the link later. In your situation I would suggest go with what you can afford or free, such as the visualization.

    Remember to say This too shall pass, when you feel down, as many times as you like. It will pass. Ask the universe, or whoever the higher power you call it, for help. The universe doesn’t sleep or take vacation. It is a place of abundance and it will respond to your plea for help. You may think the universe doesn’t respond soon enough. The reason is that the universe timing is not linear like ours. 24/7 is human definition of time. The universe doesn’t bow to this definition. If you ask the universe when will you get money, it will say ‘when it comes’ which can be anything from tomorrow to next year. What it wants you to learn, is to survive. Do your best to do so. If it gives you the money now, then you won’t learn anything.

    Remember that money is a physical concept. If you can’t buy something, doesn’t mean you are useless or punished by some higher power. It only means that you are not meant to buy it now. There must be help in your area for families in need. Seek for it or ask anyone you meet when you work. Someone must know. Also, there are good advices here in the forum, try it. If you have, try harder. The universe hasn’t given up on you, it brought you to this forum, didn’t it? So don’t give up. When all this is over – and yes it will be over, you will look back to this period in your life and you will be amazed of how much you have accomplished. What your husband did was very unfortunate, but then again it is in the past and the universe will deal with it. You will live for the current and for the future, because you and your family have a future together.

    This is a long read but I have to write it. I am here to share what I have learned from the universe through helpful people and spirits all my life. I almost committed suicide myself, in my 20s. I am 34 now, in a blissful and supportive marriage for almost 9 years. If I committed suicide in my 20s, I wouldn’t have met love of my life and receive blessings from the universe in many areas of my life – don’t you think? I will let you decide what to do after reading my post. I am only sharing, you will decide. If you think this is utter nonsense, then ignore it. If you think it makes sense, heed it. What you get out of life is what you make of it. Take care and hope for the best.

  • here is the thread


    go to page 2, 7th post down

    if you are a bit foggy and confused, it's understandable

    just let me know I'll copy and paste

    Again, go with what you can afford, money and time wise.

    bye now take care

  • This site is so BEAUTIFUL...I am so Humbled feeling the Love and Concern for you Kaye..Im speechless and want nothing more than to Help You.myself. You are wonderfully Talented, and your Beauty Shines so Bright through your Poetry...my husband just walked in and I have to share these posting with him....I was in a position at one point in my life that I needed Help, and I was Blessed by others....Because of that period in my life I learned the Power of Love is So awesome Nothing...comes close to comparing and there is SO MUCH love on this site for you Kaye.... that I believe that my tears are over flowing due to Powerful Love shared by all, and the fact that I am SO proud to have found all of you, in one place..I feel the love in every fiber of my being and it is so moving and inspiring GOD BLESS YOU ALL......Kaye I think that you are in the best hands because I've never run across so many angels all in one place....I have to mention the 11/22 posting by Wenchie was so moving I just wanted to Hug her....Kaye she said all that I could think to say and more it was my Truth as well....May God grant you prosperity.

  • Blessings and light to you Kay.

    Your poetry was beautiful and moving - thank you! I too came to see if there was any light I could shine your way and found myself helped by your artistry.

    There's really nothing more that I can add to what has already been said by so many caring souls. But know that you are never alone, no matter what it may seem like. And all we really have to do is to reach out and trust that the Universe will help us find the connections we need at just the time we truly need them.


  • Hello Kay,

    It's at times like these you feel alone that it is hard for others to truly understand where you are.

    I have been exactly where you sit. What I learned transformed my life. It is not yet time for you to check out of this world. There is no other person on this planet who could love and mother your children like you. What you want is for someone to come and nurture you. I am a Reiki Master.

    If you are open to receiving this gift all you need do is take 3 cleansing breaths and allow this energy I am sending to penetrate in through your entire being. You will feel the angelic guides embrace you and fill you with the warmth you are feeling disconnected from. Complete strangers will somehow contact you and offer you the help you need. All you need do is graciously accept their help. Your life will be better. If you are ready....I am sending the energy now...it will remain available to you - time is not a factor. Just close your eyes and take a deep breath in through your nose and exhale softly through your mouth....do this 3 times. Prayer changes vibrational energy. Be open to receive. xo

  • Dear Kay,

    I too feel all the Love and Light that has been directed to you. I feel your loss of self in your poetry, but I also see and feel you reaching out. All these wonderful souls have opened their hearts to each of us who have followed the entire thread. I feel so blessed to be a small part. There is so much wisdom in these pages! I have been told “when the pupil is ready, the teacher will appear”. I believe we all see this happening here for each one of us.


    Kay, from this day forward, start each day with your giving thanks for all listed above. Ground yourself (imagine you are a tree and your feet touching the earth lets your ‘roots’ sink in and become part of the earth) because it pulls your energies into yourself and does not leave them scattered where they look for the things you do not want or need. Then

    picture yourself surrounded by a bubble of gold light within which you are safe and only that which is for your Highest Good can enter.

    Look at your world with eyes that see the majesty of the sky, clouds, sun, rain, fog, whatever. See the trees and bushes, flowers, grass and weeds, and the leaves looking toward the light, or laying on the ground as they await the coming winter. Look and listen to the sounds of nature, or if you are in a city type atmosphere, listen to the sounds of life around you. A friend of mine suggested to look at yourself in a mirror and say “Good day, Kay” and smile at yourself. This may seem difficult at first, but try it every day til it is easy as helping someone---YOU.

    We are all here to learn, some to have too much that it should be shared with those in need. Some need to learn how to do with less, and do it with happiness as it fills their needs. We always ask “God, could I please have …” but can’t wait for when God knows the time is right for us to have whatever. It also may be that we aren’t meant to have whatever in this life. But that is never a reason to feel we have “failed” nor is it a reason to give up. Sadly, America is filled with SO MUCH, that EVERYBODY wants EVERYTHING. But if we all had everything, this would be Heaven; and we all know it is not.

    If things seem insurmountable, even with all these wonderful helpful ideas, look to Suicide Hotline. They are trained to help you get over the unbelievably bad times as well as direct you to affordable assistance. You might steer your daughter to a “Battered Woman’s Shelter” as they can provide counseling and even legal assistance when needed. I know you realize YOU ARE NEEDED. Stick around for your grandchild as well. I don’t know of many kids that can’t remember being spoiled by a grandparent’s love and attention.

    Please keep us all posted on how things are going. We are all a very special extended family, and we are here to help you.

    In Love and With Light, may you always hear your Angel’s Guidance.


  • KAY---

    All i can offer you is a prayer,and to remind you how VERY MUCH your children need you.

    even if you think they don't,or that they will be fine with out you,NO they will always need you.

    Stay Strong for them,things will be fine and you will be fine if you keep the Faith....



  • Leo/Scorpion/Kaye Well said. I'm so glad you made it through your serious trials. I hope Kaye reads all of these and understands how true all these posts are. We are not making thiings up just to make you feel better Kaye, although that's a goal for us. As you can see, many of us have experienced some of what you've experenced and are going through so we know from the tough times what good can come out of it. I hope you are feeing all the Reiki energies coming your way. I'm touched by all the carinig souls here that it's helping me too, just knowng how many people care about other people. Sometimes I really wonder myself about people and what they do, but I feel better reading everyone's posts. I feel that this is a big test in your life and you can make it through and come out the other side a new person. Just believe! Please let us know how and what you are doing soon. MMack1

  • cris1962

    He has offered to help at Christmas, but I did refuse because I don’t want him to feel that’s what I am about with him, because it isn’t.

    My BF has three boys and a grandson, but they don’t live with him.

    I am glad that you posted what you did. I am doing better in my attitude on things.

    Thank you and you and so many others have helped me. I am grateful for all of you.


    Thank you. I am sorry to hear about your lose. It is hard to get through losing someone. You know that so well and I am sure you are like me and wish you didn’t know that. Thank you again and blessings to you.


    You are right about cris1962’s post and so many others. Thank you and know that prayer is better then anything.


    You are sweet and a very wise person for being 21. Hold your Mom close. And assure her its being together that matters.

    God Bless you and your family.


    You are wonderful. You have been here for me like so many others from the first thread I sent out. I appreciate the phone numbers and emails given to me through this thread. I may take you all up on it. Thank you for liking my poems. When I can write them, they help me to sort out things deep inside of me. Sometimes I get lucky and they help someone else when they read them.

    Blessings and love to you.


    I hope to do just that Wenchie. Thank you. You have been a blessing to me as well.


    Blessings to you. You are right. I know this, I have to train my brain to accept it.


    Thank you. I would love to share my poetry, if you all are interested. I don’t think I am any good, although my poetry group of friends encouraged me to publish a book.

    I am a constant soul searcher. How can I be better? I can I make things better for others? I give as I would like to be given. So maybe with your Aries girlfriend, although she declines your help, secretly would like you to just push through that decline and help anyway. I don’t like asking for help and I decline it often and just take things on myself, but when someone insists I so appreciate it. Although I am ok with doing it on my own.

    What is friendship to you?

    Is not a friend suppose to be there even when your not the life of the party? Should friendship, be based on, you just being, a good time “CHARLIE”?

    When the chips are down and you’re laying in a gutter, isn’t a friend suppose to reach down and pick you up?

    The old saying of: you know who your friends are when things get tough: is so damn true!

    The ones who roll around in the muck and stay by your side no matter what, are keepers, to cherish and return the favor too.

    Those who ditch you, give you a cold shoulder and say your just to negative to be around, are the ones you have to say to,

    “don’t let that road, rash your ass, as you go back, the way you came from.”

    Be my friend because of who I am. Not because it’s easy, when I am fun and when I can do something for you! Be my friend because I am there and you are there too. Be my friend when my eyes are swollen from tears of a broken heart. Be my friend when I am making you wet your pants, because we are both laughing so hard. Be my friend when I am bitching and complaining. Be my friend when I am listening to you bitch and complain too.

    I don’t want a friend when it’s convenient to just you. I want a friend that gives as much as I do!

    Friendship should: Double Our Joys

    And Divide Our Sorrows.

    Friendship should be:

    A Priceless Gift that cannot be bought or sold,

    and it's value should be far greater

    than a mountain made of gold

    A Friend Should:

    A)ccepts you as you are

    (B)elieve in "you"

    (C)alls you just to say "HI"

    (D)oesn't give up on you

    (E)nvisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts)

    (F)orgives your mistakes

    (G)ives unconditionally

    (H)elps you

    (I)nvites you over

    (J)ust "be" with you

    (K)eeps you close at heart

    (L)oves you for who you are

    (M)akes a difference in your life

    (N)ever Judges

    (O)ffer support

    (P)icks you up

    (Q)uiets your fears

    (R)aises your spirits

    (S)ays nice things about you

    (T)ells you the truth when you need to hear it

    (U)nderstands you

    (V)alues you

    (W)alks beside you

    (X)-plains things you don't understand

    (Y)ells when you won't listen and

    (Z)aps you back to reality

    "A real friend is someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks out"

    I had a wonderful Thanksgiving with my kids and my granddaughter and to my surprise my Boyfriend (Jeff) showed up and spent the day with us. We didn’t have much, but it was great!!!! I cannot thank you all enough. I wish we could keep this thread open at least through the month of December, do to the holidays, it seems that not only have all you wonderful people have just helped me, but some how this thread has helped a lot of others who opened there arms and hearts to me.

  • Good to hear Kay. Your Thanksgiving was a "rehearsal" for Christmas. He still wants to help y'know ... please let him.

    I'm glad you have found a reason to smile through this. To repeat myself, you've earned it; and a lot more to come ... :)))

  • @Kay --- I'm glad you had a rocking thanksgiving :):):) Just hang in there for the Almighty has much more coming towards you...Yes, am much younger to you (at 28) and hence do not deem it fit to advise anything but I have struggled from day 1 myself and what I DO know is that Life does get better and things do change...what matters the most is our attitude!!! The more positive we are in the times of adversity, easier it becomes to accept and change them...I'm so happy to see many others opening up to you and sharing their wisdom with everyone...We all need it :):):):) Luv and hugs to you, your kids and the grand dotty :):):)

  • Thank you Cris1962 and astrodame,

    Cris1962 I am trying to allow him to do that. I do want it, please don't get me wrong, but I think I am afraid to allow someone that much, into my life again. I am working on opening up more and allowing him in. He has had a guard up too and the shift that I spoke of before was in regard to noticing he was letting it down too. I think because he is doing it, makes me feel more secure in letting mine down as well.

    hugs to you, thank you again for reaching out to me.

  • Kay I am so glad that everyday is better than the day before for you. Pulling yourself up out of that dark hole isn't easy but I would get mad and say ok this is my bottom and I am not ever going to get that far down again. You'll have some low times we all do but your bottom will be different because you will stop it sooner and say ok I gave this time to myself and it's time to get going again. You are on your way. Let this man in your life in and start writing because life has given you more to say. It won't be long before we have another long year behind us and we can say I am so glad I learned so much from it. Now the next year will be better. Stay positive and draw to you what you put out there. I will have a wonderful year. And go for it.

  • Kay

    Please keep sharing your writing it is very inspirational to all, your sweet Spirit shines through.

    Thank YOU for reaching out to all of us.



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