Wondering about the holidays

  • I hope ths will give some comfort Kay. I know that deep dark depresssion. I know it and have lived through it several times in my life. It never failed though, just when things seemed unbearable, some bit of light always shone through. I lived overseas a for work for about ten years and was far away from familyand friends. i moved not knowing a soul and was alone a lot during holidays and birthhdays. I lived in a very transient city which sounds exciting becauise there are so many new and exciting people coming and going....the problem was that there ere alwyas so many people coming and going! Just when i made close fiends and learned to count on them being in my life, it seemed that they would get a job transfer or life circumstances would carry them away somewhere new. While i was happy for them, it was hard for ME! i missed my friends and in a big city, it was hard to find and make new friends who i connected with. There is nothing worse than feeling alone in a crowd. ug. i remember walking past restaurants or bars filled with laughng people and groups of friends and wishing so badly that i could have some friends to spend time with on a weekend! i would have been so happy to have just one close friend to meet for coffee! however, just when i started feeling really alone and desperate, almost as if by magic, someone would make their way into my life. It might take a few months but I always found that the void would be filled. Always. i was in this particular huge and busy city for 6 years and my group of friends changed almost yearly due to job changes, moves etc. every year, it was like....Ok, now my wonderful friend who i thought i'd never find is living on the other side of the planet...how will i find a like minded friend again. i was working ALL THE TIME and would spend my weekends, just kind of wandering or going to coffee shops or walking through the park. i have to tell you, that most people who meet me, think that i have the perfect life. they would be shocked to know that i have felt lonely or had trouble meeting friends. i often hear "well things are just easy for you.'" this always makes me laugh as I realize the front we can put up to pretend that all is just hunky dory in our lives. the more I learn about people, the more I undersand that we ALL have times of lonliness, financial instability, problems with love and significant others or a lack of. While those times of struggle, heartache, loniless and fear were REALLY tough, i also learned a lot about inner stength, putting myself in uncomfortable situations in the name of trying something new and in hindsight i am thankful that i learned how to be with myself and that i was strong enough to be on my own in a strange country and city. THEN, as if by magic, the universe would have me bump into someone who i just clicked with. Or, i would receive an e-mail from someone who had a friend living near me and would i want to meet up with them? or a new job opportunity to make extra money would come up and i'd meet new people through that....plus the extra money was appreciated! It still amazes me how whenever there seems to be a true void in our lives, as long as we hang in their and stay hopeful the void gets filled with whatever we need. i think you wll also find how many people really love you and are willing to help during times like these. Hang in there. Things always get better. it may be difficult to stick out the tough times....REALLY difficult, but there is always a clearing and lightness. i promise. I know things will get better for you too and wish you a wonderful holiday season and beyond! that is always important....remember to enjoy the now but if things are tough, keep in mind that they will get better if you hang in there and stry to stay positive!!! Wishing you all the very best and sending wonderful thoughts your way. Take care xxx

  • Kay, I understand completely my husband has been incarcerated as of April 2009 and this is my first Thanksgiving without him and Christmas in 10 years. Having little or no money is the way I live too, I guess I'm living on love:) You know how everyone says, "you can't live on love?" I'm doing just that. If I was your neighbor Kay we'd start your turkey first or rotate them or something to give you and your babies a Thanksgiving dinner. Where I live there is a huge problem with prescription medication being abused, and 2 days ago they had a town hall meeting devoted to telling the community how children were hiding food from their drug addicted family/or going hungry all weekend until school resumes, What about Summer break? Or any break? It's sad yet terribly disturbing, I want to help change that and I have No $, but there must be something someone can do, they just need to try, Goodluck Kay and hopefully a family memeber will let you cook there or go together and have a big family meal or with friends and share the budget too:) HAPPY THANKSGIVING YA'LL from Ohio

  • Hey Kay are you getting sick now of me being so cheeri? I always keep in mind that there will always be someone having it worse than me. And you know for that I am thankful and sorry both at the same time. If your that depressed go to a doctor and get something for it. Ask for samples so you don't have to lay out any money for them. And I know holding onto your house is high on your list but the weight of this is just too heavy. And you may be better for it by getting out from under it. I am sure your family would rather have one parent here than that house. You need to have a healthy mind right now. It will not always be this way. You attract what you think. I know it sounds hokie but it is true. Make a list of what you want for the future and read it as many times a day as it takes to lighten your burden. I don't know if your daughter doesn't get that much help because she's at home with you or would it be that way if she was with someone else. You might be better off if there is an alternative. Just so she can receive a little more help. Maybe you could use your maiden name and that way your don't have the same name and they won't think your mother and daughter. Now is the time to get creative. Send a letter to Ellen won't hurt. But please try to get some meds because if you don't take care of yourself you can't take care of anyone else. Much love and support from us all.

  • Hello Kay,

    I wanted to wish you a wonderful holdiay time in the next few months. I will be putting you in my prayers and hope that everything gets better. I also was a single mom and had only money to pay bills but not extra for the holidays. When my son was six years old and was in first grade I was going crazy trying to figure out what we would do for the holiday dinner. I am also an aries so pride can be a problem. I was at home and this woman showed up at my door with this huge box filled with a turkey, stuffing mix, cranberry sauce, potatos in a box, and some other food. I was so surprised. She had told me that my son had mentioned to her that we didnt have any money for the dinner so the school was happy to provide it. I was so grateful for him doing that. Sometimes its funny how our children take care of us when it is usually the other way around. Now I make sure to donate food to the school every year because I want others to be as happy as I was the day I opened that door. Your a good person and something good will come out of this. Keep your chin up.

  • kay>>but this has been a rough year the the kids and I.

    Sandran>>Kids grow and learn from hard times.And kids are stronger than you think.They learn to appreciate how hard life is and not take it for granted.It is a struggle everywhere.I know some people wait to see when it's too late for anyone to help them.I have been blessed.My mom thinks..Cross the bridge when you come to it scenerio.I do not look at life this way.I sit and think what can I do and focus.Have yard sales/save what little you have.

    Figure ways to make fast money sell clothes in a consignment shop.Anything to make a fast dollar.Watch for sales on groceries.Only buy the necessitites.I am having turkey dinner alone.I got enough to feed an army.And no one to care and show up.So..things can be worse.As for Christmas.I do cross stitch.So I can make things.I usually make cookies for a present.I do spend a little money and make sure you don't spend anymore than you have for a budget.My favorite toys at Christmas was coloring book and crayons.We grew to love cheap gifts...LOL

  • I also forgot to post that I go to a forum that is based on support groups. It has been very helpful for me. I suffer from a bad disease and my son has bipolar disorder. Talking to this site really helps get you through the day. They have a group for depression, so just give it a try it cant hurt. The link is www.dailystrength.org. I hope this helps.

  • Blessings to you Kay, Please stay strong, you have a new little grand baby that will need your love, you have a daughter and son that need your love, with all the love you have inside to give, you will get back so much love yourself. Wait until you hold that little grand baby in your arms, close to your heart the joy will bring you great comfort.

    Life is so trying, so difficult but it is also filled with so much beauty, so many wonderful things that the Lord has provided us with. You have so many trying challenges going on but you are strong and you will remain strong and get through it all, showing your daughter the strength she will need to survive all that she too, is faced with, but together you will all be fine.

    I'm praying for you, your daughter, son, and new grand baby, that Love, Light, Compassion, and Goodness fill your life. It shall be.

    I Love You.


  • kim605265


    Sandran712>>I live in Ohio too.And I used to say ya'all.Because I was from West Virginia first.

  • Hello Kay, Please know that I am sending postitive thoughts and prayers your way. I myself have never had an exact religion but I do know that I believe in God. For a time I did not believe I deserved happiness but I asked for help and I received. You deserve happiness! You deserve more! Don't be ashamed to accept help! You deserve it! All you need to do is accept the prayers we are sending! All that matters is that you know that there is something more. There is love and light that lives inside you. Please know that we are all rooting for you! If it may help the easiest way to start is by first thanking your G-d every morning for what you do have! You will still waiver through some days but every day will get better. I hope you don't think I am preaching but this is what helped me through a very very dark time in my life!



  • Dearest Kay,

    First let me say you have gotten some great loving support and advisement already. Not being as gifted as some who have shared. But, I am here too to offer my support and love to you.

    I have been away from the forum off and on b/c I have been going through a rough time as well. I saw Ahliyah's email and rushed here to let you know that I also wonder those very same things. I also have no traditional Thanksgiving dinner to give my son this year..... what we do have though is each other. In the past 3 years I had my mother help my ex run off with my son so she could have access to him while I could not. After a long battle losing everything (material) I had worked for over the past 20 something years he is back home with me and my mother is still trying to start problems. Not to compare b/c every situation is different. Life is filled with peaks and valleys but all serve their purpose. I was incredibly touched by Libra's Lair's sharing (as usual). As bad as things get remember this. YOU are ok YOU are loved and YOU are worthy of happiness. As cliche' as it sounds these things do make us stronger and your children will ALWAYS treasure YOU over any dinner or present or material item EVER will! I know that I treasure every moment with my son now as I did before and all the toys he has will gladly sit collecting dust over taking a nature walk with Mom or making a grilled cheese sandwich with MOM or just about doing anything with Mom. Remember this always if you every need anything just ask and you will be provided for (maybe not exactly the way you planned) the way it must be done. When ever I think I can't take it anymore I only have to look to my child to see that I am blessed, worthy and I am here for a reason.

    You, Kay are here for a reason. Your children will love you and they understand difficult times (remember our relatives who lived through the depression) and they love you because of who you are not what you can give them.

    Blessed be to you Kay and make this and every day the best day ever! My son laughs at me when I say this... but just this morning I had a major puppy cleanup at 5 am and I was laughing and joking (and gagging lol) and my son said "how can you be so happy when you are cleaning all this poop up?" I told him life is gonna throw some poop at you now and then and it's those times we need to laugh the most. For all it is worth, I love you Kay and I don't even know you but I sense a similar circumstance and I know if I can do it so can you. Here's to having a great holiday with your children and to much laughter in your heart and your home.

    Blessed be to you all as always may the love and gifts you share come back to you many times.

    PS If you take Libra's Lairs advice I bet you have a great one.

  • by he way I did not use the sh word I used the p00p version and they bleeped me lol

  • All I can give you Kay is wishes for love and light ,blessings and best wishes, I have walked that path before, blessed be

    love and best wishes again




  • Hello Kay, I've been a member for a few months & had trouble logging on so I just changed the name slightly and relogged on, but haven't been on recently but am now just seeing the posts. My best friend of almost 40 years is an Aries so I understand them pretty well I think. I sympathize with you so much and what you are going through. It's like a bucket that's filled to the top and can't hold anything else and then what to do with everything in the bucket. You as an Aries want to take action and fix things, & probably feel that you may have failed since things seem to be falling around you. Aries are not happy unless things are organized and in their places but I think you need to realize that sometimes we can't just fix things, that maybe that's the way they are meant to be. You can't be superwoman, and fix everything in everyone's life! Sometimes we just need to let time heal wounds and know that we are doing the best we can do. Acknowledge the fact that you deserve happiness with someone else and that will come. I get the feeliing your man keeps himself busy because that's the way he knows to be strong for you and that might make him seem distant, but I get the sense he really cares for you. I had the television set on the other day and the ONLY thing I heard as I was working was something Dr. Phil said: "you can't cure your life....you can only manage it"! How great is that! I'm always trying to fix things perfectly and it can't be done" Geez, how long did it take me to figure that one out! Same for you....you have so much to offer and a beautiful brilliant life to fulfill with all it's bumps and bruises and imperfections. It's o.k. because we still learn and grow and add to the light as others were saying. I understand perfectly about wanting to give up, but I don't because that one thing that I may do someday to help may make a difference somewhere. I sense that you have so much to offer that you've really only just begun. The loving relationship you want I feel can be yours too. Please make sure you are eating well (which you haven't been, right?) and if not, go get a protein drink or protein bar as stress depletes what protein turns into from our brains & that extra protein will keep your brain and body strong. Don't say you don't have the money for it. Scrounge for it in the couch if you have to (been there) but take care of yourself first ! One of the other members mentioned about a church. That's a wonderful idea! You said yourself you feel a shift since yesterday. Allow that to continue. We are all here for you on so many different levels, and know that we've all needed it ourselves, probably more than once too! You are a beautiful bright soul that has had many things happen to you. Give yourself a little time to let thiings straighten out. I know how frustratng it is when our kids make choices we dont' agree with. Boy am I going thru that now with my son. My frustration level is making me feel as if I'm at the end of my rope, but then I remember, oh yeah...I can't fix everythng, just try to do my best and fix or just make better what can, and do what makes me happy. They have their own paths to forge and figure out. I wll be back with you later....I'm closing 2 businesses and things are bleak, but I surround myself with light and positiveness and know that something better will be coming as I've learned that I'll come out of this mess stronger and wth somethng better than I thought could even picture or imagined....it's happened before. Have faith, and take care.......we are working with you, for you, and around you sweet one.

  • Dear Kay, I really feel for you and here is my advice for what it is worth. You must slow down, let go and open up to all this universe has to offer you. It is not easy to let go, believe me how I know that one! But let go you must. Do not feel guilty about your past for it is your past now. Please take the kind offers of help you are being offered on this thread as I know you will hugely benefit from doing this. I am just an ordinary, everyday person living in the UK and I have had such profound, moving, deep and life changing experiences since joining this forum, not so long ago. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, do let us know how you are doing when you can. Love, light and blessings x

  • kay328. My heart goes out to you . Be strong , take things easy God will guide you through it . Love and light x

  • Dear Kay,

    It's so beautiful to see all these angelic souls bringing their light to you. You will be fine. BEing strong does not always feel strong. We are much much more than our feelings. You will look back on this time one day in awe of the experience, of your own light. The cocoon analog is beautiful. Sometimes sadness is like that it makes us stop and be present to ourselves. This is not a bad thing. We are not our thoughts either. Gently let the doubts go you are being nurtured, loved, adored. You will be fine.

    Let us know how you do, we are all here for you. How can we help you? We care!



  • Kay,

    Tried to be strong for you and your kids. Be strong think positive and positive will come to you.

  • Suicide is a sign that the person does not believe that there is any hope for improvement. Let me then say, Kay: There is always a chance for improvement. Do not become impatient. Impatience is also a sign that you do not believe in an improvement. Please just surrender the process to God. Do not try to control any cricis or any process that you are in. To be out of control is more usual than one may think. To be out of control is in fact normal. Normally the control we often feel we have, is an illusion. An illusion of control. There is no thing that is better than letting go of that illusion of being in control and surrendering fate to the light that emerges when one quiten the thinking and the feelings that continously enter our concienceness.

    If you have serious plans of taking suicide, time has come to ask people for help. A doctor, a psychiatrist, proffessional healers, professional anything in the field of helping against emotional stress. Please open your hand and take the gift that is given when asked. The givers are nearer than it feels. Although the true giver is within you. Within your own being. Your own essense, your soul. Keep close to that stillness inside of you that emerges when you excercise to let go and surrender to that inner healer that is present within you and in all of us. Sometimes it might feel difficult to do this. Then we should find someone who can help us with it. Any professionals in any field might help in their own way. Please open your hand NOW and accept any help that is offered to you. We are not meant to be without guidance when in cricis.

  • Kay,

    just look how many people are extending their hearts to you! Offering advice, sharing stories, sending you positive energy! We all will leave this world one day but it's not our decision but God's - that I know for sure. and you have lot of good coming your way - just keep doing the best you can do and pray. This kind of advice I was given this summer when visiting old Oracle lady in Himalayas, turns out it's just simple as that.

    sending you lots of love and will keep you in my prayers!

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