Wondering about the holidays



  • thank you, Wenchie



  • Wenchie! You doll!! What a beautiful story! So you were adorable and thoughtful ALL your life...not a surprise knowing the adorable, sweet, caring wonderful woman you've become!! WOW!

    Kay, thank you for validating my reading. Take your time with this man. Open your heart to warmth and friendship,which you really need right now. Be companions and friends for a while. I feel like taking the pressure off and simply enjoying the camaraderie with no immediate expectations will be the best way to develop a relationship and see what path the relationship should take.

    Blessings and Light



  • Wenchie that was a wonderful story. Just what I needed bloodshot eyes first thing in the morning cause you made me cry. Bab you and I have to stop this.



  • I agree, Libra. But darn if a story like that doesn't make a girl all weepy!



  • Going to run out to the store to get some bananas. The stores are going to be a mess from now until after returns after New Years.



  • Hi Kay, the best Thanksgiving I remember was when my mom threw up her hands and decided the holidays would be more enjoyable if we didn't spend them inside cooking all day. We all ended up going for a long walk in the neighborhood, played board games and cards and then ordered pizza. The stress of cooking and making everything "perfect" was not there and we just had fun as a famly. My favorite Thanksgiving ever! I hope you have a great holliday and enjoy the time with your kids. I love the previous poster's idea of going to a homeless shelter or nursing home to help out also. It looks like I'm spending Chrisms alone this year and that's what I plan on doing. Big hugs. X



  • Dear hisbablove,

    You are welcome for the validation and you are right about what you said about coasting (basically) and seeing or allowing things to just be as they are right now. I took your advice and as weird as it may seem, just in the last 24 hours or so, a change has taken place, in a good way. Although some bad things happened, something special and good came from them.

    Also, my son called me today and said his girlfriend wants to help with Thanksgiving and wanted to know what all to bring. So its all going to be ok.

    Yesterday a deer wacked my car a good one, I was scared and upset at first but my BF, showed up said everything was going to be ok, he'd fix it and he gave me his truck to drive to work, until my car can be fixed. My windshiel is busted, my passanger window and side mirror are gone and the passenger door and fender are smashed. But I am not scared any more.

    With that and some other caos and drama going on, I feel blessed and calm.



  • I have always found that out of what seems to be a terrible situation good always seems to come. It may not be what you wanted or expected but it's balancing it's self out. And everything happens for a reason in it's time frame not ours. None of us are very patient so sometimes patience is the lesson. I am glad that your settling down and feeling a little more at ease. I don't do well with chaos either and I have to work extra hard to block and ground myself. And sometimes when I work in the yard and dirty the energy comes in to recharge and balance me. It's getting a little to chilly now for me to do this so I will be setting in the bathtub meditating soaking in water with sea salt. Using more lavendar as aroma therapy. I find this helps me.



  • Hello my weeping friends!!!!!

    I did not mean to make you cry, that is my favourite memory of my Mum when I was kid. I felt loved and cherished and we had hardly anything materially but I never felt I was missing anything.



  • Kay,

    I am SO glad that things are working out as we saw and felt they would!! I know you will see the good things we were told would come actually come. Remember to acknowledge that you recognize the messages you are getting, especially when they come to fruition. Also, remember that the universe, God, the angels(whatever you believe it is) will and DOES speak to us in different ways. The incident with the dear, I feel, is a VERY powerful message to you. Here is what I am getting it is;

    The dear is your fate, your destiny, what is meant for you. Its a beautiful thing, one that is a part of nature,the world. You colliding with it as you "coasted along" is a powerful message to you that now is the time to meet with your path,your future. No more coasting:) You got banged up a bit on your way to this point (your car) and it sometimes seemed unfair,unnecessary, or overwhelming. But, it can be fixed and IT WILL BE OK. Your BF's words were NOT just his own. Yes, he is there and there to help you along, but it was a very clear message to you that things will be ok AND that people are put in your path to help you both see clearly what you can't because you're the one banged up AND to help you get where you need to go. He gave you his truck so you get out of your own car and continue on. Leave your old stuff behind. There is a new road and a new way of getting there. Your broken windshield is a shattering of those things that block you from seeing clearly. No more barriers between you and your vision of the light that is before you.

    I am so happy to know that you are finding your peace!! You also must learn to hear and trust the source inside you. Everything I have said to you here, you said it in your post without realizing it:) You sensed it already.

    I feel good things coming your way and so much joy. It won't be an easy ride and there will traffic, hills and valleys, but you will arrive at a peaceful and happy destination. I feel like your BF is reliable,steady, calm, quiet, and very good for you. He isn't expressive and flowery in the take your breath away sense, but he is very good. YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING GOOD. Clear away that knot of worry, or sadness inside you. The more you tune into the good, the quicker and more fully you will enjoy it. I'm getting a very strong "let go" message, Kay. Let go and move on. Your happiness awaits.

    Wenchie,you dear thing! I emailed you back AND I LOVED your story!

    Light and Love



  • Hi Kay. I had a chance to read the thread here and just wanted to offer you the opportunity to join our little Circle of Gold. If you haven't read the thread in the Divination forum, you may like to do. We're a friendly bunch of people sharing our wisdom and Light in an enlightened prayer and messages group. I can see a number of members have already responded to you.

    There's nothing you need to do except send me an email, and I'll add you to our growing list of lovely folks. I need your permission to down ray the Light every week on Friday, hence your email address, but rest assured there's no spam or sharing of your info. I also send out email meditations and affirmative prayer on Fridays, too.

    I've asked our members to please include you in their prayers today.

    Let us know how we can assist. : )

    You're not alone.

    love, light and great blessings of abundance,

    Ahliyah



  • Dear hisbablove

    I am slowly letting go of the past, its like a handful of crumbling leaves falling through my hands a little at a time. Each piece I in vision in my minds eye, as important, but completed.

    I have been working on myself for a couple of years now and just when I was beginning to feel strong and sure, with a good sense on grasping who I was and what I wanted to be, Last August I had the rug pulled out from under me and the wind completely knocked out of me.

    Libraslair

    You are so right in what you said, and I knew that down deep, it was just that I couldn't imagen anything good in what happened last August that made any sense to me and to be honest, I still do not feel good with that.

    
    A week before I found this forum, I planned my own exit from this world. I even called my kids to say I couldn't take it any more. My kids are not little, so toys and such are not necessary, they have lost so much and as selfish as my thoughts were, I thought it would be ok, because I planned to sign and notarize everything so the kids would not have to deal with things through probate. My daughter (18 and pregnant with my first grandchild) called my BF (Jeff), I was out on the road, I am a sub-contracted courier, which means I have a lot of time on my hands to be alone with my thoughts. Anyway, Jeff called me and was really upset with what my daughter told him that I was planning to do. You have to understand, that my daughter is an unwed mother, with a boyfriend that beat her up when she was 7 months pregnant and she still wants to be with him, my husband killed his self with a gun and my son just had gotten a DUI, I am loosing the house because the mortgage company won't give me a modification on the loan so I can afford to make payments, because my name is not on the loan, but it is on the deed. (a survivors-ship deed), my income is not good, my work requires me to use my own vehicle for picking up and delivering locked bags, so all expenses are on me there, 2007 state and federal taxes had not been paid, so I have to pay over 7000 dollars for that, among other bills. I can barely keep food in the house to take care of my daughter and now my grandbaby and the county won't do a whle lot for her, because they say I make to much money, which is crazy, because I don't, even if I didn't have the taxes and such, just paying a rental or house pament, regular bills and grocceries on top of my up keep on my car and gas, I still don't make any money. I feel guilty for having a man in my life, so soon after the death of my husband. On top of that, the last 3 years before his death were not good between us, because he was an alcoholic. That refused to get help. His family blames me for his death and in fact I got a nasty letter through the internet from his step-brother just 6 weeks after his death.
    
    That is the short version of all the bad and negativity surround my life.
    
    However, in saying that, some how I am still standing. Jeff said to me that night, " you are the strongest person I have ever met, I have never known anyone that can take a pile of crap and make the sun rise in it, and you do that." That's probably one of the nicest things anyone could have said to me and it pulled me back into reality. No he isn't the flower kind, he's very direct in fact, which I find,I need. He's not about saying "I love you" in words, he is more about action, in what he does, not the sweety things. But he confuses me too, because he is a work-a-holic, he's guarded and paranoid about getting to close. Which I do get, because so am I, and I got all these other things both physically and emotionally that I am still trying to work out.
    
    I am grateful for my children, my granddaughter, Jeff and my friends. I am blessed with good things, yet I have not overcome the bad things. My best friend along with Jeff and my son, say I am too nice for my own good at times. Yet I am strong,independent and courageous.
    
    I wonder all the time, who they are talking about, I just don't see or feel that about myself.
    
    Mostly I feel weak, scared, insecure, afraid of loosing someone else that I love, afraid that if I go to fast in a relationship I will lose, afraid if I don't I will lose. Basically, I don't feel I deserve good, love, or happiness and yet I want it.
    
    I am so sorry this is so long and I wouldn't blame anyone for not replying to it. I am just so emotional tonight. I keep going up the back down again.
    
    I am hopeless.
    
    love and blessings to you all.


  • Namaste Kay. Take a few breaths and let go for a moment. This email is encoded with light to fill you as you read it. You are going to be okay. You are okay now. "It always is how it's always been." That means, not the circumstances of your life, but the love and assistance of the One Creator is always there. It's okay to recognize where you feel you are, that of giving up. That is not a place but a feeling, and our feelings aren't real. They come and go, they shift. So what you are looking for is inside you, the states of being that are unchangeable. Love. Faith. Peace.

    Harmony. these do not change. So that's what we're going for here, now. The time is now; there is no tomorrow because we must live now. That is what is being asked of you.

    You are asking for help, yet not yet accepting it. Accept it now. You can receive assistance when you allow yourself to do. That is the moment when Grace floods in. It's hovering around you, so just say that you accept the loving assistance of the Creator I AM and the Christ Light.

    You may call the Christ Light whatever you wish; Light of the Buddha; Light of Holy Love. It matters not what religion you may claim, the energy is all the same. Call it what feels comfortable.

    What has gone in the past has shaken you greatly. That's normal. All that happened is in the past, yet what is being carried forward is your suffering. That suffering exists as an energy inside you. That energy grows and seems to take on a life of its own, and then over time it seems like that IS our life. It is seeking release and transformation. It wants to leave you so that something satisying can come in, so you're going to learn how to let it leave you. I can do this with you by phone if you have one, I will even make the call and accept the charges myself. It is most effective to do it by phone where we can interact and where I can guide you. There is no fee, no strings. I desire no thing from you.

    Getting this energy moving will help you greatly. You cannot see this right now, but I promise you it will help you more than you can imagine please send me an email at so we can get this rolling.

    Feeling weak, scared, and insecure is normal to your circumstances. However, YOU are not your circumstances. You are a powerful, whole, complete being of Love and Joy. Over time you have come to believe in an illusion, but what changes this is reclaiming the parts of yourself that have been ignored. Your power is seeking expression, but it is funneling through this heavy, dense body of emotions, and is creating the only thing it can through that emotional goo; pain, fear, loss. It tricks you into believing that "this is all there is".

    Rather than focusing on the negative, you must reaffirm your self worth and self respect. Honor your achievements, everything from passing grade school up to now. Begin to respect all you have done, all you have given along the way, because all that we give, every moment of every day, is Love.

    When we walk out into the world, we are Love, whether we DO anything or not. Every interaction begins in love. Every gentle touch, every kind word, is love. Love is what allows your body to live. Love is what gives your body its animation. Love is what fuels your energy during the day. Love is what allows you to sleep in safety peace and comfort. Love is what guides you to your next challenge as well as to the method of opportunity to simply step over it. It is your Divine Right to have peace, plenty, and to rest safely in the knowledge that who you truly are is eternal, whole and perfect, at all times.

    Did you ever see the movie, Coccoon? there is a scene in the movie where the darling alien beings reveal themselves as pure yellow-gold light. They float around, lightly, and with purpose.

    This is who we are too. We are that light and beautiful gold white being, floating around with love and purpose. Begin to see your self this way, as a divine child of the One Source, nothing less. Begin to see yourself as being made up of this fine gentle gold light.

    I can only help you with prayer right now. I'd like to offer more. You must accept the offer and take action. Only then can you receive more of what is rightfully yours.

    The Circle of Gold is with you. I am with you. The circumstances of your life are an illusion. Let's start right now by making things better, by allowing your personal slice of the abundance to work for you.

    I have asked additional guardian angels to be placed around you and for them to make you aware of their divine presence. I have downrayed the light of healing, love, and abundance in a gold shower. To receive it, simply close your eyes and see it showering on you from the Cosmos.

    I hope you will contact me.

    Love light and great blessings of Peace,

    Ahliyah



  • Kay, Master Sananda asked me to give you this mantra to use whenever your thoughts are racing, whenever you need to focus on something other than the circumstances of your life.

    Use it anytime for any reason. I recommend waking up and affirming it before you get out of bed.

    Christ's Love, Christ's Love, Christ's Love

    FILLS ME NOW

    Christ's Light, Christ's Light, Christ's Light

    SURROUNDS ME NOW

    repeat at least three times.

    Love light and blessings,

    Ahliyah : )



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  • Kay, I remember you from another post and the minute you asked for help the last time my heart was full of compassion for you. I want to share with you a little bit of what I had to go through and hope you dont take it as I am comparing sad stories but really using it as an example. I beleive you can get through this, you will get through this and you are very strong. From one aries to another (lol) we are the "warriors" of the zodiac and we can get through just about anything. Okay here goes: I was struggling bad as a single mom. I had to work a job at night cleaning offices. I had to use my own car the pay was terrible and my boss was a jerk. I would get home some nights at 2 or 3 am then have to get up at 7 am take my children to school the youngest was in preschool. There was never enough money to pay the bills, even with assistance I couldnt keep enough food in the house, ect. It was a complete nightmare. I had been going to school part time myself to further my education so I could get out of this "trap". I would go to my classes after taking the kids to school and would fall asleep during the lectures because I was so tired. I would then pick the kids up from school, help them with homework, make dinner, then back to work. Everyday I felt exhausted, drained, nothing left to give. On top of that I had people in my life taking advantage also which I have learned over time when to say yes and when to say no and when to say he ll NO! So I got a job opportunity cleaning houses from an old friend and quit school to work 2 jobs. I was working 3 days a week cleaning houses and still working nights so I was able to start bringing in a little more money but I was slowly unravling and I felt like a failure as a mother because I had no time or energy left for my little kids. I made a plan that when my youngest son went to kindergarten the next year I would quit my night job, keep the day job and finish college. Well God had other plans. After going day after day like a zombie or some kind of machine, I got up one morning to take the kids to school and blah blah blah only to find my middle child, Isaac, was yellow as a dandelion. I called off work and took him to the doctors and they took blood and sent us home. I still had hope that nothing was terribly wrong. Then I got a phone call from the doc that evening telling me to take my son to the hospital immediately becuase he has lukemia! Now mind you my brother died from lukemia so I was terrified out of my mind. I fell apart my brother came and took us to the hospital I couldnt even drive. Okay that was June of 2008. This was life changing. I quit my night job immediately, and dropped any day clients that were too demanding. When my youngest started school that fall I couldnt go back to school I had to take care of my little boy with cancer. His immune system was bad so he had to be tutored at home. I was so depressed and beat down. I could hardly take care of kids or myself. I felt like all the dreams I had of going to school were over and I would never get out of this ghetto life. I was scared to death about my son. Around the same time the love of my life came out of left field and started coming over almost everyday and playing with my kids and doing nice stuff for me and trying to help me feel good again. It did but the problem was I was so in love I couldnt see straight and I had become dependent on him and in fear of losing him I sabotaged our relationship with my insecurities. So that year I was broke, tired, scared, heartbroken, defeated, discouraged, felt there was no way for me. It was horrible. I like you, had no christmas for my kids. Someone I cleaned house for was a real nice christian lady and she was asking the sunday school to pray for my little boy. THey did that and then some they suprised us with the biggest christmas we had ever had. I mean my living room was full of gifts for them. Including money, gas cards, and a new computer for me. Okay that was a year ago. Now my son is doing better then ever, hes back in school his cancer is in remission. He still has to go through treatments and those days are pretty low for me emotionally. But still things have gotten so much better. I am still working very little and I am registered to go back to school this coming january to get a bachelors in Nursing. We are still broke but I no longer worry because one way or another we do have what we need. I dont know how we can have christmas this year either but I am okay with that too. Because my little boy is healthy and hes ALIVE. I am still single and thats okay too because over time I learned how to love myself again and now I prefer my time alone. I started telling everyone in my life no because saying no to them was saying yes to me. It didnt make me the most popular but who cares. I had 2 really good friends actually fight with me during this awful time because they were so used to me telling them yes all the time they couldnt handle it. LMAO. They are the ones with the problem not me. I already told my kids, "remember the christmas we had last year? Well this christmas isnt going to be like that you each get one thing you really really want and thats it" If they are dissapointed then thats okay. Christmas has become so commercialized. they need to know that its about love and family. My grandfather just passed away and no one wants to make dinner and its too expensive anyways so I am taking the kids to cracker barrell its 9 bucks for an adult and 5 for a kid. So for $25 I am having someone else do the work and clean up our mess. Kay, You can do this. Everything will be okay. ( :



  • Kay,

    I am sorry you are feeling this way. Please please please let me tell you........IT GETS BETTER. Please understand that no matter how s h i t t y it looks now, IT WILL GET BETTER. I want to tell you from experience, that NOTHING is worth killing yourself over. Kay I am 38 years old. My life up until now has been a struggle in many ways, I won't bore you with my life story and I'm not sure I'm comfortable laying it all out here and now either. When I was 15, I attempted suicide. Thank G-d I did not succeed. Again, I tell you, nothing is so bad that it is worth taking your life, IT GETS BETTER.

    Early last year I had serious suicidal thoughts, I seriously felt like I could get into my car and drive it into a pole. I was in a very dark place and deeply depressed. The thoughts of not being able to do that to my children stopped me (they are 9 and 14). I left my ex over 2 years ago, I have divorced him, we have shared custody of our children. He has made my life a living h e l l......his abuse, manipulation, revenge, spite, using our children as a weapon against me, constant harassment, non-stop texts & stalkerish behaviour had me at my wits end. Add to that financial difficulties (even now I still have people chasing me from everywhere it seems for money, I've fallen behind with everything but rent and I've stopped answering my phone), I've fought my ex for my kids since the day I left him. I finally have things back on track with my daughter and have her 6 nights a fortnight. My son told me about 4 months ago that he fcking hated me, that I was a fcking slt, and that I fcked my boss (all these untruths coming from his father who thinks I had an affair). You can imagine how I felt, completely guttered. He is talking to me again but refuses to come and stay with me. I worry about what kind of Christmas we will have this year, how will I afford presents and what food will I put on the table, I know we are not alone in those thughts, there are many in the same position.

    I don't have a partner, there is no guy to encourage and support me through this. I'm not trying to make light of what you are going through, because I understand in a lot of ways, but I do want to let you know, it's going to be ok. You will get through this. It seems horrible right now, but you will be ok, it will all work out in the end, even though it doesn't seem like it now and you can't imgane seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Just hang in there with that strength that you have. Your daughter needs you too, that time when you have your first child, you need your Mum. She will need you to be there to feel she has somewhere to go and someone to support her with her abusive partner, she will need you to be there when she decides to leave him.

    I just want to say Kay, that it will get better, chose life. You will get through this. You have support here, many of us are happy to talk anytime. We will do our best to encourage and support you. It is bad enough your children lost one parent to suicide, please don't make them lose you both, it will devastate them. Please give yourself a chance to see how good your life can be, how things will improve. I promise it really does get better.

    Wenchie

    xoxoxoxo



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