Libra woman bit by Scorp HELP need ADVICE!!!!!
Did I say stout heart only last week? He came back last weekend, and is gone again this week! .;-(.
So wish I had the heart to let go and move on, but right now it is a thousand tiny pieces. The highs and lows of loving a Scorp, eh? Does it ever end happily?
lolpet. does it ever end happily? i dont think so.
what happened when he came around? mine also came around yesterday..dropping off more of my stuff.. without knocking at my door.. my book and would u believe- a piece of frozen fish that i had left in his freezer.and me.. thinking i know him thinking that he wants me to make the next move calls out to him. he is full of mixed signals..always was.we talked but i am feeling insecure inside because i am not sure if i have read him right on not.. becuase he WONT openly share what he thinks and feels.. i have to ask exactly the right questions. so anyway he kept saying its not working blah blah we've tried blah blah i tell him i thought he was stronger than that etc..piont out to him that he is a monster when his sugars are low..he needs to do something about it... he says even if i do that its not going to fix everything--what about my problems etc. tells me im unstable. i say yeah well its pretty hard to be stable with someone who wont commit. he says im just brushing everything under the carpet. blah blah.. so from telling me everythng is useless and a nightmare..i got angry and said i feel used.i said are u wanting me to move on so that u can? he wouldnt answer.. as per f.ucking usual doesnt answer my questions.so i kept asking.. he says i dont know... then i say i dont know??? i want yes or no! keep pushing.. he says yes! then he is still hanging around what for me to give hima hug goodbye??im reeling cos i thought he had come around cos he really did ant to see me. i am such a fool.SUCH a fool. i mean ..fish?? i kept on about his denial,etc. he then said well i havent answered any of his questions that there's nothng wrong with me( sarcasm)..
so AGAIN i think ok he still wants me.. so i soften and tell him of the things that i am working on with myself, some of my fears etc, i KNOW it is not just him at fault, i have my stuff too,, he said it was great to hear all that stuff..but inside me i was churning cos it was still UNCLEAR .i had once again pursued him.feeling vulnerable, annoyed, was there any point etc. it just felt like one big attack. no kindness or caring.i said in order to heal there has to be kindness. anyway balh blah i told him i wanted him to man up basically and lead me for a change, said a few other things anyway he walked out. arrgghghhhh!!!! thats the problem . THATS why we dont get anywhere.. how the fuck can i feel safe if he just walks out without saying anything??? where is the commitment in that?? always takes the easy way out. so i was mad. i drive ti his house to get my c.d. then more stuffing around he ells me what he's been upto..tries to show mw he;s eating well etc..s ays there needs to be a 110% commitment, and its going to be alot of work. i said "do you think you take better care of yourself when you 're not in arelationship with me? he didnt reply. we talk about kids( i bring it up) ...i think he would leave me if i had children with him .. he didnt respond... anyway i hit a wall.. say im going to leave.. he says as im going " so whats gong on?" AAUUUUUURRRRGGRRGRGRHRHRHRHHHH! i said what do you think is going on? he says nothing. i say "im going home" he's-ok well thanks for popping in" isay thanks for my cd.
i feel yuk.
Lolpet I can't believe your still the doormat. We talked about this last year and you still are playing the same game. Well if you like the foot prints that's the way it will always be. And he knows he can keep coming in and out the revolving door. Only you can change you. And he won't till he see you do. Drawing a line in the sand may do the trick but you will never know.
Can't believe I'm still a doormat either.(if I was advising my friends I would have made sure they had left a LONG time ago!!) But maybe if I tell you about last weekend, it may explain a little?
He came to my house in the middle of the night "to get the woman he loves". I have refused to leave my home to go to him, because of his behaviour - there is no consistency, one minute he loves me more than anything, the next - silence. We had a long talk about what is happening with us, he was in tears, telling me how much he loves me, how this is destroying him as well as me. It appears this is making him as unhappy as me, but he doesn't seem to be able to accept how badly he has treated me and so he doesn't change it. We spoke again about marriage, how its what we both want, about his drinking and how I need 100% commitment, not this toing and froing that we seem to have now. I'm not looking for much, I don't expect big gestures, flowers, gifts, I just want him. I can see the flaws, am not wearing rose coloured glasses, but I see the good in him too. He told me he is only ever happy and content when I am with him, but once I am gone he seems to forget. He has said I am in his head and I am only one he wants - so why can't he maintain contact instead of shutting me out? I think he is scared of his feelings for me, and I'm not sure if he can settle when he has been on his own for so long and used to doing just for himself. He is self-centred, and a bit selfish, but again I can live with that.
I have tried to get on with my life when he isn't around, and now spend less time thinking and worrying about him. If he left me alone for good I could live with that too. But he keeps coming around again, and I don't have it in me to turn him away when he needs me. I feel a responsibility for him, and I do love him.
Over the years I have become stronger, and more able to deal with the breaks, where before I was a wreck.
It might hurt if he was gone forever, but not as much as the making up/breaking up does. There are never any rows - just silence. Until the next middle of the night text. Part of me is scared he will do something stupid if I don't answer, either to me or to himself. He has threatened to do it in the past, and drink and anger are a VERY bad combination!!!!
I know we can't continue as we are - my tear ducts have had enough! Every time he promises it won't happen again, but it always does. Maybe I just need to give up on him - believe me I wish I could move on and not have to live with this grief. I wish I could bring myself to hate him, not just what he does. It would make it easier to break away. But I don't seem to have the capacity for hate. Life is too short. And I am eternal optimist - things have to get better.lol.
I can hear you all screaming at me to get out - I do it to myself daily, but I can't find the heart to do it. Its all going to end in tears, I know. Most probably mine. I know its a train wreck just waiting to happen, but I can't get the seatbelt off.
At least I know for the next week he will be working nights and won't get in touch so I will get a bit of peace to get myself together before the next onslaught again. Might be a week, might be a month or more, but I know it will come. As hard as it is for me to let go, it seems to be just as hard for him. The longer the space, the easier it is for me, I am more able to get back on track than him.
I suppose part of me just don't want to admit I may have been wrong about this man for so long - me who is always right!!!! lol.
Anyway, I am doing my best to move on for now - heading out with some friends next weekend, not sitting around wallowing.
Thanks so much for caring enough to reply, its good to know there is someone out there. Love and light.x
Read my lips BOOTY CALL! Come on if you married him and you think it will change anything you need to take off those rose colored glasses. I myself with all my years of dealing with people who drink have drawn my line in the sand and will not even allow someone like that in my life again. I never saw any good come from someone who drinks too much. So find someone who takes you out in the light of day instead of the late show! Good luck and glad your going and doing with friends and not setting waiting for the phone to ring! You could miss a really good guy if you don't put yourself out there.
Thanks for the good luck message, goodness know I could do with some luck.lol.
I know marrying S won't change anything( I was married long enough to find that out.lol) - and I wouldn't even consider marriage until he does change or at least makes an effort to. He already knows that.
There was no sinvolved last week, just a lot of crying and soul searching. Its so painful to see the man you love cry. There is never s at reconciliation stage - a lot of talking and a lot of hugging but not s**. I may be crazy about him but I'm not stupid enough to let myself be used in that way. And if I thought for a minute that was the case I would be long gone.
My father had a drink problem since I was a child which eventually caused him to suffer from a stroke (and still he drinks!) so I am well aware of problems it causes and have told S that there is no way I could watch him become like my father. I refuse to watch him kill himself, but at the same time I understand what drink can do to a person, and having lived with it for many years I am a lot more tolerant than most about drinkers. I saw what it did to my dad, to our family, but also saw the aftermath, the remorse, the regret. Our best times are when S is off the drink, and that is the person I want to be with. He knows that. We both know he can do it - its just sometimes he chooses not to and the drink-monster appears.
Over the past year he has made so many changes to his life to better himself (and for me) but the occasional drinking and the way he treats me is the biggest challenge we face.
In his defence - when we were together we did go out in daylight - honest!
I trod on the rose coloured glasses a long time ago - I might be in love with him, but I see every fault and still love him. I know about all his demons, I've been around long enough to meet them!. And I know that he does love me when he isn't giving me a hard time. He has told me often enough.
I'm not perfect either by any means, I have my faults too, but what I am most definitely is a realist.lol. I know I am causing myself pain waiting for this man to sort himself out. I also know I never loved my husband the way I love S. I put my faith in him and it may well come back and bite me in the behind! We shall see. I know I am my own worst enemy where this man is concerned, but my eyes are well and truly open.
I'm not going out to put myself out there, I'm really not interested in finding anyone else. I've suffered enough for now.lol. Just going to have a good time with some good friends, a few drinks and a laugh with the girls and to forget about men for a wee while.lol.
I'm trying to claim my life back, but baby steps for now.
Thanks again for caring enough to reply. I do appreciate that you have my best interests at heart, and I am eternally grateful that you are all here.xx
Hate to put it bluntly, but you gave it up too quick and easy. He will NEVER work hard to get it again. Cut your losses and learn a lesson. Enjoy your night of passion for what it was... a night. Never meant to be a lifetime..... Always remember you never get a second chance to make a first impression..... leave him alone.... what's done is done. He will only come back for more of the same, passion, excitement, lust... but not love. IF you're down with that have fun. IF not move on.
hey lolpet, so sorry you are in so much pain. it will get better.
ok. here's the thing, and i think you are ready to hear it. if you TRULY love this man, you will put your foot down BECAUSE YOU CARE ABOUT HIM AND HIS HEALTH. he needs to go to rehab. thats it. he has tried to do it on his own and can't. you need to be firm for you and for him. right now he doesnt respect himself, and he doesnt respect you because he thinks you will not stand up to him. he wants you to stand up to him. REALLY stand up to him. this has gone on for too long now and you know it. it is time for change. you must believe in him that if you make that stand that he will follow through. you undertand addiction don't you? if you need to get support al-anon is very good( 12 step meetings for family/friends of alcoholics) and he would benefit greatly from going to AA meetings.he is always breaking up with you because he is in pain and doesnt want to drag you down with him.
now i need to ask- do you drink with him? because that will have to stop.pronto. can you do that ? you will have to remove the alcohol from your house. you have to ask yourself some serious questions. he is an alcoholic. he cannot drink. he needs time to recover.if thats what he chooses. you cannot make him do it, at the end of the day its hie choice, but you can tell him that you are backing him 100% if he makes that choice.
look unfortunately he is begging for discipline right now. yes its all a bit motherish etc and annoying , i think most men like it though. you just have to keep yourself in check and DON'T patronize him or do it for him- there is a difference. wipe away those tears lolpet. they are not helping you or him. right now you are playing the victim- not good.
make the stand -you can even get angry if you like- and i don't mean aggressive, i just mean being firm with him- how you hate his drinking, his disease how it affects you, how it makes you so mad that he doesnt give a s.hit about his body how disrespectful it is etc. pose some questions to him so he can go off and think about- like-" so you don't care if you die from liver poisoning in afew more years huh? " be FIRM. you are not saying any of this stuff to get a response from him when you say it-understand? and you dont want to be with someone who is on a death wish- right?
meanwhile look after you. keep looking after you. try not to pine for him and wish for things to be better. STAY IN THE MOMENT. this is where it stands right now. you have to make the next step. to empower yourself AND him. why dont you tell him its over? why dont you go to his place and be the one to leave. c'mon lolpet. its time.x
Thank you so much for your input. I appreciate the time everyone has taken to help me. I am so grateful you are all out there.
I know S has issues with drink, and I am not defending him in any way, but he only drinks socially at weekends and not every weekend at that. He can go for months without a drink. But occasionally when he is out with friends he binge drinks and that is when the problem starts. I wouldn't say he cannot control his drinking, more that he doesn't! I don't think he pays attention to the amount that he does drink at those times because he is too busy socialising with his friends. He has never missed work because of drink like my father used to.
When we are together, we have a meal and an occasional glass of wine and he is happy with that - he doesn't feel the need to carry on drinking. He doesn't keep drink in the house.
I know he depends on me to mother him in the aftermath, but I don't want to be his mother.lol!. I don't want to be always picking up the pieces either.
I have so many things I want to say to him - but he is hibernating for now.lol. No contact. I won't contact him because I know he won't reply and that just makes me angry. So I have to wait to read him the riot act. For now I am leaving him to stew. I know for a fact he misses me more than I miss him when we are apart. He has told me that he gets to stage that he thinks there is no point in going to work cos he is so alone, and down and depressed.
I also know that were we to end, it will be his loss. He will never find anyone else like me, who puts up with all his nonsense. I believe I would recover better from a permanent break than he would too.I have been through so many dummy runs over the years. However,I do feel he will be back - in my heart I believe it too. He is always in the back of my mind, but mostly I can get through the day without a problem.(I've had lots of practice, haven't I?!!!!!) It has now been 9 days since our last contact, and generally am fine. I am looking forwards, not back and have a good support system in my friends. I have never told them the extent of how badly he has treated me - because I don't want anyone thinking badly of him, or thinking badly of me for sticking with him. Also I do believe that there is a good guy underneath. I just have to keep digging til I get him out.
I WILL have my chance to have my say, I will make sure of that - and I will take no prisoners! But for now I'm concentrating on ME.lol.
So what's happening with your man? Have you heard from him again? I think I might have been tempted to hit him with the fish. Knock some sense into him.lol! xx
well his drinking doesnt soundas bad as what i first thought. still if it makes him an inconsiderate a.sshole, then well... look i guess he will stop when he wants to stop. you know alot of scorpios say they have great control but actually its like they have this wildness ths out of controlness to them that needs to be controlled-or else what? well lets just say you could put away your 3d glasses.hehe.
you are sounding pretty good considering. sounds to me like you both are very independant people who need your space from each other. thats healthy and normal. maybe its just a matter of gettign the timing of it right.. and maybe next time you see each other, why dont you try being the one to pul away first .and see what happens.i think you obviously both care for each other or you wouldnt keep reuniting. its just keeping the space alive for each other. do you think you could possibly get into a different rhythm whereby there is you see each other more but make sure you dont get too close too enmeshed, have lots of little breaks rather than one big break?
dont be afraid to make a stand ti him with regards to what you would like frm him though. you are entitled to do that u know. he might really need that kind of grounding from you.
me? im ok. since the fish incident lol things have been ok. taking it slow. he called me to say h e didnt mean the things he said about wanting me to move on etc..and he really did appreciate me telling him about all the diabetes stuf. i made a stand to him it did work. well it was just how i was naturally feeling i was angry and i was honest. he respected that. so he has been taking better care of himself, and seems happier, i think it made him realise how much i do care for him too. all i can do now is just work on staying with myself and keeping calm and present. not worrying about what might happen down the track with him. i also need space from too but when i am with him sometimes i forget that to the detriment of us. i am trying to make sure that when i see him i have some boundaries set in my mind of other areas of my life so that i dont become too consumed by him. seeems to be working so far. i jsut have to keep it up..
Ok guys YOU are NOT going to believe this!!! MY SCORPIO came back and came back strong!!! I was like wtf ....NOW as much as I thought I liked this guy I thought he was gone so I moved on to someone I knew before him that I had being seeing on and off and he is a sagg....I saw the scorp yesterday..We went for a walk and talked.....He kept asking me if I missed him, well I brushed off the question and asked him if HE missed me, he said yea I did......OK NOW This morning fist thing BAM ...I get another text which since yesterday he has burnt my cell up......I REALLY don't get them what so EVER !!!!!
they like the chase...my lady
Can I say I told ya so? lol.
They don't like it when you aren't chasing them, so they come back around to mess you up all over again. ha ha
Good luck and best wishes, whatever you choose to do.xx
rock you know anything about saggs??? or loipet???
Hi divious Libra,
Not an expert on Sags, But could write book about Scorps.lol.
Only come across one romantically and he hurt me really badly - pursued me for a long time, texting, compliments, was flattered,but it was all about the chase for him. I was in a bad place at the time, and I believe in hindsight that he tried to use it to his advantage back then until I finally had enough of his games. Having said that, he kept coming around again for a long time after, but once I have given up on someone I never go back.
Yeah I think you just explained the whole" sagg" experience ALL to well, and I understand what I need to do to fix this!!!
The unenlightened Scorps think most Libras are fools.
Either play his games or keep looking - for a sexy Aquarius...
I married an Aquarius - had two children to him then I blended in with the wallpaper!! I could have been invisible after I had my first daughter 18 years ago. He only came near me a couple of times a year after, other than that his time was spent on his hobbies, photography, cars, computers. I got tired of looking at the back of his head every day, I needed a life. I am sure it was the heat on a holiday abroad that was responsible for my second daughter.lol. I love my daughters dearly, and so does he - but I needed more than to be a wife in name only - more than a housekeeper/maid because he never lifted a hand to help around the house. He was so lazy too. He would come home from work, have his dinner and fall asleep. And SNORE!!!!!!. Don't get me wrong, he's not a bad person, just ended up being bad for me.
At least when the Scorp is actually around he pays me plenty of attention. I think the attraction with him might have been because he was the opposite of the Aquarius. But now I am locked in a battle of wills with him.lol.
Just because our signs say we should be compatible doesn't always make it so, I'm afraid.
I'm sorry your experience with the Sag appears to be same as mine - when will we ever learn?lol.
Surely there have to be some men out there who don't want to play games and just want the same as we do? We will just have to keep digging hard till we find them!
Well guys...He hinted for me to see him and I asked him to go somewhere and then he sent back maybe another time...I just sent maybe....Have not heard anything back as of yet...This is so crazy
opps here we go lol i spoke to soon....begging me now