Hexagram 18 changing to 15
I asked the I Ching the question "Who am I?". After 3 or so months of depression, inertia and isolation I now realize, with the help of a few friends, that the next step forward is to establish an identity for myself. I cast hexagram 18 with changing lines 2 and 6 into hexagram 15.
Here's some background.
Physical and emotional neglect during led me to try and escape bad memories and a sense of worthlessness by moving abroad and start afresh, but I ended up almost immediately in an abusive relationship lasting 5 years, repeating the same patterns of childhood and some worse, sexual abuse from a doctor from whom I sought help, followed by 7 years of isolation, working mostly from home with a few social contacts and activities, and one-to-one talking therapy during which I became more and more dependent on the therapist and didn't really get over my depression.
In the last 2-3 years I have been part of an organization which is a source of therapy for damaged people and their families and then helps them in practical ways to identify their skills and resources with the aim of functioning preventively within society and ultimately changing it.
After a brief period of the therapy stage I moved city, leapt into the skills stage and had a positivve long run of self-esteem, helping others and using my skills.
The organisation is now planning an important expansion project and is asking for a deeper commitment from those willing and able and I, in theory, could be one of these.
A few months ago I went through a series of strong emotional challenges and disappointments which I didn't have time / wasn't able to deal with and this led to my relapse into depression.
My friends in the organisation are saying that I am negative, chronically indecisive, that I should make make a break with the past, make a decision to move forward in my life and decide what I want to do with it.
Now my question/confusion is whether to go with this ideological and worthy project, even though I see it as overwhelming and larger than (my) life at the moment, or to continue working with them on a low-key basis, rebuild my career, continue to work on my emotional issues and hopefully find love (I haven't been in a relationship since the abuse).
Thanks for giving me another point of view.
Go with this ideological and worthy project, and rebuild your career.
Hexagram 18 with changing lines 2: A woman suffragist orating.
Stem-mother's decay. No determination possible or permitted.
Do not answer to demands which go against your sense of righteousness, beauty or love, even if they are commonly accepted as being good and nice. Many 'nice' gestures are demeaning for the recipient, taking away his strength or self-confidence.
hexagram 18 with changing lines 6: A big-business man at his desk.
You work to elevate your own higher pursuits. You are highly rewarded for your service. Higher esteem your own business.
Not serving king or lord, your service (or affair) is noble.
Honoring your affairs high.
Your spirit and tao is unique, as long as it serves anyone else it is not true to itself. To find your road, you need a totally clear unsullied mind and spirit. Your Master dwells inside you, listen to him and him only, not grovelling before facts or people.
This leads to hexagram 15: Give and take.
A noble one brings to completion
In the center of the earth is a mountain: team-words. The noble one reduces the many and augments the few. He evaluates things and bestows equalizing.
It is an art, expressing yourself and at the same time not offending the other in any way. Giving him his honor, respecting his views, giving him the room to express himself as well.
Unity means also to stay free of black-white thinking. When something is true, it should mean it is life sustaining, but anything “true” which excludes something else being true, is a sign you are talking of very temporal, short living truths. This is not scientific? Just take a good look at science.
You can fly to higher places than you would ever be able to reach on your own. Even more so in the realm of “truth”.
Mind is very primitive; it still believes in matter.
Thank you for your helpful insight hanswolfgang! In fact, I had begun to think along those lines - having the best of both worlds - and I suppose the confusion arises because I have to work towards finding the right balance between the two.
Repression is not the way, cannot be the way. All that you have repressed is waiting for its opportunity. It has simply gone into the unconscious; it can come back any moment. Any provocation and it will surface. You are not free of it. Repression is not the way to freedom. Repression is a far worse kind of bondage than indulgence, because through indulgence one becomes tired sooner or later, but through repression one never becomes tired.
JUST DO IT
STOP STRESSING ON STUMBLING
I PROMISE SOMEONE WILL ALWAYS BE THERE TO PICK UP WHERE YOU LEFT OFF
EVERYONE IS GOING TO MAKE A MISTAKE ITS OK
THERE IS NO SHAME IN ASKING FOR HELP
THE LORD TRUST AND FORGIVES US
WE MUST DO THE SAME FOR OURSELVES
HOPE THIS HELPS GET YOU THROUGH
Positive thinking and hard work , and faith in our lord .. is all wonderful . There.s bog mires of karma , every effort taking you down , every breath a sutle blame , every blink ..a restriction opression , every restriction a blighting succor, every help is a helpers exuberance and addiction ....and the sufferers blight ...the bog down spiral strengthens on ...every mundane effort , all effort,is self effacings, to constrain strife .....and avoid blames of the infinitesimally blessed scum minds and cycles . Surely you can read and divine ... to ask for and search for ....ways for absolvement ..and betterments .....specifically . All obvious piety charity ...faith ...hard work has been tried . The blighting cloud will represent the problems as personal flaws so that the guides dont see the need to help but only preach . Or enjoy the game of helping ...so much as self importance ..that they forget the petitioner ....or play at propagating self problems.....as more imp than petetioner......or blame and make responsible the petitioner ...for resolving their own problems . can you resolve or answer that ?