Disturbing Thought

  • I saw a psychologist talking on TV today about fear and love, the most basic and powerful of human emotions. He said that many people often mistook the first flutterings of fear for love. So that people can sometimes think the butterflies in their stomach are feelings of love when they are really warnings from the intuition of fear towards the person they are with.

    It might explain how people end up in abusive relationships. They thought they were attracted to their partner when in fact they were repelled but allowed their need for companionship and love to overcome the innate warning bells that were sounding. Like the women who fall for bad boys...

  • hi Captain and everyone!

    can someone explain me why some women like bad boys?

  • Thank you, Captain, for sharing this thought with us - I don't know yet if I believe it :)) but I find it very interesting and intruiging. And I totally agree - that people are driven by two emotions - love and fear.

    Katie, I don't have one answer to your question. I think it might be related to low self-esteem - when women accept 'bad' behaviour and put up with it. It might be related to believing that he'll change because of love to her (the assumption being that she's a crucial woman/influence in his life). But honestly I don't know 🙂 I think reasons may be many.

  • hi HappyPeaceful!

    ok, i rephrase my question cause it was misunderstandable.

    why are there women who are attracted to bad boys. i am one of them, and i cant figure out. it's like i cant get attracted to a man who is normal, always available, nice, arranged life etc. it is too boring for me.

    instead i always fall for guys who had a crappy childhood, are instable emotionally, sometimes cruel.... i just started to call it the DARCY-syndrome.

  • Hi Katie!

    Happy belated birthday to you!

    You know what - maybe you are attracted to normal guys (in other words, who seem to be normal) and only later you find out all the 'crappy' stuff...?

    And I think I share you question 🙂 looking back at my last relationships - they were emotionally crippling to me.

  • hi happypeaceful! thanks for the wishes. 🙂

    no, it is not that i attract seemingly normal guys. i go into relationships where i see beforehand that there is a huge blinking sign: DANGER and i still go with it. dont know, they have even if they are messed up and hurtful, so deep feelings. maybe i attract drama, and i always think i can change those men...

  • Katie, well I don't know ... maybe thinking that you/we can change them is dangerous or that they will change... let's see what other nice people in this forum have to say 🙂

  • Katie, maybe you are just someone who wants to help damaged people. Or maybe you have fallen for the Hollywood hype that suggests that bad boys are exciting and strong brave types of people. In my experience, they are just bad. An exciting person to me is not someone who lives on the edge of danger - that is a damaged person. An exciting person is energised by their passion for living - bad boys live dangerously because they don't care whether they live or die, they have low or no self-esteem or feelings of self-worth. An attractive person to me is someone who cares for themselves and others - bad boys only think about themselves. Bad boys pretend to be tough; really tough people are survivors, they have the strength to handle anything life throws at them. Bad boys run away from love and commitment because they are scared. They treat others badly because people have treated them badly. Real men are gentle and loving; bad boys are mean and brutal and at heart very immature.

  • Amen Captain! bad boys won't be the ones who are thoughtful enough to bring you chicken soup when you are sick, or standing by you when you are down. They are just looking for a good time. I won't say people won't change . My guy was a bad boy and he is no longer. That's not something you can help them with though. That's an inside job.

  • What do we do about men /women who are just flat good liars? The do all the right stuff initially, treat you right, make you their priority and then after they have you in their clutches and have you "dependent" upon them, you see their true colors. They turn out to be controlling, narcisitic individuals who can manipulate what you think and what you believe to suit their purposes. And they are so charming to other people, they are so concerned about how they appear in public, that no matter what you do or who you cry out to, you will be the one who appears to have the serious problem, you become the one who appears to be the liar and manipulator.

    In order to avoid this scenario, its almost like, everyone has to be able to financially and emtionally support themselves before getting into a relationship and once in, you would have to live with them for several years to see if they are real or fake, all the time trying to retain your independency so that you can leave if you realize that the guy is a manipulative emotional vampire. This means that you cannot truly trust someone unless you know them initimately for a time, which is kind of a bad way to start a relationship anyway (not being trusting). It also reduces tha chances that you will form any sort of relationship at all. True that you have to learn to trust and take the chance of being hurt in order to move forward. But once you get into the clutches of this sort of person. Its very difficult to get out and often leaves lifelong scars.

    So what Do You Do? This has become such a sad world where people hide so much of themselves. Where people can portray themselves so easily as being one way, when they are not that way at all? If you are not psychic or at least very intuitive, do you take a leap of faith and hope that you have the strength to get out if the other person turns out to be, or do you waste years of your life while you test new potential replationships to see if they are what and who they seem, or not.

    I seems so confusing. I wish people could just be honest. (I guess that would b boring though)

  • We are all psychic - but sometimes we just get so enamoured of someone we don't trust our own good instincts. Those love emotions can be blinding.

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