Good article about finding a soulmate

  • I saw this great article by Sonya Green at and I thought people here might like to read it.

    "Most commonly we think of love as being ‘In love’ with another person or being loved by another person. At the big end of the scale we often refer to our greatest love as our soul mate.

    Being in love can make ‘Your Heart Sing’.

    Losing love or being unloved can make you feel like your soul has had all the lights turned off.

    Love is so profound, complex and illusive and yet it is the most basic and natural part of our humanness.

    As important as loving and being loved is, I want you to consider a much more important aspect of love: ‘Self-Love.’ Without self-love we are without purpose and are lacking in authenticity. Without self-love we are simply not real. At the very core of our existence is the hunger to know ourselves; to feel connected, valued, secure and important. We all struggle to understand ourselves. However, rarely do we dare to love ourselves or even to consider the possibility and yet there is that longing. Deep within our heart of hearts is the knowledge of the possibility that we could and should.

    Imagine your own potential if you could meet with your true self and find that you did indeed truly love yourself. Let's first get rid of the idea that I am talking about ego, vanity, boasting or

    arrogance. Self-love has nothing to do with these characteristics. These are masks we wear, to hide the fact that we are insecure. Self-love does not involve insecurity or vanity. How on earth did we all get so stuffed up that we actually believe that we are something less than perfect?

    We have all learned to wear masks. We have had to. Sometimes it’s a matter of self-preservation but mostly it’s just social conditioning. It's funny really to consider that we are all searching for our soul-mate from behind our masks. How will they know us? How will we know them if we are both hiding? Usually we don’t even acknowledge our own falseness and yet we expect others to be authentic and to see us as authentic. If you seriously want to create loving relationships in your life, then you must first stop and consider who and what you truly are.

    Like attracts like

    You can only attract someone similar to yourself. Many people keep a mental list of attributes of their ideal lover, things like tall, handsome, successful, healthy, funny, interesting or good with kids. Light a candle, make a wish or say a prayer, it’s not going to happen. If it does, it won’t last unless you are compatible with this list. If you feel insecure, tired, frustrated, unattractive and bored, then you will attract the person who is similar to your real self not your phoney-self. You may meet Mr. Wonderful, but I assure you that he will be Mr. Phoney Wonderful. I suspect that you have already met him. You have probably met him many times and you will continue to meet him, because you are Ms. Phoney Wonderful.

    First you must define what you need from Mr Wonderful. Not his attributes, I’m talking about what you think he is going to bring into your existence. Is he offering you affection, admiration, sex, motivation, self-esteem, approval, happiness or entertainment? Is he going to make you feel worthy, special and happy? Now ask yourself why you are lacking these things in your life and how you can get some if not all of them by yourself. What’s preventing you? Do you think it would be easier to inspire a stranger to bring these things into your life than it would be for you to bring them in yourself? Would it be impossible to attain these things without Mr. Wonderful?

    Many women have found that Mr. Wonderful simply brought nothing more than an appetite for food and loads of dirty socks, so be careful when you define what it is that you expect. Be who and what you are looking for Mr. handsome, rich, talented, witty, considerate, kind and loyal is not looking for Ms. bored, critical, unhappy and destitute. Sure, I know you look around and it appears that everyone else has someone special and you desperately want that in your life. But look closely, many of those people are somewhere between meeting a replica

    and leaving a replica. What does the divorce rate tell you? It says that of all those people believed that they had found a soul-mate and that all of those people discovered that they had not.

    The mask has to come off and when it does, it’s devastating. We blame ourselves, we blame our lovers, but no one is to blame at all. We were simply caught up in the illusion of whom we thought we were. The cycle will repeat and hearts will continue to be broken. The longing and the knowing that love is available to you, is your own voice calling for you to step up and

    love yourself. If you really want to love and be loved, you must first meet with your authentic self. You will need to peel away the layers of protection and conditioning. Let go of self-doubt, drop the pretend you, and start feeding your soul by being your authentic self. I don’t know how or why we have been so minimized or why we have become so disconnected from ourselves, but the time has come to re-claim ourselves and put ourselves back together.

    Are you brave enough to give yourself a voice, stand up for yourself and eliminate self-criticism and disrespect? Would you be willing to try new things and allow yourself to fail, but still keep on until you achieved your goals? Is it possible that you might make your home beautiful, comfortable and enjoyable for yourself? Could you spend time alone and entertain, enjoy, create and relax with yourself? What would happen if you got to know your body and felt pleased and fascinated by it? Perhaps you could marvel at its perfection and magnificence, feed it well, give it pleasure, move it and challenge it. What if you dumped all of those energy vampires you call friends? Those people who bring you down and suffocate you.

    If you were really tired and stressed, would it be a possibility that you could go to a spa, have a massage, stop working and go out to play? What are the chances that you might change jobs, move to another town, take up acting or dancing, or buy some great music or clothes? Can you tell jokes, bring positive up-lifting conversations to your table and inspire or motivate people,

    including yourself? Can you dismiss, walk away, or insist that people stop bringing you down with their gossip, sarcasm, negativity and doom and gloom? Can you or will you stop beating yourself up and hurting yourself?

    What if you took all of those painful memories and decided that they are not little movies to re-run over and over. Would you or could you decide to turn them off the minute they came up?

    What if you started making thoughtful and special meals for yourself? What would happen if you decided to treat yourself the way you would want a lover to treat you?

    Isn't it possible to be in love with yourself? Wouldn’t you be willing to supply all of the above to Mr. Wonderful if he walked in? Why are you less considerate of yourself? Why have we never been taught or encouraged to love, honour and cherish ourselves? In fact we have

    been taught exactly the opposite, haven't we?

    For more of this article - go to

  • I spent 11 years being in love with myself and having a great time. The only thing about being in love only with myself was that I found s.e.x to be not as fulfilling on my own lol!

  • Captain, thank you for sharing this article with us! It's amazing, really - gonna read it couple of times 🙂

  • Luazhina, at least you don't have to deal with your partner's inefficiency or non-performance. 🙂

  • Hi Captian,

    I enjoyed reading this post. I believe everyone's soul wants to connect spiritually to one another. I have a question that I am hope you can answer. I met this man, and it was such a intense attraction. Then things cooled down, I think it scared him. Weve kept in contact over the internet, phone calles and texts. because he lives two states away And lately hes been warming up more to me. Not to the intense level at the start but he is starting to say things more meaningful in a loving way to me. I have really been attracted with this man and still am. I have to becareful how I say things that I dont push, or make him feel pressured. thats what he said it was at first we are very much alike also, we have differences, but we have talents that correspond to each other. so my question is, Can this be a soul mate experience, and can soul mates send love through the universe to eachother unawares? I sometimes will have this deep love come over me inside my heart for no reason. This has been happening ever since I met this man back in Aug09. I do want to be with this person in a deeper way, however were not living close to eachother and the thought of being with someone else...... well lets just say that .. this someone else will have to hit my soul's heart like this man has, before I can concider love with them.

    Thank you


  • It sounds like a soulmate connection but that doesn't necessarily mean you are meant to stay in contact. I suggest you read this thread too - which might help clarify things for you.

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