Please Read - I need some guidance
Im Libra Woman oct 4 /he's Sagittarius man dec 1
Ive had a male friend for the last 9 yrs, well talk often then get busy with life and it would be nothing for a couple of weeks to go by without speaking to each other it was just understood, we knew each other. We also were very honest and open with each other, never had **** only kissed twice but that was 9 yrs ago. I met him liked him told him that back then and he told me that "he wasn't sh** and didn't want to lead me on/hurt me". I respected him for that and we genuinely became friends, i met his "women friends", he would meet my boyfriends no big deal. I had placed him in the friend zone rightfully so. He would talk to me sometimes not often at all about any issues that bothered him a lot regarding women to get my opinion, i would give honestly (unbiased); I started noticing a weird feeling a few years ago after my mom passed that he was trying to get closer to me but I remembered what he told me in the beginning and ignored him. He would want to see my children, or me to come by and he would give me these off the ground bear hugs and when he would look at me it felt weird. I brushed it off. He was and is important in my life and I didn't/don't want to lose him as a friend, but I did i think. I just got out of a 4 1/2 yr relationship, he knew of him and met him but whenever they would be around each other I would feel like they did not like each other. Neither of them said anything about the other, they would just ask how the other was.
Since the break-up and my previous break-up he would try to cheer me up take me out to eat, movies, birthdays, affectionate - never disrespectful (i NEVER initiated it), cooked my favorite dish and invite me over, but he still had women friends, one serious he would visit alot. I just brushed it off as being a caring friend and knowing i had lost my mom. In him telling on occasion about different women I definitely did not see him as an option anymore.
a few months ago, he would be more cuddly, staring a lot, coming where I would be, anything I needed, and he would never want me to leave if i came over to visit. I began to reconsider about us. He took me out for my birthday had a great time, seemed awkward for some reason. He was intensely affectionate and we kissed, nothing else. I couldn't and he couldn't (he looked uncomfortable); I couldn't bring myself to tell/ask him face to face, so I did the next worst thing and text him. I value his friendship above all and love him very much and that night freaked me out. He text me 2 days later saying he was caught off guard because he was surprised and felt that something that important should be spoken we would talk in a few days (???) I said never mind forget it. he says ok we'll just pretend when we see each other (sarcastically); We got over that communicating as normal, see him he's hugging alot, sitting close, laying his head against mine, nothing, he says he has to leave and gives me his dinner. a week goes by i go out clubbing, im hor*y and lonely I did it again, text him telling him that i wanted to share my self with him because I love him (booty call text), i was embarrassed the next day but called anyway the next day and left voicemail for him to say something about the text. He hasn't replied, won't text, i've tried. Im embarrassed because i think i disrespected him and im sorry, but i also feel that we were friends first and we could discuss anything good or bad im hurt; he was contantly doing suggestive things and now i reciprocate and you disappear im confused; we've only kissed nothing else over 9 yrs, i don't get it.
it has been almost a month. and I text him yesterday because i didn't think he would answer and asked if we could meet so I could formally apologize to him. he has not responded, this sucks
this is the second day and he still hasn't responded.