Im hurt, embarrassed and confused - (sorry this is soo long)



  • Im Libra Woman oct 4 /he's Sagittarius man dec 1

    Ive had a male friend for the last 9 yrs, well talk often then get busy with life and it would be nothing for a couple of weeks to go by without speaking to each other it was just understood, we knew each other. We also were very honest and open with each other, never had sex only kissed twice but that was 9 yrs ago. I met him liked him told him that back then and he told me that "he wasn't sh** and didn't want to lead me on/hurt me". I respected him for that and we genuinely became friends, i met his "women friends", he would meet my boyfriends no big deal. I had placed him in the friend zone rightfully so. He would talk to me sometimes not often at all about any issues that bothered him a lot regarding women to get my opinion, i would give honestly (unbiased); I started noticing a weird feeling a few years ago after my mom passed that he was trying to get closer to me but I remembered what he told me in the beginning and ignored him. He would want to see my children, or me to come by and he would give me these off the ground bear hugs and when he would look at me it felt weird. I brushed it off. He was and is important in my life and I didn't/don't want to lose him as a friend, but I did i think. I just got out of a 4 1/2 yr relationship, he knew of him and met him but whenever they would be around each other I would feel like they did not like each other. Neither of them said anything about the other, they would just ask how the other was.

    Since the break-up and my previous break-up he would try to cheer me up take me out to eat, movies, birthdays, affectionate - never disrespectful (i NEVER initiated it), cooked my favorite dish and invite me over, but he still had women friends, one serious he would visit alot. I just brushed it off as being a caring friend and knowing i had lost my mom. In him telling on occasion about different women I definitely did not see him as an option anymore.

    a few months ago, he would be more cuddly, staring a lot, coming where I would be, anything I needed, and he would never want me to leave if i came over to visit. I began to reconsider about us. He took me out for my birthday had a great time, seemed awkward for some reason. He was intensely affectionate and we kissed, nothing else. I couldn't and he couldn't (he looked uncomfortable); I couldn't bring myself to tell/ask him face to face, so I did the next worst thing and text him. I value his friendship above all and love him very much and that night freaked me out. He text me 2 days later saying he was caught off guard because he was surprised and felt that something that important should be spoken we would talk in a few days (???) I said never mind forget it. he says ok we'll just pretend when we see each other (sarcastically); We got over that communicating as normal, see him he's hugging alot, sitting close, laying his head against mine, nothing, he says he has to leave and gives me his dinner. a week goes by i go out clubbing, im hor*y and lonely I did it again, text him telling him that i wanted to share my self with him because I love him (booty call text), i was embarrassed the next day but called anyway the next day and left voicemail for him to say something about the text. He hasn't replied, won't text, i've tried. Im embarrassed because i think i disrespected him and im sorry, but i also feel that we were friends first and we could discuss anything good or bad im hurt; he was contantly doing suggestive things and now i reciprocate and you disappear im confused; we've only kissed nothing else over 9 yrs, i don't get it.

    it has been almost a month. and I text him yesterday because i didn't think he would answer and asked if we could meet so I could formally apologize to him. he has not responded, this sucks



  • bump



  • well...guess my post is too long to read 😞



  • I guess no one has an idea, so I took the initiative and deleted his contact info off of my phone and email.



  • how rash dear Rock71 do you like this person not love like



  • Rock, I'm a little confused -- did you text him asking him his intentions, or did you text him (the first time) to tell him you were horny?

    Geez, I haven't the slightest idea. Maybe he's as confused as you are?



  • 1. You have only kissed. And he has been with others, and you have been with others. This would indicate that he and you are only friends. Are you only friends?

    2. Seems that both of you are unsure about wether you are just friends or not. Or, perhaps you are more worried about what the other person feels. You confused about what he feels, and he confused about what you feel.

    3. What do you feel?

    4. For him to answer: What does he feel?

    5. Seems that you are having a friendship where you have agreed that it is good to kiss once in a while. And that this then have caused confusion wether the other person is interested in more than a friendship or not.

    6. Seems that none of you want to have more than a friendship. Seems that you do not have romantic interest for each other, even though both of you have a sexual attraction towards another.

    Being a man, perhaps he is afraid that you as a woman (with feelings) will try to be with him sexually and then that he by mistake become your lover. And then that the friendship is over when you realise he just fell for the sexx by mistake. I dont know if this could be true, just a suggestion.

    Perhaps the two of you should relax and stay away from each other for a while until both of you are clear about what you want and dont want. Seems that both of you are confused about what the other person wants, and that none of you really are in love with each other.



  • I love him, and I text him to tell him that his friendship is very important to me. I never told him I was h*rny. the second text I told him that i loved him very much and wanted to share myself with him. I guess because of his past actions that he was just looking for confirmation from me on my feelings.



  • 1. You have only kissed. And he has been with others, and you have been with others. This would indicate that he and you are only friends. Are you only friends?

    I would consider us great friends, he has always been here for me. whenever i would make say he's like a brother, he would say "no..we are not related".

    2. Seems that both of you are unsure about wether you are just friends or not. Or, perhaps you are more worried about what the other person feels. You confused about what he feels, and he confused about what you feel.

    Im confused definitely, I feel as i have been the only one opening up, although he shows me. I just don't want to violate his space by actually coming on to him physically when we are together, i maybe shy or unsure.

    3. What do you feel?

    I love him, and no matter what, we are/were friends, could say anything to each other honestly and accept it and move on.

    4. For him to answer: What does he feel?

    he's never expressed it.

    5. Seems that you are having a friendship where you have agreed that it is good to kiss once in a while. And that this then have caused confusion wether the other person is interested in more than a friendship or not.

    never agreed to kissing or cuddling, we kissed only twice over 9 years, when we first met and few months ago. He always intitiated physical contact, and was always respectful. I think im just afraid of rejection.

    6. Seems that none of you want to have more than a friendship. Seems that you do not have romantic interest for each other, even though both of you have a sexual attraction towards another.

    I don't know what I want, I just kinda wanted it to just evolved into whatever if anything. but regardless he was my friend and i his, im just disappointed that he has handled it this way, I wouldn't have handled him this way (ignoring him), I respect him.



  • Sandran712>>Rock71...I just got my computer back about an hour ago.I will have to comment later



  • Thank you. Im trying to forget the friendship but its hard to do, probably because i feel like I was being selfish with his feelings. and then i wonder all this time was he just being my friend because he felt like i rejected him all these years, and once I professed my feelings he was satisfied. who knows....I don't like the way I can't seem to let it go, and I deleted his contact info out so I won't try to communicate, I know his numbers by heart but it won't be as accessible.



  • Remember that it probably is a good friendship. Also, that could be why he is shunning you at the moment. To not make any mistakes. Perhaps he just needs to learn what he really wants. Perhaps he needs to think it through. Or: Perhaps he is actually just shy - in the same way that you are.



  • You may be correct, thank you. I just have never noticed a shy bone in his body, he acts as if he has not fear most of the time, and is also very private. but over the past few months i noticed an aggitation that he was showing, like he was upset with me, this was before i expressed my feelings. I dont' know it it was me at all, if it wasn't i understand, if it was tell me and i could apologize.



  • it has actually been a week since i sent the text asking if i could meet and apologize;



  • Let me tell ya something young lady if you [TRULY LOVE THIS MAN] then you do what ever it takes to get him . Iam not suggestting that you give your whole self to him like a whore escuse that word it was just the only thing i could think of. REMEMBER THIS EVEN IFTHINGS DONT WORK OUT . YOUR FIRST IMPRESSION TO ANYONE IS WHAT & HOW PEOPLE RECIEVES YOU (PLEASE REMBER THIS ) i HOPE THIS HELPED



  • thank you, it just seems that he received me when he didn't know what i felt.



  • Perhaps he is having some interest for another girl. And perhaps he is upset by your approach. If he used to have a romantic interest for you before, perhaps he now is a bit upset since he already is into another girl. ?? Could that be? Something like that? Do you know if he is interested in another girl? Then, if he has feelings for you, that would upset him.

    Just thinking about different reasons why he is acting this way.



  • Also: some people are afraid of closeness. Emotional closeness more frightening than plain sexx. With close friendships that fear might perhaps be there too. Just reflecting.



  • Im sure he has many women friends but none that he has specifically brought to my attention at all, as I've only met one ever that he no longer sees. if there was someone else i wouldn't have told him, because i wouldn't want to disrespect his relationship or the woman. I want him to be happy, without a doubt. I think maybe i gave him more credit or saw what i wanted to see. At first I would never fall asleep at his house, because i didn't want to put myself in that position. He would get so upset with me, and say he wasn't going to touch me and i can sleep on his bed while he slept on the couch. Just alot of mixed signals i guess.



  • Rocky, I feel in a way you each symbolised the ideal in the opposite sex for each other. You shared a closeness that was not marred by any physical or emotional girlfriend/boyfriend problems. Because you were friends, there was no heaviness or responsibility like there is in more intimate relationships. You two were able to maintain a companionable objectivity and emotions were kept in check. The ideal was so wonderful that you both started to think you wanted it to become real. But the reality is far more disillusioning than the fantasy.

    To exist and prosper, this relationship needs to be balanced by objectiivty which is lost when you become starry-eyed over each other. It is a teaching relationship that needs its boundaries to be successful. Unfortunately crossing those boundaries means it can no longer serve as a healthy teacher-student relationship.

    This particular relationship was supposed to be about affection, honour and respect - and these things can only come from an objective friendship.


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