I need help with advice please
Hi Soapmaker, While I can't comprehend the anguish you must have gone through over all this, I can understand the need to cut off a family member if they continue to bring you anxiety. I've had to do the same thing and I have to tell you what a relief it is to not have those phone calls anymore. While I miss the person, I do not miss at all the anxiety they brought when talking to them. I don't know if you will want to cut your mom out completely but for your own sanity, i would definitely tell her that you will hang up if she mentions the past again and do so. Make clear that you will not talk to her unless she can talk without bringing up past issues and if she can't do that, then don't waste your time trying to explain to her anymore. Just get off the phone. She'll know why and hopefully maintaining her relationship with you will be more important than trying to discuss the past.
I hope that helps some. I think you are absolutely right that life is too short to spend time dwelling on hurtful things.
Take care. x