I need help with advice please


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  • Happy Valentine's Day, Soapmaker!!!

    I am feeling especially happy today...I hope I can send some of that laughter your way...

    But really just wanted to ask how your brother is doing? You have both been in my thoughts and prayers....

    Not to get too sappy...but I think that only strong people get given the hard tasks in life....so you must be a very strong person, indeed...

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  • Hi Soapmaker. My father wasn't abusive. Him and my mother divorced when I was 3 but I stopped talking to him years before he died because it seemed no matter what I did, I could have done something else. When I was 8, my mother had a live in boyfriend who molested me. When I finally told her about it, she only made excuses for him. There is no excuse good enough for me. My mother and I never had a relationshjp but when my oldest son was born, you could just plainly see that she was trying to do with him all that she didn't to for me. We became close when she was on her deathbed. I wrote you a message on the other thread. I might see if I can put it here but I somewhat know what you are going through. But now, all my family is dead. They were my adoptive family and I was told that one of my spirits here is my biological father. I guess I will never meet him. Can you tell me his name? Everything started when I was 8 so maybe that is what started it. I have forgiven my mother but I will never forgive my mom's ex. I don't care if his daughters were dying from luekemia. Somebody dying never made me want to molest anyone.

  • Soapmaker, even though you have healed from your abusive past, I feel your mother hasn't. She needs to relieve her guilt by talking about it with you. You might choose to let her talk but if you do, keep turning the conversation around to her and her part in the abuse, instead of bringing yourself into it. She needs to confront the fact that she knew about the abuse but turned a blind eye. Going over it all is her way of asking for forgiveness even if she can't admit or say that.

    But it's your choice of course as to whether to allow her to talk about it or not. It also might allow you to forgive her for the part she played.

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  • Hi Soapmaker,

    Thanks for your thoughts on choosing parents. I have read/been led to many sites & books that reiterate this thought; I spose I do accept it, I just haven't figured out yet what may personal lesson is to learn. Although, there is always the issue of understanding, detachment and forgiveness to learn and extend in every relationship.

    I was uplifted to read the few qualities you listed from your parents and it made me think of the qualities I appreciate in my own rather than their faults, so thank you for that:-)

    It also makes me appreciate the blessing I have in my 11 yo baby girl; what an absolute Honor and privilige that she chose me:-)

    I tend to agree with the Captain that your mum hasn't forgiven herself and she can't let go and move on due to her own guilt and maybe on some level is subconciously hoping to make sense of it all (and perhaps continue to punish herself) by replaying it with you. But as you said, it really is between her and God. You have done all you can - telling her you forgive, directing her to the self help tools. It seems as if she doesn't feel worthy of forgivness and carries this mill stone around her neck, which of course is too heavy so she looks to you to share the load.

    Has she discussed this with a counsellor or is she too ashamed and fearful of judgement to discuss it with anyone but you?

    Once again, I must say how glad I am that you're surrounded by a loving family - husband, son, daughter in love (I so hope to be thought of with that lovely sentiment one day) and also your brother who has no doubt been a source of great comfort and support during your life, as he would understand better than anyone the dynamics of your childhood home. You must feel very blessed, despite the trauma you have endured and survived.

    Sending you a big, pink bubble of healing energy & warm friendship,


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  • Hi. Recently, my daughter has brought to my attention that she has seen this white figure 3 times. The first 2, were outside and she said ahe looked directly at it but it was always moving. The 3rd time, was inside but through a reflection. Anything on what this could be? I want to help her but not quite sure how. I don't have my full abilities right now. I just told her at least it was white. I used to always see shadows but out of the corner of my eye. She is just a child so I kinda expect her to see more. I just wish it was about sonething I knew about,

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