Insight on a Cancer man?
So I met this lovely Cancer man. We started off chatting online/emailing/texting near the end of December. This went on for about 10 days before we actually met. When we did meet we hit it off right away. He was very sweet and brought me chocolate, wine and a Christmas present and even washed my dishes for me while I cooked dinner. We had a lot of conversation, smiling and eye contact, etc.
Toward the end of the night we had an intense makeout/petting session, during which he was very respectful and patient and didn't try to have sex with me. I saw him twice after this (and there was a lot txting/email, etc in between), and we got physical again each time. The third time I stayed over at his house and he did want to have sex, but I turned him down b/c I felt it was too soon for me to take that step, I told him I didn't want it to be just !@#-ing and I wanted to wait until it meant something more. He knd of mumbled that he did, too, and didn't seem put off by that at all, and I didn't end up leaving his house till about 5 o'clock the next day. That was the last time I saw him.
He has been extremely busy with work as of the day after I saw him last, doing 15 hour days during the week and taking work home with him on the weekends (another reason I didn't want to have sex with him-I knew I wouldn't be seeing him for awhile). It's been about 6 weeks since his crazy work schedule started. At first, we texted a lot every day and sent emails and chatted online at night. The late night chats ended after about a week, and as of 2 weeks ago, the texting started to wane, too. Yesterday and today I have heard NOTHING from him at all. When I have told him that I like him, that he is handsome, that I want to see him, etc. he kind of makes a joke and changes the subject. I mentioned to him I noticed he was being such a Cancer, doing that, and he said "I know, I am. I don't want to be, silly girl." And also made reference to me (being a Sagittarius) shooting him in the heart.
Now, I know he is busy and is stressed out at work, but he still does go out a little bit during the weekend but has made no attempt to include me, which I rationlize because I understand he has very little time to himself and I live about 45 mins away, and we couldn't really just hang out for an hour or so... But, still I'm kind of left wondering if he is just losing interest or if this is normal Cancer male behavior when they are preoccupied with work. And also, by turning him down for intimacy is it possible that I actually hurt his feelings (he DID make a joke about me "making a big deal out of it" the next day)? Do I need to be more supportive of him or back off for awhile? Given my impatient Sag nature, of course I want to lay everything out on the table now and know if he intends to move this forward when his job is back to normal hours, or if he is losing interest, but I don't want to scare him into his crabby shell! He is a Cancer with Venus in Taurus, which gives me hope that he wouldn't get so intimate and start something he didn't want to pursue, but who knows...Any advice?
I don't know what's up with Cancer guys! I swear, half the forums are people asking for advice about them!!! (Sorry). I understand where you're coming from. Give him some time...Cancers rarely rush into relationships, except when they're rebounding from a bad breakup and want someone to satisfy their strong emotional needs (I don't know whether this was the case, but it's a possibility). He is obviously ashamed of his sensitivity ("I know I am. I don't want to be...") and he's also probably mad at himself for being secretly glad you didn't have ***, thinking he wasn't a man (someone in his family may have tried to squash his sensitivity, but only succeeded in making him insecure). He has serious emotional issues to work out and is trying hard to bury them by working so much, but that too will catch up with him. It's up to you if you want to support him. Offer your help once and be sensitive (it's your Saggitarius nature to state things bluntly, but you don't want to hurt his feelings). If he turns you down, wait and see if he comes around. He needs someone cheerful and kindhearted like you. Good luck, and best wishes!
(If you can give me yours and his birth dates, I can tell you more about your compatibility).
Fleurdesel-Yes, this is typical cancer behavior, especially when they are stressed with work. I have been experiencing this lately. At first I took it personally but I saw him get really stressed just recently. I've been involved with my cancer guy for nearly a year, although it has been long distance, and until last October he was texting me and communicating with me all the time and then suddenly I heard nothing from him. I freaked out, since he wouldn't answer my e-mails, texts etc..especially because he was supposed to come visit me. Turns out he got super busy with work and couldn't get his annual leave, etc Friends are also very important to them, and they may opt to spend time with their friends instead of you. Don't take it personally. The joking around when you say something like that, that's just like my cancer too. he used to tell me he missed me all the time, now when i say it or write it in an mail he backs off, and has stopped saying anything affectionate to me.
You see, cancer guys may start off hot and heavy but they pull back. This has nothing to do with whether you were intimate or not. They pull back because they are extremely sensitive and extremely cautious about getting hurt. If have been hurt before they would be even more cautious, You have to be extremey patient with them and let them set the pace. Time moves much more slowly for them, and 1 or 2 days, even a week or two is nothing for them. I didn't here from my guy for a month once, and it's as if no time had passed for them! In the past when I didn't hear from a man for several weeks I assumed it was over and he wasn't interested any more so I gave up but for cancers this isn't the case. Especially when they are stressed with work or have other issues they need to take care of, they need time and space, so if you really like this guy and you are willing to go at his pace, don't take it personally and give him time. Of course if you can't handle this, then maybe you should think of moving on.
I have learned so much from reading the cancer threads, they all talk about the men being hot and cold, disappearing for days, weeks even months, coming on strong in the beginning and pulling away, the stories are always so similar. Read some of the other cancer threads. Some women have given up, but I always keep hearing that once they really fall in love with you, you will experience love like no other.
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For me it was true, but I caution ladies about putting up with a bunch of nonsense, no matter what the sign. You gotta let a man know you are a lady and all woman or elese he will walk all over you like a carpet, and fall in love with the lady who is all woman. Stand up and be counted for he may run but HE WILL COME BACK if he gives a damn if he doesn't..... he never would've treated you well
I put up with some bs (not as much as I've seen on this forum) but EVERYRTHING changed when I let him know I'd had enought and was out the door. We became official 3 months later and he hasn't disappeared since I told him the next time would be the last. Cancers aren't that complicated they are just sweet acting and avoid confrontation but the are just men.