Husband with a issue, need help!!!



  • I feel she has thought about being friends with other people but has not physically cheated. She doesn't know what to do about the situation. Your best course of action is to stop wondering and sit her down for a really good heart-to-heart. Tell her you are on the verge of leaving her and it might get her to open up.



  • Sylvannah there is a good program Alonon and as far as changing him good luck if he is a alcolholic only he can admit to that you can help him by not inableing him and you can mention AA but its still up to him i sobered up 26 years ago and found my light its sad when you have a loved one that just can not stop doing what they do hurting the ones they love and to me lying falls in to that catagory to a person can not screw around with out lieing to thier self first to justify thier action just like if i wanted a drink i would have to convince and lie to my self before i could take that drink a practicing Alcoholic dont get better they gets worse. Be true to yourself



  • @TheCaptain that makes me feel a whole lot better! Like I said your advice and insight has helped out me out a lot! I will definitely have a serious sit down with her and clear the air. Once again Peace and Love to you and yours!!!!!!



  • its going to be very hard for her to brake your heart if it is soft and touchable

    shortly, she needs to SEE you CHANGE for the love of hers ---she needs to SEE IT that the "one demanding you" of yesterday talks differently to her today just for the sake of gaining her love back. ---but not only in the words

    let her free to go without suspicion thoughts in your look -- while demanding a little something extra like example: "when do you want to go to IKEA one day" hahaha funny-- (reminding her you have a life together beside her freedom of going)

    TRUST that she is not cheating you if she says so !!

    Don't over do it about asking her for other guys!! that is so so so very wrong!!!

    be creative how to find out about this, if you truly doubt anything, but not with her!!

    you are psychologically torturing her mind and this doesn't help you, because its draining her.

    there also is a counter-effect in all this.

    More you tell her she is cheating you--more easily she finds herself ready to do it --since inside her she thinks you have accepted as an idea and she knows you love her...

    more you trust in her more difficult for her to cheat you!!

    its a song about love and give arms to her to fly...something like this

    if she doesn't see that you can let her be free, fly as she wish, and let her choose to come back to you again you are not helping anything.

    started it now!! you want her back, so work for it.

    but start smoothly--not drastic change to make her wonder and suspicious

    If you show to her that you don't trust her you loose your strength in front of her. And she need the opposite--not someone that scares that she leaves him.

    She needs a bold and caring guy that believes in her, and tries to work the best in their relationship.

    let time heal, this can't change in matter of days...give it time and care and trust

    I am not saying you should be unreasonably tolerant--but you know were it hurts her--just for the moment let go--see her back to you and then fair talk--not demand nothing--just talk and pull and push nicely with love and care.



  • MWright well from my own experiance for 12 years had a fairytale mariage couldent of ask for more and one thing i had always ask of my wife is never lie to me and i would never lie to you it was great we lived in the light no trust issues at all and she worked around alot of men untill one day she done someing totaly out of her routeen and she done some thing i had never seen her do i noticed and i started checking found things that sure looked like she might be screwing around i dont know bad to have that dought so i ask and i got a farvetched story you see screwing around or sex is just a act its the lie is were it starts and it will destroy a relationship down to the core i stuck around for 9 more years and now i am getting a divorce not my choice she could not deal with the lie she beleves if you dont talk about it it goes away it dont you can not live in the light by living a lie if a plant dont grow i withers and dies but if you feed it and water it it will flourish so it is with a relationship you have to build on trust and out of trust love grows and grows you can not make anyone trust you trust is earned threw action and takes a while but look how fast it can be torn down dont give up own the truth its what makes life worth living be true to yourself.



  • I know. It just hurts not to be able to help him. And I feel like a failure just having to walk away but I know that he will do it again and it's just a matter of time. Maybe when he sees that he has truly lost me he will wake up. Maybe go to a few AA meetings



  • @Brick I agree I do need to increase the trust but I also need her to stop doing things to betray my trust and thats where the issue comes in at.The main thing Ive had a problem with are these relationships shes building with men that violate ours. Shes admitted that she knew it was wrong and still did it!! Just dont get it but im definitely evaluating the situation and Peace and Love goes out to you and yours. I really appreciate your insight.

    @Delbertc you are absolutely right. I also cant be naive about the situations. Thats how it happened with me. Stuff that was routine either stopped or changed or something out of the norm would happen. When it was investigated everytime it was another guy. Thank you for your time and insight. Peace and Love out to you and yours too!!



  • Dear Mwright745,

    My heart goes out to you for all the frustration. I know it hurt you when you found out on another post that your wife cheated on you.I think you need to clear the air. Can you recover from this?

    Rooster5



  • MWright, it's good that people are sympathetic towards you but no person's situation is ever exactly the same as yours. Look at your marriage with fresh, objective eyes.



  • @Rooster im getting mixed signals on the cheating thing. I cant really feel in my heart that she did soo Im going to have to roll with that. If she did I believe it will come to light. And yes I can recover from anything! I really appreciate your concern and insight. Its good to see that there are good people left in the world. I hope your days and years are well!!!

    @TheCaptain Understood and as of now that is exactly how im looking at my marriage. Like I said before I appreciate the advice and insight!! Peace to you!!!


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