Hans I spoke to you the other day and really could do with chatting again



  • Thank u hans u r wise indeed

    ubb x



  • whats wrong: you could not go inside, because you thought there would be death.

    WHATS GOING ON? Waiting is going on.

    SHOULD I KEEP CALLING HIM? No.

    WHY IS HIS PHONE GOING UNANSWERED? Because he is identified with his thinking.

    But the beginning is the end, because the beginning contains the end. The first step is also the last step

    `

    hi hans, he called me after two days of my birthday just casually and he never remembered still, when i told him he had forgotton my birthday, he was so mad at himself said sorry, and told it was because he had started a new job that took up all his mental space and he forgot.

    we had a long and violent discussion about how i want him as a bf and husband and how he wants me just as a friend, i told him i wanted to move on and go away from him since he's not willing to take me as his wife. He said he will call me tommorrow because I will be more peaceful and then i won't tell him I want to break up as I am telling him NOW. He wants to keep me in his life, but not willing for anything more!

    what should i do hans? please tell me FINALLY what I should do about this situation?

    Should i keep him as a friend and start knowing someone else, or should i break up.? Will he change his mind in the future? Will he come back to me If he doesn't hear from me for some months? Can this relationship ever be possible?

    But the beginning is the end, because the beginning contains the end. The first step is also the last step.

    WHY IS HIS PHONE GOING UNANSWERED? Because he is identified with his thinking.

    Also what did you mean by these two lines.



  • Dear hans

    as part of separating off from J I havetoday agreed he cabgave his Sunday access to the children at his new flat with N present. I have done this so that I am not resisting fighting or controlling what j is asking for.

    Can u tell me please how this will affect Js relationship with N

    can u also tell me please how this will affect the whole situation

    can u also tell me whether the reality of week on week access to the children will puull J closer to N or to me

    thank u

    ubb

    x



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  • Ultrablondbird

    Can u tell me please how this will affect Js relationship with N: this makes it sick going up and down.

    can u also tell me please how this will affect the whole situation: there is more togetherness and celebration (at least between the three).

    can u also tell me whether the reality of week on week access to the children will puull J closer to N or to me: closer to you.

    It all depends on you, on how you see things. Seeing is foundational. There is a great distance between you and the chains on you. They cannot imprison your freedom.



  • what should i do hans? Do not try to usurp power by radical methods and pressure.

    please tell me FINALLY what I should do about this situation? Just wait.

    You should neither keep him as a friend and start knowing someone else nor should you break up.

    Will he change his mind in the future? No.

    Will he come back to me If he doesn't hear from me for some months? No.

    Can this relationship ever be possible? No.

    But the beginning is the end, because the beginning contains the end. The first step is also the last step.

    WHY IS HIS PHONE GOING UNANSWERED? Because he is identified with his thinking.

    Also what did you mean by these two lines: try to avoid unnecessary conflicts.

    If two persons are really intimate they will allow absolute freedom, because they know that intimacy is far more beautiful, far more significant—they have experienced it. So any sexual relationship is just a little diversion, nothing can go wrong just because of it.



  • Thank u hans

    when u say that there is more togetherness and celebration between the three what do u mean ?

    Ubb x



  • Will he change his mind in the future? No.

    Will he come back to me If he doesn't hear from me for some months? No.

    Can this relationship ever be possible? No.

    You say this realationship is not possible, and he will never come back to be mine nor should i start seeing someone else. And you also want me to wait. Do You mean that he wants to try everything else before he takes me as his girlfriend? Will he ever love me like his gf or wife?

    He sas even if I go far away from him and break this friend, he will always be close to me and be my friend...What does he want? It is not possible for me to live on false hope if our friendship will never mature...

    What shold I do for him or for this dream to be with him in the meanwhile?



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  • Ultrablondbird

    when u say that there is more togetherness and celebration between the three what do u mean ?

    Sudden unexpected changes in the outside world.

    Rebellious wisdom is possible only through meditation, not through mentation. Mentation will bring you more and more knowledge, and meditation will bring you more and more wisdom. When meditation is absolutely full, complete, entire; when nothing is left, when you have come to a point beyond which there is no further to go, then wisdom is total.



  • drgagannagi

    Do You mean that he wants to try everything else before he takes me as his girlfriend? No.

    Will he ever love me like his wife? Yes.

    What does he want? He wants to be rich and successful.

    What shold I do for him or for this dream to be with him in the meanwhile? Be independent trying to achieve your own goals in a balanced way.

    This is what you are in search of. One after another everything is eliminated, just as one

    would remove layer after layer of an onion. If you go on peeling an onion, finally nothing will be left of it in your hand. An onion is nothing but layers upon layers of skin -- clothing over clothing -- and there is nothing to be found if you go on undressing it. It is as if someone may have made a cloth-doll and we remove the cloths one by one. The first layer removed, the second layer is revealed; the second layer removed, the third layer is revealed; and so on, until all layers of cloths have finally been removed -- and there remains no doll any more, just a nothingness in your hand.



  • thanks hans, but

    are you really sure i will be his wife,..? from three years all he has said is NO.NO and NO.

    should i pressurize him again and again or let it be?

    what will make him change his mind?

    when will be make up his mind?

    do i need to keep other people available for me for marriage or just concentrate on my goals till he comes around?

    should i just be his friend till the time being or maintain distance, we just talk on the phone now as we r in different states, i feel hurt calling him now since h has always rejected whenever i ask him for marriage.i just want to spend my time disconected from him. will that be ok? what should be my behaviour during this period?



  • Dear Hans

    Can you tell me please if I am managing to strike the right balance in my communications with J at the moment, I am aiming to be non pressured and to give him all the access he is asking for.

    The children have met N at the flat where she and J are now living. Can you tell me if she is finding that comfortable and if that is making her happy. It seems she was quite involved with the children on that day - is that real or a front? Does she want her own children? DOes she imagine that this will be with J?

    Is J happy with his new situation with N at the moment?

    I am due to go away 20 June to 19 July this year with the children. Before all this J was going to come with us ? now he is uncertain. WIll he join us for any of it?

    Also you said there were outside changes connected to a man at his work. CUrrently there are no other men except J at his work but he has just interviewd this man. Is this the man you were referring to? Can you please say any more about what effect this man will have

    thanks

    UBB

    x



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  • Dear Hans

    I am sorry I have bumped my last post up several times I am just really struggling at the moment. I have been unwell and that has made things that bit more difficult. I have two preschool children too and I worry about the impact onthem seeing their father living somewhere else and having to spend time with N. Everything feeels so hopeless.

    Sorry to keep bithering you

    thanks

    UBB

    x



  • ..



  • thanks hans, but

    are you really sure i will be his wife,..? from three years all he has said is NO.NO and NO.

    should i pressurize him again and again or let it be?

    what will make him change his mind?

    when will be make up his mind?

    do i need to keep other people available for me for marriage or just concentrate on my goals till he comes around?

    should i just be his friend till the time being or maintain distance, we just talk on the phone now as we are in different states of usa, i feel hurt calling him now since he has always rejected whenever i ask him for marriage.

    i just feel i want to spend my time disconected from him. will that be ok? what should be my behaviour during this period?

    should i try to meet him as we are in different states and not physically present, or ask him to meet me, or just be apart like this and something will come to his mind which tells him that he needs to marry me?


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