Cancer woman scorpio man commitment ridiculousness....advice?
I have been, honestly, sleeping with my best friends brother secretly for over a year and a half now. It isn't a secret any longer...really...sort of a don't-ask-don't-tell thing. But anyways, I am a very very very loyal person and since I've been seeing him, there has been no one else. He knows that.
My issue is,my heart has grown close to him to the point where I want us to be an US. not a THING. He is not faithful to me, he tells me he doesn't want a relationship, his excuses are "look at all these couples fighting...i don't want that. I'd rather have no rules or regulations and be free to do what I want." So, I say, well...I am NOT HAPPY with that and I DON'T WANT that, so if we can't agree to be on the same page or work out a compromise then leave me alone.
We have this fight ALL THE TIME. I am possessive and I tell him I am NOT okay with him seeing other people. He says he doesn't, and I'm paranoid and crazy but I catch him in lies all the time. His family tells me when he has girls alone in his room and even his friends tell me when hes lying to me. When I call him out on his lies he trys to turn it around on me like I'm just assuming and I don't know what I'm talking about.
The first time I told him to leave me alone he did for two weeks then texted me whining and asking why we couldn't see eachother. Then the next time I say "Then you have to leave me alone." He said: "No I don't." The next time...(leave me alone) "Nope. I'm just gonna bug you forever."
He always says "I just don't want a relationship, I'm not trying to have a relationship." but he always follows it with 'I like being with you, but thats all I'm trying to do at this time." "I don't want anything serious right now." "not right now, not at this time."
He gets mad anytime I ask him any questions about what hes doing, but he asks me where I am, what I'm doing, who I'm with and if he finds out I'm talking to any guy or anything he talks hella **** about them and tells me all the horrible details about them and their character and teases them for talking to me but if they defend themself or question his concern, he says "I don't give a ****, do what you want with her." He has even, after finding out I had kissed a guy at a party from his sister, told her "yeah...people say he looks like ME." and was an asshole to me when I got home from the party, but then waited up all night trying to spend time with me.
HE MAKES NO SENSE!
My question in all of this is....If he doesn't want to be with me....WHY won't he let me be?
If he thinks I'm crazy, and I'm paranoid and whatever...WHY does he keep arguing with me and LYING to me to get me to calm down and stay?
Why won't he let me leave if all he wants is sex.....he gets around...it wouldn't be a big loss to him if I quit having sex with him.
I don't understand whats happening here...all I know is I am SO STRESSED OUT all the time, and hes got me paranpid and on edge all the time ready to pounce at the slightest indication of an indisgression. I feel crazy...and thats not normal for me. I am normally an extremely calm, reserved, laid back almost to the point of a pushover kinda girl but lately...I would beat up any girl over this IDIOT. Hes literally driving me insane!!!!!!! WTF!!!!
Hi llindieloo here , OMG you are in a pickle ? I suggest to pop over to 'is it common practice for scorpions to cheat "
you will get plenty of advice and support on there . good luck to you x
I dont think it is really a common practice for "Scorpios" to cheat....Men in general tend to cheat..not all of course. Most scorpio men I know are loyal to the bone. This guy is CONFUSED...and he is making you confused in turn...when in actuality YOU know exactly what you want.
I honestly think that even if you did start a "relationship" now...under the pretenses...it would be a negative thing. There is already mistrust and hostility...you want to go into a relationship feeling excited for whats to come and all the possibilites....not paranoid.
He also sounds verrrryyy immature. Do you really want a relationship with this guy? Ask yourself what you want out of a relationship...and if you think he won't deliver...well, there are other guys out there who will. Sometimes we have to endure alot of lonliness to find the person that is right for us.
Also...has this guy ever had a real relationship? If so...do you know anything about it and how he was in it...thats also very important...people learn and grow form those things so he may not make all the same mistakes as before, but some of the same ingredients will be there with the rest of his relationships.
If you decide he is not ever going to do what it takes to make you happy...cut him off...you can do it...even if he TRIES to stop you...its up to you to amswer his calls or texts..if you completely stop he will eventually stop too....or he will be forced to come to terms with how he really feels about you...and if it is something you are still open to at that time then you can give it a try to make something real out of it.
this was a very good answer, thank you.
he hasnt been in "real" relationships before...he has been with 2 or so girls that he loved who lied to him and cheated on him and left him unannounced, so he is wary about relationships. his parents fight all the time and are on the brink of a divorce every week so...he has real commitment issues.
it is frustrating to me because I am completely the opposite of that. I am GREAT in relationships, I know what i want, I know what i need and I'm not afraid to compromise and do my part to make the relationship work. I tend to be in very long, very successful relationships and I stand by my partner like a rock.
of course, he can't see that, he only focuses on the bad aspects of any relationship...like hes preprogramed to expect doom.
i know he wants me, if he didn't he would let me go...no matter what. i have seen him completely remove himself from a girls life for two whole years because she upset him...but I tell him to leave me be and act out and do all the things he hates (argue, question, show possessiveness) ALL THE TIME and he still refuses to leave me alone. as stupid as it sounds, and as immature as that truely IS......I know him, and I know that that means something. I don't know to what extent its meaning is, but I do know if he didn't want me around, he wouldnt try to keep me. AT ALL.
This post is deleted!
Your're welcome Lilfrankenstein....I am glad to help in any way.
I see what you are saying, and you know him better than anyone else, so I am sure you have the intuitiveness to sense his feelings for you..........I TOTALLY agree with SHorty that you should remain friends with him withouth the FWB..if you can just have the self control to hold out on the s.e.x. then...he will start to see that there is only ONE way to have you..and that is to give into his feelings and put his fears aside. You will also gain ALOT more respect from him if you do this I believe.
Best of luck to you!........
SHorty.....I have had some trouble with a SCorpio man as well...maybe you could check out my threads and give some advice? Or insight..Thanks!
This post is deleted!
you want some good advice let go, he isnt at where you are at, he wants to have what he wants when he likes, if he is sleeping with other girls what about safe sex, do you want to put yourself at risk there, love is blind, i would stick to your decision of what you want and if he wont come to that, let go of him as he will only hurt you much more in the long term, get out now and go on with your life, if he comes back and tells you he wants you and only you, be very careful before you decide, id close the door and lock it, its not worth it the only thing worth this is the learning you get from it, dont go into a relationship with no ties unless you are happy and free with it, beleive me you will get hurt more so than now, please think about this and what others will and have been telling you, move on to better and greener pastures, take only the learning and the lessons, and look after you.