Cancer Man and he is confusing - continued

  • katie>>i told him yesterday that it has been three weeks we havent met, he was wondering... was it three weeks already??? i told him yes, it was... of course he is sorry

    Sandran712>>I went through this with the Cappy..Lived very close.But, could'nt find the time to get together,.But..I always told him We will... we will..And we did and found it to be a disappointment.So..Consider this missed opportunity a blessing.

  • Sandran: you mean you didnt have time or he?

  • katie-hi there, that's great news about the flat!

  • katie>>Sandran: you mean you didnt have time or he?

    Sandran712>It was more me(Cancer side) that kept pushing up the time to meet.But, I reassured him I would.stuck by my word.

  • Taureengirl, You asked, so I’m going to try, but it is a long story and to try to relay the current info to you probably wouldn’t even make any sense.

    To understand the story, I need to shed light on events leading up to it.

    1997 – entered into a long-term relationship with a Taurus, we were both single. Everyone thought 1 day we would marry. He is a farmer. His father sold produce. He was the most successful produce vendor in the region, selling at the local flea market. I also sold there, aside from having a job. I also enjoyed success with all my ventures. Maybe 2002? Dad diagnosed with colon cancer, already in his 80’s. Son not able emotionally to step up and take over business. So I did. If I didn’t, he would have lost his income as a farmer. Turns out I was really good at it. So here comes my Cancer man.

    My business travels took me to the regional produce market everyday. There are 2 rows of wholesalers with parking in the middle. I only shopped on 1 side for the longest time.

    2003- Late October, early November -1 day, I felt more comfortable being there (it’s all men) and I went to the other side. Next time I came, I decided to park over there and explore a little more. I parked behind a trailer backed up to the loading dock. This man comes running up, waving his hands, sees I am a woman, so he politely tells me he needs to hook up to the truck (he is in charge of them). Don’t know how many times I made this mistake before he said come over here, there is a trailer I don’t move. He took out a marker and wrote”Cecelia, Park Here”. So, I did for awhile until someone else kept parking in my way. Meantime at home, things started to get ugly. Too many stories here to tell, but I was being treated very badly by all, even though I was making more than enough to take care of everyone. I would leave home crying, literally, and when I would get there, Cancer was so kind to me. Our friendship grew. At first, I thought he was really pathetic, he did not speak to me as much as some of the other men. Even though things were really bad at home, I was not looking for a man, nor was I planning to leave. I am a very loyal woman. It took me months to see the pattern. My everyday, at least Monday through Friday, hinged on his hello, or even a glimpse.

    2004 – By summer, I realized I was hooked on Cancer. 1 day he threw something out there about making a date to go to Vegas, then it turned into the Bahamas. The summer was really bad for me. I want to say late spring I called him for a business reason and not long after that he would call me daily 2-3 hours at a time. I baked him a cake for his birthday. Don’t know how I snuck it out of the house! Stupid me, I would never cheat. I called my family and said how can I go to the Bahamas with this guy, when I live with this one? Duh! My family didn’t like Taurus, so it was a no-brainer for them. Took me a while to figure it out. September 5, Taurus ****** me off 1 too many times. He was very nasty to me. I quietly said under my breath, “That’s it, you’re done!”. The following Sunday, the 12th, I swore the angels came to help me. You know, the faces you don’t recognize. It’s a rare thing, but I completely sold out all but $7. Amazing. Sent Taurus home. Then I went home to my own house (oh, yeah, I had 1 to go to, now you’re thinking I’m really stupid). So where is Cancer? Probably with another woman as I would later find out, but at his shore house with his biker buddies for some annual bike week thing. I uprooted my whole life (I’ll admit I needed to), thinking my dear friend would be there for me. After all, he had offered for me to stay at his place if I needed to get away from Taurus. Now suddenly I am available and Cancer starts backing off, but we are still friends. October 7, we had dinner together at his place. I spent the night. We have never been together since. But, our story does not end in 2004. Obviously, the trip to the Bahamas never materialized. He spent too much time running away.

    (Side note: July 2003 – May 2008, I consulted with a psychic friend of mine. She’s really good. She always swore we would be together. It would be a long time. There was something hanging over him and we would not be together till he buried his past.)

    2005 – Cancer still kind to me, but not calling like before. He would sort of come and go from my life, but we were still friends. I know he cares for me and thinks I am really nice.

    April 1st or so. Weather still cold. I have a key to the bathroom at his work. Don’t know why, but I was walking around listening to a cd player, Forgot to knock on bathroom door. He was inside. I opened the door, realized it was him, so I left. He passed me later and was saying something about it. I said it’s not something I haven’t seen before. He says, I told you to come in. I don’t respond. Month goes by, it’s end of April, then I respond. I made a sign on my computer picture of a toilet says “Knock first, by invitation only!”. When he saw it, he immediately knew I had done it. I had not anticipated the consequences, that day he followed me to the bathroom and wanted to come in. He was really nervous, then had me pinned up against the sink and started kissing me. This went on for several months, but probably stopped in July. Mid- July he moved and same day gave me keys to new apt. as well as a picture of him with his youngest son and his bike. We had agreed to go see Neil Diamond in August. That’s when he changed. I had keys, so I met him there. Saw a picture of him with someone else, didn’t even want to go to concert, but my niece talked me into it. We had a great time. I stayed at his place, he went to see his children. When we were walking in to the concert, he tells me he is still married and his wife won’t give him a divorce (I’ve known him almost 2 years and I thought he was divorced the whole time).

    Spring or summer, it was warmer weather, I remember, I met his Dad, very key moment in my life, but I didn’t even know it. Dad worked for him part time, so I would see him 2-3 times a week. I genuinely love his Dad, and we also became friends. I think he delicately tried to tell me that his son was unavailable. He could see the chemistry between us as could everyone else there.

    October – Dad gets hip replacement surgery. He writes down his address for me. Cancer starting to talk to me again. I tell him I joined gym in neighborhood, even though I live far away. He says You have a key, stop by and use the shower if you need to. I wait a few days and say ok, I think I will take you up on that offer. I go to visit Dad as I really do like him and I was always taught to respect my elders. I would combine my visits, Dad, the gym and his apt., then I would go back home. I met the whole family, but as Dad’s friend, even though they knew I was friends with Cancer, too. The family loves me, they knew I was the real deal. Dad and I could talk for hours. The friendship with the family blossomed between October and Christmas, so much that they invited me over Christmas Eve. Meantime, Cancer has 3-4 year on-off girlfriend move in with him in November. Lies to me about why I can no longer come to his apt. and is avoiding me again. The family is telling me all of this, mind you and it’s tearing me apart. He brings her to Christmas Eve with his children. He made sure he was not in the same room with the 2 of us, but I believe she figured out who I was. After that, when he saw me, he made an excuse to get near me and say good morning. I responded which made him feel better. I had met his children at Christmas (he has 4) and I liked them. Think it was mutual at this point.

    Side note: Took me a long time to see pattern, but when I became friends with family, he started putting pics of his gf’s up in his office. This is a theme that bears remembering later on in story.

    2006 – By 3rd week in January the on-off gf is gone FOR GOOD. His family told me so. His sis tells him that for once, he should try going out with someone nice, like me. He says maybe he will ask me out to dinner. For 2-3 weeks, he is the kind and gentle man I fell in love with. Never asked me out, though. Whoops, there he goes again. By V Day he has apparently hooked up with someone else. Think she has a lot of $.

    This pattern was really ******* me off. There was an eclipse or something. I had no control over my emotions. I actually confronted him and said something about never being good enough for him , but he dated every f’n loser he met. He looks at me and says that there was nothing there. LIED TO MY FACE. Then just kept staring soulfully at me as I would come and go about my business.

    Someone in the family is planning a surprise party for beginning of April. Somehow I am invited. He’s making a big ruckus about the wife, the gf, etc. None of them go, but I do. His children are there. Again, they like me.

    I spend 2006 falling in love with his family, even staying at Dad’s as I live out of town. Sis lives right across street. We become very close, like sisters even. She tells me everything going on, but I think everyone wants to see my reaction.

    Ah, what happened to the business, you say? Despite all my fears about leaving Taurus, business is booming. I’m putting all the men to shame. But, now my needs have outgrown my vehicle. How did I meet Cancer? Oh, yeah, he is in charge of all the trucks! He’s not talking to me much, but still friends. So I write him a note, April maybe. Need a truck so many miles such and such a day, give me a delivery price. So what does he do? He sets me up with Dad as a driver to deliver all my stuff. I decided to ride with him cause he’s elderly and recovering from the hip surgery. I’m really worried about him cause mine is not an easy delivery. Cancer doesn’t look too pleased with this. Dad delivered 6 times maybe. This is probably one of the most crucial parts of the story. Early May, he tells Dad to come in early and take a delivery somewhere, Dad shows up at like 4 am, only to find out someone else already left with it. Cancer not even there yet, Dad very loudly cursing out his absent son in front of co-workers. He gets to work, finds out, tries to call Dad, he won’t answer. THE 2 OF THEM HAVE NEVER SPOKEN SINCE.

    I am in the middle (and it’s 2010 now, OMG)

    September the rich gf is gone. He tells sis he has another one. He is very defensive toward me. Doesn’t like me being friends with sis or anyone else in family. I continue to hang around with family at holidays, etc. I am adopted by them at this point.

    2007 is a difficult year.

    May he looks interested again. Can it be, finally? Then he buys a new bike, gets a new ho puts up her pic and won’t talk to me again. It’s Dad’s birthday, now and I’m still in the middle.

    June - Time to decide where I belong. I move up the street from his family, but am also only a couple blocks away from him. We don’t acknowledge that. But, I know he knows.

    October - When I moved, I put my house up for sale. Around mid-October I go to settlement. 29th? He loses his job. They accuse him of stealing apples and fire him. Wife (giving her $800 wk), 4 kids, 2 houses, apt. truck, bike. His life falls apart. We only live a couple blocks from each other, but I am thinking I will never see him again! I sent him a heartfelt card offering my support in Nov. End of Nov. he contacts me as he needs help. Here’s where you ladies go boy she is stupid. He gives me the title to the bike, I loan him $5k. I have never told his family any of this. Not much said. Couple weeks go by, I’m thinking about him, it’s December, is he ok, can he do Christmas, so I txt and ask him does he need any $ for Christmas. No response. 4-5 days later I’m taking a walk he txts me back about having some probs . I call and say I’m walking up street will be passing you in 10 minutes. See you then. We sit on steps for a while talking, he needs $. Keeps telling me 1st floor apt. is empty, I should look at it, cause he thinks mine is too small. I walk home and get$1,500, come back we talk more, he greatly appreciates it. He invites me over for dinner. I can’t do that so I agree to go out with him for Chinese.

    2008 – He tried 1 job in January wasn’t working out real good, gets a steady 1 in March, but the 1 which will help him out financially keeps eluding him.

    We talk, but I don’t really see him. He’s acting really weird, not about the $, just me. He calls from time, to time.

    April – my apt. is very small, very clean, but overrun by mice! Help! He comes to my rescue on April 15 and sets traps. I tell him I paid a year up front for my apt and in June I will have to starting paying rent. He had been talking about giving up his apt, but didn’t seem to want to go. Out of the blue, I say to him the only way I can continue to help you is if I move in with you. He’s been dropping all kinds of hints since that talk in December. But, he says I can’t do that. Finally, I say look, I can put you on my family plan and it will save you a lot of $every month. End of April we go get him a cell phone and put him on my plan. While we are there, he is trying to get up the nerve to tell me he would like if I move in. Someone interrupted, so it took him a couple days to call and let me know this. We agree to it. I tell him I have to tell his sis cause we are friends. The family doesn’t like me helping him. They are not happy about it.

    Things are going well, at first, the compatability was obvious, downright scary, in fact. One night in July he comes home really upset, takes a shower goes straight to bed. I think he’s been crying. The wife has done something. To this day, I do not know what. After that, he changed. He was never home for dinner and lied about what he was doing. He did not want to be anywhere near me.

    August 8 Dad has a stroke. I happened to stop to see his sis so I went to hospital to keep her company. To my amazement, he shows up with his oldest son, but still does not speak to his father. After that, he would try to pick fights with me. I don’t fight, so he wasn’t getting anywhere with that.

    September and October are bad. We live in Philadelphia. The Phillies make it to the World Series, and they are winning. He comes home freaked out and starts grabbing underwear and clothes. His sis and I figured out he needed to get the **** out of there cause his children said oh, great, we can see the victory parade from your window. He had kept me a secret from all of them and now the universe was catching up to him. The parade was on Halloween and by then he was gone. I quietly packed up so many of his things for him and we talked and parted on good terms and remained friends. He stopped by a couple times to give me a hand with things and said they looked nice.

    2009 Remember the ho from 2007. Sis told me about her . She had moved to Florida and got a divorce. She kept popping in and out of his life and how did I know this? I pay the phone bill. It had been an issue in October before he left, maybe even part of why, but I did not appreciate it in the least. March 31 I tell him he’s stupid for repeating these patterns over and over again. Don’t you want to be happy? 2 days later, I lock myself out. I make the mistake of telling sis I have to go pick up his keys. She calls him when I leave. He calls me and starts telling me I should keep them. I don’t. ( In December a psychic told me there was a woman trying to keep the 2 of us apart) I’ve remained close to sis, but seriously backed off, especially when she would try to discuss him. I don’t mention him anymore. June, I think we talk (we are still friends) he is still waiting for that job (it’s been what 1-1/2 yrs now?)

    Late July he gets word of his job – class will start August 17.

    July 25th my brother is working with me. He says he doesn’t feel well and asks to go home. Instead he drives himself to the hospital. He’s 50, has a heart attack. He has never made it home. My life has revolved around my brother ever since.

    August 17 – class starts. August 20 – my brother has a stroke while in hospital. Cancer and I talk about how his life finally moving forward, mine not so good. But, I am happy for him and he knows it.

    When I would have time, I would send him long txt messages asking him about the job and telling him about my brother. Just needed someone to tell it all to, you know.

    October – spend a night at the ER with my brother. I send Cancer a txt. It’s after 9pm I’m asleep on sofa my phone rings his #. I answer, but am sure I am hung up on, so I call back. A woman answers (forgot to mention, when he left here he moved in with his daughter), but it’s his wife, he’s in the shower. I’m not someone you can intimidate, so I’m like Hi how are you. She wants to know if I’m dating him. Ha I laughed at that 1. No. I am friends with the entire family. Can’t believe we ever met. She is an incredibly beautiful woman, but seems to be very insecure. Since he left his daughter and I would occasionally email each other and I told her about it. She played it off as nothing, but I think a lot went down. Daughter & I became FB friends right before my brother had heart attack. After wife calls me, she suddenly joins FB. What do I have to lose? I send her a friend request, laughing off the phone call she made to me. Think that was day before Thanks giving. I know she told him. Thanksgiving I txt him and for the 1st time in a long time, he txt me back. I am surprised after the wife thing, but I sense a change. December 3 she confirms our friendship and is right on the phone to him. He is on phone to his sis. His name is nowhere in sight but my FB page makes it very clear who I am and where I live. Yes, the you-know-what hit the fan. Everyone in his family knew I was here, 3 out of 4 children knew I was here, but no one told wife. Amazing! She deleted me right after Christmas! Christmas Eve he txts me. This is a 1st. Says he will be in touch. New Year’s Eve he calls me after work. Says he will call again. I believe that after 10 years of separation, he is working on his divorce.

    2010 – January 1 I walk down by Dad’s there is a huge street party that defies description. Someone in the crowd grabs me and hugs me, it’s his daughter with her little sis and cousin. It was a good day for me.

    January 2 The Florida ho is back in town, so he is not talking to me. But he hardly talks to her either. I don’t think he wants to anger me over the phone bill again.

    Well Taureen girl and others, if you made it this far. This is indeed ridiculous. The psychic friend I referred to before ditched me in June 2008, so I’ve been on my own all this time trying to figure it out. She told me about the person I would care for who was very ill, even today’s blizzard. And then he comes back in to my life. The woman, or any women, do not mean anything to him. He will not see me till he is divorced. The last couple of years have taken a financial toll, so it will be awhile before he can come to terms with a relationship. Sounds like summer, before he can say it.

    I am sorry this was so long, but don’t know how I could tell just the tail end of the story and have it make any sense. I left a lot out, but tried to put in the most relevant parts.

    Peace and blessings to all

  • wow scorpioreader! IT IS NOT AN EASY STORY. i have to digest. but thanks for sharing. and no worries it is long, i mean it's all that happened, so shouldnt leave anything out.

  • Katie,

    Had a hard time writing it. The only person who knows everything is my niece who is relatively close in age. To share it with all of you, well, I really had to think, wanted to be as accurate as I could. Forgot 1 part about him having his father deliver. Made me realize how much he must secretly care for me. He never billed me for the deliveries. When the feud started, his company found out and I did not speak up, so as for him not to lose his job! I know his sis told him this.

    Feel free to comment on my story any way you like. Obviously, this strange karma has not yet played itself out as I still live in his apt. and he is still on my phone plan.

    I guess 1 of the most important ?s right now is the divorce. Is he getting 1? What will he do after it's final?

  • Scorpioreader>>IT IS NOT AN EASY STORY

    Sandran712>>I am female Cancer.And Yes it was a tad long to digest for a Cancer.If it helps some..Cancer's keep their private life hidden and will go to ends of the earth not to tell anyone.All Cancer's both male and female..We tend to go backwards relationship wise.Even as much as over 10 years back.Regardless if it's a healthy outcome or not.It's in a comfort zone.This psychic that gave you this information.You should have taken heed.I seen something with him the first paragraph when you mentioned him.But..that's just me.This guy is a real loser.He acts like a male ho.

  • Scorpioreader, WOW!!! Your story had my attention from beginning to end. Could have been longer, i really don't mind. I don't know what to say. Have tears in my eyes. Going to re-read and think it over. All i can say, its clear that you love this man dearly.

    Chat soon

  • scorpioreader>>I guess 1 of the most important ?s right now is the divorce. Is he getting 1? What will he do after it's final?

    Sandran712>>I think he will get this divorce.But, not right away.And..He needs to stay away from his past.If he would stay with you that would be good.But, he seems to be a real dumbass.He keeps digging a hole deeper than the last hole he dug for himself.He definitely makes too many bad choices.I guess some guys..... Even in my life experience are so damn stupid.They really do get what comes to them.

  • Sandran, in all honesty, I do have the phone bills. He seems to have been pushed into finally working on the divorce. If I were to understand anything I had been told by my former friend, probably next month. I have always seen St. Patrick's Day/Spring Equinox as a very tumultuous time where life is never the same again.

    My brother is doing much better, but still in a nursing home. His sis's daughter is pregnant and due 03/20. My fear, and again my family looks at me cross-eyed, is that my brother will be gone before the baby is born. He will sign the papers. There will be no more hos. None of it seems real. But somewhere around May, he will ask me out to dinner. Perhaps by August he will want a relationship. Someone please tell me this is the year. My life is currently hanging at the brink of disaster, it seems, I could certainly use some positive feedback.

    Also, total I gave him around $12k. I was told I would get it back.

    Sorry, ladies, most people's Cancer man stories are not about someone they have known quite this long. Karma! Ugh!

  • scorpioreader>>Sorry, ladies, most people's Cancer man stories are not about someone they have known quite this long. Karma! Ugh!

    Sandran712>>No..but, Cancer's seem to go back and forth between partners.Regardless of the time span.I said 10 year or more because I looked up a guy as far back as 30 years.It's a Cancer trait to stray between others.And to be secretive doing it.In case one does not pan out... the other one is around as a back-up.

  • Taureengirl

    You put me up to it, so I'm glad you were able to read it. Some of it was painful to rehash, trying to figure out the pertinent facts. I would love to hear more from you and others as I have so many ?s as to where I am at in this story.


    Girl you are so right! He is a male ho! But, my dear, I also know that's why he's not with me, he cares too much. When I first met him there was a guy who tried to tell me, but did not want to betray Cancer's friendship. As a matter of fact, most of the guys there have indicated pretty much the same thing. However, I have come to know him beyond that outer persona (or his shell), underneath lies a very good man, capable of great love. He has wasted the last 10 years chasing hos because his wife told him she would never give him a divorce. A good guy would never involve a good girl (as he calls me) in his life, if he did not think it would change. His youngest is now 12. I firmly believe he was prepared to give up his happiness till she was at least 18, or beyond. But, some recent event seems to have escalated the talk of divorce. I think the loss of his job in 2007 sort of started those dominoes falling, you know. Is he a loser, No. Does he make poor choices, no they are horrible choices. His biggest problem is he cannot see he is the 1 to blame for the consequences of his actions. Had he stayed and been honest with his family, things would be fine. He just can't see that. His daughter knew. She says it hurts her that he does not tell her things, but she does not pry. She is also a Cancer, I like her a lot.

    Some days I think I understand the story and I say ok, you have to get to here. The nonsense will stop and finally after all these years you 2 will be on the right track.

    It's ok, I don't care if you all tell me I'm nuts. I already know it!

  • Sanran Again, you are right, but I am not a backup, the truck stop hos as I refer to them are very interchangeable whether they are booty calls are actual dates. I can see where he goes back and forth with them. I don't fit in with all that. I used to write a lot of things down. I always saw him coming up to the road, but the 1 with me is long term, so he backs up and goes the other way.

    He can't get that close to me. He has tried. Just like a crab he has to scurry off before I catch him lol

  • scorpioreader>>Sorry, ladies, most people's Cancer man stories are not about someone they have known quite this long. Karma! Ugh!

    Lua>>I agree with sandran. cancers do go back a long way, or back and forth, etc. My story, although not nearly complicated as yours, goes back to 1996. yeah I also feel smething karmic about my cancer too. maybe alot of us with complicated cancers have something karmic to work out. Your story really is a cancer to story to end all cancer stories. The emotional roller coaster ride must have been difficult.

  • Luazinha

    It hasn't gotten any easier. To have been a couple and to have failed at it would be easier. It would be over. But, it isn't over. Truth is, it's getting ready to begin. Again. OMG

  • Sandran

    About my former friend, the psychic, there was no reason to take heed. There were no bad things said, but I was told he had to bury his past. The relationship came AFTER all the stress in his life, AFTER the divorce, and AFTER the illness. Was I told he will run away again? YES But, I was also told that once we get together, we will never let go. Nice... and, that's what keeps me going!

    You are all great to chat with. Peace to everyone.

  • Luazinha>>The emotional roller coaster ride must have been difficult.

    sandran712>>I myself being a Cancer will not invest the drama like Scorpio Reader.I do not have that much energy.I invested alot with the Aries.Because he was a virgin.He's never had another relationship but, me.I had him trained...LOL

  • ScorpioReader>>My brother is doing much better, but still in a nursing home.

    Sandran712>>That is really good.I can relate.My son had a stroke last year.He's 24.Scared the shi*t out of me.And took 20 years with it!LOL

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