Cancer Man and he is confusing - continued



  • So it looks like we might have reached the maximum pages allowed for the old thread haha, let's continue it here. I posted something and it didn't show up....weird...



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  • keldjoran: Ok whether you realize this or not, you are now running hot and cold towards him. You're only answering some of his questions, you've never told him it was over....essentially you're doing to him what he was doing to you. Men LOVE a good chase, by continue down this path, he will pursue you harder and pull out every emotional Cancer manipulation technique he can think of. You really should think about telling him it's over, even if it's just in an email. Clear the air and set clear boundaries if you want to salvage the group friendship.

    Katie: thanks for the honesty. i know i know im doing wrong, but i seem to be not yet ready to let him go... im sooo cancer-like LOL....

    i don't know what to do... my heart says 'wait', my mind says it's a mindf-uck, meanwhile i'm hurt though maybe willing to forgive... I AM A MESS, so cant get away just yet.

    i know sorry, im jumping from one foot to the other all the time and you always try to fit your advice to my actual 'idea'. sorry im not doing it on purpose, im just fighting with myself. cause one day i think he is an a-s-s and i've done more than enough... other days i feel that he does behave stupid (not telling his problem), but still he might have things against me that are real problems... (i mean that they are just)

    and i sense more and more that the his real problem is with my ex... i mean he is bugged about me ever wanting to go back to him or something. i never told i wanted and i dont behave that way... but i thought he is keeping himself away cause he is giving it time to see whether im really firm in my decision and wont dance back. you know what i mean?

    one thing i realized... since he knows that im searching a new flat (already for 2 months planning to move), he asked already 3 TIMES what im gonna do with my ex's stuff. he must be very bugged by it... situation is in short: my bf lived in my country for 5 years with me. he has a lot of stuff. he moved home, but right now to his mother only, very small flat, he could not bring all his stuff away... so i had to keep them.

    do you think that the whole situation with my ex can bug him sooo much? can it easily be the whole reason for his behavior? cause honestly Keldjoran, i have quite a good sense about people. i NEVER misjudged someone. i knew that he will be a hard person to deal with... but also, i felt that his feelings were so real. not when you like someone or are attracted physically, but much deeper.

    can REAL DEEP feelings disappear from a cancer from one day to another?



  • Lua> hi and welcome back. so as i told i update you here as short as i can, dont want to bore the others. 🙂

    wait, first of all you have to let me know where you were at? LOL

    btw. happy you felt fine and looks like you can get a grip on handling your situation. good to hear that.:)



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  • Katie1982: "do you think that the whole situation with my ex can bug him sooo much? can it easily be the whole reason for his behavior? cause honestly Keldjoran, i have quite a good sense about people. i NEVER misjudged someone. i knew that he will be a hard person to deal with... but also, i felt that his feelings were so real. not when you like someone or are attracted physically, but much deeper.

    can REAL DEEP feelings disappear from a cancer from one day to another?"

    FlowyAir: I feel your pain. I know what your saying here. Why would someone your sure felt genuine feelings for you that are so rare to share possibly not face/resist/reject them when you have made your intentions clear that you want to be with him.

    I feel the same way as you know my story Katie. Only mine is more considered more unmoral as I was married when we both decided to get to know each other because of feeling drawn and strong feelings toward each other. My Cancer even admitted to being in love with me, never had sex with me out of respect and said he would wait until we could be together - then turned around and ended the relationship sharply with no contact. I have no real closure except the fact that I knew he was against seeing me while I was married and he didn't want to split a home. He was torn between doing the right thing and his heart and feelings. In my case, it appears he chose do do the morally right thing at all costs. So I do believe Cancer men want to do what strongly appeals to them as the right thing. I still can't get over the fact that he chose this way to do it as it seems to say to me that he is no longer thinking about being with me even in the future once I'm no longer married. I like you know he felt genuine feelings for me. The sparkle in the eye, staring into my eyes constantly the tenderness he showed me while he seemed to savor looking into my face.

    Your case is not as extreme as mine is, but apparently Cancer men really put alot of weight into loyalty and commitment and feel very guilty if they feel they have not lived up their own standards. I mean we all feel guilty, but Cancer men feel their feelings so intensely I think it bothers them more than the average person.

    I certainly thing you having your exes stuff there bothers him. He may think your not fully letting go and he may come back again.

    I saw mine out the window today. He shoveled his parent's walkway and then went and shoveled an elderly woman's driveway/walkway - I was thinking there is the man I love so much so kindhearted - and it broke my heart more to know I can't talk to him anymore. I am so sad. It is very hard for me to accept. I can accept not seeing me while married, but I can't help but think once I'm divorced how would he come back into my life again. Wouldn't he just associate me with the memory of guilt he had from seeing me when I was involved - and knowing he broke it off as I was too weak to do so?



  • hey FlowyAir! first of all, im truly happy you're back. i missed you. 🙂

    FlowyAir: I can't help but think once I'm divorced how would he come back into my life again. Wouldn't he just associate me with the memory of guilt he had from seeing me when I was involved - and knowing he broke it off as I was too weak to do so?

    katie: let me react on this first. because i so much think of the same thing as you do. and plus adding to it that if there is this big 'break' now between us... will he ever be able to step over it and have something happy with me again? or maybe it is just us aquas who think this way, cause if we are finished, we are finished for good and there is a slight chance only to restore that one was there before c-r-a-p came...

    FlowyAir: I certainly thing you having your exes stuff there bothers him. He may think your not fully letting go and he may come back again.

    Katie: yes, i know what you mean. but what can i do with all that stuff? my ex moved back home 2000 kms away, he has no means to bring it away right now and no place to put it there... thats why i thought i will bring everything home to my parents house... then at least they are not in my flat... hey btw. i might have found a cute flat. keep your fingers crossed for me... only saw it on internet yet, gonna check it out friday. if i like it im gonna right then take it. 🙂



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  • Hi Katie 🙂

    I did visit the forums over the weekend and yesterday - I had trouble posting though. I missed you too.

    I understand yoru dilemma with your ex's stuff. I think out of sight out of mind is a good thing. 🙂 You can try that and see if it helps things between the two of you.

    Yes, it's true with Aquas when we decide to let go we do so completely, we don't generally hover we are in all the way or out. Simple!

    I value family, loyalty and commitment too, but I can also put things into perspective. So I don't understand how in this case these Cancer men cannot get past the fact that even though they fell for someone while they were in a relationship doesn't mean that the other person would have stayed in that relationship anyway if the Cancer had not come along. Sometimes what's meant to be is meant to be.

    Hi Keldjoran! I appreciate your opinion here. 🙂 It's a hard lesson learned here.

    keldjoran: "BINGO! You nailed this head on. Cancers are very empathetic, he probably put himself in your husband's shoes and literally felt the hurt of what Cancer would be doing to him. We value loyalty so much...

    FlowyAir: He did say he didn't want to ruin another man's life. BUT my response to that was my husband and I were discussing divorce before I was with the Cancer at all as my marriage was not happy for me. So I told him that I was going to have to get the divorce anyway and the hurt was going to be inevitable. He agreed upon hearing that and even added that my husband and I were not compatible based on his own observations... So that is a bit conflicting you see as he seemed to understand both sides, but yet tilted to the side of still feeling guilty and a sense of responsibility for it.

    keldjoran: "Yes, unfortunately. It's over for you and him 😞 That guilt is stuck in his heart and will take a looong time to go away. Cancers hold onto things for a very long time."

    FlowyAir: What about his feelings of love for me - if they were strong could they overcome the guilt? He did say sometimes people come back to find each other based on a pact they made in a previous lifetime - eluding we may be soulmates and he said he believed everything would work out in the end and that he told himself this when he would wonder why not now?

    Also, although it may be wishful thinking on my part,

    isn't it possible he let me go now (obviously because he didn't want to continue doing wrong) but could his intentions also be by doing it this way he would not be directly influencing my decision to get divorced and this way if I did it on my own without him in my life at the time he would not feel directly to blame for it and that way when it was all said and done he could feel right about being with me?



  • Katie good luck with the flat keep me posted. 🙂 I have a few to more to look at too. I'm still on the fence whtether to move out right now due to financial reasons..



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  • Hi guys, back from my cancer encounter, haha. Hi keldjoran, nice to see you back!

    So are you guy going to carry on here or go back to the original thread?



  • FlowyAir: keldjoran, your good 🙂 No wonder Katie swears by your advice. haha

    Your dead on honest too, which is nice. Sandran is as well.

    keldjoran: "Wow you Aquas are so DEAD on about us Cancers...why do you come to these boards for help? haha"

    FlowyAir: Ha,ha that is exactly the thing - it's a DEADLY ATTRACTION. I think we are alot alike in a parallel sense. Cancers think alot based on their deep feelings - Aquas think alot analytically and need to understand everything. Cancers and Aquas are both very intuitive & both sensitive - Cancers due to heightened sensitivity and Aquas due to being highly perceptive. We love their emotion and sensitivity and they love are driven nature and focus and we seem to share mystery about each other 🙂 BUT even though we share these similiarities different things make us tic. Cancers their emotions - Aquas their reasoning. So we don't see eye to eye all the time nor always "get each other."

    I was JUST going to say this

    keldjoran: "What you have to do now is forget about the Cancer for now. Go about your life as you would had he not been in the picture, if you're going to get hte divorce then go do it. Then sort out your life and be happy with it BEFORE you contact the Cancer again. A Cancer will sense when you are using him because you feel lonely or using him to hide from your own personal problems"

    FlowyAir: Really you were going to add that in? Awesome! So there is still a glimmer of hope then if you thought of this. He is very smart and a deep thinker and it is possible he considered this. We had just professed to being in love with each other before he stopped all contact with me - that is why I have been in disbelief. Also, he was always honest about his concerns with me as I'm starting to see that Cancers are for the most part very honest. He would say he didn't know the right thing to do as it was tricky with us because he felt we belonged together too. We both would even bump into each other when we were out shopping it just seemed like we were pulled together and the feelings between us - he and I both would light up around each other and there is this energy.... I haven't felt anything like it in 15 years since my first true love so it is very hard for me to think this is it...

    When I think about it the relationship between him and I really couldn't go anywhere right now anyway because of my commitment and it could only lead to ruining us if we were caught (he'd get thrown out of his parents or would leave out of shame - ruining his ability to go to school $$ wise) how would we be able to be together after that, or we would end up building upon our already strong feelings for each other and then possibly getting even more hurt if one didn't hold true on their end. Afterall, if he wanted to get away from me he could move out of his parents all together.

    I know I have to remove him from the equation, but it is easier said than done as I feel so much loss right now. It eats me alive to have all these feelings for him, and he didn't give me any closure. One day talking about seeing me again and sending me sweet emails telling me how nice it was seeing me to nothing.



  • Oh Keldjoran, so you think I should contact him when I feel I am happy in myself again in my life and things are all straightened out? I was wondering if I should just wait for him to contact me since he was the one that stopped the contact. He does live next door to me so he sees what is going on.



  • Hi, Luazinha. Not sure if were staying on this thread or not, but the other thread was not always posting nor was it showing posts that were made.



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