Lawdawg - (other cancer experts) Your input needed please
lawdawg>>There are Aquarius and Scorpio and Taurus males that dorminate women and force them into submission. Is that what you mean about having b.a.l.l.s. If so, no, we don't have them.
Sandran712>> Yes...That's what I meant..I am blessed to have never messed with these 3 signs in my life.
Read this in a good book at Borders bookstore, just can't remember which book.
Cancer men marry at a young age for security, if they divorce the second time is for love. It did make mention of them straying from home, but that they always come back. (Iguess that is, until they stray 1 too many times and wind up divorced)
Okay, your last response to me gave me hope, but something else is bothering me alot.
I would like to again ask for your Cancer feeling and objective opinion on looking at my situation from one more angle.
If he stopped ALL contact with me abruptly a month ago due to NOT JUST protecting himself, but also because he felt GUILT "didn't want to hurt anyone" "didn't want to ruin another man's life" and "didn't want to split up a family. I always told him unfortunately others would get hurt anyway because I am not happy and the divorce is going to happen inevitably and he would say I know...
If I like previously discussed get on with my life, divorce on my own like I was going to anyway (regardless of Cancer male), would a Cancer man that is so sensitive to other's pain still be able to be with me in the future knowing he had done wrong with me at one point by seeing me while I was still married. Would he be able to get past and not feel like he still somehow contributed to the fail of the marriage considering that we were drawn together and had such a great connection and things just felt natural and right between us when together?
This was your last answer to me inregards to reuniting with me in the face of dealing with some uncomfortable situations between explaining our relationship to his parents and facing his former neighbor (soon to be ex husband)
Lawdawg: "My sense is that the Cancer will be there when you are free. It is rare that Cancer men spread themselves around (Cancer women, now that's another story). Anyway, you and he shared a connection that he is not soon to forget. He will need a clear path. No hiding in the bushes to get to you. If you create a safe haven, he will come... "
This is what I am most worried about so your input would help me put things into perspective.
Oh yeah an easy question now, when Cancers "reflect feelings" does that mean when your feeling love from them they could possibly just be reflecting your own love back on you and not feeling it themselves??
dvdm, when a Cancer is no longer interested he communication with you goes way down. There is a tendency for cancer to email, text, call and come around a lot when love is new and he is feeling that rush of new love feelings. He has high hopes and you are very much on his mind.
If at some point or for some reason he loses interest, all of this attention will drop off dramatically. Now, this will occur to some degree anyway because the initial high level of attention simply cannot be maintained. BUT, if it drops off so much that you have to call him to see if he is still alive. It's toast... It's not that he is being mean, he just does not like confrontations where love and feelings are involved for two reason. One, he's afraid that a tear or pleading will make his change his mind about ending the relationship or Two, he will have to break her heart even more by explaining why he's not interested anymore. Heaven forbid there is a big scene and he gets completely embrassed. I guess that's whats Sandran means by having b.a.l.l.s. Tell her like it is and take your lumps. That's definitely not what the cancer wants. No lumps please...
FlowyAir, the Cancer's guilt is related to his part in the breakup of the relationship. While you are still married his being in your life would in his mind be part of your decision to move forward with the divorce. If he stops seeing you as he has, and you proceed with the divorce, he will view it as your decision and he will not be affect by it.
As long as he can come back to you as a free woman and you guys are able to pick up where you left off without the social stigma attached to a love triangle gone bad, I don't think there will be a problem. Keep in mind that we are talking about a human being and there are all kind of complex factors going on. He could meet someone in the interim or feelings that he thought he had for you could be reexamined (I needed to be real with you on this). But my feeling is that if we are correct, he will be there once you are free.
By reflecting back, I am speaking of reactions. He has to love you to reflect back to you the love you are shining on him. It's just that if you love him but don't show it then he can love you and not show it. Smiles to him bring back smiles to you. Angry looks, judgments and criticism will bring back to you Angry looks judgments and criticism. The moon has not light of it's own. It's the sun's light it reflects.
Lawdawg: "FlowyAir, the Cancer's guilt is related to his part in the breakup of the relationship. While you are still married his being in your life would in his mind be part of your decision to move forward with the divorce. If he stops seeing you as he has, and you proceed with the divorce, he will view it as your decision and he will not be affect by it."
I want to thank you Lawdawg for your honest and clear answe. I am just so "clouded emotionally" I have a complete mental block and my mind cannot clearly access or even try to predict a Cancer's thinking as you have said Cancers are feeling/emotional based while Aquariuses aire (pun intended) more on rationalizing stuff.
Your comments give me hope and do make sense.
Unfortunately my hopes just came crashing down after reading this forecast from astrologyzone.com. Bare in mind his last communication to me was on January 6th and he last log in to even attempt to communicate with me was on Jan. 10th. His Birthday is July 11th.
Part of Cancer horoscope:
You were looking forward to the New Year, but suddenly a lunar eclipse in Cancer barrels your way, and so the year may begin on a very surprising - possibly jarring - note. Lunar eclipses are highly emotional because they are full moons and this one falls in your sign, Cancer. Those readers born on July 1, plus or minus five days, will be most affected by this eclipse.
Lunar eclipses have the power of three full moons packed into one and bring up hopes, dreams, and memories. That could be why the news lunar eclipses stir us deeply. The job of a lunar eclipse is to bring information and closure. They provide us with the motivation to make a decision and stick to it. You often like to look back to decide if you made the right decision, but eclipses don't work that way - they keep you moving forward, ready or not.
If your relationship has been shaky, then this eclipse will bring a glaring truth that will require you to take action, either to leave the relationship suddenly and quickly, or to attempt to fix things by getting counseling or by talking things out. With many planets piling up in earthy Capricorn, the eclipse will force you to acknowledge certain practical realities. As you examine things, you will look to the very foundation that has formed your relationship for some time.
If you should break up as a result of what you learn over the eclipse, know that the universe was not on a mission to cause you pain, but rather to guard and protect you. Knowing this may not make the agony of a breakup any easier, but you will see that there was probably no way to avoid this result. Eclipses are very non-negotiable, so if you do leave (or your partner does), finding a way back is unlikely.
Ouch! I'm not sure if this is just coincidental in my situation or not..... Wow... Don't know if this lady is on the money or not...
Lawdawg: "By reflecting back, I am speaking of reactions. He has to love you to reflect back to you the love you are shining on him. It's just that if you love him but don't show it then he can love you and not show it. Smiles to him bring back smiles to you. Angry looks, judgments and criticism will bring back to you Angry looks judgments and criticism. The moon has not light of it's own. It's the sun's light it reflects."
FlowyAir: Okay, good that makes it easier for me to discern his feelings then as being valid because I know what I felt coming from him. Wow, you are truly good at breaking stuff down and articulating it. Thank you for all of your insight I have found it extremely helpful. I also like your honesty.
Thank you for your answer. But, it confuses me even more if possible.
Yes, there is lack of communication from his side, could it be that he is withdrawing because i might go away?
Could the genuine affection when together really be faked.
Flowyair>>Unfortunately my hopes just came crashing down after reading this forecast from astrologyzone.com. Bare in mind his last communication to me was on January 6th and he last log in to even attempt to communicate with me was on Jan. 10th. His Birthday is July 11th
Sandran712>>I don't believe in this hoo haw..My birthday is July 12th.
Hi, Sandran! How are you doing today?
Sandran712>>I don't believe in this hoo haw..My birthday is July 12th.
FlowyAir: Well, that part about break ups being permanent only applied to Cancers that did break up with someone during that timeframe it also could have been a time for engagement, the opposite. Can you do me a favor then and read the entire horoscope for Cancer for January and tell me if it held any truth applying it to yourself. I'll post the browser site just copy and paste it in :
I'm curious to see what you think. ...
lawdawg>>dvdm, when a Cancer is no longer interested he communication with you goes way down. There is a tendency for cancer to email, text, call and come around a lot when love is new and he is feeling that rush of new love feelings. He has high hopes and you are very much on his mind.
If at some point or for some reason he loses interest, all of this attention will drop off dramatically.
Lua>>this happened in my case, he would text me all the time, call, skype etc even though we live in different countries, then it stopped almost completely so I was quite worried, but he said it was because his work schedule picked but and he was exhausted, had to leave home 4 days at a time. I saw him last week and saw how stressed he was, work was always on his mind. when we are apart I start getting worried when I don't hear from him for days, yet when I am with him I feel he really does feel deeply for me although he doesn't express it much in words. I miss the texting and phone calls, but I don't want to pester him with texts and too many e-mails and scare him away.
lawdawg>>If at some point or for some reason he loses interest, all of this attention will drop off dramatically.
Sandran712>>That's true or if you got someone like myself and say leave me the hel*l alone.then you got your answer...But, I do not agree with alot of what you say and I am a Cancer.So you must be a diiferent part of the chart somewhere.
I am, as i do not totally rely on the chart...
New Help Question- This was recommended by Lindiloo-- I'm in need of Cancer expert advice. First, I'm Libra - rising sign Virgo, I'm not your typical outgoing flirty Libra though. I met my Cancerian in December, he's my neighbor, I had been watching for sooooooo long, finally got courage and sent a letter, he replied and we emailed back and forth and finally met. I had never done anything like that before, but he just felt right, I had to know him. Had a wonderful evening together, talked, laughed, kissed, it was just wonderful! Right or wrong we are both in the divorce process. We continued to email, I inspired him to practice his music again, he posted some music on a video site, every week adding a new song, I would give happy comments, because I really feel that way about his music, he's wonderful, witty, funny, and so smart, humor most people would miss, but he catches the most detailed things we shared funnies, jokes, how's your day etc everyday, sometimes 3-5 times a day for a period of 6 weeks and saw each other a couple times during this. After I had first met him, he did get pulled over one evening for alcohol that required a court ordered evaluation. A couple of weeks ago emails started to become shorter, then after his evaluation nothing........ I emailed nicely everything okay, I'm worried about you, in which he responded he was taking a break for awhile. I gave it a couple of days, then finally asked if I had hurt him or did something wrong, in which he replied. "You didn't do anything wrong!!! I just choose to keep to myself. It's what I am, who I am. Not interested in changing. Not interested in associating with anyone. I'll wave if I see you outside."
This is the most amazing man I have every met, is there any thing I can do, did I lose him? I can be patient, but would love some advice as what I can and what I should not do. I don't want to scare him away.
This Cancer is embarassed and humiliated by this occurence. I don't know if it's the first time this type of thing has happened to him but Cancerians can have a problem with addiction, especially to alcohol. He could be drowning in his sorrows and does not want to impose this aspect of his life upon you.
Additionally, he probably feels unworthy of you now and will sacrifice the friendship you guys have built together so far if you do nothing to smooth things over. I would suggest that you not ram yourself into this issue. Give advice only when solicited. Be empathetic but not sympathetic. Let him know he can come to you but do not demand that he does.
That's about all you can do, the rest is up to him...
Thanks that is encouraging, I really feel him, he's incredible, and I have been sending funny or inspirational short emails saying I'm here if you need, still think you great! I guess time will tell.
Once more i'm in a situation where i have no idea how to proceed. Since i let him know that the move is going to proceed but i do not need to go, i will tell him all about it later... he literally backed off. Been ignoring me since then. I need to give the company my answer , since i could not discuss with him, i thought oh well, what the heck. If he doesn't want to talk i might as well just go. Why would i waste more time on someone that don't have time or space for me in his life. '
Tell me the one thing but act different. Just don't understand........
Again hurt and confused...
Scorpioreader>>>> "Read this in a good book at Borders bookstore, just can't remember which book.
Cancer men marry at a young age for security, if they divorce the second time is for love. It did make mention of them straying from home, but that they always come back. (I Guess that is, until they stray 1 too many times and wind up divorced) "
My Cancer guy married me twice. I wonder where that puts me? LOL
He might think you have already made up your mind. Does he know his input affects you decision?
PiscesParadox, i did mention in my mail that i do not want to go, there is other options i will tell him about.
By now i have made my mind, i was forced by my employer to make a desicion. For almost three weeks no word from his side. I guess that's my answer, right?
If i really meant something to him, surely he would show me some way or the other.
What gets me though, why telling me things and now, when it comes to something like this, its like he couldn't care less if i go or stay. I can't do this to myself anymore. For many months i've been waiting patiently. Haven't dated anyone. I haven't even blame or accuse him of anything after he came back. Now, it's like history repeats itself.
I think its best for me to just keep on walking. No matter how much it hurts. One day i will be albe to smile again without any reservation. Trust, i don't know how long it will take to trust anybody again.
dvdm, please go. I never believe in deciding these types of decisions based upon what someone else does. This is YOUR life, live it. Men will come and men will go. When we let other people's actions dictate how we live our life we become victims to their failings and shortcomings.
This guy, no matter how much you care for him has not committed to you. Loving someone is only the FIRST step in creating a meaningful relationship. Millions of divorces are carried out each year by people who truely love each other. Why would you keep pining and pushing a relationship that can't even get off the ground? What does that tell you about your future together with this Cancer.
Well, my opinion is that if you let him dictate the course of this relationship like he is dictating your happiness up to this point , you are in for a LOT of suffering. You might as well suffer now, more on, and count your blessings when Mr. Right comes along. At least, you won't be too jaded to love and appreciate the true demonstrative love he has to offer.
My thoughts at this point...
hi lawdawg! how are you doing? i've read your concerns/questions about dating and women. if i can tell my opinion, i believe everyone is entitled to do whatever they feel like. if you feel like dating more women and searching meanwhile for the best/right one, it can never be considered as a bad thing.
of course the only thing i tell is that be honest. women are a lot of times different than men. if i start to date someone i only date that person and no one else. but this might not be clear for the other person. so me for example let my crab subtly know already at the beginning that he cant have other women on the side. or rather to say, of course he can do whatever he wants but i wont be one of more women.
so i say, if you tell these women somehow that you are not serious yet, it is okay. they might get angry, but they dont really have the right in it, cause you were honest. honesty is the key point for me. for example i would not get angry with my crab if he told me he is not interested anymore or he found a better woman etc... the only thing i dont like is, that he withdraws and does not explain it. cause i can take the 'punch' of not being the one for him, but then he should let me go on with my life and be honest.
anyways how are you with those women now?