In love with an "unknown" face?



  • Hi, I am trying to figure out my feelings and thoughts about a man that I have not met, but yet, cannot get him out of my mind. I'm hoping hear if there are others with similar feelings.

    This man is a "public figure" that I have never seen in person, and the craziest thing is, I knew of him even before and had no "lasting" reactions, but about 2.5 months ago, he "popped" into my mind suddenly in the middle of the work day. It's like something in my brain/heart "flipped". Since then, I have looked him up on the internet, JUST to see his face and to hear his voice. By the general standards, he's not the greatest looking, but to me he's face is perfect as is, with every wrinkle and "flaw". I feel happiest when I can look at his pictures. I have been obsessed (and I hate to admit that) to know more about him and to think of ways to get to know him in person. Not a day has passed since that day, that I have not thought about him, and I keep telling myself to forget the whole thing, since I find it extremely unlikely that I would ever have a chance to get to know him. To top it all, I am happily married to a good man, or as happily as most marriages goes, and therefore I don't understand this "fixation" that I feel. Is it REALLY possible to fall in love with someone that you have not even met?



  • Anyone have comments or thoughts...?



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  • Hi, justavapor and thanks for replying....

    ...and thank you... that's what I keep telling myself - the rational part of me. Like I said, I know it is HIGHLY unlikely that I would ever meet him face to face! He does not live in my town and I don't see any reason why he would show up in this little town (Although, Obama did during his campaign, but I didn't meet him either - another story).

    At the same time, I don't understand the power of this "infatuation". I know that I don't really know anything about the man, just the public figure that anyone can see, but that's partly why I feel that I want to know him. I keep telling myself that if I met him, either of 2 things would happen: Either I'd get over these feelings really quick or they'd get worse... and then I tell myself to get over it! AGAIN! Because I probably will never meet this Aquarius who's birthday is tomorrow! And even if I did meet him, I KNOW... that it is VERY unlikely that he'd feel anything even remotely similar towards me! SO WHY TORTURE MYSELF!?

    I feel so STUPID for even feeling like this! I am usually pretty rational person (although I can easily fantasize about this or that) and I have in the past been able to tell my brain to "over-ride" my heart in these matters and had practically no trouble doing so. This timeI don't seem to have that power in me. I keep indulging my... my longing... for this man, because the opposite (telling myself not to) leaves me in tears and as strong a feeling of heartbreak as I have ever felt at the end of ANY of my past relationships. I have never tried any drugs, or been "addicted" to anything, but he is as close to a drug to me as I know.

    Just this morning I watched an interview on the internet... to see his face... and then I closed my eyes to just listen to his warm voice and for that moment I feel happy.

    I have taken quite a bit of time to think about the questions you laid out for me to ponder on. I certainly don't recall anyone like him from my past. Do I wish my husband was more like him? Well, physically it's impossible for him to look or even sound like the Aquarius, and personality wise, well... like already established, I don't know HIM. Is it "hero worship"? I don't know. I don't really know the meaning of hero worship... I'm not one to read "gossip magazines" to find out the latest about these public figures, or in general follow politics, entertainment or other such news.

    And to explain my confusion even further, when I DO fantasize about him, it is usually PG rated. It USUALLY is about just talking and laughing, me sketching his face, studying every detail of his face, hair, hands, etc. I would understand my "infatuation" if it was raw physical attraction, but it's not. Like I said, he is not the "Mr. Universe" or even the "male of year" type. I don't know that he has ever made it in to the "100 most beautiful people of the year" list (or whatever it is that they magazines publish each year, but to me... he appeals to me, with all of his "imperfections" that I know of. I can't deny of having any physical desires towards him, but that is not the "main theme" of my daydreams.

    This is why I don't understand my feelings... there is no logical explanation, but I just feel "drawn" to this person, like his (huge) magnetic field touched the edge of mine, and he doesn't know it, because he's the center of the field and so far from the edge, but my small magnetic field was overpowered. I feel like a tiny moon caught in the magnetic field of the sun, if that makes any sense.



  • And then there is this.... which I just now looked up the reply to query based on my birthdate....

    And this Aquarius was born Feb. 5th! I was HOPING this would ultimately prove me uncompatible with him and therefore tell myself that even the stars are against me. I mean, WHAT'S THE CHANCES!? Even my husband did not fall into the categories, although it's close (Jan. 11th).


    Tuesday, January 26, 2010 13:34 PST

    TheCaptain

    Eidothea, your best matches were born -

    LOVE AFFAIR

    • Taurus (week of May 3 - May 10)

    • Gemini (week of May 25 - June 2)

    • Leo (week of August 3 - August 10)

    • Virgo (week of August 26 - September 2)

    • Virgo/Libra (week of September 19 - September 24)

    • Scorpio (weeks of November 3 - November 18)

    • Pisces (week of March 3 - March 10)

    MARRIAGE

    • Aries (weeks of March 25 - April 18)

    • Taurus (week of May 11 - May 18)

    • Cancer (week of June 25 - July 2, and also week of July 11 - July 18)

    • Leo/Virgo (week of August 19 - August 25)

    • Libra (week of September 25 - October 2)

    • Libra/Scorpio (week of October 19 - October 25)

    • Scorpio/Sagittarius (week of November 19 - November 24)

    • Sagittarius (week of December 3 - December 10)

    • Capricorn (week of January 3 - January 9)

    • Aquarius (week of January 31 - February 7)

    • Aquarius/Pisces (week of February 16 - February 22)



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  • You are love sick. You can look it up--it is real. This has something to do with the time of year this started (a trigger from the past). Beneath this obssession hides a lot of pain. You escape into a distraction that has no answer--it is a sure haven and a safe place to hide. To solve the attraction would end the obssession and the pain must be stifled. The energy this love sickness demands can only deplete you more and more--you can not sustain this too long without suffering some kind of breakdown wether emotional or physical. Being alone and silent in your head for meditation time on a daily basis would help you---also talking to a cousalor would help. This could be a time for healing for you.



  • Thank you justavapor and Blmoon for your replies.

    justavapor -

    I am glad that you are frank with me and tell me exactly how you see this situation. I take no offense in anything you say.

    You asked me "why this person"... all I can say that maybe you are right that him being "unreachable" created a safety net from temptation to be unfaithful to my husband, but then why him and not Orlando Bloom, whom I have adored for years? Why do I not feel this "pull" in me towards O. B., although he is undoubtly better looking and everything "desireable"? He is probably even more unreachable and therefore wouldn't that be even safer?

    What is even stranger... is that yesterday, I did a google search on "eidothea", because I was wondering how much information about me might surface, since I use that name alot on online for decades. Turns out... I found nothing, but I did see that "eidothea" is a genus of some trees that only live in a small area of easter Australia, New South Wales and Queensland. What floored me is... that within this information is a link to this Aquarius' birthplace. So I have to wonder... is there really some otherworldly connection between us? I'm not so sure I believe in incarnation, but I cannot disprove it either. So, if I do have a pastlife, have I known him in it? It just all seems so strange.

    Blmoon -

    I admit that I do have emotional upheaval in my life beyond this, that undoubtly have been a trigger for all this and that whould answer the "why now?" question of the puzzle. You said, "To solve the attraction would end the obssession", and that is what I want. I don't enjoy the torture of my head telling me one thing and heart another. I just want to also know that I have done the right thing, because I often follow what me heart tells me. Over-riding the warnings of my heart got me in my first (disasterous) marriage.

    Occationally in similar situations to this, my brain tells me that my heart is being ridiculous (that it's all just a "fancy"), and in those cases heart often agrees and I can dismiss the thoughts with little to no struggle, but this time my heart doesn't seem to want to let go and I don't understand why?

    That is why I ended up on this site, trying to see if something I have "denied" the existence of could actually be behind it. If this brings me to open up my mind to a new "level" of thinking, then maybe I can bring peace though knowledge. I claim no physic powers whatsoever, so I turned here to find people who either do and can help and guide me - OR not, and I will go back to thinking as I used to and try to cope with this the best I can.



  • You sound a bit defeated--Spirit says TRUST. You do not trust yourself because actualy you are very intuitive but dismiss it because of this need to obssess and your higher conceisness does know you have reason not to trust as you are not living your truth right now BUT--I am psychic and I do see you are at the crossroads and you are ready to solve this--embrace your shadow side--give it a name (the truthe does set you free) and become whole and you will trust yourself and be amazed at just how psychic you can be sometimes. Don't withdraw or retreat and resist all urges of resignation---reaching out was the right move--you really took a brave step!--keep reaching for answers and messengers to help you--keep and open mind and keep moving with it taking each puzzle piece and working towards growth--you are right the situation is not pleasant it is a manifestation of the PAIN you must name. If you reed my posts you'll see I don't just say things to be nice--I really see you have much to celebrate on the otherside of this challange. You really are a very powerful woman--Goddess material. The obssessive trap you lead yourself into smothers your power--somewhere in your early life you learned being powerful was bad. I honestly see good things for you--beyond anything you could dream. Education will be important. I see some public notirioty and awards. I know your at the bottom of the mointain looking up right now but keep your eyes on the prize--keep up with this feeling of having had enough of this crazyness--keep the fortitude to solve this big WHY. Remember it doesn't happen outside of you--YOU are the one at the wheel. Go within--spend quiet time with yourself. You will get the answers. Blessings!

    ps-sorry for all the mispellings--I type fast!



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  • Eidothea, I have been reading through these posts because I can recognise a bit of my own obsessive behaviour recently. Justavapor, thank for your posts, in particular section 2 and 4. They have certainly struck a chord with me, to the point of tears when I was reading the 3 last paragraph. It was the rescuing and the need to be rescued that got to me.

    I feel the need to be rescued from the loss of a man who was never mine in the first place but a fantasy in my head for several years. Since he died I have been struggling to find proof for myself that I mattered to him and, when I did, have continually been telling myself that I was worth it. I am even thinking about attending a Spiritualist Church to see if I can get a message.

    During this time, and I realise that it was probably to get me over the loss, I started "helping" a new young colleague, who has had some difficult times, with emotional support and guidance. We had a morning ritual of me texting him to make sure he was up for work, feeding him vitamins, texting during the day, even making sure he had a dinner at Christmas. I felt worthwhile but I was getting to the stage of being obsessive about him, keeping looking at the phone in case there was a text .... you know the kind of thing .... anyway, long story short I had to fire him for fiddling money from the company. I thought we had really bonded so you can imagine how that just fed into my normal feelings of being un-worthy!

    Probably because I've been so obsessed with him, I am still in touch and still helping him. I am trying to act on advice from members of this site and cut down on my contact and certainly making sure that it's not always me who initiates the conversations. The Captain said "cut off from him" but I'm struggling to do that because of all his losses in the past and conversations we've had when he's been down makes me worry for him, sorry Captain.

    I've never felt such a strong "click" with someone as with my young thief, we just seemed to be drawn to each other but Eidothea, obsession is lonely and painful. I am not in any position to be offering you advice but I do wish you well in getting to a safe emotional place.

    I can't identify anything in my childhood which would make me think and behave the way that I do but I am slowly becoming very aware that I need to make some changes in my life and I thank the people here for making me focus on this. The reference to the 12 steps reminded me of a support group that a friend of mine told me about and I'm now working on plucking up the courage to actually attend OA as I feel this might be how I find my own self-worth and develop the healthy emotional intimacy refered to above.



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